A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

Fifthelement

lastexitlondon said:

I feel the  love and i am forever  grateful .thanks all of you

@lastexitlondon

I echo the others Rob.  I’m sorry if I’ve put additional pressure on you that you don’t need.  Please know it comes from a place of love and caring and knowledge.

Most of us have been near to where you are, which is feeling desperate and overwhelmed.  That were standing here holding out hands and hope is because someone did the same for us in the past.  Always keep fighting Rob.  You are worth it.

S xx

Thoughts_Arrive

Hey Rob,
How did the meeting with the mental health professional go?

lastexitlondon

Just going in a min.

lastexitlondon

I had a terrible  argument yesterday with my partner and now  tge mother of my other  3 kids has told me to leave them alone.  I didn't  do anything. Its all unravelling like nancy said before. But im sober and im trying . But i thought  yesterday may have been my last. I was clear  and sober. I cant  do much more than my best each day until the end

OffSheGoes35

lastexitlondon said:

I had a terrible  argument yesterday with my partner and now  tge mother of my other  3 kids has told me to leave them alone.  I didn't  do anything. Its all unravelling like nancy said before. But im sober and im trying . But i thought  yesterday may have been my last. I was clear  and sober. I cant  do much more than my best each day until the end

You're doing what you can to help yourself, so that's great. You have a support system, and if communication is down on the home front, we've got you covered here. Someone will be around sooner or later.

OffSheGoes35

^^^That's really comforting, isn't it? Someone will be around sooner or later. 

I'll just sit over here and warm the bench.Someone else will be by shortly.

lastexitlondon

Thank you

OffSheGoes35

You're very welcome. How are you feeling?

deadendp

If we may ask, and I understand if you prefer not to share, but how did your appointment go? 

lastexitlondon

I tried to say everything  but the lady was structured and was putting  apps on my phone that i don't want. But she made an appointment  for me to see another person. 
Not what i really wanted out  of it but in this country thats how it goes. I don't  think  there  is an answer.

Thoughts_Arrive

Apps for what?

OffSheGoes35

lastexitlondon said:

I tried to say everything  but the lady was structured and was putting  apps on my phone that i don't want. But she made an appointment  for me to see another person. 
Not what i really wanted out  of it but in this country thats how it goes. I don't  think  there  is an answer.

What did you want out of it?

lastexitlondon

An app called staying alive and she is looking at funding for some brain app. 
I wanted some cbt or at least some therapy to talk. But  that may come . I will go next week and see what comes of it. Im tired of it all. My brain will never  be what i need it to be ive lost so much it does not recover or get better. FACT. I cant do simple things i used to do blindfolded  so to speak. Definatly  some brain problem to me. And its my brain so i know.  They say cognitive  function can be impared by constant anxiety but this is more  and 24/7 blankness and confusion.  
Im scared just typing this so im gonna stop

OffSheGoes35

lastexitlondon said:

An app called staying alive and she is looking at funding for some brain app. 
I wanted some cbt or at least some therapy to talk. But  that may come . I will go next week and see what comes of it. Im tired of it all. My brain will never  be what i need it to be ive lost so much it does not recover or get better. FACT. I cant do simple things i used to do blindfolded  so to speak. Definatly  some brain problem to me. And its my brain so i know.  They say cognitive  function can be impared by constant anxiety but this is more  and 24/7 blankness and confusion.  
Im scared just typing this so im gonna stop

Even though what you typed scared you, I think you should write it down before your next appointment and read it to your next doctor. They need to know what you want out of this. I hope your next doctor is a little less structured and is more open to your input. 

dankind

OffSheGoes35 said:

lastexitlondon said:

An app called staying alive and she is looking at funding for some brain app. 
I wanted some cbt or at least some therapy to talk. But  that may come . I will go next week and see what comes of it. Im tired of it all. My brain will never  be what i need it to be ive lost so much it does not recover or get better. FACT. I cant do simple things i used to do blindfolded  so to speak. Definatly  some brain problem to me. And its my brain so i know.  They say cognitive  function can be impared by constant anxiety but this is more  and 24/7 blankness and confusion.  
Im scared just typing this so im gonna stop

Even though what you typed scared you, I think you should write it down before your next appointment and read it to your next doctor. They need to know what you want out of this. I hope your next doctor is a little less structured and is more open to your input. 

@lastexitlondon , along the lines of what @OffSheGoes35 said, it might not be a bad idea to print out your posts from this thread (or at least a selection of them)—if you can’t do it, ask for help—and take them to your next appointment.

Fifthelement

@lastexitlondon @njnancy @Thoughts_Arrive

Hey guys, just checking in to see how you all are doing?  You’re never far from my thoughts. I hope everyone is managing as best they can. Sending good vibes out your way.

Thoughts_Arrive

Hey S, thank you you beautiful human.
I'm feeling okay today. I hope you are well.
Been feeling sad and empty the past week or so. My GP said it usually takes 2 weeks for drugs to work.
I have been increased from a non-therapeutic dose designed to ease me into the new drug to the lowest possible therapeutic dose.
Usually in the mornings I have felt sad and down and in the late afternoons/evenings I've felt better. This morning I feel good. I hope it lasts.

I went to my best friend's band's gig on Friday night and felt so detached and sad. I was hanging out backstage with my best friend, his band, and family and fiance. I just felt like shit and hopeless and it had me so worried about myself as usually hanging out with everyone lifts me.

HughFreakingDillon

i've been told it can take up to 6 weeks for the drugs to work. 2 weeks was the minimum. 

Thoughts_Arrive

That is correct. 2-6 weeks is the norm.

Fifthelement

Thanks for checking in M.  I’m sorry that you still have down moments, but from reading what and how you are writing over the past couple of weeks, I can detect an obvious improvement.  I hope you can recognise that as well. Enjoy the good moments as you find them, hopefully the good moments will soon outnumber the low moments.  Cheers😊

Thoughts_Arrive

Fifthelement said:

Thanks for checking in M.  I’m sorry that you still have down moments, but from reading what and how you are writing over the past couple of weeks, I can detect an obvious improvement.  I hope you can recognise that as well. Enjoy the good moments as you find them, hopefully the good moments will soon outnumber the low moments.  Cheers😊

Thanks S
It's been just over a week on the increased dosage so I need to wait it out and hope it gets better.

Thoughts_Arrive

I feel like such a loser.
All my friends and family have their shit together and going to mandatory job agency appointments makes me feel like such a pathetic loser.
They treat me like shit, condescending. I blew up this morning, told the young girl to treat me like a human being, not speak to me like a child and reminded her that I have feelings. The girl was chastising me for not having made an appointment to be mentally assessed to determine whether I qualify to be exempt from looking for work. I told her to show some understanding that having to go through that is anxiety provoking which is why I did not do it. This job agency are stupid, they got it wrong, all I had to do was show my GPs medical certificate to get a 3 month break from mandatory job applications and appointments. It is only after 3 months and showing a medical certificate for a second time that you need to prove you are not fit to work. My psychologist told me they told me wrong last week when I saw him.
I feel relieved I have 3 months break from all this stress.
Hopefully in 3 months I will be a full time university student again and won't need to go through all this.
Bullying has destroyed my confidence to get back to work, they do not give a shit at the job agency.
End rant.

Thoughts_Arrive

Just thinking about my history of being bullied at work is making me angry and anxiety ridden about having to one day return to being bullied which might tip me over the edge. I shared this in a depression support group on Facebook. I hope you understand why I do not wish to return to work.

Employer 1:
- asked by one employee in front of a bunch of other employees if I sucked cock the night before as my face was puffed up from having my wisdom teeth removed
- purchased a 'feminine' drink whilst everyone got beers at a work function
- had my car swerved into as I was driving out of the facility I worked at by one employee and another employee in the car laughing
- constantly stared at by one guy every time I walked into the warehouse
- same guy made an inappropriate comment about my ethnic background in front of another guy who burst out laughing
- always aggressively asked 'what's up' by the warehouse manager whenever I stepped foot in the warehouse
- sent porn on my work email and asked if I did not open the link because I am not into females

Employer 2:
- my direct manager had it in for me, called me stupid once for using a calculator when he asked me to work something out whilst standing over me as I was seated at my desk
- same manager always targeted me at work functions in front of everyone, just tried to make me feel silly for whatever reason
- same manager was making fun of the suburb I live because it is low socio economic and has drug and crime issues

Employer 3:
- one guy said I must masturbate a lot for being single
- same guy kept asking all the time how is it that I am single and have never been married
- constantly picked on by everyone in the office for not drinking alcohol
- was called stupid quite loud and aggressivley by one guy in a team meeting
- was called a 'mama luk' by same guy, whatever that means
- was made to go look for supposedly lost house keys I supposedly lost when doing a property inspection, and somehow they were in the office even though I know I put them back and did not lose them
- was given a faulty stapler which would not staple properly and was laughed at and asked if I'd ever used a stapler before
- when after the meeting where I was called stupid I told the bully to not call me stupid, he called me a sook, grabbed my stuff and dumped it in the board room and made me work in there, isolated and alone.

Employer 4:
- was angrily told off in front of cafe diners along with one other guy for being too slow by a manager even though I was working as fast as I could and the kid working on the floor with me was mucking around and taking it easy. I was new and had no prior experience in cafes so how could I be so fast so soon.

Teaching rounds at a high school:
- my supervising teacher was very rude to me and kept putting my efforts down and saying my performance was unacceptable and comparing me to other student teachers who were doing so much more than me. My uni backed me up saying she was asking too much but because my supervising teacher said she'd fail me I would thus fail the uni subject. She was so rude, would not talk to me, even on yard duty when I was shadowing her. It made me feel like such a failure.

Prior to employer 1 above when I was at my first job in fast food:
- my manager kept picking on me, talking to others about me behind my back and they were all giggling. My sister had to call them and stick up for me.

lastexitlondon

Its good to talk and to share. 
Don't  let it define you. Its the  past. And it belongs there.

Thoughts_Arrive

I'm struggling to let it go. It keeps replaying in my head and I feel like I'm back there.

I hope you are doing fine?

lastexitlondon

Sadly not. No more i can do. 
I dont want to worry anyone so i dont post much. Its  all repetition and i feel its too much

HughFreakingDillon

sounds like you have worked with a lot of teenage jocks from 1980's movies. jesus. how does this shit happen in a real workplace?

Thoughts_Arrive

HughFreakingDillon said:

sounds like you have worked with a lot of teenage jocks from 1980's movies. jesus. how does this shit happen in a real workplace?

I cannot understand how it goes on unpunished. If I was a manager I would crack down hard on this behaviour.
That job at employer 3 made me feel like I was back in high school.

Thoughts_Arrive

I just finished my last university exam and have thus finished my Bachelor's degree yet I feel so empty and sad.
I should feel excited, happy. But I am not. 

Fifthelement

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I just finished my last university exam and have thus finished my Bachelor's degree yet I feel so empty and sad.
I should feel excited, happy. But I am not. 

Congratulations M!  That is an awesome achievement even though it may not feel like it at the moment.  What you’re feeling is quite normal.  Understandably, you’re tired; you’ve worked hard to achieve this degree.  In addition to the normal challenges and stresses school can bring, you’ve managed to overcome the challenges of anxiety and depression to actually complete this specific goal.  That’s not nothing!  You’re now facing the question of, “what do I do now?”  That can cause additional anxiety and stress.  Try to put that aside for a moment.  Give yourself some time to rest and recuperate.  Maybe go on a mini-break to a beachside cabin or something. An opportunity to get away from your current situation.  Hopefully, you’ll come to appreciate what you’ve accomplished. Again, congratulations.

S xx