A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

JPPJ84

Thoughts_Arrive said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

It's also the hard decision of whether or not to continue with my university studies or just look for a full time job. My head is spinning.

I don't know what to do and it's stressing me out.

you know what to do. you just don't want to do it. 

get a job
move out
move on with your life
continue your studies part time as you can

The problem with trying to find a job is that in order to receive the dole I can only apply for full time jobs.
If I apply for part time jobs I won't get my dole payments.
I'd like to apply for part time jobs so I can study part time but it's not possible. 

I‘ve got colleagues working full time and finishing their degrees at the same time. It’s some sort of part-time uni program that allows them to do that. I’m sure you have those in Australia as well?

HughFreakingDillon

what's a dole?

JPPJ84

HughFreakingDillon said:

what's a dole?

Unemployment payment. That’s British English for you

HughFreakingDillon

ok, but if you work part time you are still (likely) living with your parents. it's time get a job, and start enjoying life instead of down in a hole. cut the cord. 

get a full time job. do your studies part time at your own pace. see the world. get outside. flip your mom the bird and walk on. 

Thoughts_Arrive

Forgot to say, I've been badly bullied in my last few jobs and been fired so going back to work fills me with anxiety. I don't want to go through being made fun of again

deadendp

JPPJ84 said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

what's a dole?

Unemployment payment. That’s British English for you

Unemployment in the US means you have had a job, lost it (closed, wrongfully terminated..) or were laid off and unemployment is a benefit that isn't neverending.  It is finite. 

Might sound like the US equivalent to be welfare. 

T_A, Wouldn't it be uplifting to be self-supporting and to go without assistance? Many of us here worked 2-3 jobs during college (hand raised high here) or such to support families and whatnot. Sometimes you have to adjust goals to achieve the end prize. Just a thought. 

Thoughts_Arrive

I'd rather take my own life that be made to suffer at the hands of workplace bullies

JPPJ84

I don’t know what kind of shithole company you worked for that they allowed bullying. All I know is that nowadays, most companies do take it seriously, having Codes of conduct, equality commissioners and what not. Do not for one second believe that what you experienced is the norm. Don’t let it define you and hold you back. And most definitely don’t let anyone ever bully you again. It’s not just about how people treat you but also how you let them treat you 

hedonist

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I'd rather take my own life that be made to suffer at the hands of workplace bullies

And to tack on to what JPP said, don't use that remote possibility as an excuse to continue as you are.

deadendp

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I'd rather take my own life that be made to suffer at the hands of workplace bullies

I did not suggest that you needed to work amongst bullies, but dude-- you need to work. You need to trust that out there is a job or jobs that would fit well. You can't always go into it looking for failure. Some places are bad. Some people will not be lovely. No place will be perfect, but often you ignore some and gravitate toward others. You can let some eat you alive or you can let others uplift. A chunk of how it pans out is a matter of choices. Advocate for yourself. Choose good things for you and stop talking yourself out of it.

Are you planning to work after you receive your degree? Are you interested in looking into counseling people or research? It's probably been covered but I cannot recall. 

Thoughts_Arrive

Every company has an anti bullying policy but management don't enforce it.

When I stood up to a bully I was fired.

Thoughts_Arrive

deadendp said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I'd rather take my own life that be made to suffer at the hands of workplace bullies

I did not suggest that you needed to work amongst bullies, but dude-- you need to work. You need to trust that out there is a job or jobs that would fit well. You can't always go into it looking for failure. Some places are bad. Some people will not be lovely. No place will be perfect, but often you ignore some and gravitate toward others. You can let some eat you alive or you can let others uplift. A chunk of how it pans out is a matter of choices. Advocate for yourself. Choose good things for you and stop talking yourself out of it.

Are you planning to work after you receive your degree? Are you interested in looking into counseling people or research? It's probably been covered but I cannot recall. 

I don't know wtf I want to do.

Can't help others when I can't help myself. Probably looking at research but I need honours and right now that seems a hard ask given my heart not being in it and having to move out

JPPJ84

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Every company has an anti bullying policy but management don't enforce it.

When I stood up to a bully I was fired.

So because management didn’t enforce it in your company, no management does it anywhere? M, you wouldn’t go around and generalize people based on your experience like that, would you? A bit like you generalize religious people based on what your parents are like...
you should seriously reconsider that way of thought 

lastexitlondon

I agree. Because something was bad doesn't  mean all will be. And work is not meant to be a perfect science. I really think  no matter what anyone says M is going to do what he is programmed to do until some big life event happens.  I.e  a death or a gf or some major thing  that  changes  it for him.
I have  a friend who is in a very similar position. Safety is all he knows .

lastexitlondon

Crying listening and loving the  new song. Sometimes i feel like the  words speak directly to me. First word  confusion as i sit here confused as fuck. I feel elated but such sorrow. Almost grief for what i had and what im now left with. 

JPPJ84

lastexitlondon said:

Crying listening and loving the  new song. Sometimes i feel like the  words speak directly to me. First word  confusion as i sit here confused as fuck. I feel elated but such sorrow. Almost grief for what i had and what im now left with. 

