Memory and confusion is ridiculous. All the drs say the same. Its from anxiety. Not anything else. I dont buy it.
yet what you describe you experience is textbook.
so, disbelieve them all you want, have you stuck with a protocol for longer than a week or so? Just to see. maybe do a month or even two, so you can prove all their knowlege and experience wrong.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
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mickeyrat
up my ass, like Chadwick was up his Posts: 35,828
I am in this fucked up place where I don't want to live anymore but I am terrified of dying and death. It is like being stuck in a nightmare. I want to die but I don't want to die.
this was discussed with your gp and this psychiatrist you just saw?
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
I did mention suicidal ideation today. I've been like this before medication. It's not the medication. I start a higher dose on Sunday. No amount of drugs can cure loneliness and feeling like those in your life don't care about you.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
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mickeyrat
up my ass, like Chadwick was up his Posts: 35,828
I did mention suicidal ideation today. I've been like this before medication. It's not the medication. I start a higher dose on Sunday. No amount of drugs can cure loneliness and feeling like those in your life don't care about you.
idk man. seems to me you have expectations of others to do as you would and do for them?
like the golden rule. do unto others as you would have them do unto you. the part they left off was dont expect them to do the same.
set the bar very low for others, then when they exceed your super low or no expectations you can be surprised.....
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
I don't feel like I am asking for too much in expecting people to at least ask every so often how I am going. After all that I do to help others I don't feel it is a big ask. You get forgotten and feel forgotten. I don't expect to receive in return all that I give/do for others. Just to know people care for my mental wellbeing. Anyways, I'm off to bed.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Not to expect anything from anybody is hard because it's somewhat natural to do. But to have specific expectations how people are supposed to behave towards you is kinda unfair. How would they know of your expectations? Even if they did they might not feel comfortable or able to do it. You don't always know what's going on in their life.
If you don't like that your friend isn't asking how you feel mentally, why not tell him that you'd like to talk about it? He can't know if you don't tell him, can he? Maybe he doesn't ask because he thinks it might do you good to talk about other stuff. Maybe he doesn't because the extent of your anguish isn't clear to him. You don't know. It may be that he isn't comfortable talking about the topic but even if that's the case that doesn't mean he doesn't care.
With social media I agree with Rob and will say what I told you before. Get off of social media right away. It is toxic! And again, don't expect people who you haven't socialized with for quite a while to like your posts. I have around 80 "friends" on Facebook. A) I log into FB twice a year. B ) I haven't talked to 70 of these people in years. C) My real friends I talk to or text with or meet. In person.
If you want to share your art and talk about your passions then do it with friends and likeminded people, preferrably in person. Get off your phone. Your art class is a phantastic first step! Even if it may only be middle-aged women. Doesn't matter! Have you had your first class? If so, how was it?
I get the feeling of loneliness, I really do! I think we've all been there to some extent. But relying on social media isn't gonna help.
stay in there, M. And text me whenever you like I for one can't wait to see/ hear your next piece of art!
Have not posted in a little while but I had a very rough past week , depression and anxiety kicked in hard. I don't know what kicked it off but I think part of it was the fact that were I live the sun now sets a little after 4:00pm , its cold , lots of rain and it really has taken away from my walking/running and listen to music.
I started to really focus on a small rash I had and over the course of a few days started to assume it was cancer and then started to feel that someone close to me was going to pass.
While driving home from work on Tuesday night I just broke down and cried the whole way home not even knowing why just an overwhelming feeling of sadness.
I am lucky to have a great Dr. network and after talking to my wife about everything I was feeling I went to the Dr's yesterday morning and they checked out all my issues and even did an exam on were I thought I had a big problem only to be assured I was fine.
Per my Dr , whom I have a follow up in 2 weeks to see were I am at he requested I do the following things.
1.) Join a Gym to get myself moving during these cold/dark months , I am going tomorrow to sign up 2.) Purchase a SAD lamp , something I have though about a lot and my work does not mind me keeping it at my desk. 3.) Just slightly adjustment of my med's for the first time in 10 years.
All of these give me hope and I can see a bit of sunshine ahead of me.
Everyone else keep fighting the good fight. I love you all.
And just one little add on , to anyone feeling down over social media , get off of it , it is so toxic to the way we live and how it can make us feel about ourselves. Most people just post the happy 1 second part of their day and it can make you feel like shit , that person very well may spend the rest of their day in a funk or crying you just don't know.
Social Media is just how someone wants people to see them , not who they really are it just smoke and mirrors.
Memory and confusion is ridiculous. All the drs say the same. Its from anxiety. Not anything else. I dont buy it.
yet what you describe you experience is textbook.
so, disbelieve them all you want, have you stuck with a protocol for longer than a week or so? Just to see. maybe do a month or even two, so you can prove all their knowlege and experience wrong.
really , what do you have to lose?
What is a protocol?
brixton 93
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Have not posted in a little while but I had a very rough past week , depression and anxiety kicked in hard. I don't know what kicked it off but I think part of it was the fact that were I live the sun now sets a little after 4:00pm , its cold , lots of rain and it really has taken away from my walking/running and listen to music.
I started to really focus on a small rash I had and over the course of a few days started to assume it was cancer and then started to feel that someone close to me was going to pass.
While driving home from work on Tuesday night I just broke down and cried the whole way home not even knowing why just an overwhelming feeling of sadness.
I am lucky to have a great Dr. network and after talking to my wife about everything I was feeling I went to the Dr's yesterday morning and they checked out all my issues and even did an exam on were I thought I had a big problem only to be assured I was fine.
Per my Dr , whom I have a follow up in 2 weeks to see were I am at he requested I do the following things.
1.) Join a Gym to get myself moving during these cold/dark months , I am going tomorrow to sign up 2.) Purchase a SAD lamp , something I have though about a lot and my work does not mind me keeping it at my desk. 3.) Just slightly adjustment of my med's for the first time in 10 years.
All of these give me hope and I can see a bit of sunshine ahead of me.
Everyone else keep fighting the good fight. I love you all.
Keep going my friend. I fully understand and live those feelings also.
brixton 93
astoria 06
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hartford 06
reading 06
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paris 06
wembley 07
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
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mickeyrat
up my ass, like Chadwick was up his Posts: 35,828
Memory and confusion is ridiculous. All the drs say the same. Its from anxiety. Not anything else. I dont buy it.
yet what you describe you experience is textbook.
so, disbelieve them all you want, have you stuck with a protocol for longer than a week or so? Just to see. maybe do a month or even two, so you can prove all their knowlege and experience wrong.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Memory and confusion is ridiculous. All the drs say the same. Its from anxiety. Not anything else. I dont buy it.
yet what you describe you experience is textbook.
so, disbelieve them all you want, have you stuck with a protocol for longer than a week or so? Just to see. maybe do a month or even two, so you can prove all their knowlege and experience wrong.
really , what do you have to lose?
What is a protocol?
the doctors prescribed treatment plan
I am and have always. The dr is the one who i follow . Its all i have. Ive done whatever ive been told without fail.
brixton 93
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
0
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mickeyrat
up my ass, like Chadwick was up his Posts: 35,828
Memory and confusion is ridiculous. All the drs say the same. Its from anxiety. Not anything else. I dont buy it.
yet what you describe you experience is textbook.
so, disbelieve them all you want, have you stuck with a protocol for longer than a week or so? Just to see. maybe do a month or even two, so you can prove all their knowlege and experience wrong.
really , what do you have to lose?
What is a protocol?
the doctors prescribed treatment plan
I am and have always. The dr is the one who i follow . Its all i have. Ive done whatever ive been told without fail.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Have you tried volunteering for a good cause...spending time doing and being active towards helping others can do wonders to get oneself out of ones head and begin to appreciate how lucky one is...gratitude is an amazing companion...
I have thought about volunteering for homeless organisations. I am so awkward with people I'd struggle talking to homeless people and am afraid I might say the wrong thing accidentally to them. Right now, I don't want to exist.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
So sorry to hear that, I cant help suggesting that there are all kinds of volunteering experiences, if you are fearing interactions maybe volunteering at an animal shelter, or food bank or seniors centre, just a persons presence can do wonders without a lot of dialogue needed. Have you ever considered a silent retreat? I know a number of people who have gone to Vipashna Retreats, they are free or by donation and you can also volunteer to be in service of others and clear your mind for better things...
Thanks. I've never heard of silent retreats, not even sure we have them here. My two recent jobs I've been fired and my work experience at a school I failed at, I feel so incompetent, I cannot do anything right. I'll probably be told I'm not up to speed at a volunteering place.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Hey M. It sounds harsh but all your issues are in a similar group. Change is hard and its slow but the only way forward is to step into the unknown and take a leap of faith. Dip your toe. For you. By you. I know . Asking can yield ideas but it can't DO. You have to become a new you bit by bit. You will find. Trust me . That once you start to stop caring what others say . Do. Think. You will learn to move on through the shit people and gravitate to kind nice people.
brixton 93
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Hey M. It sounds harsh but all your issues are in a similar group. Change is hard and its slow but the only way forward is to step into the unknown and take a leap of faith. Dip your toe. For you. By you. I know . Asking can yield ideas but it can't DO. You have to become a new you bit by bit. You will find. Trust me . That once you start to stop caring what others say . Do. Think. You will learn to move on through the shit people and gravitate to kind nice people.
Thank you Rob. I care too much, my heart shatters when I am disliked.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Comments
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
I've been like this before medication. It's not the medication.
I start a higher dose on Sunday. No amount of drugs can cure loneliness and feeling like those in your life don't care about you.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
After all that I do to help others I don't feel it is a big ask.
You get forgotten and feel forgotten.
I don't expect to receive in return all that I give/do for others. Just to know people care for my mental wellbeing.
Anyways, I'm off to bed.
Have not posted in a little while but I had a very rough past week , depression and anxiety kicked in hard. I don't know what kicked it off but I think part of it was the fact that were I live the sun now sets a little after 4:00pm , its cold , lots of rain and it really has taken away from my walking/running and listen to music.
I started to really focus on a small rash I had and over the course of a few days started to assume it was cancer and then started to feel that someone close to me was going to pass.
While driving home from work on Tuesday night I just broke down and cried the whole way home not even knowing why just an overwhelming feeling of sadness.
I am lucky to have a great Dr. network and after talking to my wife about everything I was feeling I went to the Dr's yesterday morning and they checked out all my issues and even did an exam on were I thought I had a big problem only to be assured I was fine.
Per my Dr , whom I have a follow up in 2 weeks to see were I am at he requested I do the following things.
1.) Join a Gym to get myself moving during these cold/dark months , I am going tomorrow to sign up
2.) Purchase a SAD lamp , something I have though about a lot and my work does not mind me keeping it at my desk.
3.) Just slightly adjustment of my med's for the first time in 10 years.
All of these give me hope and I can see a bit of sunshine ahead of me.
Everyone else keep fighting the good fight. I love you all.
And just one little add on , to anyone feeling down over social media , get off of it , it is so toxic to the way we live and how it can make us feel about ourselves. Most people just post the happy 1 second part of their day and it can make you feel like shit , that person very well may spend the rest of their day in a funk or crying you just don't know.
Social Media is just how someone wants people to see them , not who they really are it just smoke and mirrors.
www.headstonesband.com
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
I've never heard of silent retreats, not even sure we have them here.
My two recent jobs I've been fired and my work experience at a school I failed at, I feel so incompetent, I cannot do anything right. I'll probably be told I'm not up to speed at a volunteering place.
Change is hard and its slow but the only way forward is to step into the unknown and take a leap of faith. Dip your toe. For you. By you. I know .
Asking can yield ideas but it can't DO.
You have to become a new you bit by bit.
You will find. Trust me . That once you start to stop caring what others say . Do. Think. You will learn to move on through the shit people and gravitate to kind nice people.
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
I care too much, my heart shatters when I am disliked.
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Down in a hole and I don't know if I can be saved
See my heart I decorate it like a grave
Down in a hole, feelin' so small
Down in a hole, losin' my soul
I'd like to fly, but my wings have been so denied
Loneliness is not a phase
Field of pain is where I graze
Serenity is far away
astoria 06
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -