A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

lastexitlondon

Hi im 42 male and i suffer with health anxiety which started with ocd after the loss of a child. I was wondering how many of you suffer too. Ive tried every therapy known to man. Been on/off meds. Tried/trying so hard but im tired so tired of the fight. No gap or break or peace anymore.Please don't post any symptoms of illnesses here as i just can't cope with any talk of illnesses. But any kind of anxiety im good with talking about.
Im a father of now 4. I ve spent my life providing for my children working as a self employed bricklayer in london england.
This band and music in general have been like a soundtrack to my life. 
I seem to cry to all music now. 
I could type all day with the story of my life but i just wanted any of you out there who suffer to know you are not alone. We are the majority noww i guess not the minority.
Peace and be sound.
Rob fuckin flanagan.

lastexitlondon

Im not sure . Is this for here or moving train. ??

Fifthelement

Here is good.  First, are you okay?  There are quite a few of us on here who live with anxiety to greater or lesser degrees.  PM me if you'd like to talk.  You are in my thoughts.

Selena

lastexitlondon

I am ok. Just on my way to my  psychology appointment. Probably to get discharged they don't know what to do with me anymore. Ive been coming back and forth for years. Thanks for thinking of me. Its hard to reach out sometimes. And men especially . 

Thoughts_Arrive

Here if you need. A fellow sufferer. 
My medication has helped, used to be worse. But at times it can flare up.
Coffee doesn't help but I can't resist.

lastexitlondon

Yeah alcohol has been an unwanted friend for too long. Im just addressing that at the moment. Which meds helped you? I sometimes take valium but rarely as im scared of meds. Health anxiety makes me scared of every damn side effect and every bloody illness.

bootlegger10

I hope you can work everything out.  When I was a kid (probably 12-15) I used to be OCD about washing my hands. I would touch a door knob and my brain would go through all the scenarios of me getting sick.  One summer I started working construction and there weren't any faucets and soap dispensers on the job site.  I ate every lunch with my hands covered in dirt or whatever.  I used Porta-Potty and dirty gas station bathrooms every day.  After that summer I was never concerned about washing my hands like I was.  There are a few other examples I've had over the years too of where you just get put into situations that force you to face your fears.   Forcing myself to follow Pearl Jam around the world helped me break some of my anxiety over the years.

This is trivial compared to what you are going through.  Perhaps there is some activity that you can force yourself to do that once done repeatedly your brain will realize that you didn't get sick and didn't need to worry so much.  Perhaps an activity that has a volunteer component to where you are helping out those less fortunate. 

F Me In The Brain

Hope that you continue to work on things to feel better and that you can help others & be helped here.
Never feel alone.

hedonist

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Random anxiety / panic attacks hit me from time to time but not in a long-lasting way.

As with others here, sending wishes for you to overcome this as you can, and to continue to reach out.  Sometimes simply releasing helps in itself.

Annafalk

Wishing you will feel better and better. It is a good thing to start a thread like this, to give and get support.  Hugs to you!

lastexitlondon

bootlegger10 said:

I hope you can work everything out.  When I was a kid (probably 12-15) I used to be OCD about washing my hands. I would touch a door knob and my brain would go through all the scenarios of me getting sick.  One summer I started working construction and there weren't any faucets and soap dispensers on the job site.  I ate every lunch with my hands covered in dirt or whatever.  I used Porta-Potty and dirty gas station bathrooms every day.  After that summer I was never concerned about washing my hands like I was.  There are a few other examples I've had over the years too of where you just get put into situations that force you to face your fears.   Forcing myself to follow Pearl Jam around the world helped me break some of my anxiety over the years.

This is trivial compared to what you are going through.  Perhaps there is some activity that you can force yourself to do that once done repeatedly your brain will realize that you didn't get sick and didn't need to worry so much.  Perhaps an activity that has a volunteer component to where you are helping out those less fortunate. 

This is exactly what happened with me and the hand washing which led to not eating or drinking anywhere other than home. Just the rituals that i had to go through to make a simple sandwich. When i worked in construction i used to have to constantly explain myself as to how i eat my lunch. I never touch food with my bare hands. Still only do at home after washing my hands. I would wrap my sandwich in foil so i coild hold the foil and tip chrisps into my mouth so i didnt toich them people used to mock me so i ended uo eating alone in my car. The building aite is a macho environment.  I also travelled like you around the world to see pj and i hoped it would help but i basically ruined ever experience with fear and basically making myself physically ill with worry. And yes i think volenteer work may be my next move sounds like something i could enjoy

lastexitlondon

It is so important to be honest and kind.
Often just knowing you are not odd or alone makes a calmer feeling. 

lastexitlondon

Also one dr once said to me. Arseholes don't tend to get health anxiety. Normally highly intelligent kind caring people. Basically over caring.  
It does sound like me tbh. Haha sounds big headed now

lastexitlondon

lastexitlondon

Annafalk said:

Wishing you will feel better and better. It is a good thing to start a thread like this, to give and get support.  Hugs to you!

Thank you i agree. A good thread for people to just support and to able to have honest  conversation and have people know there are others out there the same. 

PJ_Soul

I'm so sorry for your loss lastexitlondon.

I too suffer from an anxiety disorder. Like some others, it was originally triggered by a traumatic event some years ago (before then I never experienced anxiety a day in my life). Really this kind of disorder seems to be in the PTSD family I guess. Although I may have had a predilection towards it anyway, since my sister also suffers from an anxiety disorder (worse than mine in terms of the severity and frequency of her attacks), and my mom has had issues with anxiety too over the years and shows pretty clear signs of certain obsessive behaviour, her sister has OCD and anxiety ... seems like there must be a genetic factor at work here. But it was definitely very specifically triggered. I do wonder if I would have ever had any issues like this if it weren't for the traumatic event that got it started. I very much doubt it.

I did go through therapy - it was validating at the time. Eventually that need for therapy receded. For me, the anxiety seems more like a physiological/chemical condition rather than one that continues to rest in specific feelings and emotions. I kind of settled into a manageable zone with the disorder. I tried meds for some time but it was a complete disaster. So now I just manage via my lifestyle... oh, and I also use medical marijuana, which does help, but let's be honest - I used it before I had anxiety too, lol. I try to keep stress to a minimum, plain and simple, and since I don't have kids, I'm actually able to do this easily. I avoid making too many plans in too short a time frame so that I have enough time to just take it easy, be alone and calm, keep pressure off of myself, and not get overwhelmed or anything, because that can trigger me. Basically, I've just learned the usual triggers and do my best to avoid them. This usually keeps my anxiety down to a low-grade hum at worst. But when it spikes I don't really mentally feel anxious in my head. Instead I'll get dizzy/woozy/lightheaded, my heart rate gets irregular, and I get pain from muscle tension, my chest gets a bit tight, that kind of thing. Then maybe a few times a year or so I'll randomly get more serious attacks, which involves all those symptoms, but also nausea, stomach pains, complete insomnia, and the inability to function properly. When that happens I just have to call in sick and ride it out. I'm just thankful that this isn't very frequent, and that it never lasts more than 2 or 3 days at a time. Could be a lot worse! I do wonder if it will ever go away though.

PJ_Soul

Oops wrong thread!

lastexitlondon

I wonder the same. Ive resided to the fact its never going to leave me. It is me and i am it. Its 2.38 a.m and here i go again.

bootlegger10

I wish we could help somehow.  Just know that there are probably millions out there struggling with the same things.  The brain reacts how it wants and can be tough/slow to change. Not your fault.

We all think the friend, coworker, or celebrity has it all figured out, but chances are they are struggling with their own issues that they hide.

I have always liked the EV lyric from Amongst the Waves: 

"It's rare when there is nothing wrong. Survived and  you're amongst the fittest."

lastexitlondon

Lyrics seem to fit very well. I'm listening a lot to higher truth chris cornell.
His words speak to me. I can hear the message he sends. And i also feel his despair at fighting on and on and still getting nowhere.

lastexitlondon

I think life wasted and inside job ring true.

lastexitlondon

Also you know with health anxiety(H.A) the search for certainty and definate are a never ending curse.
Acceptance is what we struggle with.
I just can't get any peace or time or freedom to feel.  Red alert every damn second. I even dream of illness. 
See now i have a new symptom to add to my many. I feel like the boy who cried wolf. Nobody cares or listens anymore.Its always just wait and see. Dr s heart must just sink when he sees me sitting there waiting to come in.AGAIN. even now its 5.45 been up hours tried a valium . Nothing happened.
What is it i don't get?
Why can't i just except if im ill and die,i die?

Thoughts_Arrive

lastexitlondon said:

Also you know with health anxiety(H.A) the search for certainty and definate are a never ending curse.
Acceptance is what we struggle with.
I just can't get any peace or time or freedom to feel.  Red alert every damn second. I even dream of illness. 
See now i have a new symptom to add to my many. I feel like the boy who cried wolf. Nobody cares or listens anymore.Its always just wait and see. Dr s heart must just sink when he sees me sitting there waiting to come in.AGAIN. even now its 5.45 been up hours tried a valium . Nothing happened.
What is it i don't get?
Why can't i just except if im ill and die,i die?

Hey,
Have you ever been diagnosed with somatic symptom disorder or illness anxiety disorder by a psychologist?
I study psychology and these two disorders sound like they fit with what you've described.
Valium won't address your health concerns. Cognitive behaviour therapy, Exposure therapy, SSRI medication, and health/symptom education are known treatments for these disorders.

Annafalk

Many years ago I was working on a hospital ward as a nurse. I was new at the work, was stressing not walking but almost running around.
We had a patient there he was homeless he didn’t have much in this world. He told me this old saying;
“You cannot keep birds from flying over your head but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair”
Some day later I was stressing again, he looked at me and said that I wasn’t thinking about what he’d said. I told him I would try.
So sometimes it comes back to me and I try to get calmer since I normally am a calm person.
I understand that this is nothing compared to living with heavy anxiety but I thought about this for some reason.

lastexitlondon

Thoughts_Arrive said:

lastexitlondon said:

Also you know with health anxiety(H.A) the search for certainty and definate are a never ending curse.
Acceptance is what we struggle with.
I just can't get any peace or time or freedom to feel.  Red alert every damn second. I even dream of illness. 
See now i have a new symptom to add to my many. I feel like the boy who cried wolf. Nobody cares or listens anymore.Its always just wait and see. Dr s heart must just sink when he sees me sitting there waiting to come in.AGAIN. even now its 5.45 been up hours tried a valium . Nothing happened.
What is it i don't get?
Why can't i just except if im ill and die,i die?

