A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

Thoughts_Arrive

***PART 2 OF MY REPLY TO YOU (WAS OVER THE CHARACTER LIMIT SO COULD NOT POST)***

I live in suburbia but woody areas would be maybe an hour's drive or more away if I am thinking correctly. 
I am in Melbourne. 
Last Christmas I was very stressed out after a fight with my mum and went to the royal botanic gardens in the city and it was cool.
I was actually thinking I should get out in nature more because I really need to start taking photos of nature for painting reference photos, sick of asking others for permission. One of my paintings is off someone else's photo. If I sell it and prints of it I'll need to ask the photographer and if she asks pay her some of my sales.

Music is my saviour. 

I'll try our suggestion around panicking.
I was feeling great this morning, woke up looking forward to the day and with energy, played guitar for hours, worked on some song ideas, tried to learn a Tool song, but tonight I started feeling down again and started panicking thinking there's no escape from the sad mood. Like, I was happy to be free, and now it's like I got my hopes up. Maybe it's the medication just starting to work, I don't know.

Thank you so much for your care. You're a kind soul.

njnancy

Im shocked to come to our safe place & see the mayhem.  I hope that @rgambs is in a time out only,  he adds so much to discussions. If people need be banned (unbrlievable), shouldn't the instigator also have a time out?  Some people ferociously stir the pot for fun not caring who is hurt & get a pass. Description was given by non banned person, I did not label them,  they labelled themselves awhile ago. 

Im glad the thread is open.  Safe place & anxiety (& depression) should make this a non judgement zone.  

October is Depression Awareness Month. Anxiety illnesses coexist with depression illnesses in most people. Let's advocate for acceptance & understanding! 

He's one misconception. 

There is a vast difference between feeling depressed & it being tied to a situation and being diagnosed with depression. There is no specific reason, just impending amorphous sense of doom. And depression is not sadness, it is a feeling nothing,  just seeing a black hole that one keeps climbing out of. 

Situational depression is real & can be just gone through with a supportive family or church or friends. One can seek therapy fir grief or other intense feelings & meds may be a temporary help. 

Clinical depression is incurable but can be managed with therapy, medication,  health living,  meditation,  etc. It will reappear out of nowhere & is life changing. More understanding & less judgement would go a long way. And unless you are a trained therapist or have been in the depths of despair & have knowledge to share,  please don't tell us to have will power, get over it,  go for  a run or other unhelpful & possibly a trigger for a bad reaction. Think of how you are with people of other diseases & use that barometer. 

Big hug my fellow warriors. #free rgambs

lastexitlondon

Free  him indeed. He did only what anyone would have done. First on the scene

Thoughts_Arrive

njnancy said:

Im shocked to come to our safe place & see the mayhem.  I hope that @rgambs is in a time out only,  he adds so much to discussions. If people need be banned (unbrlievable), shouldn't the instigator also have a time out?  Some people ferociously stir the pot for fun not caring who is hurt & get a pass. Description was given by non banned person, I did not label them,  they labelled themselves awhile ago. 

Im glad the thread is open.  Safe place & anxiety (& depression) should make this a non judgement zone.  

October is Depression Awareness Month. Anxiety illnesses coexist with depression illnesses in most people. Let's advocate for acceptance & understanding! 

He's one misconception. 

There is a vast difference between feeling depressed & it being tied to a situation and being diagnosed with depression. There is no specific reason, just impending amorphous sense of doom. And depression is not sadness, it is a feeling nothing,  just seeing a black hole that one keeps climbing out of. 

Situational depression is real & can be just gone through with a supportive family or church or friends. One can seek therapy fir grief or other intense feelings & meds may be a temporary help. 

Clinical depression is incurable but can be managed with therapy, medication,  health living,  meditation,  etc. It will reappear out of nowhere & is life changing. More understanding & less judgement would go a long way. And unless you are a trained therapist or have been in the depths of despair & have knowledge to share,  please don't tell us to have will power, get over it,  go for  a run or other unhelpful & possibly a trigger for a bad reaction. Think of how you are with people of other diseases & use that barometer. 

Big hug my fellow warriors. #free rgambs

Very well said.
Thank you, Nancy. Big hug.

Thoughts_Arrive

I feel this new medication I am on is helping. However there are brief moments in each day where I feel those same empty and sad feelings come back. But on the whole, after a very rough first week on them I am feeling more optimistic, no suicidal ideation, and productive.
Managed to work through a lot of my university assignment and record two rough song demos.
And started looking at a job I may be interested in and was looking to apply but need one more year of university.
Although my head feels kind of weird still, a side effect that hopefully will go away.
I am just worried what if this antidepressant I am on now stops working like my last ones. 
That's the thing with antidepressants, they stop working and you need to change or up your dose.

brianlux

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I feel this new medication I am on is helping. However there are brief moments in each day where I feel those same empty and sad feelings come back. But on the whole, after a very rough first week on them I am feeling more optimistic, no suicidal ideation, and productive.
Managed to work through a lot of my university assignment and record two rough song demos.
And started looking at a job I may be interested in and was looking to apply but need one more year of university.
Although my head feels kind of weird still, a side effect that hopefully will go away.
I am just worried what if this antidepressant I am on now stops working like my last ones. 
That's the thing with antidepressants, they stop working and you need to change or up your dose.

Great to hear you're getting some good results so far.  I hope that continues to be the case.   Will be thinking good thoughts for success for you with this one!

Thoughts_Arrive

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I feel this new medication I am on is helping. However there are brief moments in each day where I feel those same empty and sad feelings come back. But on the whole, after a very rough first week on them I am feeling more optimistic, no suicidal ideation, and productive.
Managed to work through a lot of my university assignment and record two rough song demos.
And started looking at a job I may be interested in and was looking to apply but need one more year of university.
Although my head feels kind of weird still, a side effect that hopefully will go away.
I am just worried what if this antidepressant I am on now stops working like my last ones. 
That's the thing with antidepressants, they stop working and you need to change or up your dose.

Great to hear you're getting some good results so far.  I hope that continues to be the case.   Will be thinking good thoughts for success for you with this one!

Thank you Brian!

brianlux

Thoughts_Arrive said:

brianlux said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I feel this new medication I am on is helping. However there are brief moments in each day where I feel those same empty and sad feelings come back. But on the whole, after a very rough first week on them I am feeling more optimistic, no suicidal ideation, and productive.
Managed to work through a lot of my university assignment and record two rough song demos.
And started looking at a job I may be interested in and was looking to apply but need one more year of university.
Although my head feels kind of weird still, a side effect that hopefully will go away.
I am just worried what if this antidepressant I am on now stops working like my last ones. 
That's the thing with antidepressants, they stop working and you need to change or up your dose.

Great to hear you're getting some good results so far.  I hope that continues to be the case.   Will be thinking good thoughts for success for you with this one!

Thank you Brian!

When you feel like doing so, keep us posted your your progress. 

I remember how long it took me to find a good anti-depressant.  It was called Serzone.  It was eventually taken off the market (supposedly bad for the liver but I never read anything that made it sound serious- probably no worse than Ibuprofen or Tylenol), but I think it did what a good antidepressant will do which is to  sort of "train" the brain to form a more balanced brain chemistry. 

I still have bouts of depression and anxiety and sometimes mild to moderate panic attacks, but I've learned to see them as only a part of who and what I am, and try hard to remember that although the time period is variable, they are temporary states of mind and there is another side of the tunnel.  That kind of awareness for me can be very challenging and difficult, but I keep at it, reminding myself of these things often, and then in the better-to-good in between times, really relish those better feeling periods of time and try to make the most of them.

Thoughts_Arrive

So today my mum said that I'll never get married, that noone will want me now because I am too old, and won't have anyone to look after me when I'm old.
Usually I would become enraged and argue with her, lose my temper, get depressed.
Today I was slightly hurt, out of a scale of 10 with 10 being very, I'd say I was a 2.
But I was calm and did not lose my cool when speaking to my mum about why I am single (my current circumstances don't make me attractive as a partner). I had a smile on my face as I calmly responded to my mum. It's something my psychologist wants me to practice so I can shrug negative, hurtful comments off automatically. Like learning a new reflex. It is possible the medication helped me from erupting in anger to her comments.

Thoughts_Arrive

An interesting side note.
My mum when I was younger was always saying if my girlfriend is not of the same ethnic background then she is not welcome in the house and that I must marry the same ethnicity.
Today, she doesn't care what ethnicity she is.
Funny, I guess now they see I am 35, my mum is so desperate for me to get married, so much so she no longer cares about sticking to our kind.

brianlux

Thoughts_Arrive said:

So today my mum said that I'll never get married, that noone will want me now because I am too old, and won't have anyone to look after me when I'm old.
Usually I would become enraged and argue with her, lose my temper, get depressed.
Today I was slightly hurt, out of a scale of 10 with 10 being very, I'd say I was a 2.
But I was calm and did not lose my cool when speaking to my mum about why I am single (my current circumstances don't make me attractive as a partner). I had a smile on my face as I calmly responded to my mum. It's something my psychologist wants me to practice so I can shrug negative, hurtful comments off automatically. Like learning a new reflex. It is possible the medication helped me from erupting in anger to her comments.

That's a great reflex to learn.  I've gotta work on that myself.  I sometimes let words push my buttons but really, if they're my buttons I should have control over them!  Sounds like you did well!

Thoughts_Arrive said:

An interesting side note.
My mum when I was younger was always saying if my girlfriend is not of the same ethnic background then she is not welcome in the house and that I must marry the same ethnicity.
Today, she doesn't care what ethnicity she is.
Funny, I guess now they see I am 35, my mum is so desperate for me to get married, so much so she no longer cares about sticking to our kind.

I think marriage happens best on it's own time.  And lots of people don't marry until later in life. Even cool dude Jerry Seinfeld didn't get married until he was 45.  I didn't get it right until I was 51.  Best to wait for the right time, whatever that may be.  Maybe you mother needs to learn a little patience and maybe not push so much. 

Thoughts_Arrive

She'll be 70 soon and dad 72.
I guess they fear they are running out of time to see their only son marry and carry the family surname.
A lot of marriages end in divorce nowadays. I told my parents this and said I want to make sure she's the right one.

HughFreakingDillon

Thoughts_Arrive said:

So today my mum said that I'll never get married, that noone will want me now because I am too old, and won't have anyone to look after me when I'm old.
Usually I would become enraged and argue with her, lose my temper, get depressed.
Today I was slightly hurt, out of a scale of 10 with 10 being very, I'd say I was a 2.
But I was calm and did not lose my cool when speaking to my mum about why I am single (my current circumstances don't make me attractive as a partner). I had a smile on my face as I calmly responded to my mum. It's something my psychologist wants me to practice so I can shrug negative, hurtful comments off automatically. Like learning a new reflex. It is possible the medication helped me from erupting in anger to her comments.

interesting that your mother chooses to go the negative, insulting route when trying to get you to do something she wants. she obviously doesn't get it. you need confidence in yourself to be able to be in a relationship. brow-beating does the opposite. 

seriously, dude, when you feel better, GTFO of that house. 

Matts3221

Thoughts_Arrive said:

So today my mum said that I'll never get married, that noone will want me now because I am too old, and won't have anyone to look after me when I'm old.
Usually I would become enraged and argue with her, lose my temper, get depressed.
Today I was slightly hurt, out of a scale of 10 with 10 being very, I'd say I was a 2.
But I was calm and did not lose my cool when speaking to my mum about why I am single (my current circumstances don't make me attractive as a partner). I had a smile on my face as I calmly responded to my mum. It's something my psychologist wants me to practice so I can shrug negative, hurtful comments off automatically. Like learning a new reflex. It is possible the medication helped me from erupting in anger to her comments.

Yeah this just seems like a cruel comment on your moms side , first I am positive there are tons of females whom you would be compatible with and I don't even know you. When you are feeling down on yourself with anxiety and depression along with your fear of job prospects it is easy for you to feel like you are unattractive or whom would want to be with me. Adding again what I would consider a cruel jab at you from your mother just makes it worse.

Confidence is key , also and this is just something I learned the hard way when you first met someone no need to dump all the baggage at once. Everyone has it but I used to want to get it off my chest and I think that would scare some away.

Started going bald when I was in my early 30's and it used to kill my confidence on every level , then I realized I was the one making a deal out of it and not anyone else. At 41 I could care less and that does make a big deal.

Last like HFD said GTFO of that house when you can.

All the best.

Thoughts_Arrive

HughFreakingDillon said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

So today my mum said that I'll never get married, that noone will want me now because I am too old, and won't have anyone to look after me when I'm old.
Usually I would become enraged and argue with her, lose my temper, get depressed.
Today I was slightly hurt, out of a scale of 10 with 10 being very, I'd say I was a 2.
But I was calm and did not lose my cool when speaking to my mum about why I am single (my current circumstances don't make me attractive as a partner). I had a smile on my face as I calmly responded to my mum. It's something my psychologist wants me to practice so I can shrug negative, hurtful comments off automatically. Like learning a new reflex. It is possible the medication helped me from erupting in anger to her comments.

interesting that your mother chooses to go the negative, insulting route when trying to get you to do something she wants. she obviously doesn't get it. you need confidence in yourself to be able to be in a relationship. brow-beating does the opposite. 

seriously, dude, when you feel better, GTFO of that house. 

Yeah, I've actually started thinking (imagining) how I could get out of here. It's amazing how not feeling down and depressed makes you feel like you can do things you thought you have no hope of doing.
I'll have to live in a share house. But need to find someone of my age and not into the party lifestyle.
I've had the chance to move into a house like that recently with a guy from university and his friends, they're all early 20s and drink and party. I need another introvert haha.
I might have to sell my property to do that sadly, can't afford to pay a mortgage and rent. Unless I move into that place and get housemates to pay me to live there. 

As for my mum, she is all negative and insulting. Always has been. Always will be.
When I tell psychologists what she says their mouths drop.
It's sad to know my estranged sister is very alike my mum. 

Thoughts_Arrive

Matts3221 said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

So today my mum said that I'll never get married, that noone will want me now because I am too old, and won't have anyone to look after me when I'm old.
Usually I would become enraged and argue with her, lose my temper, get depressed.
Today I was slightly hurt, out of a scale of 10 with 10 being very, I'd say I was a 2.
But I was calm and did not lose my cool when speaking to my mum about why I am single (my current circumstances don't make me attractive as a partner). I had a smile on my face as I calmly responded to my mum. It's something my psychologist wants me to practice so I can shrug negative, hurtful comments off automatically. Like learning a new reflex. It is possible the medication helped me from erupting in anger to her comments.

Yeah this just seems like a cruel comment on your moms side , first I am positive there are tons of females whom you would be compatible with and I don't even know you. When you are feeling down on yourself with anxiety and depression along with your fear of job prospects it is easy for you to feel like you are unattractive or whom would want to be with me. Adding again what I would consider a cruel jab at you from your mother just makes it worse.

Confidence is key , also and this is just something I learned the hard way when you first met someone no need to dump all the baggage at once. Everyone has it but I used to want to get it off my chest and I think that would scare some away.

Started going bald when I was in my early 30's and it used to kill my confidence on every level , then I realized I was the one making a deal out of it and not anyone else. At 41 I could care less and that does make a big deal.

Last like HFD said GTFO of that house when you can.

All the best.

Yep, she's cruel a lot of the time.

I just find I have not found many compatible with me or that they don't exist, I feel like a freak as I've never attracted someone.
Maybe it's the way society is, it's all materialistic. Any woman I find interesting is in a relationship or lives in another country.

Another thing, I feel like if I don't tell any potential partner on a first date I have depression then she'll get pissed off at me as that may be something that she does not want to deal with. I feel like I am cheating and lying to her if I am not upfront right away. I don't think a single woman would want to have to deal with a partner who gets depressed. I don't know, it's tricky. I want to be honest right away but on first dates it is a turn off but then imagine we end up being in a relationship and I drop that on her. 

As for baldness, I actually am into the bald look right now. I shave my hair ultra close with a balding clipper.
I used to have long hair up until earlier this year when I got sick of maintaining it and decided to shave it off.
Some women love the bald man. 

Thanks.

HughFreakingDillon

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Matts3221 said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

So today my mum said that I'll never get married, that noone will want me now because I am too old, and won't have anyone to look after me when I'm old.
Usually I would become enraged and argue with her, lose my temper, get depressed.
Today I was slightly hurt, out of a scale of 10 with 10 being very, I'd say I was a 2.
But I was calm and did not lose my cool when speaking to my mum about why I am single (my current circumstances don't make me attractive as a partner). I had a smile on my face as I calmly responded to my mum. It's something my psychologist wants me to practice so I can shrug negative, hurtful comments off automatically. Like learning a new reflex. It is possible the medication helped me from erupting in anger to her comments.

Yeah this just seems like a cruel comment on your moms side , first I am positive there are tons of females whom you would be compatible with and I don't even know you. When you are feeling down on yourself with anxiety and depression along with your fear of job prospects it is easy for you to feel like you are unattractive or whom would want to be with me. Adding again what I would consider a cruel jab at you from your mother just makes it worse.

Confidence is key , also and this is just something I learned the hard way when you first met someone no need to dump all the baggage at once. Everyone has it but I used to want to get it off my chest and I think that would scare some away.

Started going bald when I was in my early 30's and it used to kill my confidence on every level , then I realized I was the one making a deal out of it and not anyone else. At 41 I could care less and that does make a big deal.

Last like HFD said GTFO of that house when you can.

All the best.

Yep, she's cruel a lot of the time.

I just find I have not found many compatible with me or that they don't exist, I feel like a freak as I've never attracted someone.
Maybe it's the way society is, it's all materialistic. Any woman I find interesting is in a relationship or lives in another country.

Another thing, I feel like if I don't tell any potential partner on a first date I have depression then she'll get pissed off at me as that may be something that she does not want to deal with. I feel like I am cheating and lying to her if I am not upfront right away. I don't think a single woman would want to have to deal with a partner who gets depressed. I don't know, it's tricky. I want to be honest right away but on first dates it is a turn off but then imagine we end up being in a relationship and I drop that on her. 

As for baldness, I actually am into the bald look right now. I shave my hair ultra close with a balding clipper.
I used to have long hair up until earlier this year when I got sick of maintaining it and decided to shave it off.
Some women love the bald man. 

Thanks.

don't drop all your secrets on the first date. that's a turn off no matter what it is. there needs to be an appropriate level of intimacy for sharing stuff that personal and private. 

she'll always have the choice to deal with it or not deal with it. but dropping that bomb that early is a mistake, in my opinion. 

the way you have always talked about yourself here has always been pretty negative. sometimes subtle, sometimes outward self-loathing. i imagine you probably talk to girls this way as well about yourself. you don't have to lie, just don't be apologetic about who you are off the bat. 

you won't start a healthy relationship without confidence. either you'll get someone who treats you like dirt, or you won't get anyone at all. 

Thoughts_Arrive

Thank you for your advice.
I'm just afraid of having a great first few dates and hitting it off for her to dump me if she learns about my depression.
I guess at times I have talked about the shit things about me (if I remember correctly) to girls, but I believe this has only ever been online.
That is after a while of getting to know them.
Someone that I have just met in person I don't reveal anything.

brianlux

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Thank you for your advice.
I'm just afraid of having a great first few dates and hitting it off for her to dump me if she learns about my depression.
I guess at times I have talked about the shit things about me (if I remember correctly) to girls, but I believe this has only ever been online.
That is after a while of getting to know them.
Someone that I have just met in person I don't reveal anything.

I think it's natural to show one's best side when first meeting someone.  But at the same time, she will probably do the same.  Maybe the best way to go about it is to try to both be honest right up front.  I think if someone you meet is the caring kind of person you would want in your life, then it would be OK if you told here you deal with depression.  It's not an uncommon thing.  She might even say, "That's OK, I do too!"  But if she turns out to be turned off by you having depression, she's probably not the right one anyway.  There are plenty of ladies out there who will be understanding and that's probably what you want to look for.

In any case, hang in there my friend.  I'm told our power is going to be shut off any time soon now and probably won't be back on until Saturday at best.  So I'll catch up here more again when I can.  In the meantime, take care!

Thoughts_Arrive

Thank you Brian, I appreciate your love.
You too bud.