A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

lastexitlondon

Tell her you got your face from her

lastexitlondon

For  everyone trying  your best i salute you. 
I often think of you all, and i wish for some peace and peace for you all. If it doesnt come now it may come soon. Keep trying in your own way its enough.
I look around me and im having a lot of times a feeling that i wont be here too much longer. I feel like i need to make things  clear with loved  ones. 
Im even doubting that  im living with the right people my feelings  are numb and dead. Until i cry at the  smallest thing  and lifes cruelty to vunerable people gets me.  You know this  heart is a gift  and a curse. 
I wonder how i will be remembered. A councillor from mind i see listed my qualities from what she has seen and she was correct. I realise i am all those good things and more. Sad that this had to happen to me when i was so outgoing and helpful now jist a shell . Empty

lastexitlondon

I had a flashback from  a pj gig in amsterdam when i met a lady who travelled alone from usa. Never been to europe before. And i took it upon myself to wait for her after the show and walk her across amsterdam to her hotel to make sure she wasnt so scared anymore. That is who i am, a memory of help and selflessness when i could have been partying with friends i never see, i was helping a scared  alone lady. 
All this tour stuff under my nose is killing my heart. So many people see pj are playing and txt and call me assuming im doing this gig.  That gig like the old days. 
I miss them all and i miss me. I miss me.

lastexitlondon

https://youtu.be/-uOWfBTND2s 
This day was when gigs all changed for me. When i realised fear was bigger than any dream and any home. I cried and i felt faint and had full panic attack i queued for 40hrs or something unhealthy. As the  music started  at the beginning of the gig  i cried so much i had made it to where  i thought  would make it all better and it could all dissolve. Ed held my hand during porch and i was crying and i felt like it was meant to be me that day. I tried after to achieve another dream in krakow and failed. But the start of this video my dear friend  "bigger " filmed this intetaction with ed and mike.  It seems like it was someone else. And now it was. It WAS me. Its not now. I will  be forever grateful  to my friends. Ewa. Keith. Simone.  Jason. Nicole. Tomek. Richard. All the people who held me when i fell . So i could have that moment. 

Thoughts_Arrive

Thank you for bravely sharing Rob.

You have a big heart and the world needs more of that. I really hope that you one day beat your demons. We are all here for you. Anytime.

Thoughts_Arrive

After my previous post earlier today I forced myself to do 30 minutes of excercise on a bike and to do a still life artwork. It took my mind off my things. But that's just temporary, I can't do activities non stop.

njnancy

Hey all.  Just popped in from my self‐imposed isolation cause I have a song on my Spotify top 2019 list that made me think about this thread & all youse guys & how these diseases know no demographic boundaries. 

The lyrics & the instrumental intro/outro capture the feeling of anxiety so well. 

Anxiety by Jason Isbell & the 400 Unit (named after a local psych ward)....


https://youtu.be/-Yq3mFI6J1Q

Thoughts_Arrive

I had my appointment with my psychologist today. He asked me to put myself out there and go to as many events as possible in the next month. Alone or with someone. Main thing is I spend as little time at home as possible, to overcompensate with social activities.

He wants me to take risks meeting people.

And then he wants to see if that makes me feel better.

I saw my GP today too and unbeknownst to me, the psychiatrist I saw 2 weeks ago recommended an anti-anxiety drug as she observed that I was very anxious. I told my GP I don't want to take it. I don't feel I need it. I am always very anxious in appointments.

Anyways, I decided to go to my favourite cafe alone for coffee and lunch after my appointment. My psychologist wants me to not focus on being alone at places I go to, to not link it back to me.

So, I need to find places/events to go to in the next month. Gosh I wish I had more friends. My few friends are so busy that I cannot just call them and catch up at short notice. Not easy when people are busy with work, relationships, kids.

Thoughts_Arrive

lastexitlondon said:

Tell her you got your face from her

She mentioned it again as I was leaving home for my appointment. I'm so paranoid I keep looking in the mirror.

lastexitlondon

You must see  your parents are killing your soul. 

Thoughts_Arrive

She thinks one half of my face is bigger than the other half. She's said it 3 or 4 times now.

mickeyrat

Thoughts_Arrive said:

She thinks one half of my face is bigger than the other half. She's said it 3 or 4 times now.

psst. this is true for every human being on the planet. we , as a species, are NOT symetrical in our features.

We have a dominate side. one foot larger than the other. leg slightly longer etc....

a simple fact of biology. why should YOU be different in this fundamental way?

https://ed.ted.com/lessons/why-are-human-bodies-asymmetrical-leo-q-wan#review

lastexitlondon

I want to scream at her. What is her agenda. To sabotage her son? Mate seriously  keep away from  her . You dont need it. Say stuff back and let her know she is killing your confidence . Im awake feom 2am again its 4 a.m now i hate this.
What meds did they suggest because i reckon ive had most?

lastexitlondon

Thoughts_Arrive said:

She thinks one half of my face is bigger than the other half. She's said it 3 or 4 times now.

Also so what . I cant see that any face or body is symmetrical.  Ask the ladies here. From what ive seen. Boobs are un equal.  Feet are. Leg length.  Its not even a thing. Try  laughing at her pathetic hurtful soul.

lastexitlondon

Ah mickey said same see. She is in your  head now  but she is your mother confront her ffs. Speak only truth. But you just have to throw it back it does not belong  at your door..

Thoughts_Arrive

lastexitlondon said:

I want to scream at her. What is her agenda. To sabotage her son? Mate seriously  keep away from  her . You dont need it. Say stuff back and let her know she is killing your confidence . Im awake feom 2am again its 4 a.m now i hate this.
What meds did they suggest because i reckon ive had most?

Thanks for your support Rob.

It's very hurtful and I struggle not to believe her. I asked my dad to have a look at my face and he said he can't see anything wrong. I still feel self conscious now and angry.

I forgot the name of the drug. It starts with S and is not a benzodiazepine.

Thoughts_Arrive

I confronted her and she said it's true.

I asked why she's making fun of me and she got defensive saying she's not, that she's only pointing it out because she's worried about me. I'm going to ask my GP.

Thoughts_Arrive

mickeyrat said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

She thinks one half of my face is bigger than the other half. She's said it 3 or 4 times now.

psst. this is true for every human being on the planet. we , as a species, are NOT symetrical in our features.

We have a dominate side. one foot larger than the other. leg slightly longer etc....

a simple fact of biology. why should YOU be different in this fundamental way?

https://ed.ted.com/lessons/why-are-human-bodies-asymmetrical-leo-q-wan#review

Thanks. I'll watch it later.

lastexitlondon

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I confronted her and she said it's true.

I asked why she's making fun of me and she got defensive saying she's not, that she's only pointing it out because she's worried about me. I'm going to ask my GP.

Worried about what though. The way SHE thinks you look. ? If she was concerned about a medical condition (which im unaware of)  surly she would  say that  in the first  instance

Thoughts_Arrive

I didn't ask. I should've

JPPJ84

Don't listen to her, M. You know she's toxic! You look fine! Mickey and Rob are right, an asymmetry is normal - I know my mouth is asymmetrical. Looks kinda funny on my passport photo where you're not allowed to smile. my one leg is 0,5cm shorter than the other one... so what?!

Nobody's perfect. Everyone is perfect the way they are!

If your doctor gave you a time frame of a month for activities I'm sure some friends can arrange a meeting - even with busy schedules. Start with your best friend and tell him honestly what the doctor said. I'm sure he'd gladly go out with you.

Thoughts_Arrive

Thanks J. My best friend told me a few weeks ago that we should catch up closer to Christmas when school finishes for the year as he'll be on holiday. I don't think he'll be free before that.

lastexitlondon

Im unravelling  here. I cant believe the drs.  I just don't  how i feel is becoming hard to function at all. 

JPPJ84

lastexitlondon said:

Im unravelling  here. I cant believe the drs.  I just don't  how i feel is becoming hard to function at all. 

Can you explain why you don't believe them? I think "not believing them" is part of the symptoms of health anxiety, isn't it?

deadendp

lastexitlondon said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

She thinks one half of my face is bigger than the other half. She's said it 3 or 4 times now.

Also so what . I cant see that any face or body is symmetrical.  Ask the ladies here. From what ive seen. Boobs are un equal.  Feet are. Leg length.  Its not even a thing. Try  laughing at her pathetic hurtful soul.

I'm a lefty in that regard. My left eye is even bigger than my right. 

Ignore your mother. She is a bully. 

Thoughts_Arrive

I try but I take her comments to heart

lastexitlondon

JPPJ84 said:

lastexitlondon said:

Im unravelling  here. I cant believe the drs.  I just don't  how i feel is becoming hard to function at all. 

Can you explain why you don't believe them? I think "not believing them" is part of the symptoms of health anxiety, isn't it?

Yes  it is but  i say something  has gone very wrong with my brain. My memory  and confusion is terrible 24/7 .
 They say its not a terrible brain problem. They say anxiety. I say not

Thoughts_Arrive

lastexitlondon said:

JPPJ84 said:

lastexitlondon said:

Im unravelling  here. I cant believe the drs.  I just don't  how i feel is becoming hard to function at all. 

Can you explain why you don't believe them? I think "not believing them" is part of the symptoms of health anxiety, isn't it?

Yes  it is but  i say something  has gone very wrong with my brain. My memory  and confusion is terrible 24/7 .
 They say its not a terrible brain problem. They say anxiety. I say not

Are you using cannabis and/or are you drinking? If so, could this explain your feeling of confusion and your memory problem? Could cannabis and alcohol be interacting with medication you are on to create confusion and memory problems?

lastexitlondon

Yes i drink. Im not on meds. I started using cannabis about 6 months ago . Ive had these symptoms 2.5 years i feel its worse now. But i need to try escape the horrible confusion. Nothing  stops it only i care less when fucked up

lastexitlondon

Ive had enough. I actually  have . Im lost totally lost