Hey,
Have you ever been diagnosed with somatic symptom disorder or illness anxiety disorder by a psychologist?
I study psychology and these two disorders sound like they fit with what you've described.
Valium won't address your health concerns. Cognitive behaviour therapy, Exposure therapy, SSRI medication, and health/symptom education are known treatments for these disorders.

Yeah i have been under a psychologist and psychiatric for a few years on and off ssri's i always seem to get side effects that cause symptoms. I have been diagnosed with health anxiety and generalised anxiety. I went through c.b.t and some talking therapy. Im currently attending a group for persistent symptoms run by a lovely psychologist very experienced.
I only take valium if i really need a time out/rest from my brain. Like once a fortnight if that. Ive recently stopped drinking alcohol 6 days a week . So only sunday i may drink. It was my (unhelpful) release.

lastexitlondon

Annafalk said:

Many years ago I was working on a hospital ward as a nurse. I was new at the work, was stressing not walking but almost running around.
We had a patient there he was homeless he didn’t have much in this world. He told me this old saying;
“You cannot keep birds from flying over your head but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair”
Some day later I was stressing again, he looked at me and said that I wasn’t thinking about what he’d said. I told him I would try.
So sometimes it comes back to me and I try to get calmer since I normally am a calm person.
I understand that this is nothing compared to living with heavy anxiety but I thought about this for some reason.

I like the bird quote. I will think of it when i can. Thank you all so far. Its good to talk

Malroth

bootlegger10 said:

I wish we could help somehow.  Just know that there are probably millions out there struggling with the same things.  The brain reacts how it wants and can be tough/slow to change. Not your fault.

We all think the friend, coworker, or celebrity has it all figured out, but chances are they are struggling with their own issues that they hide.

I have always liked the EV lyric from Amongst the Waves: 

"It's rare when there is nothing wrong. Survived and  you're amongst the fittest."

I just heard on the radio a doctor saying one in eight people suffer from some form of anxiety.

lastexitlondon

Im sure its probably more because men especially are scared to speak up. Hence biggest killer of young men is suicide. Always best to talk and reach out. Anywhere but reach out.

PJ_Soul

lastexitlondon said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

lastexitlondon said:

Also you know with health anxiety(H.A) the search for certainty and definate are a never ending curse.
Acceptance is what we struggle with.
I just can't get any peace or time or freedom to feel.  Red alert every damn second. I even dream of illness. 
See now i have a new symptom to add to my many. I feel like the boy who cried wolf. Nobody cares or listens anymore.Its always just wait and see. Dr s heart must just sink when he sees me sitting there waiting to come in.AGAIN. even now its 5.45 been up hours tried a valium . Nothing happened.
What is it i don't get?
Why can't i just except if im ill and die,i die?

Hey,
Have you ever been diagnosed with somatic symptom disorder or illness anxiety disorder by a psychologist?
I study psychology and these two disorders sound like they fit with what you've described.
Valium won't address your health concerns. Cognitive behaviour therapy, Exposure therapy, SSRI medication, and health/symptom education are known treatments for these disorders.

Yeah i have been under a psychologist and psychiatric for a few years on and off ssri's i always seem to get side effects that cause symptoms. I have been diagnosed with health anxiety and generalised anxiety. I went through c.b.t and some talking therapy. Im currently attending a group for persistent symptoms run by a lovely psychologist very experienced.
I only take valium if i really need a time out/rest from my brain. Like once a fortnight if that. Ive recently stopped drinking alcohol 6 days a week . So only sunday i may drink. It was my (unhelpful) release.

You probably have, but just in case... have you tried ativan instead of valium on these rare occasions? I feel like ativan is more effective for this purpose.

lastexitlondon

I haven't no. I wonder if thats available here in the uk. 
Thats the one chris cornell was on ?

PJ_Soul

lastexitlondon said:

I haven't no. I wonder if thats available here in the uk. 
Thats the one chris cornell was on ?

They are definitely available in the UK.
Well, yes, that is the one Chris was on, but please don't let that dissuade you. Ativan is not any more dangerous than valium assuming you don't abuse them. Given that you only need this kind of thing on occasion it should not be an issue (if you abuse them they can become addictive). The thing about Ativan is that they are very effective for calming you down and quickly reducing your anxiety when it flares, but it doesn't have as much of a "knock out" effect as Valium. I.e. you can take Ativan because it calms you down (which is why it is sometimes used for sleep problems - calms you down enough to sleep), but it doesn't specifically make you very sleepy, so you can take them when you need to keep functioning well too. Say you have an anxiety attack at work - you could take Ativan and perhaps get back to work if necessary, instead of taking a nap.