today would have been our 7th anniversary...which is a little weird.
Our divorce is final in 5 days.
Oh, two weeks ago, my ex told me that he and he girlfriend are having a baby.
My ex will be getting remarried on the 19th. 7 months and a week since it was final. Real kick in the balls that one is. I still don't know how or where it went wrong.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
today would have been our 7th anniversary...which is a little weird.
Our divorce is final in 5 days.
Oh, two weeks ago, my ex told me that he and he girlfriend are having a baby.
My ex will be getting remarried on the 19th. 7 months and a week since it was final. Real kick in the balls that one is. I still don't know how or where it went wrong.
Yep I feel for both of you. Nothing like those types of revelations to knock the wind out of your sails. Whilst I never married him, I was with my x for eight years. I left him when I was pregnant, lots of shit to bring that on, but the final straw for me was that I had this overwhelming feeling he was being unfaithful. Just lots of things weren't adding up and so-called friends clamm ing up on me.
Eventually he admitted it months later, and in the same breath proposed to me and said he would stop seeing her!!!! WTF!!!!! we were no longer together, but still it gutted me when he said it.
So 5&1/2 years later, I have had a long time to heal, and there are probably certain things that will never be the same in me. I see characteristics in guys that remind me of his behaviours and it just turns me right off.
But I am finally doing the things I want to do that I could never have done with him.
They say the past makes you who you are....makes you stronger.
Sending you both lots of strength and perhaps a few drinks too!
My current relationship found me sitting in my car at 4am in a parking lot wondering what I have been doing with a man who doesn't want to marry me after 12 years.
My marriage officially ended in Dec 2005, but in reality it was over almost as soon as it started. She had some very strong issues with men, stemming from her own relationship with her father, that had sabotaged every relationship she's ever had, including ours, and as much as I tried, I could not be strong enough to keep holding it up forever.
So I left in Jan of 2002, and never looked back.
On the bright side, our children, who are 18 and 12 1/2 now, are happier and much more comfortable about relationships in general - they learned that the basis of a good marriage is not arguing day and night and fighting endlessly and affairs on the side, and it's better to their parents to be apart and happy than together and miserable. (Although my son occasionally lets loose that my ex gripes about me in front of them, while I never malign her in front of my kids).
It took her a while to come to grips with the whole situation though. She went through a series of relationships after I left, all of them soured eventually. She's still single and looking. At least we're civil to each other.
As for me, I'm perfectly content being single atm. I've learned that I don't need a relationship to be happy. Happiness will never be found outside oneself - only from within.
So good luck... and remember, it all stems from within.
"It's not hard to own something. Or everything. You just have to know that it's yours, and then be willing to let it go." - Neil Gaiman, "Stardust"
it definitely upset me at first, when he told me about the baby--I think the timing hurt more than anything. i mean, couldn't they have been a bit more careful for another few weeks until the D was finalized!?!?!? It doesn't bother me anymore bc it's his life and i do want him to be happy...i'm just glad that it's not ME who's preggers!
it definitely upset me at first, when he told me about the baby--I think the timing hurt more than anything. i mean, couldn't they have been a bit more careful for another few weeks until the D was finalized!?!?!? It doesn't bother me anymore bc it's his life and i do want him to be happy...i'm just glad that it's not ME who's preggers!
what would possess someone to drop you ?
dumbass
i post on the board of a band that doesn't exsist anymore .......i need my head examined.......
it definitely upset me at first, when he told me about the baby--I think the timing hurt more than anything. i mean, couldn't they have been a bit more careful for another few weeks until the D was finalized!?!?!? It doesn't bother me anymore bc it's his life and i do want him to be happy...i'm just glad that it's not ME who's preggers!
It's his loss!!
I'm still waiting for mine to fill out the damn papers to file. :evil:
it definitely upset me at first, when he told me about the baby--I think the timing hurt more than anything. i mean, couldn't they have been a bit more careful for another few weeks until the D was finalized!?!?!? It doesn't bother me anymore bc it's his life and i do want him to be happy...i'm just glad that it's not ME who's preggers!
what would possess someone to drop you ?
dumbass
LOL! I know, right?? I mean, I know that I'm awesome. he didn't!
and HSB--I hope he gets his paperwork done soon so you can start moving on here...you've been so so so patient!
the hardest part is we have 4 kids together and I hate seeing them hurt. Some of you know it was kind of a long time coming...maybe it is for the best. She is STILL picking fights though...over stuff she is taking :roll:
Tonight I come home and see a TV stand in the hallwall and ask if she is taking it and she flips grabs the kids in their pajamas and leaves....ay caramba She did it so I would say something, anything so she could flip out
thanks Janet...and yeah wolf it sucks...it is really a shame
If a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
Oh, two weeks ago, my ex told me that he and he girlfriend are having a baby.
How quickly they move on, eh? Though, sometimes that can be a relief.
My ex-to-be has been having serious health problems for quite some time. Around Thanksgiving, I called him because I heard he had been back in the hospital. He told me medics were trying to revive him for four minutes. When I asked for the details on where he was when it happened - who found him, all that - he said a female friend had to make the call.
He had a heart attack while...
Then the fucker told me he was thinking of me while doing her. WTF?! :evil: Classy, dude. :roll:
Hey. Sorry, I haven't read the whole thread but just wanted to say that if there's infidelity involved in whoever's separating/divorcing I HIGHLY recommend checking out the website survivinginfidelity dot com. My now ex-husband left me for another woman a few years ago & that website & forum was an absolute godsend!!!! So many people with experience of infidelity from all different angles. PM me if you'd like to know more or honestly check it out. Fabulously suportive place!!!
<hr>
PJ - Auckland 2009; Alpine Valley1&2 2011; Man1, Am'dam1&2, Berlin1&2, Stockholm, Oslo & Copenhagen 2012; LA, Oakland, Portland, Spokane, Calgary, Vancouver, Seattle 2013; Auckland 2014
EV - Canberra, Newcastle & Sydney 1&2 2011
Hey. Sorry, I haven't read the whole thread but just wanted to say that if there's infidelity involved in whoever's separating/divorcing I HIGHLY recommend checking out the website survivinginfidelity dot com. My now ex-husband left me for another woman a few years ago & that website & forum was an absolute godsend!!!! So many people with experience of infidelity from all different angles. PM me if you'd like to know more or honestly check it out. Fabulously suportive place!!!
Thanks for that...I'll check it out!
And, yes...as of today, I am officially single...well, no longer married anyway!
After April 5, the divorce papers were signed on Monday so I am officially back on the market. This sucks! Do any of you guys/gals feel hopeless as far as going on a date? Maybe I'm looking too hard and just need to let whatever happens, happen. I just don't like being alone...
After April 5, the divorce papers were signed on Monday so I am officially back on the market. This sucks! Do any of you guys/gals feel hopeless as far as going on a date? Maybe I'm looking too hard and just need to let whatever happens, happen. I just don't like being alone...
From my own experience after a 12 year marriage ended in divorce 5 years ago - it really helps to just take care of your own needs first. Do something you've always wanted to do but haven't. Talk to old friends you haven't spoken to in a long time. Visit long lost relatives. Branch out, network, reconnect with people. Challenge yourself, break routine.
And remember - happiness will never be found anywhere outside yourself. And the sooner that you're happy just being yourself... relationships come easier.
"It's not hard to own something. Or everything. You just have to know that it's yours, and then be willing to let it go." - Neil Gaiman, "Stardust"
After April 5, the divorce papers were signed on Monday so I am officially back on the market. This sucks! Do any of you guys/gals feel hopeless as far as going on a date? Maybe I'm looking too hard and just need to let whatever happens, happen. I just don't like being alone...
From my own experience after a 12 year marriage ended in divorce 5 years ago - it really helps to just take care of your own needs first. Do something you've always wanted to do but haven't. Talk to old friends you haven't spoken to in a long time. Visit long lost relatives. Branch out, network, reconnect with people. Challenge yourself, break routine.
And remember - happiness will never be found anywhere outside yourself. And the sooner that you're happy just being yourself... relationships come easier.
I felt hopeless (and honestly there are still days) but I've found GREAT friends through this... and I feel I'm much better of a person than I was. The process helped me "grow" (lame term I know) and i branched out and have done things I never would of done had I bounced from one relationship to another. Being single has given me a new found self and I know now that when I'm ready to commit to someone I'll be able to do it with a much more level head. Circumstances in my life have made me hesitant on a relationship right now since I can't give 100%, far too much going on.
my ex and i would of been together 14 years on April fools day of this year.... and married 9 on the up coming may 25th.
Listen to Starfall, he speaks the truth... it's a life changing thing and best to go with it and do some Changing on YOUR terms
**i don't know how much sense this made (i've been up since 4am..20hrs, I'm quite delirious)
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
I never thought that after being married for so many years that I'd ever be dating again. I think I'm going to take my time as far as that goes... I need to know who I am deep within myself... just thinking of dating again scares the hell out of me!! :shock:
After April 5, the divorce papers were signed on Monday so I am officially back on the market. This sucks! Do any of you guys/gals feel hopeless as far as going on a date? Maybe I'm looking too hard and just need to let whatever happens, happen. I just don't like being alone...
I hate accepting new members.... but welcome to the club.
Hopeless? No. Nervous? Sometimes. Take your time, do your rebound dating for a while and don't settle for the first girl that bats her eyes at you, easier said then done, I know. I agree with Starfall, do some things for yourself. Over the last 5 years since I have been separated/divorced I have learned that it is okay to do things for myself, if I would have waited around life would have passed me by. You may not like being alone now, but it will become easier if you have a great group of friends and family.
I never thought that after being married for so many years that I'd ever be dating again. I think I'm going to take my time as far as that goes... I need to know who I am deep within myself... just thinking of dating again scares the hell out of me!! :shock:
i was terrified of dating again at first, since it had been 10 years that I'd gone on a new date...but when I realized that my relationship with my husband was over long before we split up, i was able to go out and have fun :-) i let go of the scared/insecure feeling because I knew that anything I did from then on was on MY terms.
From my own experience after a 12 year marriage ended in divorce 5 years ago - it really helps to just take care of your own needs first. Do something you've always wanted to do but haven't. Talk to old friends you haven't spoken to in a long time. Visit long lost relatives. Branch out, network, reconnect with people. Challenge yourself, break routine.
And remember - happiness will never be found anywhere outside yourself. And the sooner that you're happy just being yourself... relationships come easier.
I never thought that after being married for so many years that I'd ever be dating again. I think I'm going to take my time as far as that goes... I need to know who I am deep within myself... just thinking of dating again scares the hell out of me!! :shock:
i was terrified of dating again at first, since it had been 10 years that I'd gone on a new date...but when I realized that my relationship with my husband was over long before we split up, i was able to go out and have fun :-) i let go of the scared/insecure feeling because I knew that anything I did from then on was on MY terms.
and how was the new experience??how u fell?
"...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
i had fun! I just went out and did what I wanted to do...i had lost who I was during that relationship and it was fun discovering me again :-)
sound nice..good for u Janet,its nice to start over.i wish u happiness,in YOUR way
"...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
Hi, just checking in, I won't go into too many details, but I can relate to a lot in this thread. I have three kids, so that makes things a lot more difficult as I still need to communicate almost daily with ex.
i had fun! I just went out and did what I wanted to do...i had lost who I was during that relationship and it was fun discovering me again :-)
sound nice..good for u Janet,its nice to start over.i wish u happiness,in YOUR way
thank you...i appreciate that! and I agree with you...it is nice to have the opportunity to start over, knowing what's good for you, what you need to be happy. for me, knowing that our decision to divorce was a positive one for both of us has made my situation much easier, though, so I know I was very fortunate in that respect.
From my own experience after a 12 year marriage ended in divorce 5 years ago - it really helps to just take care of your own needs first. Do something you've always wanted to do but haven't. Talk to old friends you haven't spoken to in a long time. Visit long lost relatives. Branch out, network, reconnect with people. Challenge yourself, break routine.
And remember - happiness will never be found anywhere outside yourself. And the sooner that you're happy just being yourself... relationships come easier.
I've done a few of those things over the past year. I recently went on a trip to Vegas with my cousin, which was freakin' sweet. I've reconnected with a cousin I haven't spoken to since 2001. Hung out with a couple old friends I haven't seen since 2003. I even enjoy volunteering for my kid's class when parents are asked to help.
Part of the problem is my work schedule; my off days are during the week. That means my kid is at school and everyone else is at work...and when they're off I'm at work. It just seems difficult to meet new people.
I hate my job but with this economy the options are limited. I have too many financial responsibilities to quit...not an option.
Comments
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Yep I feel for both of you. Nothing like those types of revelations to knock the wind out of your sails. Whilst I never married him, I was with my x for eight years. I left him when I was pregnant, lots of shit to bring that on, but the final straw for me was that I had this overwhelming feeling he was being unfaithful. Just lots of things weren't adding up and so-called friends clamm ing up on me.
Eventually he admitted it months later, and in the same breath proposed to me and said he would stop seeing her!!!! WTF!!!!! we were no longer together, but still it gutted me when he said it.
So 5&1/2 years later, I have had a long time to heal, and there are probably certain things that will never be the same in me. I see characteristics in guys that remind me of his behaviours and it just turns me right off.
But I am finally doing the things I want to do that I could never have done with him.
They say the past makes you who you are....makes you stronger.
Sending you both lots of strength and perhaps a few drinks too!
Well, my marriage ended 15 years ago.
My current relationship found me sitting in my car at 4am in a parking lot wondering what I have been doing with a man who doesn't want to marry me after 12 years.
Everything is just peachy.
So I left in Jan of 2002, and never looked back.
On the bright side, our children, who are 18 and 12 1/2 now, are happier and much more comfortable about relationships in general - they learned that the basis of a good marriage is not arguing day and night and fighting endlessly and affairs on the side, and it's better to their parents to be apart and happy than together and miserable. (Although my son occasionally lets loose that my ex gripes about me in front of them, while I never malign her in front of my kids).
It took her a while to come to grips with the whole situation though. She went through a series of relationships after I left, all of them soured eventually. She's still single and looking. At least we're civil to each other.
As for me, I'm perfectly content being single atm. I've learned that I don't need a relationship to be happy. Happiness will never be found outside oneself - only from within.
So good luck... and remember, it all stems from within.
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
what would possess someone to drop you ?
dumbass
I'm still waiting for mine to fill out the damn papers to file. :evil:
Wish you were here...
♥~RIP Dad
LOL! I know, right?? I mean, I know that I'm awesome. he didn't!
and HSB--I hope he gets his paperwork done soon so you can start moving on here...you've been so so so patient!
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
next week will be our 14th anniversary
ugh...i'm sorry :-( i know you've been struggling with this for a little while...you know where to find me if you wanna talk!
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
sorry man. :(
"To question your government is not unpatriotic --
to not question your government is unpatriotic."
-- Sen. Chuck Hagel
Tonight I come home and see a TV stand in the hallwall and ask if she is taking it and she flips grabs the kids in their pajamas and leaves....ay caramba She did it so I would say something, anything so she could flip out
thanks Janet...and yeah wolf it sucks...it is really a shame
How quickly they move on, eh? Though, sometimes that can be a relief.
My ex-to-be has been having serious health problems for quite some time. Around Thanksgiving, I called him because I heard he had been back in the hospital. He told me medics were trying to revive him for four minutes. When I asked for the details on where he was when it happened - who found him, all that - he said a female friend had to make the call.
He had a heart attack while...
Then the fucker told me he was thinking of me while doing her. WTF?! :evil: Classy, dude. :roll:
PJ - Auckland 2009; Alpine Valley1&2 2011; Man1, Am'dam1&2, Berlin1&2, Stockholm, Oslo & Copenhagen 2012; LA, Oakland, Portland, Spokane, Calgary, Vancouver, Seattle 2013; Auckland 2014
EV - Canberra, Newcastle & Sydney 1&2 2011
Thanks for that...I'll check it out!
And, yes...as of today, I am officially single...well, no longer married anyway!
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
Wow---sorry bout that but it sounds like you are a survivor!!!
Best wishes for everyone going through this.
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
Thanks, Liz....it's all OK. I feel good and am happy, and that's all I care about right now :-)
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
From my own experience after a 12 year marriage ended in divorce 5 years ago - it really helps to just take care of your own needs first. Do something you've always wanted to do but haven't. Talk to old friends you haven't spoken to in a long time. Visit long lost relatives. Branch out, network, reconnect with people. Challenge yourself, break routine.
And remember - happiness will never be found anywhere outside yourself. And the sooner that you're happy just being yourself... relationships come easier.
my ex and i would of been together 14 years on April fools day of this year.... and married 9 on the up coming may 25th.
Listen to Starfall, he speaks the truth... it's a life changing thing and best to go with it and do some Changing on YOUR terms
**i don't know how much sense this made (i've been up since 4am..20hrs, I'm quite delirious)
Wish you were here...
♥~RIP Dad
I hate accepting new members.... but welcome to the club.
Hopeless? No. Nervous? Sometimes. Take your time, do your rebound dating for a while and don't settle for the first girl that bats her eyes at you, easier said then done, I know. I agree with Starfall, do some things for yourself. Over the last 5 years since I have been separated/divorced I have learned that it is okay to do things for myself, if I would have waited around life would have passed me by. You may not like being alone now, but it will become easier if you have a great group of friends and family.
i was terrified of dating again at first, since it had been 10 years that I'd gone on a new date...but when I realized that my relationship with my husband was over long before we split up, i was able to go out and have fun :-) i let go of the scared/insecure feeling because I knew that anything I did from then on was on MY terms.
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
great advice, and very true...
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
i had fun! I just went out and did what I wanted to do...i had lost who I was during that relationship and it was fun discovering me again :-)
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
thank you...i appreciate that! and I agree with you...it is nice to have the opportunity to start over, knowing what's good for you, what you need to be happy. for me, knowing that our decision to divorce was a positive one for both of us has made my situation much easier, though, so I know I was very fortunate in that respect.
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
I've done a few of those things over the past year. I recently went on a trip to Vegas with my cousin, which was freakin' sweet. I've reconnected with a cousin I haven't spoken to since 2001. Hung out with a couple old friends I haven't seen since 2003. I even enjoy volunteering for my kid's class when parents are asked to help.
Part of the problem is my work schedule; my off days are during the week. That means my kid is at school and everyone else is at work...and when they're off I'm at work. It just seems difficult to meet new people.
I hate my job but with this economy the options are limited. I have too many financial responsibilities to quit...not an option.