A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

hedonist

lastexitlondon said:

Im still getting stuck in my bed for days in a row. Still  sober and hating everything  about it. 
I want to return the love and  say i had a realisation like matts family and loved ones go through  hell with you and some can't  stay the road and its not their fault i have the pain of watching  my older children in pain and its unbearable.  I am grateful for my mum and my partner and in the past my ex wife. I had  a long talk with my partner about my ex wife and how  my illness ruined her at a time when she had lost her mum and we had lost a son. 
To anyone who is physically  capable . Get out there  and be in the light ,be it a garden ,a gig, a walk in all weather.  Love is often not appreciated.  Until its too late.

The last part, Rob - YOU do this too. Whatever it takes

(and Fifth, that’s gorgeous)

lastexitlondon

Oh i do . I do i promise. I wonder  why i cant  get better. 

Thoughts_Arrive

I hope everyone is well.

Thanks to those of you who think of us.

I'm doing fine. I saw my psychologist last week and it was all good from me. Didn't have anything bad to say. It's been a good month except for Christmas and New year's.

Keeping busy with art and being social has helped. Plus I think the medication has started to work after 6 weeks on it.

Still wishing I had a romantic relationship though.

I have so much love I want to give to someone special but she has not entered my life yet (or maybe she already has and I don't know it).

Fifthelement

lastexitlondon said:

Im still getting stuck in my bed for days in a row. Still  sober and hating everything  about it. 
I want to return the love and  say i had a realisation like matts family and loved ones go through  hell with you and some can't  stay the road and its not their fault i have the pain of watching  my older children in pain and its unbearable.  I am grateful for my mum and my partner and in the past my ex wife. I had  a long talk with my partner about my ex wife and how  my illness ruined her at a time when she had lost her mum and we had lost a son. 
To anyone who is physically  capable . Get out there  and be in the light ,be it a garden ,a gig, a walk in all weather.  Love is often not appreciated.  Until its too late.

Rob, I’m sorry that you’re still in pain.  I know that won’t go away completely any time soon, but you’re able to count the great and small blessings in your life and that is truly something.  Same goes for you T_A.  The fact that each are trying as hard as you can to stay sober, to stay on meds, to create, to live, says that you haven’t given up on yourselves yet.  Yay!  We haven’t given up on you guys either.

Rob, the picture was taken in front of the British Columbia legislature in Victoria, BC.

lastexitlondon

Which meds did you find helpful . T.A

lastexitlondon

Canada  is a place i so nearly went to in 2006.
It may be too late with the life im in now to go.  But its on my list if life changed

Thoughts_Arrive

Thanks S. Too kind.

Rob, I'm on Effexor.

Lexapro was helpful for 4 or so years then stopped helping so I switched to Effexor

lastexitlondon

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Thanks S. Too kind.

Rob, I'm on Effexor.

And if you  dont mind what dose was helpful. Ive tried most and I've done some  research  that im sad with. 

Thoughts_Arrive

lastexitlondon said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Thanks S. Too kind.

Rob, I'm on Effexor.

And if you  dont mind what dose was helpful. Ive tried most and I've done some  research  that im sad with. 

Every dose and drug works differently for everyone so what works for me might not work for you or might work better than it does for me.

I was on 30mg of Lexapro.

I'm on 150mg of Effexor after trying 75mg.

Matts3221

Not that any illness is the same but in case I have not said before.

200mg of Zoloft a day

3mg of Clonozopam (sp) a day ( 1mg in the AM , at lunch and after Dinner )

Rob glad to hear that you know there is hope , I put this board down as something I am grateful for , if I am down someone will pick me back up and I love being able to just give the love to those who are having a hard time.

Thought

I promise love yourself for all you are and you will find someone. Dating apps can be hard because some are mean on them but for the most part they are nice , I met my now wife via OK Cupid in 2011 ( no mobile app then still logging on to my computer )

Have a great day everyone

Fifthelement

Matts3221 said:

Not that any illness is the same but in case I have not said before.

200mg of Zoloft a day

3mg of Clonozopam (sp) a day ( 1mg in the AM , at lunch and after Dinner )

Rob glad to hear that you know there is hope , I put this board down as something I am grateful for , if I am down someone will pick me back up and I love being able to just give the love to those who are having a hard time.

Thought

I promise love yourself for all you are and you will find someone. Dating apps can be hard because some are mean on them but for the most part they are nice , I met my now wife via OK Cupid in 2011 ( no mobile app then still logging on to my computer )

Have a great day everyone

Matts, that is fantastic advice.  Sometimes the biggest challenge is learning to love yourself, to not give in to the negative thoughts floating around your head.  Persevere!  Believe you are worthy of love, because you are, and things will work out as they were meant to.  

(((Hugs to all)))

Thoughts_Arrive

Thank you S and Matts

njnancy

Love to my fellow sufferers!

Rob, I take 2mg of clonazepam 3-4 times a day (panic disorder),  450 mg of bupropion  once a day & 100 mg of Pristiq once a day (clinical depression) & adderall twice a day (ADHD) though I haven't taken it in a couple months,  those I've been on for 20 years.  I take Gabapentin 100mg 3x/day since the PTSD, it helps with the panicked dreams & free floating terror. I used to take Effexor & I think it is better than the anti depressants I'm on currently. I've tried them all, you have to  see  what works for you.  They effect everyone differently. You'll find the right meds,  it helps to be sober for several  months to really have them work.  Good luck. To all ...

