you have to understand.....over dozens of pages, the main point is that you have a tendency to stay where you are comfortable so you have to take little to no risk (not judging, just observation, I'm like that too). while I understand how it is to be too busy, and an ailing parent, there will literally ALWAYS be a bad time to make a big change. Always. LIFE is never a perfect time to take a risk or make a change. so you just have to do it.
and it doesn't even sound like your dad is in bad shape.
if your dad was alone, I could see it. but he has your mom. if he needs to go to the hospital, could they not ring you up? or call a cab? or a friend? or an ambulance if it's an emergency? if he honestly needs care, how is that going to fit into your "too busy to do anything else" schedule?
you have to see that these are just more excuses not to take that step.
My dad cannot urinate. He has a catheter to drain urine into. He can't leave the house for over a month as he will have the catheter. He needs scans to rule out prostate cancer 100%.
I never said I won't move out. I'll try in a few weeks but I just don't know if I can move in with this lady and her daughter. My gut feeling says it's a bad idea.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
I'm being pressured by everyone to move into this house I'm getting bad feelings about.
Why can't people allow me to find the right place considering my agent is still organising the sale of my property and I am back at university. I'm taking the steps. Please everyone stop pressuring me to move out right now.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
M, stop hyperventilating and breathe. Ever since you listed the negatives about the mum/daughter combo you got exactly 2 reactions on here. I may have misread but I‘m pretty sure both Hugh and Hedo were supportive.
So this may not the place to move for you. Bad luck. Look elsewhere. And maybe tell your mother to grow up and take a taxi if she needs to.
I'm being pressured by everyone to move into this house I'm getting bad feelings about.
Why can't people allow me to find the right place considering my agent is still organising the sale of my property and I am back at university. I'm taking the steps. Please everyone stop pressuring me to move out right now.
who is pressuring you to move into that particular house?
It's the ramblings of an abused human. Lived through it with my brother and mom. I know the speak well.
Ultimately, life choices are yours. You come for support, which we give, but you have to understand that our want for you is to get out of the abusive household you live in-- whatever sharehouse that be.
Look up abused spouse stories. You pretty much follow it to a T. Ever listen to the words of Rearviewmirror?
stop it with this "i'm letting everyone down" bullshit. you aren't. if you are truly doing what you honestly think is right for you, then the right people will be ok with it.
it shouldn't be difficult. just say your circumstances suddenly changed and moving out is not currently an option. you don't even owe her any explanation at all: just "sorry, no longer interested, thanks, bye".
I'm being pressured by everyone to move into this house I'm getting bad feelings about.
Why can't people allow me to find the right place considering my agent is still organising the sale of my property and I am back at university. I'm taking the steps. Please everyone stop pressuring me to move out right now.
I don't think anyone is pressuring you , you seem to be projecting a little on all of us. I promise no one on this thread is against you at all.
If this place seems like a nightmare than don't move in there. If you look back thru your pages of threads you just tend to go back and forth a lot ( and that is ok , most of us with anxiety tend to go back and forth ) However the way you just posted seemed a little manic , I know you are running on little sleep and stressed about school.
Don't take it as insulting but as others have said , there will never be a good time in life , I don't say that to upset you or to make you think something is going to go wrong but life always throws you a curve ball.
I know they are checking due to the large prostate for a scan of cancer , however it could just be his prostate needs to be removed , that will keep him off his feet for a good 4-6 weeks but not so your mom could not take care of him.
Maybe and only if you wanted too , for an exercise go thru this tread from page one and read your comments out loud to yourself , like a journal its great to have your thoughts on paper ( or online ) so you can re-read them , it could be a little eye opening.
Be well , stay health , keep your head up , don't think others on here have a dislike or are upset with you , I promise that is just in your head.
Hope you get some sleep after all your meetings are over.
I want to tell the lady I won't be moving in but I'm scared she'll get upset.
Not sure if I should call or text and also what to and how to tell her.
Do I just stick to I can't because of my dad or say it's also her daughter and having to move out in a year and the fact that I don't feel comfortable moving in not having met her first.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
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mickeyrat
up my ass, like Chadwick was up his Posts: 35,761
I want to tell the lady I won't be moving in but I'm scared she'll get upset.
Not sure if I should call or text and also what to and how to tell her.
Do I just stick to I can't because of my dad or say it's also her daughter and having to move out in a year and the fact that I don't feel comfortable moving in not having met her first.
be honest. thats all. you cant control how someone will take anything you say. being honest is always the best course.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Love. Remember love in all of this. Look after your dad . Love is most important. Thats my view. People are gone in a heart beat. It cant be said enough......
brixton 93
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
May I make a suggestion? When your dad returns home, make "In case of Emergency" envelopes. Write down what medications he is on, what he is allergic to, the names of his doctors, if he has a DNR, and contact info for you and your sisters. Put it in an envelope , and put it on the fridge. Make one up for your mother, too. Explain to your parents and your sisters that you are doing this in case an emergency happens and you are not home to help (whether you are in class or just unavailable at the time). This way your mom, or whoever, can call an ambulance, if necessary, or just have the info in hand to go to the hospital directly. This puts some control and responsibility back in your parents ' hands. Also mention that in times of Emergency, people don't always remember every detail, and this will be a back up. Hopefully this will ease some of the responsibility you feel for your dad's care.
May I make a suggestion? When your dad returns home, make "In case of Emergency" envelopes. Write down what medications he is on, what he is allergic to, the names of his doctors, if he has a DNR, and contact info for you and your sisters. Put it in an envelope , and put it on the fridge. Make one up for your mother, too. Explain to your parents and your sisters that you are doing this in case an emergency happens and you are not home to help (whether you are in class or just unavailable at the time). This way your mom, or whoever, can call an ambulance, if necessary, or just have the info in hand to go to the hospital directly. This puts some control and responsibility back in your parents ' hands. Also mention that in times of Emergency, people don't always remember every detail, and this will be a back up. Hopefully this will ease some of the responsibility you feel for your dad's care.
May I make a suggestion? When your dad returns home, make "In case of Emergency" envelopes. Write down what medications he is on, what he is allergic to, the names of his doctors, if he has a DNR, and contact info for you and your sisters. Put it in an envelope , and put it on the fridge. Make one up for your mother, too. Explain to your parents and your sisters that you are doing this in case an emergency happens and you are not home to help (whether you are in class or just unavailable at the time). This way your mom, or whoever, can call an ambulance, if necessary, or just have the info in hand to go to the hospital directly. This puts some control and responsibility back in your parents ' hands. Also mention that in times of Emergency, people don't always remember every detail, and this will be a back up. Hopefully this will ease some of the responsibility you feel for your dad's care.
That is excellent advice for everyone. My mom has a duo-tang that she keeps on top of the fridge with all of her and my dads medical information. My dad has so many health issues and is in so many meds that it gets exhausting trying to remember things. A copy goes with him on every trip to the hospital.
"What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
May I make a suggestion? When your dad returns home, make "In case of Emergency" envelopes. Write down what medications he is on, what he is allergic to, the names of his doctors, if he has a DNR, and contact info for you and your sisters. Put it in an envelope , and put it on the fridge. Make one up for your mother, too. Explain to your parents and your sisters that you are doing this in case an emergency happens and you are not home to help (whether you are in class or just unavailable at the time). This way your mom, or whoever, can call an ambulance, if necessary, or just have the info in hand to go to the hospital directly. This puts some control and responsibility back in your parents ' hands. Also mention that in times of Emergency, people don't always remember every detail, and this will be a back up. Hopefully this will ease some of the responsibility you feel for your dad's care.
Thank you. That is a good suggestion. He returned home yesterday afternoon.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
I called the lady and she was totally fine with me deciding not to move in and thinks I am making the right decision as university is very important this year. I've helped her by suggesting where she can advertise her room on Facebook. She said she has an 18 year old girl express interest in the room. I am dreading my best friend's reaction. I hope he understands and does not get mad at me or cut off our friendship.
Post edited by Thoughts_Arrive on
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
That is good news about your dad. Hopefully he is resting and feeling better.
With regards to your friend: * you are not accountable to him (unless you two have an agreement about that); you are ultimately accountable to yourself. * before you speak/text/message with him, set up some appointments to look at other house/flat shares. When you next communicate with him you can say something along the line of, "I didn't take that flat share because the situation seemed wonky, but I have xx appointments set up. I also have been sorting through and getting rid of some of my stuff so WHEN I move, it will be easier." And then do it. My guess is that the frustration he feels is because of a lack of action on your part. I understand that it is overwhelming . Just break it down into smaller steps.
It's going to be hard to have time for moving until December the earliest. I simply won't have time to search for places to live and meet potential housemates. I wanted to do the move before university starts which is tomorrow. I need to be home to help out because my dad is recovering. At least I put my townhouse up for sale. The advertising finally launched on Friday night.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
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hedonist
standing on the edge of forever Posts: 24,524
It's going to be hard to have time for moving until December the earliest. I simply won't have time to search for places to live and meet potential housemates. I wanted to do the move before university starts which is tomorrow. I need to be home to help out because my dad is recovering. At least I put my townhouse up for sale. The advertising finally launched on Friday night.
Too many unfriendly snobs in this world. Especially at university. This girl that used to talk to me is now blatantly snobing me. Like choosing to use another pedestrian crossing to avoid me. I said hi as I got to the same crossing as she was at on our way to the tram stop after our lecture and she said I've gotta go this way sorry bye. Wtf was that. Made me feel like shit. And we we're going to the same tram stop anyways as both crossings take you there. Even during orientation last week she'd not say hi to me in the elevator or in the same room. I honestly don't know wtf I have done wrong. Baffled. I feel like asking her.
I keep telling myself who gives a shit, she's nothing in my life but I still feel hurt.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Comments
and it doesn't even sound like your dad is in bad shape.
if your dad was alone, I could see it. but he has your mom. if he needs to go to the hospital, could they not ring you up? or call a cab? or a friend? or an ambulance if it's an emergency? if he honestly needs care, how is that going to fit into your "too busy to do anything else" schedule?
you have to see that these are just more excuses not to take that step.
www.headstonesband.com
And maybe tell your mother to grow up and take a taxi if she needs to.
www.headstonesband.com
Ultimately, life choices are yours. You come for support, which we give, but you have to understand that our want for you is to get out of the abusive household you live in-- whatever sharehouse that be.
Look up abused spouse stories. You pretty much follow it to a T. Ever listen to the words of Rearviewmirror?
With whatever your choices, I wish you well.
2016: Lexington and Wrigley 1
it shouldn't be difficult. just say your circumstances suddenly changed and moving out is not currently an option. you don't even owe her any explanation at all: just "sorry, no longer interested, thanks, bye".
www.headstonesband.com
I don't think anyone is pressuring you , you seem to be projecting a little on all of us. I promise no one on this thread is against you at all.
If this place seems like a nightmare than don't move in there. If you look back thru your pages of threads you just tend to go back and forth a lot ( and that is ok , most of us with anxiety tend to go back and forth ) However the way you just posted seemed a little manic , I know you are running on little sleep and stressed about school.
Don't take it as insulting but as others have said , there will never be a good time in life , I don't say that to upset you or to make you think something is going to go wrong but life always throws you a curve ball.
I know they are checking due to the large prostate for a scan of cancer , however it could just be his prostate needs to be removed , that will keep him off his feet for a good 4-6 weeks but not so your mom could not take care of him.
Maybe and only if you wanted too , for an exercise go thru this tread from page one and read your comments out loud to yourself , like a journal its great to have your thoughts on paper ( or online ) so you can re-read them , it could be a little eye opening.
Be well , stay health , keep your head up , don't think others on here have a dislike or are upset with you , I promise that is just in your head.
Hope you get some sleep after all your meetings are over.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Remember love in all of this.
Look after your dad . Love is most important. Thats my view. People are gone in a heart beat. It cant be said enough......
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Really good idea.
He returned home yesterday afternoon.
With regards to your friend:
* you are not accountable to him (unless you two have an agreement about that); you are ultimately accountable to yourself.
* before you speak/text/message with him, set up some appointments to look at other house/flat shares. When you next communicate with him you can say something along the line of, "I didn't take that flat share because the situation seemed wonky, but I have xx appointments set up. I also have been sorting through and getting rid of some of my stuff so WHEN I move, it will be easier." And then do it. My guess is that the frustration he feels is because of a lack of action on your part. I understand that it is overwhelming . Just break it down into smaller steps.