From my own experience after a 12 year marriage ended in divorce 5 years ago - it really helps to just take care of your own needs first. Do something you've always wanted to do but haven't. Talk to old friends you haven't spoken to in a long time. Visit long lost relatives. Branch out, network, reconnect with people. Challenge yourself, break routine.
And remember - happiness will never be found anywhere outside yourself. And the sooner that you're happy just being yourself... relationships come easier.
I've done a few of those things over the past year. I recently went on a trip to Vegas with my cousin, which was freakin' sweet. I've reconnected with a cousin I haven't spoken to since 2001. Hung out with a couple old friends I haven't seen since 2003. I even enjoy volunteering for my kid's class when parents are asked to help.
Part of the problem is my work schedule; my off days are during the week. That means my kid is at school and everyone else is at work...and when they're off I'm at work. It just seems difficult to meet new people.
I hate my job but with this economy the options are limited. I have too many financial responsibilities to quit...not an option.
I still mind not being with my kids as much as I did before, but the quality of the time I do have with them is much better. They can now see me as myself and being much happier. I think that it is very important for kids not to be in a dysfunctional situation.
Are we all really getting old??? Just seems like yesterday we were all wondering who we were going to take to the prom and now I'm reading about seperations and divorces...20 years ago it was how many shows in a row am I attending and now it's i can't go to more than 2 shows cuz I've got kids or my wife will kill me or whatever other reason. It just shows us all how mortal we all are. When we were young we thought we were invincible, now 20 years later and 4 kids later we see how mortal we really are. Jesus Christ I think I need to take a Xanax cuz I'm getting depressed....sorry to hear but if there's one thing us pearl jammers are is that were all tough as shit!!!!! Good luck to all and hopefully see you guys on tour!!!
Are we all really getting old??? Just seems like yesterday we were all wondering who we were going to take to the prom and now I'm reading about seperations and divorces...20 years ago it was how many shows in a row am I attending and now it's i can't go to more than 2 shows cuz I've got kids or my wife will kill me or whatever other reason. It just shows us all how mortal we all are. When we were young we thought we were invincible, now 20 years later and 4 kids later we see how mortal we really are. Jesus Christ I think I need to take a Xanax cuz I'm getting depressed....sorry to hear but if there's one thing us pearl jammers are is that were all tough as shit!!!!! Good luck to all and hopefully see you guys on tour!!!
I definitely grew up a lot during the past year...now, at the ripe ol' age of 31, I feel wise beyond my years!!
Are we all really getting old??? Just seems like yesterday we were all wondering who we were going to take to the prom and now I'm reading about seperations and divorces...20 years ago it was how many shows in a row am I attending and now it's i can't go to more than 2 shows cuz I've got kids or my wife will kill me or whatever other reason. It just shows us all how mortal we all are. When we were young we thought we were invincible, now 20 years later and 4 kids later we see how mortal we really are. Jesus Christ I think I need to take a Xanax cuz I'm getting depressed....sorry to hear but if there's one thing us pearl jammers are is that were all tough as shit!!!!! Good luck to all and hopefully see you guys on tour!!!
actually quite the opposite has happened to me. During and after college I thought I had to be all grown up, then my marriage really killed everything including going to concerts, spending time with friends, etc. About 5 - 6 years ago, I kinda woke up and realized that I needed to start living. Now I see as many concerts as I can, and I take my kids to a lot of them - we have a blast.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
hmmm, 10 1/2 months since I was made aware she wasn't happy. 8 months today since it became official.
While my days ARE much better than last year , I'm still in the middle of dealing with the loss.
Is this what it means to love someone? To be happy for her in a bittersweet way as she has begun a life as another mans wife?
i think it's a feeling you get when you care for someone...while i'm not in love with him, i still want my ex to be happy, and I certainly had some bittersweet feelings.
Right after we split, my ex did a few things that I had really wanted I do when we were together. he moved back to the east coast right away (in with his new GF), knowing I wanted to move home for years...he got a "real" job and stopped playing volleyball, which had overtaken my life (so now he had time to do all the things we couldn't do because of tournaments and training)...so while i was happy for him, it was also bittersweet because i wondered what i did so wrong that he would never do those things for me.
Hope you are all doing well! I've been pretty depressed lately, mainly because I have been having some pretty intense nightmares. I am not drinking nearly as much and have these very vivid dreams involving the ex. Very weird! :(
Hope you are all doing well! I've been pretty depressed lately, mainly because I have been having some pretty intense nightmares. I am not drinking nearly as much and have these very vivid dreams involving the ex. Very weird! :(
The dreams can be the worst to re-awaken the pain.........
Just need to get through it, not over it. Good advice I received.
Hope you are all doing well! I've been pretty depressed lately, mainly because I have been having some pretty intense nightmares. I am not drinking nearly as much and have these very vivid dreams involving the ex. Very weird! :(
Oddly this past week I've dreamed of the ex every night... I don't miss him (not that I'm aware of) and it's been quite some time... since the divorce was final and even since I've seen him. Only thing I can think of is that last month I was getting his rehab bills in the mail at my new place (apparently he's decided to not pay them along with other things and the insurance thinks I will pay them for him). The dreams are pretty boring (besides the one where he informed me he was cheating on me with other women.. that one involved a lot of screaming!) but other than that they were all every day shit. It just makes me feel weird to wake of thinking of him... not top on my list.