I've thought of going to the hospital due to agoraphobia & just general feelings of fear & despair - Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) is tough.  It just leaves you without your good parts. I dont know what to do cause this is years of fighting & then back sliding. 

I'm alive, I ordered MSG tickets which i can't afford & will have a hell of a time getting up the courage to go (which is so not who i am, or was). But it's a goal, if i even get them, seems the odds are horrible there & great everywhere else. But it's right there  --> so, yeah.

I am thinking of everyone, as much as I can.  I'm in a real dark place. But I'm alive. ✌❤

hedonist

I hope there's light ahead for you, Nancy.  Good luck with MSG!  I hear you on the courage/hurdle of attending.

We're glad you're alive

lastexitlondon

Love to you nancy its all i can offer.
Im not going to take meds i didnt start again because  wanted to be sober a while to see what my natural brain is.
Too many side effects. My head is never going to work and my health anxiety  is bigger than me and the  meds. I will die before i eat anymore pills. Whos to say they arent more dangerous  than weed or booze. They shrink the brain and mine cant take any more damage

Thoughts_Arrive

I decided to sell my property. Meeting with my real estate agent on Monday. I almost backed out on the promise I made with my best friend yesterday which annoyed him. I'm anxious about this. I purchased it almost 9 years ago and am regretting the thousands of dollars paying interest on the mortgage.

I made this hard decision because I need to move out for my sanity. The relationship between me and my parents is severely strained. My mum has not talked to me since Christmas. My dad is unfriendly towards me. I can't take it here anymore.

I'm frightened of moving out. I'm going to ask my best friend's fiance's best friend if I can move in with her. Otherwise I have to look for sharehouses online. I've had a look online and sadly all the houses in my budget are strictly female only. Then I need to find a job. I might defer my Honours studies until next year. I'm not sure my heart is in it.

I'm very sad that moving out means I won't be able to afford art classes anymore and won't be able to paint. I feel so defeated.

lastexitlondon

You are winning. Finally making a move for YOU. Good on you. I would  swap with you  in a heartbeat. 

Thoughts_Arrive

I feel so overwhelmed that I feel sick in the stomach. My parents don't know I'm selling. They're going to go apeshit when they find out.

Thanks Rob. I hope you're feeling better.

JPPJ84

Why would not being able to go to art classes mean you can't paint anymore?! Pick up a brush and start, teach yourself, try new things, watch youtube tutorials. It's cool to have an art teacher from time to time but it really isn't compulsive. Just have fun with it and have a little faith in yourself

lastexitlondon

Change is the  scariest shit mate. Believe me. But without it you  will never be what you need to be to be free.. 
 As far as me. Im utterly fucked mate. Well and truly 

Thoughts_Arrive

JPPJ84 said:

Why would not being able to go to art classes mean you can't paint anymore?! Pick up a brush and start, teach yourself, try new things, watch youtube tutorials. It's cool to have an art teacher from time to time but it really isn't compulsive. Just have fun with it and have a little faith in yourself

I don't know how I'll be able to pay rent and afford art materials such as paint.

JPPJ84

Thoughts_Arrive said:

JPPJ84 said:

Why would not being able to go to art classes mean you can't paint anymore?! Pick up a brush and start, teach yourself, try new things, watch youtube tutorials. It's cool to have an art teacher from time to time but it really isn't compulsive. Just have fun with it and have a little faith in yourself

I don't know how I'll be able to pay rent and afford art materials such as paint.

you've already bought it, trust me, it lasts ages. by the time it's all used up, hopefully you'll have found a job

JPPJ84

lastexitlondon said:

Change is the  scariest shit mate. Believe me. But without it you  will never be what you need to be to be free.. 
 As far as me. Im utterly fucked mate. Well and truly 

No Rob, you're not. You've taken valuable steps during the last weeks, haven't you?! With stopping drinking and all. Don't give up.

lastexitlondon

Im ill beyond any of the minor things.  

Thoughts_Arrive

I forgot to add, who knows if I'll have a space to paint or if the landlord/housemate will permit painting

Thoughts_Arrive

JPPJ84 said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

JPPJ84 said:

Why would not being able to go to art classes mean you can't paint anymore?! Pick up a brush and start, teach yourself, try new things, watch youtube tutorials. It's cool to have an art teacher from time to time but it really isn't compulsive. Just have fun with it and have a little faith in yourself

I don't know how I'll be able to pay rent and afford art materials such as paint.

you've already bought it, trust me, it lasts ages. by the time it's all used up, hopefully you'll have found a job

Oil tubes are only small (40ml). Even with a job I'll struggle to pay.

Thoughts_Arrive

Rob, if you're still off the drinking then you're doing well. Keep fighting.

lastexitlondon

I am 

deadendp

T_A, Just when you announce doing things you need to do to get the hell out of the toxic hell hole you live in, you are going back to negative self talk. 

Stop.

Yes, your landlord will allow you to paint. Oil paints aren't that strong, but the mineral spirits to clean are. Do that out near the dumpster or switch to acrylic for a bit. Or! Use other materials you have. 

Will you have the same amount of disposable income you have now? No. Do what you need to do to trim the budget. Your mental health begs for it. That may be free YouTube tutorials as suggested above. 

deadendp

Rob!

Keep hanging in there!