And maybe you can have at least a version of it again, Rob! Keep fighting for it! Take the elation and build on it

lastexitlondon

I never expected any feeling from this song. 
And i found it hard to absorb anything. 
Im having  so many emotions right  now .
I fuckin  hate what ive become and cant find a way back. I saw a psychologist  Monday  and my gp yesterday. 
 Man if only i had recorded it. I am alone with this . And from  here  on in i have to not  care. But my soul  cares.
Im a great human i know this i have proof everyday.  It counts for nothing  in the end. Only how others will look back and say i knew rob. Good guy.big heart.
But as for my remaining days nobody is inside me only me. 

lastexitlondon

Learning  to BE. Without any substance or mask. Feels lonely

lastexitlondon

JPPJ84 said:

lastexitlondon said:

Crying listening and loving the  new song. Sometimes i feel like the  words speak directly to me. First word  confusion as i sit here confused as fuck. I feel elated but such sorrow. Almost grief for what i had and what im now left with. 

And maybe you can have at least a version of it again, Rob! Keep fighting for it! Take the elation and build on it

Truth.

Fifthelement

Hang in there Rob.  If you’re having trouble recalling what was said at your appointments ask if you can record them or if you can have someone sit in with you.  Alternatively, taking notes or having the doctor give you notes to follow-up with may be useful.

Breaking down the walls that you’ve put up and kept in place with drink, drugs and isolation is terrifying.  Examining who you are without a filtre is daunting.  Persist though and be kind to yourself as you slowly take stock. The version of the person that you recall is somewhere there inside you.  It may be a bit bruised and battered, but it’s there waiting to embrace the light again.

Hugs and healing thoughts to you and to whoever else needs them.

M, write down all the negative things that you can think of that will result from you selling your property.  Then write down all of the positive things that could happen.  I.e. You find a career that you like; a woman to date; new friends through house-sharing; new ways and/or mediums to express yourself through art, etc.  Once you’ve made both lists fold them up and put them in an envelope.  Open it one year from now and see how far you’ve travelled.  Sometimes writing out our anxieties allows us to “deal” with them.  They’ve been acknowledged and you can now move on.  Good luck.  I hope you do well with the property sale.

Btw Rob, I'm really enjoying the new tune as well.  A very 80s vibe. 

Thoughts_Arrive

Thanks S. That's a good idea.

mickeyrat

Thoughts_Arrive

I like that

lastexitlondon

Same

Matts3221

Having a really really hard time today and yesterday. I don't know why my anxity is peaking however it is. I keep thinking I am dying that I have cancer , having issues catching my breath. Keep thinking something bad is going to happen to me or someone I love. That so much time has passed since I lost someone close to me that I feel it is about to happen again. I know it sounds silly , my brain can process this and say STOP but my body cannot stop its in full fight or flight mode.

I would have stayed home from work today but have meetings I cannot miss so I am here.

I know that this is coming from some family stress / home stress / work stress / a friend being diagnosed with cancer a month ago. Its like the straw that broke the camels back , If it was one or two of these things fine but this just seems overhelming.

I know I am rambling but I feel that is what this is for. I will be ok but I need to take some time for myself today even if every hour I just spend five mins breathing in the bathroom alone.

Just send positive thoughts or vibes out there into this world and I hope to catch some of them.

P.S. I just saw my doctor last week for my phyiscal and he said I was in the best shape of my life or at least since 25 ( 41 now ) somehow I take good news and turn it again me.

lastexitlondon

Matts i hear you mate.  As a health anxiety  sufferer  i am you. I know exactly  what your  brain is doing to you. Hold tight rest where possible sleep. 
You are going  to get through this. 
I am with  you.

Matts3221

lastexitlondon said:

Matts i hear you mate.  As a health anxiety  sufferer  i am you. I know exactly  what your  brain is doing to you. Hold tight rest where possible sleep. 
You are going  to get through this. 
I am with  you.

Thank you so much , this means the world me right now.

lastexitlondon

These are thoughts  and thoughts are not facts. Keep saying that. You are fit and well . And i know  that is hard but if i could have just one week back that i wasted doing all this i would give anything. Thoughts they are only thoughts .

lastexitlondon

Mate i check on here hourly. Post as much as you want.i will be here to chat

Matts3221

Thank you so much Lastexit

I am slowly coming down but still up there. I realize that I have wasted a large amount of my early 20's in fear that I was dying and can never get those days back.

As I sat back in my office and just closed my eyes and started to breath I opened them to an email. A client of mine lost their wife ( only 47 ) less than a month ago , he said he was not able to call me because it is still to early.

This in turn moved by brain around , this poor man would give anything to have a second back of his life with his wife. I have my wife , my cats , my house , friends , health ect ect ect.

I am so sorry for this man at the same time he brought me out of this funk. Again thank you lastexit just to know you care enough for me that you would log on each hour is pretty amazing. This whole group is something I am happy to be a part of , I hope one day to cross paths with all of you.

Still up there but I would say I was at a 10 on anxiety when I wrote the first message but have come down to a 6-7.