Oh no! I was joking that it sounded like it's taking him 30 years to perform the same surgery. Instead of making you laugh, I gave you more anxiety! I suck.
i know you won't believe this now. but it does get better. i did. i still struggle, but my worst is (for now) behind me. i was crying constantly, sitting at my desk at work trying my best to shield what was going on but probably failing miserably. calling in sick when i knew i'd be home alone. having pains in my body that made me think i was going to die. but the pain was all from stress and anxiety. and not taking care of myself. i am horribly out of shape, and any stress makes my muscles fucking turn against me. i started to feel a lot better when i lost all that weight. but of course, once i felt better, i went back to my old habits and gained it all back. and i'm back to where i started. except now i am armed with the knowledge of what it wrong, so that particular stress isn't there for the most part.
there are some days, they are rare, mind you,but they have happened, where i have been able to will myself to get the fuck out of bed and do something. it is a double edged sword sometimes, where you do something trivial to make yourself feel good about yourself, and then you feel good, and then you feel like a loser for something so trivial making you feel proud. it sucks, i know. but they call it baby steps for a reason. babies take a step, which for most of us, is nothing. they take it, and they get a fucking standing ovation. that's us. but the more steps we take, the easier it gets. and then before you know it, we're running.
No because ive now tried a few drinks and made no difference. Ive decided that i do not need drink and want a relaxed approach to it because im so obsessive i was nasty to myself . Its 3 a.m and im sitting here vacant and confused even in my sleep i fear the worst
brixton 93
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No not since maybe 20 years ago. Im scared i will become addicted to it . I once loved it as a youth
marijuana is not addictive. it can be habit forming, but not physically addictive. but if you are afraid of it, then don't try it. your paranoia may be at a fever pitch when you do it and that can take your mind to even more anxious places. there was a time i had to quit it altogether cause i wasn't in the right frame of mind.
has your doc prescribed any sleep aids at all? sorry, after 9 pages, i can't recall what you've tried.
I sleep from early. Like 7 pm til about 2 am but the last bit before i wake im confused . Then it stays 24 7. Im on antidepressants tha i started 2 weeks ago. I have some valium that is for emergencies but i rarely take that. I must stop writing about my symptoms because someone might say something that sends me off the chart. But i try and trust my dr and my partner but i know deep inside that this is the end.
brixton 93
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I sleep from early. Like 7 pm til about 2 am but the last bit before i wake im confused . Then it stays 24 7. Im on antidepressants tha i started 2 weeks ago. I have some valium that is for emergencies but i rarely take that. I must stop writing about my symptoms because someone might say something that sends me off the chart. But i try and trust my dr and my partner but i know deep inside that this is the end.
dude. i spent months in the same exact state as you and i got through it. i was a fucking mess. sleeping about 2 hours per night. not eating. not drinking. not sleeping. just fucking shaking 24/7, thinking i was going to die every time i slept for a minute and opened my eyes again. i hated the waking state. but that's all i had. lying in bed staring at the cieling for hours on end. my wife didn't know what to do. it will get better. you have to know that. it will.
Another sleepless night. I’d love to take a nap right now but I’m not sleepy. Exhausted, but not sleepy.
the mountains of weed you consume don't help you sleep?
Unfortunately, no. Not even the strongest of edibles. Not much makes me sleepy. I go through these weird cycles...either I can’t sleep or I can’t stay awake.
Just try to get on one day at a time. I felt very challenged today...almost cried several times at work-got though it but can tell I won't be sleeping tonight. I haven't experienced the kind of anxiety you have suffered until recently. I have mostly struggled with depression. I moved back to my hometown to take care of my mom a couple of months ago. I had a couple of great doctors--a psychiatrist and a rheumatologist and have been avoiding starting over with new doctors who don't know me. I'm out of my meds--can't refill from another state. The thing that helped calm me that I miss the most was my dog. When I was unable to sleep I would hold out my hand and he would come up and bump his head on it. I would pet him, talk or sing to him as he curled up next to me. I'm not sure how that would be with an OCD but maybe it could be a good thing. Some of us are lucky to have kind and supportive people in our lives but it's mixed with the guilt and sadness that comes with having someone we love tangled in our struggles. The other thing I wish to share is don't give up...Even if you have seen a dr. for years if you are in such a dark place...see another..and maybe another because there can be one out there who can really help you. It's tough to find but if you can do it could make such a difference. Sending healing thoughts to you and HFD.
Just try to get on one day at a time. I felt very challenged today...almost cried several times at work-got though it but can tell I won't be sleeping tonight. I haven't experienced the kind of anxiety you have suffered until recently. I have mostly struggled with depression. I moved back to my hometown to take care of my mom a couple of months ago. I had a couple of great doctors--a psychiatrist and a rheumatologist and have been avoiding starting over with new doctors who don't know me. I'm out of my meds--can't refill from another state. The thing that helped calm me that I miss the most was my dog. When I was unable to sleep I would hold out my hand and he would come up and bump his head on it. I would pet him, talk or sing to him as he curled up next to me. I'm not sure how that would be with an OCD but maybe it could be a good thing. Some of us are lucky to have kind and supportive people in our lives but it's mixed with the guilt and sadness that comes with having someone we love tangled in our struggles. The other thing I wish to share is don't give up...Even if you have seen a dr. for years if you are in such a dark place...see another..and maybe another because there can be one out there who can really help you. It's tough to find but if you can do it could make such a difference. Sending healing thoughts to you and HFD.
All the best to you too. That warmed my heart, the part about your dog. They're remarkable beings.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
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astoria 06
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paris 06
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
astoria 06
albany 06
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barcelona 06
paris 06
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
there are some days, they are rare, mind you,but they have happened, where i have been able to will myself to get the fuck out of bed and do something. it is a double edged sword sometimes, where you do something trivial to make yourself feel good about yourself, and then you feel good, and then you feel like a loser for something so trivial making you feel proud. it sucks, i know. but they call it baby steps for a reason. babies take a step, which for most of us, is nothing. they take it, and they get a fucking standing ovation. that's us. but the more steps we take, the easier it gets. and then before you know it, we're running.
www.headstonesband.com
www.headstonesband.com
astoria 06
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barcelona 06
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
www.headstonesband.com
astoria 06
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barcelona 06
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
www.headstonesband.com
www.headstonesband.com
astoria 06
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
astoria 06
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
astoria 06
albany 06
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reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
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dusseldorf 07
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
has your doc prescribed any sleep aids at all? sorry, after 9 pages, i can't recall what you've tried.
www.headstonesband.com
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
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dusseldorf 07
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
astoria 06
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
please don't give up.
www.headstonesband.com
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astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
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dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Hugh said it well, time makes a difference. Hang in there and look toward better days!
Very well said Brian
That warmed my heart, the part about your dog. They're remarkable beings.