A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

Thoughts_Arrive

HughFreakingDillon said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

lastexitlondon said:

I have been doing this for 16 years now . So many illnesses that were not illness so much fear and worry. So many places . Events . Gigs. Wasted to this . I have so much experience but no wisdom. So many opportunities none taken. All wasted . My advice is worthless .  Because if it was worth anything i would be able to use it for myself. Strange disease it is I have strange indeed

I'm often better at giving advice than practicing the advice I give. I think we're all like that.
As for alcohol, I don't miss it, don't desire it. I was never a big drinker, just social.
Sick of being asked by people when there is alcohol about why I don't drink.

you know, i've been guilty of this. a former band member, who was a chronic weed smoker (he couldn't function without it), never had a beer at practice. ever. he doesn't touch alcohol. i asked him a few times, and he'd simply say he just didn't want it. i usually don't badger people about it, but i guess in this instance it intrigued me that he smoked so much weed but didn't like booze. but maybe it was something he didn't want to share, and i shouldn't have pressed. he probably gets it all the time. 

Yep I hate the badgering. From office after work drinks to birthdays to Christmas's and New Years.
Why shouldn't the badgering be the other way around "why are you drinking?"
I got invited to my sister's friend's Christmas party last year and I knew it would happen (the badgering). I just tried to not let it get to me.

Thoughts_Arrive

RogueStoner said:

I’m hanging on but my fingers are slipping. I’m just so tired. I have no energy or desire to do anything. Some days I don’t have the strength to speak or fake a smile, eat or even smoke weed. Other days I can function but the mental confusion scares me. And seeing what I see and feeling what I feel doesn’t make it any easier. So I avoid people, thinking I’m protecting them and myself, but the isolation makes me feel worse. 

Someone asked if I have someone to talk to. No, not about this. I’ve learned the hard way not to open up to, or trust, anyone, not even family. Once I am deemed “crazy”, it discredits me in every way. Like I have nothing else to offer. The few people I feel I can talk to, don’t need to be bothered by this shit. I’m grateful for this thread and all of you. At least I know I’m not alone in this struggle. 

The worst part is that I know I can’t just rely on meds. There is no magic cure or treatment. I have to help myself. I tell myself I need to just suck it up and move forward. But how do I do that when I’m like this? I want to live, not just exist. I have to fight my way through this somehow. Right now, I’m just fighting to stay alive until this phase passes. 

My greatest nemesis is my own mind. 

Yeah I keep it from many people.
My niece asked me about my mental health this week. I felt like I had to open up to make it something that shouldn't be stigmatised. I just worry how she sees me. My parents do not know. I don't want them to.

Hang in there dude. I feel like I exist most days :(

brianlux

HughFreakingDillon said:

I'm quitting alcohol (and probably weed too) for all of February as a test. Not sure about the weed though. I don't smoke that much, but everytime I smoke it I want to have a beer or a drink, so I don't need the extra temptation. I'm sure it is having a negative effect on my anxiety, and my physical symptoms which then exacerbate my anxiety, which then exacerbates my physical symptoms, and on and on it goes. 

I have often thought of quitting booze altogether, not because of a problem issue, but because the reading I've done on it basically considers it a poison, which basically, it is. getting drunk is the response to your brain being mildly poisoned. which is fucking ludicrous if you think about it. the stuff we do for fun. 

February is going to be one boring but well-rested month. What's it like to wake up the next day and remember what happened in the tv show you watched? LOL

I thinks that's a great idea, HFD.  Let us know how it goes!

I've quit one or the other (booze and weed) or both a number of times, sometimes for a matter of weeks, sometimes a matter of months, a few time about a year or so.  The important thing to me is to know my limits when drinking or smoking and know when my body needs a break.  The other thing I would recommend as you/ when you age is to seldom if ever do either in excess.  The less I use, the less I need for a nice little buzz.

Thoughts_Arrive

I'm feel depressed last two days.

HughFreakingDillon

Thoughts_Arrive said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

lastexitlondon said:

I have been doing this for 16 years now . So many illnesses that were not illness so much fear and worry. So many places . Events . Gigs. Wasted to this . I have so much experience but no wisdom. So many opportunities none taken. All wasted . My advice is worthless .  Because if it was worth anything i would be able to use it for myself. Strange disease it is I have strange indeed

I'm often better at giving advice than practicing the advice I give. I think we're all like that.
As for alcohol, I don't miss it, don't desire it. I was never a big drinker, just social.
Sick of being asked by people when there is alcohol about why I don't drink.

you know, i've been guilty of this. a former band member, who was a chronic weed smoker (he couldn't function without it), never had a beer at practice. ever. he doesn't touch alcohol. i asked him a few times, and he'd simply say he just didn't want it. i usually don't badger people about it, but i guess in this instance it intrigued me that he smoked so much weed but didn't like booze. but maybe it was something he didn't want to share, and i shouldn't have pressed. he probably gets it all the time. 

Yep I hate the badgering. From office after work drinks to birthdays to Christmas's and New Years.
Why shouldn't the badgering be the other way around "why are you drinking?"
I got invited to my sister's friend's Christmas party last year and I knew it would happen (the badgering). I just tried to not let it get to me.

i have also been on the receiving end of it, and i now know what it's like. because i'm known as a guy who likes a beer or a whiskey at pretty much any occasion, when i say 'no thanks' the look on people's faces is like the devil just appeared in the room. and then i get the 'no, really, what do you want to drink?". and i have to say 'i'm serious, nothing, i'm good'. so i get it. 

Thoughts_Arrive

HughFreakingDillon said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

lastexitlondon said:

I have been doing this for 16 years now . So many illnesses that were not illness so much fear and worry. So many places . Events . Gigs. Wasted to this . I have so much experience but no wisdom. So many opportunities none taken. All wasted . My advice is worthless .  Because if it was worth anything i would be able to use it for myself. Strange disease it is I have strange indeed

I'm often better at giving advice than practicing the advice I give. I think we're all like that.
As for alcohol, I don't miss it, don't desire it. I was never a big drinker, just social.
Sick of being asked by people when there is alcohol about why I don't drink.

you know, i've been guilty of this. a former band member, who was a chronic weed smoker (he couldn't function without it), never had a beer at practice. ever. he doesn't touch alcohol. i asked him a few times, and he'd simply say he just didn't want it. i usually don't badger people about it, but i guess in this instance it intrigued me that he smoked so much weed but didn't like booze. but maybe it was something he didn't want to share, and i shouldn't have pressed. he probably gets it all the time. 

Yep I hate the badgering. From office after work drinks to birthdays to Christmas's and New Years.
Why shouldn't the badgering be the other way around "why are you drinking?"
I got invited to my sister's friend's Christmas party last year and I knew it would happen (the badgering). I just tried to not let it get to me.

i have also been on the receiving end of it, and i now know what it's like. because i'm known as a guy who likes a beer or a whiskey at pretty much any occasion, when i say 'no thanks' the look on people's faces is like the devil just appeared in the room. and then i get the 'no, really, what do you want to drink?". and i have to say 'i'm serious, nothing, i'm good'. so i get it. 

At a place I was working at, I got fed up that I told the entire office that I don't drink due to medical reasons (I didn't dare say I was on antidepressants) hoping that would make them stop badgering me. Sadly it didn't.

brianlux

If I were badgered by ANYONE trying to get me to drink more, I would tell them to go pound sand.  If it happened at a work place, that might be more difficult, but I would distance myself as much as possible.  Whether you drink (or smoke or snort or whatever) or not is nobody's effin business but your own. 

Thoughts_Arrive

brianlux said:

If I were badgered by ANYONE trying to get me to drink more, I would tell them to go pound sand.  If it happened at a work place, that might be more difficult, but I would distance myself as much as possible.  Whether you drink (or smoke or snort or whatever) or not is nobody's effin business but your own. 

The office was so small we were all crammed in there so I was surrounded by people giving me a hard time.
I got distanced by getting fired for "not fitting into the team".

lastexitlondon

I know im meant to be patient but these tablets are doing nothing for my memory . The dr was sure but its ridiculous. Ive no hope. 

HughFreakingDillon

brianlux said:

If I were badgered by ANYONE trying to get me to drink more, I would tell them to go pound sand.  If it happened at a work place, that might be more difficult, but I would distance myself as much as possible.  Whether you drink (or smoke or snort or whatever) or not is nobody's effin business but your own. 

it really is herd behaviour. it's people feeling insecure that someone isn't fitting into their mold, in this case, that someone is able to have just a good a time without being out of it, or that maybe that one person drinking might bring the rest down. peer pressure exists even at the adult level, and it really is odd. 

brianlux

Thoughts_Arrive said:

brianlux said:

If I were badgered by ANYONE trying to get me to drink more, I would tell them to go pound sand.  If it happened at a work place, that might be more difficult, but I would distance myself as much as possible.  Whether you drink (or smoke or snort or whatever) or not is nobody's effin business but your own. 

The office was so small we were all crammed in there so I was surrounded by people giving me a hard time.
I got distanced by getting fired for "not fitting into the team".

Their loss, Thoughts.  I hope you found a better group to work with since then!

HughFreakingDillon said:

brianlux said:

If I were badgered by ANYONE trying to get me to drink more, I would tell them to go pound sand.  If it happened at a work place, that might be more difficult, but I would distance myself as much as possible.  Whether you drink (or smoke or snort or whatever) or not is nobody's effin business but your own. 

it really is herd behaviour. it's people feeling insecure that someone isn't fitting into their mold, in this case, that someone is able to have just a good a time without being out of it, or that maybe that one person drinking might bring the rest down. peer pressure exists even at the adult level, and it really is odd. 

Well said, HFD.  Peer pressure sucks.

Shyner

I'm sad. My car is taking all my money and i can't buy records. Anxiety is high. Wanting to sleep forever is relevant. Wanting to leave my life still even though i have at least 10 faithfull lovers of my soul. 
I don't know how to die but it seems i want to. So sad. Love to all

brianlux

Shyner said:

I'm sad. My car is taking all my money and i can't buy records. Anxiety is high. Wanting to sleep forever is relevant. Wanting to leave my life still even though i have at least 10 faithfull lovers of my soul. 
I don't know how to die but it seems i want to. So sad. Love to all

10 lovers of your soul and friends here.  Hang in there Shyner.  If you get to a point where you feel at the end, please consider calling a crisis hot line.  And remember, you have friends here!

HughFreakingDillon

............

lastexitlondon

So i have a chance friday night to go in to london for a glen hansard gig. (Who i absolutely love) ive met him and seen many gigs even travelling to Berlin twice and cork. But im in turmoil. I love his new album . But im a mess and even getting the train is scaring me. My head is all over the place but a chance of a single ticket came up. I must fight the fear or i will stay home forever

oftenreading

lastexitlondon said:

So i have a chance friday night to go in to london for a glen hansard gig. (Who i absolutely love) ive met him and seen many gigs even travelling to Berlin twice and cork. But im in turmoil. I love his new album . But im a mess and even getting the train is scaring me. My head is all over the place but a chance of a single ticket came up. I must fight the fear or i will stay home forever

Absolutely, go. Don’t miss out on something wonderful due to fear. You can do this. 

lastexitlondon

The old rob would have jumped all over it. It's crazy how ive turned 180° and know i don't know rob. Fuckin gutting

HughFreakingDillon

lastexitlondon said:

So i have a chance friday night to go in to london for a glen hansard gig. (Who i absolutely love) ive met him and seen many gigs even travelling to Berlin twice and cork. But im in turmoil. I love his new album . But im a mess and even getting the train is scaring me. My head is all over the place but a chance of a single ticket came up. I must fight the fear or i will stay home forever

several years ago, I had tickets to one of my favourite aritsts at the time, Jeff Martin of the Canadian band the Tea Party. he was playing a solo gig at a bar here in Winnipeg. My wife and I were going to go. that night, about an hour before show time, I came down with a debilitating anxiety attack. At the time, I didn't know what the fuck was going on, as I had never experienced this before (I was experienced with depression, but not anxiety yet). I was literally in the fetal position on the floor in my basement telling my wife that I couldn't go, I didn't know why, I just couldn't. Luckily she was supportive and she just held me. 

That was probably 10 years ago, and I still often think back in regret of missing that show. So now everytime I have some kind of panic come on before something (I almost always do before a concert-it really sucks but I've learned to live with it), I just fucking make myself go, no matter how shitty I feel, no matter how much I think is going to go wrong. I just force it. 

The big thing for me, I tell my wife all the time, I wish I could choose to buy tickets to a show the day of. I hate the anticipation. It freaks me out. I always have this feeling of dread of being in a closed venue with a shitload of people (not in a dangerous way, I don't know what it is, really). But once I get there I'm good. 

You can do this. And it will feel so good that you did. 

lastexitlondon

Do you know i have the exact same thing ive been to 38 pj shows and i swear ive done this most. And ive said to my wife exactly that i wish i could buy on the day of the show . I always have felt ill leading up to pj and day of shows. Its fuckin ridiculous but i swear i spent years doing that and i regret it after every show that im such a prick. I have this coming up with  the euro tour. I just have no clue how i will do it. I feel so different now. But everytime ive thought im dying

camsjam

Gonna be another restless night. Damn 10C lottery! Finally decided to enter just for GA for Seattle shows. Really want to do Missoula n Fenway 2 also . I know the chances of winning both are slim and could very well win nothing but I can't afford to get 4 PAIRS of tickets when I will be going solo. I struggled with committing to a week or two in August...seems so far away now. But after going through a couple of tough years the 3 things that made me really happy were seeing PJ in Greenville and Quebec City and seeing the total solar eclipse last summer. I've always wanted to visit Seattle and Vancouver so if it works out it would be a great vacation long overdue. Being by the ocean makes me happy too. Just have to wait and see if it's meant to be.

lastexitlondon

Why is it so damn hard to carry on with symptoms. I swear ive reached the point i don't have the energy to carry on anymore. Yesterday one of my daughtera was 14. She was a twin,but my son died just before birth. I have come to terms with it over the years and have got a lovely baby now . I have 4 children in total but i only live with my new baby now and every year i have some food with my children on her birthday and we visit the grave and lay flowers. I took my baby this year as it would be her brother too.
All this im normally in the moment but because of this brain problem im gone. Im in apace. Im not capable to even be in the time im in. Nobody understanda the severity of my symptoms. 

lastexitlondon

I saw the dr on Monday and told him the meds had done nothing despite the increase in dose. I told him how disturbed my thoughts are now becoming. He referred me back to mental health system. And said he couldn't help much more. There is something very wrong
 I keep telling him and he says its all a long psychiatric episode. Because he knows me. But nobody believes me.  Hopeless and drowning

brianlux

lastexitlondon said:

I saw the dr on Monday and told him the meds had done nothing despite the increase in dose. I told him how disturbed my thoughts are now becoming. He referred me back to mental health system. And said he couldn't help much more. There is something very wrong
 I keep telling him and he says its all a long psychiatric episode. Because he knows me. But nobody believes me.  Hopeless and drowning

I believe you.  I hope you find the right help, the kind that will believe you and believe in you.

Thoughts_Arrive

lastexitlondon said:

I saw the dr on Monday and told him the meds had done nothing despite the increase in dose. I told him how disturbed my thoughts are now becoming. He referred me back to mental health system. And said he couldn't help much more. There is something very wrong
 I keep telling him and he says its all a long psychiatric episode. Because he knows me. But nobody believes me.  Hopeless and drowning

Sorry to hear your symptoms are still persisting.
Have you considered voluntary admission to a clinic?

lastexitlondon

I don't think thats possible here. Im referred back into the system for all the good that will be. Im sure im not in need of a psychiatrist . 

lastexitlondon

Thanks for caring you guys

lastexitlondon

I feel stupid like only i think the worst

HughFreakingDillon

lastexitlondon said:

I feel stupid like only i think the worst

I'm with you dude. had a good week last week. then, this week.......fargh. every time I think things are taking a turn, it pulls me right back in and it almost feels worse because I was actually optimistic for a short time. you just feel so beat down. you don't want to get up anymore. 

mickeyrat

lastexitlondon said:

I don't think thats possible here. Im referred back into the system for all the good that will be. Im sure im not in need of a psychiatrist . 

and you've been wrong how often?

latch on to whatever glimmer of hope you can get.

lastexitlondon

True mickeyrat and paul i feel like we are th3 sam3 person. Big love to you both