Sept 1....divorce was "successfully filed." Ironically, the 6 month waiting period in CA puts us at the same week as our anniversary in March--guess it really will go full circle
I think it's interesting when dates line up like that. :geek:
yeah, i was told she wanted a divorce while sitting on a beach on my BIRTHDAY !!! lol. so now every august 7th i think of that instead of it being my b-day. good times.
but hey, it all worked out. I'm glad we are not together anymore.
lol yep, on my birthday. worst part was we were in Hilton Head for my birthday, to try and work things out. we had been seperated for about 2 months. but the worst was we were still there for a few days after she dropped the bomb on me. lol i wanted to leave but she didnt. so i had to stay there and try to have fun. lol. its actually kinda funny looking back on it now.
bitch. j/k of course. her and i are still friends .. sorta.
Peace, Love.
"To question your government is not unpatriotic --
to not question your government is unpatriotic."
-- Sen. Chuck Hagel
I married once and divorced once. Its been 28 years since I divorced. I learned to never marry again. I have had several very long term relationships, but knew to not marry. Obviously I was right cuz they are gone and I am now in one that has been 9 years long.
I learned to always stay at MY home and they live with me. That way they leave when its over and I will not be looking for a place to live. I learned to never depend financially on any of them, but did charge rent. It has worked out great. The men have had to find a place, but they knew what they were getting into from the start.
I feel people grow, and should grow, but its rare that two people will grow in the same direction unless one is stifling the other. Therefore it is rare for two people to stay married, or at least HAPPILY married.
Now, I take it one day at a time. No lifetime commitment. I am happy with my relationship TODAY. Who knows what tomorrow may bring. I know we have to work on our relationship. It doesn't just come easy, but with work, it can be happy for today.
I also know I can be happy alone. It can be scary, lonely, and a bunch of emotions, but its possible. If we are used to being in a relationship, it is hard to not be in one. Often we stay in one just because of the fear of being alone.
Being alone can be the best present we give ourselves. Good friends, hobbies, work, and love can keep us fulfilled.
My ex and I always remained friends. We have 2 children and many grandkids. I knew to never be sexual with him again though, cuz he would get false hope and we would not be able to be friends. I left him. It took him about 2 years to accept things and be friends. Others always think our friendship is odd. I think not being friends is odd. It makes things so easy for our kids and external family by being friends. They don't worry about who can be invited to what and stuff like that. Sometimes my ex and his gf and me and my date sit together at family events. My kids don't worry about their weddinds, kids birthdays, etc. We all get invited and are happy.
Good luck. Give the both of you 2 years to be civil. Give yourself 6 months to learn about yourself and be ready to get serious again. Until then date and enjoy, but don't look for a lomg term partner. Your choices would likely be based on baggage from your last relationship.
I would definitely like to get married again...I think with what I've learned from my first marriage, I can be a better person and wife to my next husband (the lucky man who gets me :-) ) I'm smarter, stronger and will be ready for a positive and solid marriage to a man that's going to appreciate me and love me for the woman I've grown into.
I feel people grow, and should grow, but its rare that two people will grow in the same direction unless one is stifling the other. Therefore it is rare for two people to stay married, or at least HAPPILY married.
Now, I take it one day at a time. No lifetime commitment. I am happy with my relationship TODAY. Who knows what tomorrow may bring. I know we have to work on our relationship. It doesn't just come easy, but with work, it can be happy for today.
....and that is why I tell my daughters to never even think of getting married before they are 30.
I'm now married for the 3rd time but this time we married when we had reached an age where we both have developed our personalities and accept each others faults.
She is gorgeous, I love her to bits and we get on like a house on fire. After 10 years together we still go out holding hands.
....and that is why I tell my daughters to never even think of getting married before they are 30.
I'm now married for the 3rd time but this time we married when we had reached an age where we both have developed our personalities and accept each others faults.
how old are your daughters? I think a lot of people who get married under 30 have "successful" marriages...I just wasn't one of them!
....and that is why I tell my daughters to never even think of getting married before they are 30.
I'm now married for the 3rd time but this time we married when we had reached an age where we both have developed our personalities and accept each others faults.
how old are your daughters? I think a lot of people who get married under 30 have "successful" marriages...I just wasn't one of them!
18, 21 and 23. I think they are all anti marriage. All their friends have divorced parents apart from just a few. Only one of my friends has a marriage that has lasted. It's all rather depressing really.... unless you're a lawyer.
I would definitely like to get married again...I think with what I've learned from my first marriage, I can be a better person and wife to my next husband (the lucky man who gets me :-) ) I'm smarter, stronger and will be ready for a positive and solid marriage to a man that's going to appreciate me and love me for the woman I've grown into.
i'm not even involved in this thread and i think this is one of the best posts i've ever read. good for you!!!
I would definitely like to get married again...I think with what I've learned from my first marriage, I can be a better person and wife to my next husband (the lucky man who gets me :-) ) I'm smarter, stronger and will be ready for a positive and solid marriage to a man that's going to appreciate me and love me for the woman I've grown into.
i'm not even involved in this thread and i think this is one of the best posts i've ever read. good for you!!!
If the message pit button had an I like button like on facebook, i'd select it. Well-written and formulated post.
Reading 2004
Albany 2006 Camden 2006 E. Rutherford 2, 2006 Inglewood 2006,
Chicago 2007
Camden 2008 MSG 2008 MSG 2008 Hartford 2008.
Seattle 2009 Seattle 2009 Philadelphia 2009,Philadelphia 2009 Philadelphia 2009
Hartford 2010 MSG 2010 MSG 2010
Toronto 2011,Toronto 2011
Wrigley Field 2013 Brooklyn 2013 Brooklyn 2013 Philadelphia 2, 2013
Philadelphia 1, 2016 Philadelphia 2 2016 New York 2016 New York 2016 Fenway 1, 2016 Fenway 2, 2018 MSG 2022 St. Paul, 1, St. Paul 2 2023 MSG 2024, MSG 2024 Philadelphia 2024
"I play good, hard-nosed basketball.
Things happen in the game. Nothing you
can do. I don't go and say,
"I'm gonna beat this guy up."
I just can't imagine that there would be anyone else in this world that I could really fall in love with...
I think eventually you will...and it'll probably when you least expect it
You are such a special, and up beat person... I'm so glad that you started this thread... it's really helped me put things into perspective...
I would love to fall in love again, but it's too soon to think about marriage at this point, my husband is giving me such a hard time getting a divorce, and I've tried every resource out there... I cannot afford a lawyer, and I'm still waiting for the Lawyer Referral Service to get back to me, and yes I've called many times.
The right man would have to be someone that I can trust, love, and would make me feel safe, oh and definitely a great sense of humor...
I just want to that you for the encouraging words, they mean a lot to me...
I would definitely like to get married again...I think with what I've learned from my first marriage, I can be a better person and wife to my next husband (the lucky man who gets me :-) ) I'm smarter, stronger and will be ready for a positive and solid marriage to a man that's going to appreciate me and love me for the woman I've grown into.
i'm not even involved in this thread and i think this is one of the best posts i've ever read. good for you!!!
It is! Not only all of that, but sometimes there is too much water under the bridge to fix a current relationship, but that knowledge and growth can be brought into a new one and be great. Don't worry about your next relationship yet, though. Its okay to date. Just date. That does not mean get married or only date if you think the person is a potential for long term, just date, period! Its like going out with a freind, just a new one.
As long as you don't give false hope, it can be very rewarding, safe, fun, and keep you from pining and being alone to wallow in self-pity.
I'll be separated for 3 months this Sunday.... still waiting for an attorney to take my case pro-bono... :roll:
It's getting to a very frustrating point, I just want to begin my new life...
I used Legal Aid in my county. It took 2 1/2 years but it got done. That was many years ago, but my best friend just did the same thing and it only took about 6 months.
I am at a loss. I recently found out that my ex (who lives in the basement of my house) has been having a relationship with a 17 year old. He is a trainer and she is a client. I am completely destroyed by this. I'm trying so hard to live my life and not care what he does....but JESUS!! WTF??
Anyway, I guess I just needed to air dirty laundry in the most anonymous way that I know how. I am so full of hatred and spite.
Sorry to spew all my problems...but I am really thankful for this board for that reason especially. Even writing the words is therapeutic. Knowing that people are reading and thinking "Yes! That is fucked up!"
The end of this marriage is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I wish it could just be over. I wish I never had to see him again.
That is f'cked up! I let my ex live with me for a little while after we split, it didn't work at all! There are some things better left unknown!
I would definitely like to get married again...I think with what I've learned from my first marriage, I can be a better person and wife to my next husband (the lucky man who gets me :-) ) I'm smarter, stronger and will be ready for a positive and solid marriage to a man that's going to appreciate me and love me for the woman I've grown into.
i'm not even involved in this thread and i think this is one of the best posts i've ever read. good for you!!!
It is! Not only all of that, but sometimes there is too much water under the bridge to fix a current relationship, but that knowledge and growth can be brought into a new one and be great. Don't worry about your next relationship yet, though. Its okay to date. Just date. That does not mean get married, only date if you think the person is a potential for long term, just date! Its like going out with a freind, just a new one.
As long as you don't give false hope, it can be very rewarding, safe, fun, and keep you from pining and being alone to wallow in self-pity.
Your absolutely right, just become friends, and if something happens fine, and if nothing happens, you'll always be good friends...
I feel people grow, and should grow, but its rare that two people will grow in the same direction unless one is stifling the other. Therefore it is rare for two people to stay married, or at least HAPPILY married.
Now, I take it one day at a time. No lifetime commitment. I am happy with my relationship TODAY. Who knows what tomorrow may bring. I know we have to work on our relationship. It doesn't just come easy, but with work, it can be happy for today.
....and that is why I tell my daughters to never even think of getting married before they are 30.
I'm now married for the 3rd time but this time we married when we had reached an age where we both have developed our personalities and accept each others faults.
She is gorgeous, I love her to bits and we get on like a house on fire. After 10 years together we still go out holding hands.
Exactly! My mom FINALLY told me about accepting faults. She said everyone has them and to find someone whose faults I can cope with. I knew this, but the part about accepting struck me differently this time. I know I cxan't change anyone, yet tried. I know evryone has faults, but wanted them not to. Etc!
Now, I know if I want a companion and someone to share life with, I HAVE to accept some kind of faults. Its up tp me what kind.
I also know I need to know those faults BEFORE I get too far in. I was one to jump into something long-term BEFORE I knew exactly what I was dealibng with, then spent too much time trying to MAKE things like they were in the beginning. Next thing I knew I was in some relationship for way too long and scared to change things after all that investment, not to mention having to get out of my comfort zone.
TAke time. I never remarried, but I had several, too many, live-in, long-term that I did have to end.
It seems it would take me 2 years to end something I knew wouldn't last. I would HOPE things would magically change, not thinking about the fact that neither one of us was doing anything to change things.
In ending things, my life would end up devastated, yet next thing you know, I would be in another one.
It would be like I'd meet someone, they'd start doing sleep-overs, then they'd never go home. Bam, I'm in another one!! I really didn't even know the person, think I was in love, etc. I'd spend 2 years or so, okay, then 2-3 years wanting out but not knowing how. What a waste of time, just to do it again and again.
What a hopeless romantic!!
I would definitely like to get married again...I think with what I've learned from my first marriage, I can be a better person and wife to my next husband (the lucky man who gets me :-) ) I'm smarter, stronger and will be ready for a positive and solid marriage to a man that's going to appreciate me and love me for the woman I've grown into.
i'm not even involved in this thread and i think this is one of the best posts i've ever read. good for you!!!
If the message pit button had an I like button like on facebook, i'd select it. Well-written and formulated post.
I just can't imagine that there would be anyone else in this world that I could really fall in love with...
I think eventually you will...and it'll probably when you least expect it
You are such a special, and up beat person... I'm so glad that you started this thread... it's really helped me put things into perspective...
I would love to fall in love again, but it's too soon to think about marriage at this point, my husband is giving me such a hard time getting a divorce, and I've tried every resource out there... I cannot afford a lawyer, and I'm still waiting for the Lawyer Referral Service to get back to me, and yes I've called many times.
The right man would have to be someone that I can trust, love, and would make me feel safe, oh and definitely a great sense of humor...
I just want to that you for the encouraging words, they mean a lot to me...
we all need people to help us get through this crappy stuff, whether it's online or in person...encouraging words go a loooooong way!!
I got my first draft of the Marriage Settlement Agreement in the mail last week...once that's signed/notarized and filed, I think I'll officially be divorced...it's been so simple, it's kinda scary!
Comments
On your birthday?
as long as things worked out, that's the most important thing :-)
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
It's getting to a very frustrating point, I just want to begin my new life...
Wish you were here...
♥~RIP Dad
lol yep, on my birthday. worst part was we were in Hilton Head for my birthday, to try and work things out. we had been seperated for about 2 months. but the worst was we were still there for a few days after she dropped the bomb on me. lol i wanted to leave but she didnt. so i had to stay there and try to have fun. lol. its actually kinda funny looking back on it now.
bitch.
"To question your government is not unpatriotic --
to not question your government is unpatriotic."
-- Sen. Chuck Hagel
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
I learned to always stay at MY home and they live with me. That way they leave when its over and I will not be looking for a place to live. I learned to never depend financially on any of them, but did charge rent. It has worked out great. The men have had to find a place, but they knew what they were getting into from the start.
I feel people grow, and should grow, but its rare that two people will grow in the same direction unless one is stifling the other. Therefore it is rare for two people to stay married, or at least HAPPILY married.
Now, I take it one day at a time. No lifetime commitment. I am happy with my relationship TODAY. Who knows what tomorrow may bring. I know we have to work on our relationship. It doesn't just come easy, but with work, it can be happy for today.
I also know I can be happy alone. It can be scary, lonely, and a bunch of emotions, but its possible. If we are used to being in a relationship, it is hard to not be in one. Often we stay in one just because of the fear of being alone.
Being alone can be the best present we give ourselves. Good friends, hobbies, work, and love can keep us fulfilled.
My ex and I always remained friends. We have 2 children and many grandkids. I knew to never be sexual with him again though, cuz he would get false hope and we would not be able to be friends. I left him. It took him about 2 years to accept things and be friends. Others always think our friendship is odd. I think not being friends is odd. It makes things so easy for our kids and external family by being friends. They don't worry about who can be invited to what and stuff like that. Sometimes my ex and his gf and me and my date sit together at family events. My kids don't worry about their weddinds, kids birthdays, etc. We all get invited and are happy.
Good luck. Give the both of you 2 years to be civil. Give yourself 6 months to learn about yourself and be ready to get serious again. Until then date and enjoy, but don't look for a lomg term partner. Your choices would likely be based on baggage from your last relationship.
Wish you were here...
♥~RIP Dad
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
Wish you were here...
♥~RIP Dad
I think eventually you will...and it'll probably when you least expect it
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
I'm hoping to live closer to family and friends by then...
Wish you were here...
♥~RIP Dad
I'm now married for the 3rd time but this time we married when we had reached an age where we both have developed our personalities and accept each others faults.
She is gorgeous, I love her to bits and we get on like a house on fire. After 10 years together we still go out holding hands.
how old are your daughters? I think a lot of people who get married under 30 have "successful" marriages...I just wasn't one of them!
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
Wish you were here...
♥~RIP Dad
i'm not even involved in this thread and i think this is one of the best posts i've ever read. good for you!!!
If the message pit button had an I like button like on facebook, i'd select it. Well-written and formulated post.
Albany 2006 Camden 2006 E. Rutherford 2, 2006 Inglewood 2006,
Chicago 2007
Camden 2008 MSG 2008 MSG 2008 Hartford 2008.
Seattle 2009 Seattle 2009 Philadelphia 2009,Philadelphia 2009 Philadelphia 2009
Hartford 2010 MSG 2010 MSG 2010
Toronto 2011,Toronto 2011
Wrigley Field 2013 Brooklyn 2013 Brooklyn 2013 Philadelphia 2, 2013
Philadelphia 1, 2016 Philadelphia 2 2016 New York 2016 New York 2016 Fenway 1, 2016
Fenway 2, 2018
MSG 2022
St. Paul, 1, St. Paul 2 2023
MSG 2024, MSG 2024
Philadelphia 2024
"I play good, hard-nosed basketball.
Things happen in the game. Nothing you
can do. I don't go and say,
"I'm gonna beat this guy up."
Wish you were here...
♥~RIP Dad
I would love to fall in love again, but it's too soon to think about marriage at this point, my husband is giving me such a hard time getting a divorce, and I've tried every resource out there... I cannot afford a lawyer, and I'm still waiting for the Lawyer Referral Service to get back to me, and yes I've called many times.
The right man would have to be someone that I can trust, love, and would make me feel safe, oh and definitely a great sense of humor...
I just want to that you for the encouraging words, they mean a lot to me...
Wish you were here...
♥~RIP Dad
As long as you don't give false hope, it can be very rewarding, safe, fun, and keep you from pining and being alone to wallow in self-pity.
Wish you were here...
♥~RIP Dad
Now, I know if I want a companion and someone to share life with, I HAVE to accept some kind of faults. Its up tp me what kind.
I also know I need to know those faults BEFORE I get too far in. I was one to jump into something long-term BEFORE I knew exactly what I was dealibng with, then spent too much time trying to MAKE things like they were in the beginning. Next thing I knew I was in some relationship for way too long and scared to change things after all that investment, not to mention having to get out of my comfort zone.
TAke time. I never remarried, but I had several, too many, live-in, long-term that I did have to end.
It seems it would take me 2 years to end something I knew wouldn't last. I would HOPE things would magically change, not thinking about the fact that neither one of us was doing anything to change things.
In ending things, my life would end up devastated, yet next thing you know, I would be in another one.
It would be like I'd meet someone, they'd start doing sleep-overs, then they'd never go home. Bam, I'm in another one!! I really didn't even know the person, think I was in love, etc. I'd spend 2 years or so, okay, then 2-3 years wanting out but not knowing how. What a waste of time, just to do it again and again.
What a hopeless romantic!!
wow...you guys are so sweet. Thank you :-)
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
we all need people to help us get through this crappy stuff, whether it's online or in person...encouraging words go a loooooong way!!
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
Wish you were here...
♥~RIP Dad
i don't see the point of "dating" again. all or none.
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln