A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

Thoughts_Arrive · November 2019

^ ^ exactly. Mine is too big for my own good. Probably why I have a cholesterol problem haha.

SD48277 · November 2019

njnancy said:

I take Crestor & I take CoQ10. They're like peanut butter & jelly.

Hey everyone. I'm not social at all but I came on today for football pool.

I can't explain how my illnesses affect me cause I don't want to go through it as I'm going through it. I'll explain someday.

Keep holding on - my brothers & sisters who suffer from all the manifestations of depression & anxiety. I have no advice as I'm I'm in a dark place. Im so tired. It's exhausting, even if I'm not doing anything.

Thanks for support, it means a lot.

I love you guys & it's so nice to have a place where great people are so compassionate. This is what keeps me coming back here.

✌❤ & 🤘⚡🎶

Nancy, it is great to see you here, if only for a moment. To you, and anyone else going through a dark time: May today be a better day.

Matts3221 · November 2019

Made it too the Gym for the first time ever this past weekend , just did 45 mins of walking / jogging on a treadmill , I had to drag myself out to get it done , then I was afraid everyone would know I was never there before and did not know what I was doing.

Of course most of that negative voice was coming from inside my head , no one cared , no one looked at me , I just put ear buds in and listen to music , although tired yesterday I can feel the effects in a good way today.

Too early to tell if the med increase is working , since I can be an inside my house type person I also got a small list of something I could work on in my house each weekend ( Nothing huge but things that would may take 2 hours tops , cleaning out rooms , closets ect ) This was at least helpful.

Thinking of everyone on this thread and sending love and positive vibes to you all.

Thoughts_Arrive · November 2019

A big well done Matts. That's a brave and huge, positive step. Going to a gym can be intimidating, I often felt everyone was looking at me.
I wish you all the best. It seems you're doing the right things to get healthy.

lastexitlondon · November 2019

Matts3221 said:

Made it too the Gym for the first time ever this past weekend , just did 45 mins of walking / jogging on a treadmill , I had to drag myself out to get it done , then I was afraid everyone would know I was never there before and did not know what I was doing.
Of course most of that negative voice was coming from inside my head , no one cared , no one looked at me , I just put ear buds in and listen to music , although tired yesterday I can feel the effects in a good way today.
Too early to tell if the med increase is working , since I can be an inside my house type person I also got a small list of something I could work on in my house each weekend ( Nothing huge but things that would may take 2 hours tops , cleaning out rooms , closets ect ) This was at least helpful.
Thinking of everyone on this thread and sending love and positive vibes to you all.

Great work and plans most important. You are pro active. Great to hear. Keep going

Matts3221 · November 2019

Thoughts Arrived and Lastexit I hope you know I was actual thinking of you both this weekend as I was doing this , event though we don't know each other , I still thought of you both and felt that I had to take the bull by the horns or I would never get it done. Always feel free to DM , thank you both for the kind words.

It will get better , the sun will shine again , we can all do it as a group. Just glad their is a nice set of people to talk to about this mental issues we face.

Fifthelement · November 2019

Matts3221 said:

Made it too the Gym for the first time ever this past weekend , just did 45 mins of walking / jogging on a treadmill , I had to drag myself out to get it done , then I was afraid everyone would know I was never there before and did not know what I was doing.
Of course most of that negative voice was coming from inside my head , no one cared , no one looked at me , I just put ear buds in and listen to music , although tired yesterday I can feel the effects in a good way today.
Too early to tell if the med increase is working , since I can be an inside my house type person I also got a small list of something I could work on in my house each weekend ( Nothing huge but things that would may take 2 hours tops , cleaning out rooms , closets ect ) This was at least helpful.
Thinking of everyone on this thread and sending love and positive vibes to you all.

Well done @Matts3221. It can be so hard to ignore that negative voice inside your head. The one that projects all of the nasty, mean, and hurtful things that we say to ourselves and to accomplish a task or a day/evening out. You did well. Day by day, one task/goal at a time.

Thoughts_Arrive · November 2019

Matts3221 said:

Thoughts Arrived and Lastexit I hope you know I was actual thinking of you both this weekend as I was doing this , event though we don't know each other , I still thought of you both and felt that I had to take the bull by the horns or I would never get it done. Always feel free to DM , thank you both for the kind words.
It will get better , the sun will shine again , we can all do it as a group. Just glad their is a nice set of people to talk to about this mental issues we face.

Thank you Matts. That is very kind of you.
Feel free to DM me anytime too.

deadendp · November 2019

Matts3221 said:

Made it too the Gym for the first time ever this past weekend , just did 45 mins of walking / jogging on a treadmill , I had to drag myself out to get it done , then I was afraid everyone would know I was never there before and did not know what I was doing.
Of course most of that negative voice was coming from inside my head , no one cared , no one looked at me , I just put ear buds in and listen to music , although tired yesterday I can feel the effects in a good way today.
Too early to tell if the med increase is working , since I can be an inside my house type person I also got a small list of something I could work on in my house each weekend ( Nothing huge but things that would may take 2 hours tops , cleaning out rooms , closets ect ) This was at least helpful.
Thinking of everyone on this thread and sending love and positive vibes to you all.

I am so very happy for you! njnancy said:

I take Crestor & I take CoQ10. They're like peanut butter & jelly.

Hey everyone. I'm not social at all but I came on today for football pool.

I can't explain how my illnesses affect me cause I don't want to go through it as I'm going through it. I'll explain someday.

Keep holding on - my brothers & sisters who suffer from all the manifestations of depression & anxiety. I have no advice as I'm I'm in a dark place. Im so tired. It's exhausting, even if I'm not doing anything.

Thanks for support, it means a lot.

I love you guys & it's so nice to have a place where great people are so compassionate. This is what keeps me coming back here.

✌❤ & 🤘⚡🎶

(Another genetically high cholesterol victim here. I have taken Lipitor for 11 years. I have two blood clotting disorders and the high cholesterol has to do with that.)

what dreams · November 2019

I have had well-managed (mostly med free) anxiety my whole adult life -- until recently. In August, I started a new teaching job at a school that I did not know would be so dangerous. I knew going in the kids would have challenges because most of them, like 90%, are on free and reduced lunch and English Langiage Learners. But like my teacher neighbor, also new to this building (50% turnover rate here), I thought how bad can it be?? What I did not know is that there would be fights every day, weapons, assaulting teachers, cursing teachers, drugs in the bathroom, you name it. And then there's all the traumatic stories these kids have girls who have been raped, suicide attempts and cutting and abuse. It's like living through a Dangerous Minds movie, except I'm not Michelle Pfeiffer, and it's not going to be over in two hours with an inspiring ending. I wake up everyday miserable about having to go work to face the secondary abuse they project onto me in the classroom, and knowing I have to protect them from each other, as well as having to protect myself. Some days I'm in flight mode, some days I'm in fight mode (which never works out well). I fear something terrible is going to happen before the year is out. I leave work on most days with chest tightness or pain, I have a low-grade headache that never goes away, I'm worried I'm going to have a heart attack, but have not had my blood pressure checked, which I probably should. I started taking the Xanax more frequently but know it's not something I can do chronically because I don't want to turn into a junkie. For a while I was heavily self medicating with pot, but I know from experience that just masks my unhappiness and doesn't make the problem go away. I've been teaching for 26 years and have never experienced anything like this. I've always been able to manage the inherent job stress through rest, exercise, meditation, yoga, periodic check-ins with a therapist. But I can't get out of the catastrophic thinking mode and I am having a really hard time finding pleasure in other activities. I come home and just crawl into bed and hide which also is not sustainable. On the days I don't do that, I snap at my family and have a short fuse, which is also not right. I wish I could turn back time and undo this terrible career decision, and I'm paralyzed about how to get out. I don't have the financial option of just quitting. Feeling trapped is the worst part.

I appreciate all of you and thank you for opening this space to everyone who needs to vent and cry and seek encouragement. I feel all of your pain and wish you well in your own struggles.

brianlux · November 2019

what dreams said:

I have had well-managed (mostly med free) anxiety my whole adult life -- until recently. In August, I started a new teaching job at a school that I did not know would be so dangerous. I knew going in the kids would have challenges because most of them, like 90%, are on free and reduced lunch and English Langiage Learners. But like my teacher neighbor, also new to this building (50% turnover rate here), I thought how bad can it be?? What I did not know is that there would be fights every day, weapons, assaulting teachers, cursing teachers, drugs in the bathroom, you name it. And then there's all the traumatic stories these kids have girls who have been raped, suicide attempts and cutting and abuse. It's like living through a Dangerous Minds movie, except I'm not Michelle Pfeiffer, and it's not going to be over in two hours with an inspiring ending. I wake up everyday miserable about having to go work to face the secondary abuse they project onto me in the classroom, and knowing I have to protect them from each other, as well as having to protect myself. Some days I'm in flight mode, some days I'm in fight mode (which never works out well). I fear something terrible is going to happen before the year is out. I leave work on most days with chest tightness or pain, I have a low-grade headache that never goes away, I'm worried I'm going to have a heart attack, but have not had my blood pressure checked, which I probably should. I started taking the Xanax more frequently but know it's not something I can do chronically because I don't want to turn into a junkie. For a while I was heavily self medicating with pot, but I know from experience that just masks my unhappiness and doesn't make the problem go away. I've been teaching for 26 years and have never experienced anything like this. I've always been able to manage the inherent job stress through rest, exercise, meditation, yoga, periodic check-ins with a therapist. But I can't get out of the catastrophic thinking mode and I am having a really hard time finding pleasure in other activities. I come home and just crawl into bed and hide which also is not sustainable. On the days I don't do that, I snap at my family and have a short fuse, which is also not right. I wish I could turn back time and undo this terrible career decision, and I'm paralyzed about how to get out. I don't have the financial option of just quitting. Feeling trapped is the worst part.

I appreciate all of you and thank you for opening this space to everyone who needs to vent and cry and seek encouragement. I feel all of your pain and wish you well in your own struggles.

What a challenge this new position is for you, What Dreams. I'm very sorry to hear how difficult it is. On the one hand, I suppose one could say, "It's a tough job, but somebody has to do it." On the other hand, if the job requires more than you have or are willing to give to make it work, it may not be worth staying with it.

I subbed for about 5 years in California and Washington and there were a few schools in both states that were very challenging that way- the worst being the time a handful of teens tried to chase me down on the streets after school because I had reprimanded them in class. I was in good shape and outran them. The next day I turned them into the the office and said to admin, "Oh, and by the way, don't bother calling me back." It's really a matter of how badly do you really need that kind of job and what are you willing to sacrifice to keep it. If you aren't willing to risk or sacrifice your physical and mental health and well-being, then I would say there is absolutely no shame in leaving that position. That's what I would do, but that's me. Whatever you choose to do, I sincerely wish you the best and hope this turns out OK for you.

Thanks for bravely sharing with us. There are a lot of good people here who care about you.

Wishing you the best,

Brian

Fifthelement · November 2019

I’m so sorry that you are having to negotiate such a traumatic and toxic work environment. Feeling trapped is the worst. I hope that you are able to take advantage of therapy more often. However, please check in and vent here when you need to.

I wish I could offer some specific coping strategies for your situation. All I can offer you is virtual hugs and psychic strength being sent your way.

Are there any other teachers there that you could talk to? see how they cope? Perhaps you could join a boxing gym or buy a heavy bag and gloves for your home. Maybe a safe outlet for your frustration, anger and fear could help a bit with your anxiety. (((Hugs))).

Thoughts_Arrive · November 2019

My family make me feel so isolated and alone.

lastexitlondon · November 2019

communicate with them. Its the only adult way .

Thoughts_Arrive · November 2019

They never ask about me. My sister has not even said congratulations that I finished my university degree.
Then her husband gets me upset with his sexist, racist, Islamophobic comments.
And my niece is only interested in getting her lips injected with filler and her eyelashes done, materialistic.
And her sister won't even say hello, can't be bothered to ever come downstairs from her room.

Thoughts_Arrive · November 2019

@njnancy I bought CoQ10 today. 150mg as it is more affordable and you get double the amount in the bottle than the high strength 300mg. Which dose does your mum take?

lastexitlondon · November 2019

Im on the damn edge. Everyone around me is ill and the pressure and fuckin brain its all too much .

Thoughts_Arrive · November 2019

lastexitlondon said:

Im on the damn edge. Everyone around me is ill and the pressure and fuckin brain its all too much .

Hang in there Rob. I hope your family get better. Cold and flu season hey?

deadendp · November 2019

Thoughts_Arrive said:

They never ask about me. My sister has not even said congratulations that I finished my university degree.
Then her husband gets me upset with his sexist, racist, Islamophobic comments.
And my niece is only interested in getting her lips injected with filler and her eyelashes done, materialistic.
And her sister won't even say hello, can't be bothered to ever come downstairs from her room.

You need to adjust your expectations. Beating your head against the wall, expecting them to act any differently than they do is not going to happen. Once you realize that your family is not going to give you the love you crave and envision them giving to you, life will go in an upward swing for you. Sounds cruel, but it is true. I have lived it.

My brother is a recovered heroin addict. He did not speak to me for 2 1/2 years while he was in the throes of his addiction. (Now clean after 22+ years.) As much as I wanted better for him and his behavior to others to be less destructive, I could not make him make good choices. The same with your family. They very well could be a bunch of self-absorbed asshats who will never change. One thing is clear, they will only change on their own. You cannot force it and I would think it best for you to stop trying. It is exhausting you and it might be best for you to concentrate on healing the inner you.

lastexitlondon said:

Im on the damn edge. Everyone around me is ill and the pressure and fuckin brain its all too much .

Being sick is bad, but as a family it sucks. Healing energy to you and your family.

what dreams · November 2019

Thoughts_Arrive said:

@njnancy I bought CoQ10 today. 150mg as it is more affordable and you get double the amount in the bottle than the high strength 300mg. Which dose does your mum take?

I'm not njnancy but I'm the one whose mom takes the CoQ10. She takes 200mg. It is expensive, no doubt, but we make do. My mom is an elderly person with lots of arthritis and sciatica, etc, and she's very sedentary no matter how hard I've tried to motivate her to keep moving, so she still struggles with that pain. But from what I've read about how the enzyme performs throughout the metabolic system, I believe the benefits she has experienced are related generally to whole body cell production and function. I've decided that when she eventually passes on, I will start taking the supplement myself just for my own general healthy aging. Right now I'm not putting out the money for a double dose for the two of us.

I really hope you get some relief.

A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

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