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
it's been a year since we admitted to ourselves that our marriage wasn't working...it feels like 10 lifetimes ago! In that year, we've both moved out of CA, started new jobs, began new and healthy relationships and gotten divorced...and are both happier.
I had a little conversation with my ex wife's most recent ex. They had been together - on and off - for just about 2 years, and it finally ended for good sometime last week.
We remarked how relatively at ease we were with each other - as well as all with her other ex's. We even proposed a Facebook group called "B's Ex's" and make it a fan page
"It's not hard to own something. Or everything. You just have to know that it's yours, and then be willing to let it go." - Neil Gaiman, "Stardust"
I had a little conversation with my ex wife's most recent ex. They had been together - on and off - for just about 2 years, and it finally ended for good sometime last week.
We remarked how relatively at ease we were with each other - as well as all with her other ex's. We even proposed a Facebook group called "B's Ex's" and make it a fan page
So I'll just lie down and wait for the dream Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
it's been a year since we admitted to ourselves that our marriage wasn't working...it feels like 10 lifetimes ago! In that year, we've both moved out of CA, started new jobs, began new and healthy relationships and gotten divorced...and are both happier.
I'm glad things are looking better for you. Forgive me for not being in this thread since page 1, but I'm happy to hear that you've made it through your own period of not so happy times.
7/2/06 - Denver, CO
6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
it's been a year since we admitted to ourselves that our marriage wasn't working...it feels like 10 lifetimes ago! In that year, we've both moved out of CA, started new jobs, began new and healthy relationships and gotten divorced...and are both happier.
I'm glad things are looking better for you. Forgive me for not being in this thread since page 1, but I'm happy to hear that you've made it through your own period of not so happy times.
thank you...it's amazing how something that is usually such a negative experience really turned out to be so positive in our case...I know that isn't typical and I'm very grateful that we are on good terms...it made it much easier to move on with our lives
Comments
I still mind not being with my kids as much as I did before, but the quality of the time I do have with them is much better. They can now see me as myself and being much happier. I think that it is very important for kids not to be in a dysfunctional situation.
I definitely grew up a lot during the past year...now, at the ripe ol' age of 31, I feel wise beyond my years!!
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
actually quite the opposite has happened to me. During and after college I thought I had to be all grown up, then my marriage really killed everything including going to concerts, spending time with friends, etc. About 5 - 6 years ago, I kinda woke up and realized that I needed to start living. Now I see as many concerts as I can, and I take my kids to a lot of them - we have a blast.
Wish you were here...
♥~RIP Dad
somedays I feel that too
Wish you were here...
♥~RIP Dad
While my days ARE much better than last year , I'm still in the middle of dealing with the loss.
Is this what it means to love someone? To be happy for her in a bittersweet way as she has begun a life as another mans wife?
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
i think it's a feeling you get when you care for someone...while i'm not in love with him, i still want my ex to be happy, and I certainly had some bittersweet feelings.
Right after we split, my ex did a few things that I had really wanted I do when we were together. he moved back to the east coast right away (in with his new GF), knowing I wanted to move home for years...he got a "real" job and stopped playing volleyball, which had overtaken my life (so now he had time to do all the things we couldn't do because of tournaments and training)...so while i was happy for him, it was also bittersweet because i wondered what i did so wrong that he would never do those things for me.
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
The dreams can be the worst to re-awaken the pain.........
Just need to get through it, not over it. Good advice I received.
who says you have to be happy for her??? sure, wish her no ill will but as for you being happy for her. screw that. id be feeling nothing for her.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
Glad you are doing great!
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
I want to get on with my life dammitt!!!
Wish you were here...
♥~RIP Dad
We remarked how relatively at ease we were with each other - as well as all with her other ex's. We even proposed a Facebook group called "B's Ex's" and make it a fan page
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
Wish you were here...
♥~RIP Dad
Sorry, don't know all the details of what you are going through.
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
Wish you were here...
♥~RIP Dad
Well...good luck with that. I hope it gets resolved for you soon!!
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
It works the same way here, but I can't afford a lawyer at the moment... :roll:
Wish you were here...
♥~RIP Dad
Go out with a few guys, and if he has a problem with it, then he can go frak himself.
Sounds great! I'm going to be moving some place warmer, and once the divorce is settled I get half of everything... I deserve it!!
Wish you were here...
♥~RIP Dad
I'm glad things are looking better for you. Forgive me for not being in this thread since page 1, but I'm happy to hear that you've made it through your own period of not so happy times.
6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
thank you...it's amazing how something that is usually such a negative experience really turned out to be so positive in our case...I know that isn't typical and I'm very grateful that we are on good terms...it made it much easier to move on with our lives
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln