Thank you all for your suggestions, kindness and support.
Deadendp, I didn't know that about your daughter. I'm sorry to hear that she's going through a tough time. She's lucky to have supportive parents that don't judge.
Hugh, I'm on meds. New dose for 2 weeks now. I'll give it time to see if it works.
Hedonist, I like the song.
Matts, I don't have Netflix but will look for the podcast.
Going back to my mother, she'll never be proud of me until I get married to a girl from the same ethnic background as me. She mentioned how some guy I know got married recently to a girl from the same ethnic background and how he makes his mother proud. My university achievement does not matter to her. How can I attend graduation with no-one to celebrate my achievement?
your graduation is YOUR achievement. enjoy it for yourself and those that are there to support you. stop wasting time on what could be or what isn't. enjoy what IS.
your mother sounds like she's from 1930's eastern europe. that somehow your relationship status has something to do with her and something to be proud of. super odd. this is not normal, i hope you realize this. i don't know how many times we all have to tell you: stop worrying about what she or anyone else thinks. the only one that matters is you. get everyone else out of your head.
i'm not "successful" in the traditional sense, we don't have a lot of money. but people who know me, know my good qualities and all that other shit is just shit. i have a buddy who is a dentist. super good looking. always got the girl in high school and beyond. now? yeah, he has a massive house and all the toys and a girlfriend he doesn't love. no kids like he would like. he's probably jealous of ME.
be proud of your accomplishments, but not because you think others will or should be proud of them. just do it for you.
Thank you all for your suggestions, kindness and support.
Deadendp, I didn't know that about your daughter. I'm sorry to hear that she's going through a tough time. She's lucky to have supportive parents that don't judge.
Hugh, I'm on meds. New dose for 2 weeks now. I'll give it time to see if it works.
Hedonist, I like the song.
Matts, I don't have Netflix but will look for the podcast.
Going back to my mother, she'll never be proud of me until I get married to a girl from the same ethnic background as me. She mentioned how some guy I know got married recently to a girl from the same ethnic background and how he makes his mother proud. My university achievement does not matter to her. How can I attend graduation with no-one to celebrate my achievement?
your graduation is YOUR achievement. enjoy it for yourself and those that are there to support you. stop wasting time on what could be or what isn't. enjoy what IS.
your mother sounds like she's from 1930's eastern europe. that somehow your relationship status has something to do with her and something to be proud of. super odd. this is not normal, i hope you realize this. i don't know how many times we all have to tell you: stop worrying about what she or anyone else thinks. the only one that matters is you. get everyone else out of your head.
i'm not "successful" in the traditional sense, we don't have a lot of money. but people who know me, know my good qualities and all that other shit is just shit. i have a buddy who is a dentist. super good looking. always got the girl in high school and beyond. now? yeah, he has a massive house and all the toys and a girlfriend he doesn't love. no kids like he would like. he's probably jealous of ME.
be proud of your accomplishments, but not because you think others will or should be proud of them. just do it for you.
brixton 93
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
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brianlux
Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 40,760
I am a bit peeved at the internet right now. It occurred to me recently that anxiety might go in cycles. I wouldn't be surprised. Pretty much everything else does- the moon, the seasons, women's menstrual cycles, the stock market, rutting season, and on and on. I've been in the downer arc of the cycle for about 24 hours- a relatively short period of time... unless you count the seconds. And it could go on for days. I know it, I endure it, I work through it. It's a mean, tough struggle and it always leaves a little residue of the inherent damage that characterizes anxiety.
So when I Google "Does anxiety run in cycles?" (or varieties thereof), all I get is "Snap out of the anxiety cycle" or "Reverse the vicious cycle" or How you get stuck in the anxiety cycle"-- everything but what the damn cycle is. Is it related to the gravitational pull of the moon and the ebb and flow of the oceans tides? Is it affected by weather patterns, particularly changing barometric pressure? Does it coincide with any other geophysical processes or brain or body patterns?
No, all I get is psychobabble, trendy self help jargon, calculated words of wisdom written by and paid handsomely to the latest everyday spirituality guru. Not that I don't find value in counseling and psychiatry, but I also know a ton of it is pure journalistic bullshit. You notice, rarely do any of these "stories" mention Carl Rogers, Virginia Satir, Milton Erickson and the like. No, we get Oprah and Chopra (good people though they are in some ways). What I don't see much of is information based on a holistic view of mental health combined with a broader perspective including clues form nature, biology, neurology and ecology.
I don't find self helps books to be unhelpful. What I find in most are vague descriptions of generalized causal situations, stories, anecdotal information, opinions, philosophizing, etc. I wonder how many of these people ever actually had to deal with anxiety or had a panic attack or felt the fear and frustration of these conditions? Maybe some, but I rarely feel it.
I'm sorry if this all sounds rather cynical. I'd just like to know more. I wish someone had answers to these questions.
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
I still dont understand why science cant have tests like blood tests for levels of serotonin. Dopamine and the such. A definite YOU ARE low on x,y,z. Not just oh take these pills 6 months on a guess. Oh they dont work. Up the dose. Oh still dont work. Ok change to an exact same meds with different name. With no actual proof you need them at all. Why all the fuckin guess work with brain chemicals. Oh i know. Half the world munch ssri meds. .MONEY Its all wrong.
brixton 93
astoria 06
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
I still dont understand why science cant have tests like blood tests for levels of serotonin. Dopamine and the such. A definite YOU ARE low on x,y,z. Not just oh take these pills 6 months on a guess. Oh they dont work. Up the dose. Oh still dont work. Ok change to an exact same meds with different name. With no actual proof you need them at all. Why all the fuckin guess work with brain chemicals. Oh i know. Half the world munch ssri meds. .MONEY Its all wrong.
You're right, Rob. It's because pharmaceuticals are manufactured for their profit, not for their curative value. It the same reason that cars don't all run twice a long, why electronics don't have a longer life than they easily could. They want to keep selling more, not less. Other than Ibuprofen for pain and headaches, I gave up on meds. I'm not saying everybody should, but I think it's worth at least considering alternatives to pills like client-centered cognitive therapy, yoga, holistic health, hobbies, music, CBD, playing Tetris, having a companion pet.
But really, whatever works best for you, Rob. Keep working at it and take full advantage of every second you feel better.
For me, it's mostly about being stubborn. I won't let my anxiety completely destroy me. Incur damage? Sure, but not fatal damage.
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
Thank you all for your suggestions, kindness and support.
Deadendp, I didn't know that about your daughter. I'm sorry to hear that she's going through a tough time. She's lucky to have supportive parents that don't judge.
Hugh, I'm on meds. New dose for 2 weeks now. I'll give it time to see if it works.
Hedonist, I like the song.
Matts, I don't have Netflix but will look for the podcast.
Going back to my mother, she'll never be proud of me until I get married to a girl from the same ethnic background as me. She mentioned how some guy I know got married recently to a girl from the same ethnic background and how he makes his mother proud. My university achievement does not matter to her. How can I attend graduation with no-one to celebrate my achievement?
your graduation is YOUR achievement. enjoy it for yourself and those that are there to support you. stop wasting time on what could be or what isn't. enjoy what IS.
your mother sounds like she's from 1930's eastern europe. that somehow your relationship status has something to do with her and something to be proud of. super odd. this is not normal, i hope you realize this. i don't know how many times we all have to tell you: stop worrying about what she or anyone else thinks. the only one that matters is you. get everyone else out of your head.
i'm not "successful" in the traditional sense, we don't have a lot of money. but people who know me, know my good qualities and all that other shit is just shit. i have a buddy who is a dentist. super good looking. always got the girl in high school and beyond. now? yeah, he has a massive house and all the toys and a girlfriend he doesn't love. no kids like he would like. he's probably jealous of ME.
be proud of your accomplishments, but not because you think others will or should be proud of them. just do it for you.
Everything said above. My wife had to basically walk away from her mother six years ago , she was toxic and it seemed she was not only unhappy with her life that she was not happy unless she ruined or brought down her daughter ( my wife ).
This was not easy for my wife , she realized that her mother was just so bad for everything that she had to sever the tie , I know that does not sound easy and I would not guess how hard it may be because I have a close relationship with my mom and family. Sometimes thought it just does not go that way.
All these years later she thinks of her around the holidays but does not regret at all what she did as it helped her so much.
I have said this before but ( and this is just a guess ) you don't seem to love yourself , you need to work on you and no one else but you. also "successful " is how you see it. My wife and I both work for non-profits so we are not rolling in cash but we have a very happy life and a roof over our heads , we don't have a ton of friends but some very close ones , big house , lots of money , ect ect is some measure of success to some but most of those pep's are hate their life. As Dillon said I have a friend who is what on the surface some would say is successful ( makes over 100K per year , married , kids , nice house ) he hates his life and just puts a smile on.
Having enough money to pay for the roof over my head and our bills ( internet , cable , electricity , food ) is what matters to me.
As I said in a previous post 2020 needs to be the year of you and only you. Work on yourself , not your mom , not the haters around you , not those who you feel make you feel bad just yourself.
I know it is hard but please just work on yourself.
P.s sorry for any grammar errors I typed this pretty fast at work
I too believe my mum us trying to bring me down as she's unhappy in life. That's pretty messed up. A mother should do everything to build their child up. When I move out of home I doubt I'll have much contact with her.
I too don't want all the money in the world and all those material things. Just enough to survive and have a life outside of work.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
I too believe my mum us trying to bring me down as she's unhappy in life. That's pretty messed up. A mother should do everything to build their child up. When I move out of home I doubt I'll have much contact with her.
I too don't want all the money in the world and all those material things. Just enough to survive and have a life outside of work.
i honestly believe that people aren't inherently bad. they are in large part a product of their environment (the proof is in the pudding-the way you act and are is a direct reflection of your upbringing and current situation). I am not making excuses for your mother, but maybe she had it tough growing up; maybe she grew up being treated the same way and that's all she knows. is your dad nice to her? it seems odd to me that we don't hear much if anything about him. it's all your mom. is he nice but just lets her get away with it? or is he an unwitting partner in crime?
have you ever considered sitting down with her, one on one, and just asking her, why is she so unhappy? instead of accusing her right off the bat by saying "why are you so mean to me?", ask her why she's so obviously unhappy and ask if you can help.
she may snap back in defensiveness and call you a loser. she may break down and it might open a door to dialogue and healing.
to me, it's worth a shot. if she does the former (and doesn't apologize for it within a week's time), it's time to start the process of leaving. if she does the latter, cultivate it.
I'm too damaged by my upbringing to ever be able to have a healthy relationship with a woman.
no one is ever too damaged. therapy (and distance) work wonders.
Very true , grew up with an abusive father who beat and verbal abused me and my mom. He passed when I was 18 from cancer and as said as it may sound , my fathers passing was the best thing that happened to my family. Everything calmed down and although everyone went thru therapy. You can get there and you can do this TA.
I'm too damaged by my upbringing to ever be able to have a healthy relationship with a woman.
no one is ever too damaged. therapy (and distance) work wonders.
Very true , grew up with an abusive father who beat and verbal abused me and my mom. He passed when I was 18 from cancer and as said as it may sound , my fathers passing was the best thing that happened to my family. Everything calmed down and although everyone went thru therapy. You can get there and you can do this TA.
I'm sorry you went through that.
This happened to a family who grew up down the street from me. When the father died, they had a big party. Sounds terrible, but we all understood. They were free.
I'm too damaged by my upbringing to ever be able to have a healthy relationship with a woman.
no one is ever too damaged. therapy (and distance) work wonders.
Very true , grew up with an abusive father who beat and verbal abused me and my mom. He passed when I was 18 from cancer and as said as it may sound , my fathers passing was the best thing that happened to my family. Everything calmed down and although everyone went thru therapy. You can get there and you can do this TA.
I'm sorry you went through that.
This happened to a family who grew up down the street from me. When the father died, they had a big party. Sounds terrible, but we all understood. They were free.
Yeah something those whom had no idea what was happening in our family thought I was evil for thinking that way. The thing about abusers is they are really good at playing the two face game. He would attend church and everyone thought he was a saint , people at my high school said they wish he was there dad. We once won Family Of The Year thur the Knight's Of Columbus ( I just remember rolling my eyes when we got it , we had to stand up while everyone clapped ). At 41 I sometimes wonder how different our life would have been had he not passed ( it a bad way )
Comments
your mother sounds like she's from 1930's eastern europe. that somehow your relationship status has something to do with her and something to be proud of. super odd. this is not normal, i hope you realize this. i don't know how many times we all have to tell you: stop worrying about what she or anyone else thinks. the only one that matters is you. get everyone else out of your head.
i'm not "successful" in the traditional sense, we don't have a lot of money. but people who know me, know my good qualities and all that other shit is just shit. i have a buddy who is a dentist. super good looking. always got the girl in high school and beyond. now? yeah, he has a massive house and all the toys and a girlfriend he doesn't love. no kids like he would like. he's probably jealous of ME.
be proud of your accomplishments, but not because you think others will or should be proud of them. just do it for you.
www.headstonesband.com
2016: Lexington and Wrigley 1
Im a dead man walking.
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
I wont do this
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Not just oh take these pills 6 months on a guess. Oh they dont work. Up the dose. Oh still dont work. Ok change to an exact same meds with different name. With no actual proof you need them at all. Why all the fuckin guess work with brain chemicals.
Oh i know. Half the world munch ssri meds. .MONEY
Its all wrong.
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Everything said above. My wife had to basically walk away from her mother six years ago , she was toxic and it seemed she was not only unhappy with her life that she was not happy unless she ruined or brought down her daughter ( my wife ).
This was not easy for my wife , she realized that her mother was just so bad for everything that she had to sever the tie , I know that does not sound easy and I would not guess how hard it may be because I have a close relationship with my mom and family. Sometimes thought it just does not go that way.
All these years later she thinks of her around the holidays but does not regret at all what she did as it helped her so much.
I have said this before but ( and this is just a guess ) you don't seem to love yourself , you need to work on you and no one else but you. also "successful " is how you see it. My wife and I both work for non-profits so we are not rolling in cash but we have a very happy life and a roof over our heads , we don't have a ton of friends but some very close ones , big house , lots of money , ect ect is some measure of success to some but most of those pep's are hate their life. As Dillon said I have a friend who is what on the surface some would say is successful ( makes over 100K per year , married , kids , nice house ) he hates his life and just puts a smile on.
Having enough money to pay for the roof over my head and our bills ( internet , cable , electricity , food ) is what matters to me.
As I said in a previous post 2020 needs to be the year of you and only you. Work on yourself , not your mom , not the haters around you , not those who you feel make you feel bad just yourself.
I know it is hard but please just work on yourself.
P.s sorry for any grammar errors I typed this pretty fast at work
have you ever considered sitting down with her, one on one, and just asking her, why is she so unhappy? instead of accusing her right off the bat by saying "why are you so mean to me?", ask her why she's so obviously unhappy and ask if you can help.
she may snap back in defensiveness and call you a loser.
she may break down and it might open a door to dialogue and healing.
to me, it's worth a shot. if she does the former (and doesn't apologize for it within a week's time), it's time to start the process of leaving.
if she does the latter, cultivate it.
www.headstonesband.com
www.headstonesband.com
www.headstonesband.com
Very true , grew up with an abusive father who beat and verbal abused me and my mom. He passed when I was 18 from cancer and as said as it may sound , my fathers passing was the best thing that happened to my family. Everything calmed down and although everyone went thru therapy. You can get there and you can do this TA.
This happened to a family who grew up down the street from me. When the father died, they had a big party. Sounds terrible, but we all understood. They were free.
2016: Lexington and Wrigley 1
Yeah something those whom had no idea what was happening in our family thought I was evil for thinking that way. The thing about abusers is they are really good at playing the two face game. He would attend church and everyone thought he was a saint , people at my high school said they wish he was there dad. We once won Family Of The Year thur the Knight's Of Columbus ( I just remember rolling my eyes when we got it , we had to stand up while everyone clapped ). At 41 I sometimes wonder how different our life would have been had he not passed ( it a bad way )
I feel bad for these people; it must be exhausting to "be" two different types of person.
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -