Somedays I just want to be in isolation. Whether it's just sitting in a dark room with nothing to see or hear. Or just getting in my car and driving somewhere I haven't been and no one would be able to find me for the day. I've had a lot of those days recently.
Sorry to hear about feeling down , has something recently happened in your life that brought this on? Did you feel like these before and just less so up until the past couple of days?
I think we all feel the need to escape or not be around others , do you just stare into the darkness for a few hours and let your mind go? When you drive somewhere does it help or is it to just get away?
Just trying to understand.
There have been serious events in the past couple of years involving my wife and my mother. My therapist is trying to help me through the grieving process of losing my mom to brain cancer. She only had 1 year after her diagnosis, so it was a lot to process and still is. I also think I've always felt anxious and have had trouble feeling like I want to be isolated. It's tough, because I can't be isolated in my day job.
Somedays I just want to be in isolation. Whether it's just sitting in a dark room with nothing to see or hear. Or just getting in my car and driving somewhere I haven't been and no one would be able to find me for the day. I've had a lot of those days recently.
Sorry to hear about feeling down , has something recently happened in your life that brought this on? Did you feel like these before and just less so up until the past couple of days?
I think we all feel the need to escape or not be around others , do you just stare into the darkness for a few hours and let your mind go? When you drive somewhere does it help or is it to just get away?
Just trying to understand.
There have been serious events in the past couple of years involving my wife and my mother. My therapist is trying to help me through the grieving process of losing my mom to brain cancer. She only had 1 year after her diagnosis, so it was a lot to process and still is. I also think I've always felt anxious and have had trouble feeling like I want to be isolated. It's tough, because I can't be isolated in my day job.
I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your mother , that cannot be easy nor can it be something that you can get over , the grieving aspect can take years for some people.
Obviously I think it is great you are seeing a therapist , you don't have to share if you don't want to however is part of the issues with your wife the grieving that you have been going thru the past year? Not meant as a slight but supporting someone thru a process like this can be draining even for the nicest person in the world.
If that is the case I would suggest brining your wife to a therapy session , always feel free to post what is happening , feeling anxious seems to be a normal feeling I would assume one would have with everything going on with you.
The hardest part as you said is "tough , because I can't be isolated in my day job" I can only assume you have to be exhausted at the end of the day from working when you just want to be alone and this only makes you want to be along even more like you are counting hours after you leave work ( I have 15 hours to be by myself )
Everyone grieves in their own way , please know how sorry I am for your loss and what you are going thru. Just like everyone else on this thread , always happy to hear how you are doing and that their are those who love you out there.
My wife had a stroke a little more than 2 years ago, from a somewhat rare condition called Moyamoya Disease. Unfortunately, she won't be back to the way she was before it and she may not be able to finish some things she was in the middle of when it happened. The day that it happened was a traumatic experience for me. I try to move forward from it, but it's been difficult for me to do so.
Wow! @cdthomas1981 That is a lot to process. I’m so sorry for your loss, not only of your mother, but of your wife’s health and the life that you had together before her stroke. It’s a new life now. However, you are still allowed to grieve that which was lost. Everything changes, but I wish it could be on our terms and at the pace that we feel we can handle. The depth of your grief . . . Well, it’s totally understandable the way you’re feeling. I hope that you have people around you who can offer love, support and space. You will certainly find it here if you need it. Sending you and your wife much love.
"What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
Somedays I just want to be in isolation. Whether it's just sitting in a dark room with nothing to see or hear. Or just getting in my car and driving somewhere I haven't been and no one would be able to find me for the day. I've had a lot of those days recently.
Sorry to hear about feeling down , has something recently happened in your life that brought this on? Did you feel like these before and just less so up until the past couple of days?
I think we all feel the need to escape or not be around others , do you just stare into the darkness for a few hours and let your mind go? When you drive somewhere does it help or is it to just get away?
Just trying to understand.
There have been serious events in the past couple of years involving my wife and my mother. My therapist is trying to help me through the grieving process of losing my mom to brain cancer. She only had 1 year after her diagnosis, so it was a lot to process and still is. I also think I've always felt anxious and have had trouble feeling like I want to be isolated. It's tough, because I can't be isolated in my day job.
