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Separating/Divorcing-Anyone in the process?

pearljgirl2010pearljgirl2010 Posts: 3,428
edited March 2011 in All Encompassing Trip
So, my husband and I are separating....and I am trying to figure out what the heck to do...I'm so overwhelmed. Any thoughts? Advice?

I'm staying with a friend until i can find my own place...

(I know a certain awesome someone here has been helping me a lot with this--THANK YOU)
Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    I just wanted to let you know you're not alone :)
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • Cinnamon GirlCinnamon Girl Posts: 1,854
    We're in the same boat. My husband and I are separating, which I am certain will lead to divorce.

    I've been lucky that my kids and my school have kept me from thinking about it too much.

    It's still new for me, so I don't have advice. But you have my support 100% :D

    pm me anytime...
    05-10-06, 08-05-07, 06-14-08 , 08-12-08(EV), 06-11-09(EV), 06-12-09(EV), 08-21-09, 05-10-10, 09-11-11, 09-12-11, 07-16-13, 07-19-13, 10-12-13, 10-21-13, 10-22-13,
  • ArcticangelArcticangel Posts: 1,443
    I'm sorry Janet.
    I wish I had some advice for you... but I don't.
    I'm an ear..

    Hope I see you this summer and we'll have some good times and happiness to get your mind off everything.
    PJ: St. Paul 6.16.2003, St. Paul 6.26.2006, St. Paul 6.27.2006, Hartford 6.27.2008, Mansfield 6.28.2008, Mansfield 6.30.2008, Beacon Theater 7.1.2008, Toronto 8.21.2009, Chicago 8.23.2009, Chicago 8.24.2009, Philly 10.30.2009, Philly 10.31.2009, Columbus 5.6.2010, Noblesville 5.7.2010

    EV: Los Angeles 4.12.2008, Los Angeles 4.13.2008, Nashville 6.17.2009, Nashville 6.18.2009, Memphis 6.20.2009
  • pjwhipjwhi Posts: 31
    I got divorced a year ago, and it's true....Time is the only thing that helps. I still think about her every day, but I have moved on and realize that all things happen for a reason, and everything will work out just fine!

    Good luck to you, and Keep moving forward with your life!
  • pearljgirl2010pearljgirl2010 Posts: 3,428
    thanks everyone...I appreciate the input and encouragement. I'm trying to look forward, to a better place for me, it's just kinda hard...
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • Cinnamon GirlCinnamon Girl Posts: 1,854
    It's almost like starting from scratch, which sucks....or it could be amazing. Fresh new beginnings!!

    I guess it depends on your outlook, right?

    Keep your chin up. :)
    05-10-06, 08-05-07, 06-14-08 , 08-12-08(EV), 06-11-09(EV), 06-12-09(EV), 08-21-09, 05-10-10, 09-11-11, 09-12-11, 07-16-13, 07-19-13, 10-12-13, 10-21-13, 10-22-13,
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    Time really is the only way to make sense of it all. In the beginning I would of done anything to bring him back, but in time I saw that that would only keep us trapped in unhappiness. We could force it and try to continue together, but there's a point when you cannot go back, and we reached that point...though I didn't see it at the time.

    It was difficult but I found a way to see happiness and experience it with out him. And now I couldn't imagine being with him.

    I wish you nothing but strength, sanity and happiness through all this! You're a strong chick and this will NOT break you!!
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • LizardLizard Posts: 12,091
    Damn....sorry to read this J.
    I have no advice to give (sorry). I hope things get better
    for you fast.
    So I'll just lie down and wait for the dream
    Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
  • normnorm Posts: 31,146
    Lizard wrote:
    Damn....sorry to read this J.
    I have no advice to give (sorry). I hope things get better
    for you fast.


    me too :(
  • mfc2006mfc2006 Posts: 37,412
    just keep your head up. it'll all work out.
    sorry if i sound like a little league coach! 8-)
    hope you start feeling better soon!
    I LOVE MUSIC.
    www.cluthelee.com
    www.cluthe.com
  • stuckinlinestuckinline Posts: 3,365
    pearljgirl2010 wrote:
    So, my husband and I are separating....and I am trying to figure out what the heck to do...I'm so overwhelmed. Any thoughts? Advice?

    I'm staying with a friend until i can find my own place...

    (I know a certain awesome someone here has been helping me a lot with this--THANK YOU)
    there are MANY people on here who are willing to help.
  • dcfaithfuldcfaithful Posts: 13,076
    I'm sorry, I don't have advice either...never been married..

    All I can say is what has already been said, you have my support 100%. Stay strong and tough, and you'll make it through alright. You're going into it because you most likely konw it's the best thing to be done...just hang in there. We're all here for you, like a giant shoulder to cry on! :D
    7/2/06 - Denver, CO
    6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
    8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
    9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
    9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
    9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
  • soulsingingsoulsinging Posts: 13,202
    pearljgirl2010 wrote:
    So, my husband and I are separating....and I am trying to figure out what the heck to do...I'm so overwhelmed. Any thoughts? Advice?

    I'm staying with a friend until i can find my own place...

    (I know a certain awesome someone here has been helping me a lot with this--THANK YOU)

    I know you're not the only one. It seems every pretty girl on this board is getting divorced these days. Sorry you're becoming part of that group, but I guess at least you've got the pretty thing going for ya!
  • pearljgirl2010pearljgirl2010 Posts: 3,428
    dcfaithful wrote:
    I'm sorry, I don't have advice either...never been married..

    All I can say is what has already been said, you have my support 100%. Stay strong and tough, and you'll make it through alright. You're going into it because you most likely konw it's the best thing to be done...just hang in there. We're all here for you, like a giant shoulder to cry on! :D


    best mental picture of a giant "pearl-jam-friends'" shoulder :-)

    I appreciate the support...I know a lot of people have gone through or are going through this now...I just still feel like i'm standing still and everything has just stopped.

    On the positive side, I'm making great new friends and realizing that I have incredible friends because of all this...and I can't wait until the EV shows to thank some of the new friends in person, in Philly.

    I feel a bit better, for the moment anyway
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • pearljgirl2010pearljgirl2010 Posts: 3,428
    soulsinging wrote:
    I know you're not the only one. It seems every pretty girl on this board is getting divorced these days. Sorry you're becoming part of that group, but I guess at least you've got the pretty thing going for ya!


    that made me smile...thanks :-) and yeah, never thought I'd be in that group, but if that's what wil end up making me happy, then I'm OK with it.
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • Cinnamon GirlCinnamon Girl Posts: 1,854
    pearljgirl2010 wrote:
    soulsinging wrote:
    I know you're not the only one. It seems every pretty girl on this board is getting divorced these days. Sorry you're becoming part of that group, but I guess at least you've got the pretty thing going for ya!


    that made me smile...thanks :-) and yeah, never thought I'd be in that group, but if that's what wil end up making me happy, then I'm OK with it.

    People keep telling me I WILL be happy....so I'm sure in time it will come for both of us.

    The support on this board is amazing. Good folks with genuine concern.
    05-10-06, 08-05-07, 06-14-08 , 08-12-08(EV), 06-11-09(EV), 06-12-09(EV), 08-21-09, 05-10-10, 09-11-11, 09-12-11, 07-16-13, 07-19-13, 10-12-13, 10-21-13, 10-22-13,
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    Cinnamon Girl wrote:

    People keep telling me I WILL be happy....so I'm sure in time it will come for both of us.

    The support on this board is amazing. Good folks with genuine concern.
    ok, ok.... maybe you won't be super happy all the time ;) ... but you won't be miserable and unsure :)
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • Cinnamon GirlCinnamon Girl Posts: 1,854
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    Cinnamon Girl wrote:

    People keep telling me I WILL be happy....so I'm sure in time it will come for both of us.

    The support on this board is amazing. Good folks with genuine concern.
    ok, ok.... maybe you won't be super happy all the time ;) ... but you won't be miserable and unsure :)

    Sounds like a fair mid ground. :D
    05-10-06, 08-05-07, 06-14-08 , 08-12-08(EV), 06-11-09(EV), 06-12-09(EV), 08-21-09, 05-10-10, 09-11-11, 09-12-11, 07-16-13, 07-19-13, 10-12-13, 10-21-13, 10-22-13,
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    Cinnamon Girl wrote:
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    Cinnamon Girl wrote:

    People keep telling me I WILL be happy....so I'm sure in time it will come for both of us.

    The support on this board is amazing. Good folks with genuine concern.
    ok, ok.... maybe you won't be super happy all the time ;) ... but you won't be miserable and unsure :)

    Sounds like a fair mid ground. :D
    oh and I forgot to mention that you'll have the bed and bathroom sink all to yourself! :mrgreen:




    *though I wouldn't mind if I had to share my bed every now and then if you catch my drift! hehe. ;)
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • Thorns2010Thorns2010 Posts: 2,200
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:




    *though I wouldn't mind if I had to share my bed every now and then if you catch my drift! hehe. ;)


    Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh SNAP!
  • PatrickBatemanPatrickBateman Posts: 2,243
    edited April 2009
    My marriage has been heading down that path for awhile....it sucks for sure. but I know a lot of divorced people who eventually are really happy. I have 4 kids with her though which will put me in the poor house for awhile.
    Post edited by PatrickBateman on
    If a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
  • CJMST3KCJMST3K Posts: 9,722
    sorry to hear that pearljgirl2010. your beaming smile in your avatar makes me smile whenever i see it. you have lots of virtual friends on here... only 8% of us are robots too. ...but which 8%. :D
    ADD 5,200 to the post count you see, thank you. :)
    *NYC 9/28/96 *NYC 9/29/96 *NJ 9/8/98 (front row "may i play drums with you")
    *MSG 9/10/98 (backstage) *MSG 9/11/98 (backstage)
    *Jones Beach 8/23/00 *Jones Beach 8/24/00 *Jones Beach 8/25/00
    *Mansfield 8/29/00 *Mansfield 8/30/00 *Nassau 4/30/03 *Nissan VA 7/1/03
    *Borgata 10/1/05 *Camden 5/27/06 *Camden 5/28/06 *DC 5/30/06
    *VA Beach 6/17/08 *DC 6/22/08 *MSG 6/24/08 (backstage) *MSG 6/25/08
    *EV DC 8/17/08 *EV Baltimore 6/15/09 *Philly 10/31/09
    *Bristow VA 5/13/10 *MSG 5/20/10 *MSG 5/21/10
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    PatrickBateman wrote:
    My marriage has been heading down that path for awhile....it sucks for sure. but I know a lot of divorced people who eventually are really happy. I have 4 kids with her though which will put me in the poor house for awhile.
    I'm sorry :(

    it is true... divorce brings happiness for some, especially if you know the marriage isn't right/working.
    I wish you happiness PB whichever way that may be.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • PatrickBatemanPatrickBateman Posts: 2,243
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    PatrickBateman wrote:
    My marriage has been heading down that path for awhile....it sucks for sure. but I know a lot of divorced people who eventually are really happy. I have 4 kids with her though which will put me in the poor house for awhile.
    I'm sorry :(

    it is true... divorce brings happiness for some, especially if you know the marriage isn't right/working.
    I wish you happiness PB whichever way that may be.
    the worst part is I am trying....wait, not "trying", I AM being a better husband, but now she is using it against me. Seems like she is going to spend the rest of our marriage "making me pay"....I didnt cheat, I have been working on the side as much as I can to save money in case my company goes under and have even refused side jobs to be home. She doesn't like our house, my side of the family, my friends, and the fact that I am taking on side jobs to put money aside. I am not perfect....
    If a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    PatrickBateman wrote:
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    PatrickBateman wrote:
    My marriage has been heading down that path for awhile....it sucks for sure. but I know a lot of divorced people who eventually are really happy. I have 4 kids with her though which will put me in the poor house for awhile.
    I'm sorry :(

    it is true... divorce brings happiness for some, especially if you know the marriage isn't right/working.
    I wish you happiness PB whichever way that may be.
    the worst part is I am trying....wait, not "trying", I AM being a better husband, but now she is using it against me. Seems like she is going to spend the rest of our marriage "making me pay"....I didnt cheat, I have been working on the side as much as I can to save money in case my company goes under and have even refused side jobs to be home. She doesn't like our house, my side of the family, my friends, and the fact that I am taking on side jobs to put money aside. I am not perfect....
    again, I'm sorry it has to be that way for you and her. Hopefully happiness will come your way.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • PatrickBatemanPatrickBateman Posts: 2,243
    thanks CIW, too bad we cant rewind life and do things different. and like our buddy EV once said "some words when spoken, can't be taken back" sorry to hear PJG2010.
    If a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    PatrickBateman wrote:
    thanks CIW, too bad we cant rewind life and do things different. and like our buddy EV once said "some words when spoken, can't be taken back" sorry to hear PJG2010.
    Honestly, I wouldn't do anything differently. When things were good, they were worth the pain in the end. And that pain got me here... a new beginning with a new outlook.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • PatrickBatemanPatrickBateman Posts: 2,243
    edited April 2009
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    PatrickBateman wrote:
    thanks CIW, too bad we cant rewind life and do things different. and like our buddy EV once said "some words when spoken, can't be taken back" sorry to hear PJG2010.
    Honestly, I wouldn't do anything differently. When things were good, they were worth the pain in the end. And that pain got me here... a new beginning with a new outlook.
    glad to hear you are at peace with it. We had some great times...it is hard to look at her , remembering the good times and just think "wow, wtf happened?"
    Post edited by PatrickBateman on
    If a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    PatrickBateman wrote:
    glad to hear! we had some great times...it is hard to llok at her , remembering the good times and just think "wow, wtf happened?"
    I know that feeling/thought!!!

    I have all these photos of the good times, and when I see them I think... "Damn who IS that?!" :roll:
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • PatrickBatemanPatrickBateman Posts: 2,243
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    PatrickBateman wrote:
    glad to hear! we had some great times...it is hard to llok at her , remembering the good times and just think "wow, wtf happened?"
    I know that feeling/thought!!!

    I have all these photos of the good times, and when I see them I think... "Damn who IS that?!" :roll:
    these thoughts for us now are like temporary band aids.
    If a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
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