A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

what dreams

what dreams said:

The Porch is giving me anxiety. 

I made the fatal mistake of questioning/criticizing the 10C ticket process, and within the space of one hour, got squashed by about 10 brutal people. Thankfully I'm not easily hurt, but dang, that was rough. 
I've been on my phone way too much since this tour was announced. Not good.

hedonist

what dreams said:

The Porch is giving me anxiety. 

Ha!

Earlier, I went down to use our buiding's gym for the first time.  I was really nervous, so much that I kept mulling it over last night.  Thing is, I don't even know what I was worried about:  not other people, not the exercises themselves.  Maybe just doing something (physical) I haven't done before, on my own.

So I took the bull by the horns!  And left quite proud of myself, even though I have a long road ahead.

To TA, just take the baby steps.  You may not overcome the anxiety, but you'll work through it - and it will become easier over time.

deadendp

hedonist said:

what dreams said:

The Porch is giving me anxiety. 

Ha!

Earlier, I went down to use our buiding's gym for the first time.  I was really nervous, so much that I kept mulling it over last night.  Thing is, I don't even know what I was worried about:  not other people, not the exercises themselves.  Maybe just doing something (physical) I haven't done before, on my own.

So I took the bull by the horns!  And left quite proud of myself, even though I have a long road ahead.

To TA, just take the baby steps.  You may not overcome the anxiety, but you'll work through it - and it will become easier over time.

I am so very proud of you, Hedo!

hedonist

That means the world to me...thank you

what dreams

Fantastic  -- and inspiring! I'm taking the bull by the horns and logging off the forum.

lastexitlondon

Ive gone backwards but i am taking heart from your forwards moving hedo. 
Well done for pushing through.
Also i started a thread about that  toxic  vibe around  the  porch. Its awful at the moment . No comment  is safe well that goes for everywhere  really. Good idea to walk away for  a bit.

deadendp

lastexitlondon said:

Ive gone backwards but i am taking heart from your forwards moving hedo. 
Well done for pushing through.
Also i started a thread about that  toxic  vibe around  the  porch. Its awful at the moment . No comment  is safe well that goes for everywhere  really. Good idea to walk away for  a bit.

This one is safe.

lastexitlondon

TA i am always here on whatsapp if you  ever  need a chat mate.

lastexitlondon

True its safe here and I cant stop coming here . I feel i amfriends  with all of you through just a username but we are all the same kind of souls. 
The truth is i have done a month sober from alcohol  but i wont maintain that very long.
I tried smoking a few times and it took me away but the  negatives were quite a few also.

lastexitlondon

Im left with no way of living sober with these awful brain symptoms.  
I only  have my strong inner self which is horrible to me and cant love me. I dont feel like im left  with any way to stay and look this in the face.

lastexitlondon

I wrote out a massive post i was happy with and its all just disappeared. Ffs

lastexitlondon

I wont post too much about failing  because  each situation is unique and what each one of is deals with alone cant be quantified. 
Ive reached out to charities . Nhs. Relatives amd recieved  lots of help over a period of a long time. And im never going to  get better  only can learn to cope in that day im in and over time i hope to find moments of peace. 
Nobody seems to understand what im explaining as far as the  crippling brain i have. Good people  are here thats for sure.

what dreams

lastexitlondon said:

True its safe here nad I cant stop coming here . I feel i amfriends  with all of you through just a username but we are all the same kind of souls. 
The truth is i have done a month sober from alcohol  but i wont maintain that very long.
I tried smoking a few times and it took me away but the  negatives were quite a few also.

I have totally noticed an uplifted tone in your writing in the month that you've stopped drinking. It may be hard to see or feel it from the inside right now, the change is noticeable on the outside. Dig deep. One breath at a time. 

mickeyrat

what dreams said:

The Porch is giving me anxiety. 

fuck that place. just on spec

mickeyrat

lastexitlondon said:

I wrote out a massive post i was happy with and its all just disappeared. Ffs

not in drafts?

lastexitlondon

Thats kind . I haven't  felt that in myself but more a recognition  that this is it. Its all i have and thats what im dealing with.
I guess in an ideal world nobody would drink or do any kind of any weed or whatever people self  soothe with. 
 I want to carry on viewing it the way i do now but i have a guilt inside me of someone who already  failed. Isnt that  odd.
At the group i go to ,im the only one  sober. 
And i feel i won't  go back after  today. They view me as inspiring which is far from the truth for if i was they would actually make an effort. They just say whatever  because that is easy when still drinking. 
I know  none of it is helpful its just how long i can  sit with it . Im not nice to be around due to intense frustration  and getting  nowhere  but backwards with medical people. Anger is strong in me now. I can't  shift it with anything so im at a loss

lastexitlondon

mickeyrat said:

lastexitlondon said:

I wrote out a massive post i was happy with and its all just disappeared. Ffs

not in drafts?

I pressed back instead of delete for a word and it went. Nevermind i can ramble for england!

hedonist

lastexitlondon said:

Thats kind . I haven't  felt that in myself but more a recognition  that this is it. Its all i have and thats what im dealing with.
I guess in an ideal world nobody would drink or do any kind of any weed or whatever people self  soothe with. 
 I want to carry on viewing it the way i do now but i have a guilt inside me of someone who already  failed. Isnt that  odd.
At the group i go to ,im the only one  sober. 
And i feel i won't  go back after  today. They view me as inspiring which is far from the truth for if i was they would actually make an effort. They just say whatever  because that is easy when still drinking. 
I know  none of it is helpful its just how long i can  sit with it . Im not nice to be around due to intense frustration  and getting  nowhere  but backwards with medical people. Anger is strong in me now. I can't  shift it with anything so im at a loss

***Damn quote thing is off again.

Rob, release that anger when and where you can!  It's something all of us deal with, whether or not anxiety plays a part.  It becomes destructive when you hold it in.

And I will echo what dreams, in that from this outsider's view, there is more openness in your words lately.  Not that there hasn't been, but it's different.  One month in - you may still be going through mental and/or physical withdrawal.

That said, congratulations!

hedonist

And I should add that self-soothing doesn't necessarily have to be in the form of a "vice" - music, meditation, sports, running, etc.; all do that in different ways.  It's just a part of finding (and maintaining?) self-peace.

lastexitlondon

True. Ive always had  a vice so find it very very hard to invent myself.  I have healthy things i try. So i will do that.  Im unravelling fast though its how to stop the inevitable. 
I really took what -what dreams-said on board the other day about not ruining people around me with my constant down talk and obsessions  with symptoms.  It really does kill love. And it will ruin all relationships  and one may not notice until its too late. But from that day im holding it in. Its bursting but i do not want to lose anymore people. I look back and can see who felt that  way and could not take anymore of me.
So thank you WD for the insight  and HFD i believe you said a similar  thing. 
Knowing and trying  is important  to me

lastexitlondon

You  know  as long as i try my very best i will still fall or stumble . I actually dont want to have any vice. 
Thats the  truth. But i guess who does.
With the days i have left i just want peace and some form of myself back.
I might always have vices .

JPPJ84

Holding it in isn’t healthy, you need to find another outlet. Maybe running would be good, it can really free your mind of any thought. or writing any symptoms talk down until the next time you talk to a professional 

lastexitlondon

I used to run . I liked it and sadly my back wont take it now. 
Ahh the professionals. Man im done with them. 

JPPJ84

lastexitlondon said:

I used to run . I liked it and sadly my back wont take it now. 
Ahh the professionals. Man im done with them. 

Find another sport then. Swimming is good for the back.

lastexitlondon

Some psychologist  had me breathing  in soil through my left leg into my pelvis. Asked how it felt and then told me to breathe soil out of my  right leg ? I went there and told her i have bad confusion. Yeah imagine  me!!
Then underground cave water into my pelvis. Ffs breathing water through a leg really?

JPPJ84

What?! Is that a metaphor or literal description?  I don’t get it 😄

lastexitlondon

JPPJ84 said:

What?! Is that a metaphor or literal description?  I don’t get it 😄

Exactly.  She looked me in the  face and said how do you feel now. I was like eerrr i dont.
These  people are paid good money  and that was what she came up with. Mind blown.
Its so ridiculous  its laughable.  I came  home and told my partner and she was just like wtf is that.

lastexitlondon

She was so serious. How do i sit there. I was nervous and dizzy and then this.  And then come back in 3 weeks.  Im done with all of that rubbish

JPPJ84

lastexitlondon said:

JPPJ84 said:

What?! Is that a metaphor or literal description?  I don’t get it 😄

Exactly.  She looked me in the  face and said how do you feel now. I was like eerrr i dont.
These  people are paid good money  and that was what she came up with. Mind blown.
Its so ridiculous  its laughable.  I came  home and told my partner and she was just like wtf is that.

It’s probably good to laugh about it though. Find your own way, at the very least use your appointments to vent so you don’t do it at home

lastexitlondon

Yeah true good advice