Somedays I just want to be in isolation. Whether it's just sitting in a dark room with nothing to see or hear. Or just getting in my car and driving somewhere I haven't been and no one would be able to find me for the day. I've had a lot of those days recently.
Sorry to hear about feeling down , has something recently happened in your life that brought this on? Did you feel like these before and just less so up until the past couple of days?
I think we all feel the need to escape or not be around others , do you just stare into the darkness for a few hours and let your mind go? When you drive somewhere does it help or is it to just get away?
Just trying to understand.
There have been serious events in the past couple of years involving my wife and my mother. My therapist is trying to help me through the grieving process of losing my mom to brain cancer. She only had 1 year after her diagnosis, so it was a lot to process and still is. I also think I've always felt anxious and have had trouble feeling like I want to be isolated. It's tough, because I can't be isolated in my day job.
I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your mother , that cannot be easy nor can it be something that you can get over , the grieving aspect can take years for some people.
Obviously I think it is great you are seeing a therapist , you don't have to share if you don't want to however is part of the issues with your wife the grieving that you have been going thru the past year? Not meant as a slight but supporting someone thru a process like this can be draining even for the nicest person in the world.
If that is the case I would suggest brining your wife to a therapy session , always feel free to post what is happening , feeling anxious seems to be a normal feeling I would assume one would have with everything going on with you.
The hardest part as you said is "tough , because I can't be isolated in my day job" I can only assume you have to be exhausted at the end of the day from working when you just want to be alone and this only makes you want to be along even more like you are counting hours after you leave work ( I have 15 hours to be by myself )
Everyone grieves in their own way , please know how sorry I am for your loss and what you are going thru. Just like everyone else on this thread , always happy to hear how you are doing and that their are those who love you out there.
My wife had a stroke a little more than 2 years ago, from a somewhat rare condition called Moyamoya Disease. Unfortunately, she won't be back to the way she was before it and she may not be able to finish some things she was in the middle of when it happened. The day that it happened was a traumatic experience for me. I try to move forward from it, but it's been difficult for me to do so.
Wow! @cdthomas1981 That is a lot to process. I’m so sorry for your loss, not only of your mother, but of your wife’s health and the life that you had together before her stroke. It’s a new life now. However, you are still allowed to grieve that which was lost. Everything changes, but I wish it could be on our terms and at the pace that we feel we can handle. The depth of your grief . . . Well, it’s totally understandable the way you’re feeling. I hope that you have people around you who can offer love, support and space. You will certainly find it here if you need it. Sending you and your wife much love.
TA , don't let anyone get your down , don't focus on that one negative comment ( this is coming from someone who focus's on the one negative comment by my wife tells me to let it go )
Just the other day HugeDillon posted something along the lines of "those who say just go to the gym don't get it" for just a few seconds I thought he was speaking about myself and then I had to get rid of that negative thought as it was me just thinking.
As far as safe space , obviously we are all here for each other but the forum is open and there is always going to be a flame thrower just trying to rattle anyone just to get that reaction. I never found the appeal of trolling people on the internet.
We are here for you and care for you and even if it is just to say hello pop on , people were worried and honestly that should make you feel good and loved that people from all over the world were wondering about what was going on.
that was just an example. of course I've probably said something similar to people of like minds. I was more referring to people who obviously have never dealt with clinical depression and think you can will your way out of it, and are very dismissive about it.
"HugeDillon" made me laugh. LOL
Of course , I was hoping TA would see that and realize you can take almost anything the wrong way if your brain is trained that way.
also glad you got the lol since I butchered that username
Hello, I just read the last 5 or so pages of this thread to get caught up. I offer you all love and a thing I am good at ... destraction. P.s. that's Lebowski bowling dance synched to Dance of the Clairvoyants, Es good https://youtu.be/5_G6jlVyFDc
Hey dude. A lady who is in my art class offered me a room, she happened to be advertising her room for rent as I was telling her about my situation. It's up to her daughter to say yes or no. She lost her shit at her mum when she was told I'd be moving in. She had a former male living there peep at her in the shower so I understand her anxiety. So, when this lady from my art class is back from her week long vacation she said her daughter would like to meet me before making up her mind. Having said that, the thought of moving out and adjusting to a new home in the middle of Honours year at university beginning might be a bad move. I've promised my best friend that I'd move out soon. It's just the fear of the unknown. What if I cannot study in peace at this new place? Things have improved at home after a pretty rough week which I might share the details of which on here in a separate post (too much to type).
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
This place is full of compassion and comfort and people trying to help so it’s a hell of a lot safer than the rest of the internet. Stop dwelling on one comment, here or in the real world. Take anything that’s said to you and evaluate whether it’s spot on, way off the mark or there’s a bit of truth in it. And then work with that. Don’t take it as an excuse to wallow for two weeks instead of facing the choices you have to make. It may have been a bit much but on the last pages were a lot of people trying to give constructive advice. You may not have liked everything that’s been said but in the end this is all just talk. You’re the one that has to take action if (IF) you really want to change your life. Don’t take one comment as another excuse not to do anything
Not questioning but reminding someone of these two important words.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
TA , don't let anyone get your down , don't focus on that one negative comment ( this is coming from someone who focus's on the one negative comment by my wife tells me to let it go )
Just the other day HugeDillon posted something along the lines of "those who say just go to the gym don't get it" for just a few seconds I thought he was speaking about myself and then I had to get rid of that negative thought as it was me just thinking.
As far as safe space , obviously we are all here for each other but the forum is open and there is always going to be a flame thrower just trying to rattle anyone just to get that reaction. I never found the appeal of trolling people on the internet.
We are here for you and care for you and even if it is just to say hello pop on , people were worried and honestly that should make you feel good and loved that people from all over the world were wondering about what was going on.
Thanks dude. I appreciate the care.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
So, seeing I've been away a lot here's what been happening with me in the past few weeks (long post warning)....
I was feeling like I was going to lose my best friend due to my promising to sell the house and move out and then changing my mind the next day. He got annoyed at me and said he felt like an idiot. I thought I'm letting everyone down and going to just push everyone away and I did not want to exist anymore. I wanted to die. I closed all my social media accounts and deleted Whatsapp as I lay in bed crying, I wanted to remove all trace of me as I thought about ending it all.
After this, about 2 weeks ago I decided to sell the house and met with my real estate agent. I told my parents about this decision and my intent to move out and they didn't take it well which led to me losing my temper at my dad which led to him saying it is hard for them to live with me anymore because I am atheist. This hurt me bad as I felt like I was disowned and no longer loved. This led to me punching a table outside in anger with my little nephew and niece inside the house. I ended up storming out threatening to commit suicide which led to frantic phone calls from my dad. I parked my car wondering what to do. I called my brother in law to say how I behaved and he assured me my nephew and niece did not even notice as they were inside watching a movie. My friend got me to come over to his place to chill out. I returned home late at night and was in my room for 3-4 days with hardly any food and sleeping most of the time.
After a week of not talking me and my dad started talking again after he broke the silence. He admitted he and my mum have been wrong in the way they've behaved towards me (I later learned from my brother in law that my estranged sister had a word to my dad to leave me alone and let me live my life). My dad said I am welcome back any time and that he'd rather I stay and save money instead of paying rent.
After being happy to have found an affordable place to stay with someone I know from art class she called me later that day to apologise and say her daughter does not want me there. So my emotions went from happy to dejected in the space of 12 hours. I woke up depressed and then she messaged saying her daughter changed her mind but wants to meet me (I take this as not a definite yes as she might change her mind after meeting me to a say no). This was compounded by the fact that I was struggling to find somewhere to stay as I did not meet the criteria in most ads (not under 35 yrs of age, male, no full time job, no experience of living in sharehouses, not someone who want to socialise a lot with housemates).
Other things that have stressed me out in the past two weeks:
I went out to see some jazz bands with my friend last week and ended up accidentally hitting a parked car as I was parking. Nothing major, just scratches. So I've been pissed off about having to pay for repairs to the other car and deal with it over the phone.
The job agency is forcing me to look for full time work even though I am studying full time as of less than 2 weeks from now. They want me to come in for a mandatory interview even though it clashes with university. They don't care. If I do not comply I do not get paid the dole. All this can be resolved if the government approves my claim for student support payments.
My real estate agent called yesterday saying the tenants in the house are evading him thus stalling his efforts to put the house up for sale. He needs to get into the house to take photos for advertising.
As things have improved at home, I am now questioning if it is wise to move out. If it is wise to spend rent money, but it's more the fact as per my previous post that it may impact my ability to focus on university.
I am also wondering if I should withdraw from university this year and do Honours next year given all that is going on with moving out, dealing with the sale of my house, dealing with the job agency, not feeling 100% mentally happy and calm.
My thinking has been so over the place in the past 2 weeks I decided to stop studying and get a job asap. I decided to become a pastry chef or baker and go do 1 year of study to do this, I then changed my mind after some thought. I then decided to look for work but every job ad says 2-3 years experience which left me feeling so helpless and hopeless. I have now decided to keep going with university seeing I worked so hard to make it into Honours and what I am studying for is what I really want as a job.
I saw my psychologist over a week ago. I was lucky to be able to see him so soon as the earliest appointment was end of March but I got lucky as patients cancelled. He assured me I can be a clinical psychologist as he has a colleague with bipolar disorder and he has had other psychologists as patients before. I thought I am not suitable for the profession given my issues.
I don't know what else to say, sorry for the long post and if it is hard to follow.
Post edited by Thoughts_Arrive on
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Add to that, I'm thinking and so do my friends that this lady from art class seems super eager to get me living there. She said yes to me without consulting her daughter and apologised for that error when she spoke to me. This was in addition to asking me in person during class. And she's said I don't need to pay my share of the bills, only the rent is required (even though she advertised that bills must be paid), I can stay as long as I want and use her painting studio. She always seems super happy to see me at classes and tends to hang around me. Not sure if she may be attracted to me as I don't want to have to say not interested in terms of a romantic relationship, especially if I live there. Maybe I'm being paranoid and maybe she just wants to live with another artist. But this thought has been causing me worry. I hate having to say no to someone.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
I feel we have share so much on here , I feel we can speak openly and honestly with each other , in no way am I trying to upset you or trigger you or make you angry so please realize all of that.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I have been waiting for others to respond but I guess I am just trying to wrap my head around this situation , also please note for some reason I did not know you were Bi-Polar but that makes more sense to me now.
You have wanted to move out , you make steps to move out , then you say its been good for a week ( after an argument with your father that had you storming out of your house ) it is like an abusive relationship , just because an abuser does nothing for a week means nothing at all.
You always say how you are looking for someone to be with , you have concern now that someone may possible be attracted to you and you don't want to be with her.
Again I truly care for you but you have such classic abusive relationships , making excuses for those that hurt you , second guessing everything.
Sounds like a nice person in your class is looking for a roommate ( obviously I can understand if a different person lived with her before and did peeped in on the daughter that is cause for alarm on the daughters part ) If everything was ok don't you think it would be good to live somewhere else , you say you are afraid you may not be able to study if they are loud or don't know how they live but I have to assume it would be better than the abuse you take at your parents home.
I am completely ignorant on Australia real estate laws but if you are renting to a family , just show up and to talk to them or send a certified letter.
Again this is said with love but I feel like you are on the cusp of getting out but too afraid to take the step. I truly wish I lived near you so we could just hang out for a weekend and talk , cause I would talk you out of that house.
I get being down , in my 20's I was so depressed at times I would get out of the shower and then sit down soaking wet just staring at the wall for hours not even realizing that I had. I could not even stand up I was so frozen with depression and fear. A friend once came to my house and found me doing this and just took me out for some food. The memory was fuzzy but he was there for me and wanted to talk but said if I did not want to that was fine , he just wanted to see me eat and get dressed.
I want nothing but the best for you , at some point you have to take that jump to get out of your house and if it did not work its not like you could not go back.
Seriously all the love and please don't take this as harsh , I have been sitting on responding to this for the past five hours so I really don't want you to take it the wrong way. I just care and I just feel like you are in an endless circle
Last time none of this is said with anything but love , not trying to hurt your feelings at all.
I feel we have share so much on here , I feel we can speak openly and honestly with each other , in no way am I trying to upset you or trigger you or make you angry so please realize all of that.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I have been waiting for others to respond but I guess I am just trying to wrap my head around this situation , also please note for some reason I did not know you were Bi-Polar but that makes more sense to me now.
You have wanted to move out , you make steps to move out , then you say its been good for a week ( after an argument with your father that had you storming out of your house ) it is like an abusive relationship , just because an abuser does nothing for a week means nothing at all.
You always say how you are looking for someone to be with , you have concern now that someone may possible be attracted to you and you don't want to be with her.
Again I truly care for you but you have such classic abusive relationships , making excuses for those that hurt you , second guessing everything.
Sounds like a nice person in your class is looking for a roommate ( obviously I can understand if a different person lived with her before and did peeped in on the daughter that is cause for alarm on the daughters part ) If everything was ok don't you think it would be good to live somewhere else , you say you are afraid you may not be able to study if they are loud or don't know how they live but I have to assume it would be better than the abuse you take at your parents home.
I am completely ignorant on Australia real estate laws but if you are renting to a family , just show up and to talk to them or send a certified letter.
Again this is said with love but I feel like you are on the cusp of getting out but too afraid to take the step. I truly wish I lived near you so we could just hang out for a weekend and talk , cause I would talk you out of that house.
I get being down , in my 20's I was so depressed at times I would get out of the shower and then sit down soaking wet just staring at the wall for hours not even realizing that I had. I could not even stand up I was so frozen with depression and fear. A friend once came to my house and found me doing this and just took me out for some food. The memory was fuzzy but he was there for me and wanted to talk but said if I did not want to that was fine , he just wanted to see me eat and get dressed.
I want nothing but the best for you , at some point you have to take that jump to get out of your house and if it did not work its not like you could not go back.
Seriously all the love and please don't take this as harsh , I have been sitting on responding to this for the past five hours so I really don't want you to take it the wrong way. I just care and I just feel like you are in an endless circle
Last time none of this is said with anything but love , not trying to hurt your feelings at all.
Thank you for articulating so well what I couldn't.
I feel we have share so much on here , I feel we can speak openly and honestly with each other , in no way am I trying to upset you or trigger you or make you angry so please realize all of that.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I have been waiting for others to respond but I guess I am just trying to wrap my head around this situation , also please note for some reason I did not know you were Bi-Polar but that makes more sense to me now.
You have wanted to move out , you make steps to move out , then you say its been good for a week ( after an argument with your father that had you storming out of your house ) it is like an abusive relationship , just because an abuser does nothing for a week means nothing at all.
You always say how you are looking for someone to be with , you have concern now that someone may possible be attracted to you and you don't want to be with her.
Again I truly care for you but you have such classic abusive relationships , making excuses for those that hurt you , second guessing everything.
Sounds like a nice person in your class is looking for a roommate ( obviously I can understand if a different person lived with her before and did peeped in on the daughter that is cause for alarm on the daughters part ) If everything was ok don't you think it would be good to live somewhere else , you say you are afraid you may not be able to study if they are loud or don't know how they live but I have to assume it would be better than the abuse you take at your parents home.
I am completely ignorant on Australia real estate laws but if you are renting to a family , just show up and to talk to them or send a certified letter.
Again this is said with love but I feel like you are on the cusp of getting out but too afraid to take the step. I truly wish I lived near you so we could just hang out for a weekend and talk , cause I would talk you out of that house.
I get being down , in my 20's I was so depressed at times I would get out of the shower and then sit down soaking wet just staring at the wall for hours not even realizing that I had. I could not even stand up I was so frozen with depression and fear. A friend once came to my house and found me doing this and just took me out for some food. The memory was fuzzy but he was there for me and wanted to talk but said if I did not want to that was fine , he just wanted to see me eat and get dressed.
I want nothing but the best for you , at some point you have to take that jump to get out of your house and if it did not work its not like you could not go back.
Seriously all the love and please don't take this as harsh , I have been sitting on responding to this for the past five hours so I really don't want you to take it the wrong way. I just care and I just feel like you are in an endless circle
Last time none of this is said with anything but love , not trying to hurt your feelings at all.
Thank you for articulating so well what I couldn't.
I feel we have share so much on here , I feel we can speak openly and honestly with each other , in no way am I trying to upset you or trigger you or make you angry so please realize all of that.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I have been waiting for others to respond but I guess I am just trying to wrap my head around this situation , also please note for some reason I did not know you were Bi-Polar but that makes more sense to me now.
You have wanted to move out , you make steps to move out , then you say its been good for a week ( after an argument with your father that had you storming out of your house ) it is like an abusive relationship , just because an abuser does nothing for a week means nothing at all.
You always say how you are looking for someone to be with , you have concern now that someone may possible be attracted to you and you don't want to be with her.
Again I truly care for you but you have such classic abusive relationships , making excuses for those that hurt you , second guessing everything.
Sounds like a nice person in your class is looking for a roommate ( obviously I can understand if a different person lived with her before and did peeped in on the daughter that is cause for alarm on the daughters part ) If everything was ok don't you think it would be good to live somewhere else , you say you are afraid you may not be able to study if they are loud or don't know how they live but I have to assume it would be better than the abuse you take at your parents home.
I am completely ignorant on Australia real estate laws but if you are renting to a family , just show up and to talk to them or send a certified letter.
Again this is said with love but I feel like you are on the cusp of getting out but too afraid to take the step. I truly wish I lived near you so we could just hang out for a weekend and talk , cause I would talk you out of that house.
I get being down , in my 20's I was so depressed at times I would get out of the shower and then sit down soaking wet just staring at the wall for hours not even realizing that I had. I could not even stand up I was so frozen with depression and fear. A friend once came to my house and found me doing this and just took me out for some food. The memory was fuzzy but he was there for me and wanted to talk but said if I did not want to that was fine , he just wanted to see me eat and get dressed.
I want nothing but the best for you , at some point you have to take that jump to get out of your house and if it did not work its not like you could not go back.
Seriously all the love and please don't take this as harsh , I have been sitting on responding to this for the past five hours so I really don't want you to take it the wrong way. I just care and I just feel like you are in an endless circle
Last time none of this is said with anything but love , not trying to hurt your feelings at all.
Thank you for your post and for caring. I am not living with bipolar, sorry for the confusion. My psychologist just used that as an example. She's way older than me, 17 years gap.
I wouldn't call my dad abusive. He is meek. It's just that since saying I am atheist he has been unfriendly. He's changed his tune since I stormed out and my estranged sister had a talk to him. It's my mum who is the abuser. But now she's all friendly with me since I stormed out.
My agent will drop a letter off in their mailbox and do a door knock seeing they are not taking his calls.
I fear I will lose my friendships if I back out now and stay here.
I forgot to add earlier, in desperation I asked my sister if I could stay at hers (not the estranged one, the other one) she said okay. But I'd have to sleep in a rumpus room (not sure what that is called in the US or Europe but it's like an extra large room used for entertaining) on the floor on a blow up mattress and that sleeping arrangement doesn't appeal to me. And not sure I can handle my sister and brother in law every day as we have different views on the world and they are on a different wavelength to me.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
question. Whats the age range in your art class? What has the time in class been like with this woman as a fellow student?
how often in the past have you been wrong about a situation or projected something that may not be true?
why have you seemingly closed your mind to this opportunity? Had you met the daughter yet? Toured the house? seen what the situation is?
is it possible in your conversations youve let on how tight cash might be and this no bills gesture is a kindness to help you out? not some ulterior motive?
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
It varies. We have a teen, 20 something, me, 40 somethings, to this lady and then a guy in his 60s. It's been okay, we all just focus on our work and don't really socialise much until after classes but it's always group socialising. I won't get to tour the house and meet the daughter until next week. I might be projecting and misreading, yes.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
It varies. We have a teen, 20 something, me, 40 somethings, to this lady and then a guy in his 60s. It's been okay, we all just focus on our work and don't really socialise much until after classes but it's always group socialising. I won't get to tour the house and meet the daughter until next week. I might be projecting and misreading, yes.
I am proud of you for admitting that is a possibility.
I forgot to update my dear partner had her scan and thankfully nothing major. But im bogged down in fear about this coronavirus with our kids travelling arpund london i cant cope. Also im at a crossroads with this not drinking i cant go on as i am. Smoking weed daily just to get by . Completely sober is not an option but i dont want either i just want it all to stop. I sit here in the very early morning with my 2 year old just wishing i could slip away forever
brixton 93
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albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
I will add i wont kill myself . I have massive guilt over smoking and even bigger guilt about if i was to drink now after 7 weeks im always beating myself up . Always
brixton 93
astoria 06
albany 06
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reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
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nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Comments
www.headstonesband.com
Best thoughts to you both.
also glad you got the lol since I butchered that username
P.s. that's Lebowski bowling dance synched to Dance of the Clairvoyants, Es good
A lady who is in my art class offered me a room, she happened to be advertising her room for rent as I was telling her about my situation.
It's up to her daughter to say yes or no. She lost her shit at her mum when she was told I'd be moving in.
She had a former male living there peep at her in the shower so I understand her anxiety.
So, when this lady from my art class is back from her week long vacation she said her daughter would like to meet me before making up her mind.
Having said that, the thought of moving out and adjusting to a new home in the middle of Honours year at university beginning might be a bad move. I've promised my best friend that I'd move out soon. It's just the fear of the unknown. What if I cannot study in peace at this new place?
Things have improved at home after a pretty rough week which I might share the details of which on here in a separate post (too much to type).
I was feeling like I was going to lose my best friend due to my promising to sell the house and move out and then changing my mind the next day. He got annoyed at me and said he felt like an idiot. I thought I'm letting everyone down and going to just push everyone away and I did not want to exist anymore. I wanted to die. I closed all my social media accounts and deleted Whatsapp as I lay in bed crying, I wanted to remove all trace of me as I thought about ending it all.
After this, about 2 weeks ago I decided to sell the house and met with my real estate agent.
I told my parents about this decision and my intent to move out and they didn't take it well which led to me losing my temper at my dad which led to him saying it is hard for them to live with me anymore because I am atheist. This hurt me bad as I felt like I was disowned and no longer loved. This led to me punching a table outside in anger with my little nephew and niece inside the house.
I ended up storming out threatening to commit suicide which led to frantic phone calls from my dad.
I parked my car wondering what to do.
I called my brother in law to say how I behaved and he assured me my nephew and niece did not even notice as they were inside watching a movie.
My friend got me to come over to his place to chill out.
I returned home late at night and was in my room for 3-4 days with hardly any food and sleeping most of the time.
After a week of not talking me and my dad started talking again after he broke the silence.
He admitted he and my mum have been wrong in the way they've behaved towards me (I later learned from my brother in law that my estranged sister had a word to my dad to leave me alone and let me live my life).
My dad said I am welcome back any time and that he'd rather I stay and save money instead of paying rent.
After being happy to have found an affordable place to stay with someone I know from art class she called me later that day to apologise and say her daughter does not want me there. So my emotions went from happy to dejected in the space of 12 hours. I woke up depressed and then she messaged saying her daughter changed her mind but wants to meet me (I take this as not a definite yes as she might change her mind after meeting me to a say no). This was compounded by the fact that I was struggling to find somewhere to stay as I did not meet the criteria in most ads (not under 35 yrs of age, male, no full time job, no experience of living in sharehouses, not someone who want to socialise a lot with housemates).
Other things that have stressed me out in the past two weeks:
I went out to see some jazz bands with my friend last week and ended up accidentally hitting a parked car as I was parking. Nothing major, just scratches. So I've been pissed off about having to pay for repairs to the other car and deal with it over the phone.
The job agency is forcing me to look for full time work even though I am studying full time as of less than 2 weeks from now.
They want me to come in for a mandatory interview even though it clashes with university.
They don't care. If I do not comply I do not get paid the dole.
All this can be resolved if the government approves my claim for student support payments.
My real estate agent called yesterday saying the tenants in the house are evading him thus stalling his efforts to put the house up for sale. He needs to get into the house to take photos for advertising.
As things have improved at home, I am now questioning if it is wise to move out. If it is wise to spend rent money, but it's more the fact as per my previous post that it may impact my ability to focus on university.
I am also wondering if I should withdraw from university this year and do Honours next year given all that is going on with moving out, dealing with the sale of my house, dealing with the job agency, not feeling 100% mentally happy and calm.
My thinking has been so over the place in the past 2 weeks I decided to stop studying and get a job asap.
I decided to become a pastry chef or baker and go do 1 year of study to do this, I then changed my mind after some thought.
I then decided to look for work but every job ad says 2-3 years experience which left me feeling so helpless and hopeless.
I have now decided to keep going with university seeing I worked so hard to make it into Honours and what I am studying for is what I really want as a job.
I saw my psychologist over a week ago. I was lucky to be able to see him so soon as the earliest appointment was end of March but I got lucky as patients cancelled. He assured me I can be a clinical psychologist as he has a colleague with bipolar disorder and he has had other psychologists as patients before. I thought I am not suitable for the profession given my issues.
I don't know what else to say, sorry for the long post and if it is hard to follow.
She said yes to me without consulting her daughter and apologised for that error when she spoke to me. This was in addition to asking me in person during class. And she's said I don't need to pay my share of the bills, only the rent is required (even though she advertised that bills must be paid), I can stay as long as I want and use her painting studio.
She always seems super happy to see me at classes and tends to hang around me.
Not sure if she may be attracted to me as I don't want to have to say not interested in terms of a romantic relationship, especially if I live there.
Maybe I'm being paranoid and maybe she just wants to live with another artist.
But this thought has been causing me worry. I hate having to say no to someone.
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
TA
I feel we have share so much on here , I feel we can speak openly and honestly with each other , in no way am I trying to upset you or trigger you or make you angry so please realize all of that.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I have been waiting for others to respond but I guess I am just trying to wrap my head around this situation , also please note for some reason I did not know you were Bi-Polar but that makes more sense to me now.
You have wanted to move out , you make steps to move out , then you say its been good for a week ( after an argument with your father that had you storming out of your house ) it is like an abusive relationship , just because an abuser does nothing for a week means nothing at all.
You always say how you are looking for someone to be with , you have concern now that someone may possible be attracted to you and you don't want to be with her.
Again I truly care for you but you have such classic abusive relationships , making excuses for those that hurt you , second guessing everything.
Sounds like a nice person in your class is looking for a roommate ( obviously I can understand if a different person lived with her before and did peeped in on the daughter that is cause for alarm on the daughters part ) If everything was ok don't you think it would be good to live somewhere else , you say you are afraid you may not be able to study if they are loud or don't know how they live but I have to assume it would be better than the abuse you take at your parents home.
I am completely ignorant on Australia real estate laws but if you are renting to a family , just show up and to talk to them or send a certified letter.
Again this is said with love but I feel like you are on the cusp of getting out but too afraid to take the step. I truly wish I lived near you so we could just hang out for a weekend and talk , cause I would talk you out of that house.
I get being down , in my 20's I was so depressed at times I would get out of the shower and then sit down soaking wet just staring at the wall for hours not even realizing that I had. I could not even stand up I was so frozen with depression and fear. A friend once came to my house and found me doing this and just took me out for some food. The memory was fuzzy but he was there for me and wanted to talk but said if I did not want to that was fine , he just wanted to see me eat and get dressed.
I want nothing but the best for you , at some point you have to take that jump to get out of your house and if it did not work its not like you could not go back.
Seriously all the love and please don't take this as harsh , I have been sitting on responding to this for the past five hours so I really don't want you to take it the wrong way. I just care and I just feel like you are in an endless circle
Last time none of this is said with anything but love , not trying to hurt your feelings at all.
2016: Lexington and Wrigley 1
I am not living with bipolar, sorry for the confusion. My psychologist just used that as an example.
She's way older than me, 17 years gap.
I wouldn't call my dad abusive. He is meek. It's just that since saying I am atheist he has been unfriendly. He's changed his tune since I stormed out and my estranged sister had a talk to him. It's my mum who is the abuser. But now she's all friendly with me since I stormed out.
My agent will drop a letter off in their mailbox and do a door knock seeing they are not taking his calls.
I fear I will lose my friendships if I back out now and stay here.
I forgot to add earlier, in desperation I asked my sister if I could stay at hers (not the estranged one, the other one) she said okay.
But I'd have to sleep in a rumpus room (not sure what that is called in the US or Europe but it's like an extra large room used for entertaining) on the floor on a blow up mattress and that sleeping arrangement doesn't appeal to me. And not sure I can handle my sister and brother in law every day as we have different views on the world and they are on a different wavelength to me.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
It's been okay, we all just focus on our work and don't really socialise much until after classes but it's always group socialising.
I won't get to tour the house and meet the daughter until next week.
I might be projecting and misreading, yes.
2016: Lexington and Wrigley 1
astoria 06
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reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
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nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
I have no time for a romantic relationship this year to be honest.
Honours year is tough.
A relationship can be with friends i mean the more the merrier
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
But im bogged down in fear about this coronavirus with our kids travelling arpund london i cant cope. Also im at a crossroads with this not drinking i cant go on as i am. Smoking weed daily just to get by . Completely sober is not an option but i dont want either i just want it all to stop. I sit here in the very early morning with my 2 year old just wishing i could slip away forever
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -