So...my husband had an affair.

mfc2006

Cinnamon Girl wrote:

Whew....that sucked...I was racking my brain trying to figure out what I did.

What a beautiful thing this group is. Thanks from the bottom of my heart. :oops:

nice to see you back! keep your head up & take care of yourself!

Fifthelement

Welcome back CinGirl

CHANGEinWAVES

Yeah! You're back
I knew it was a mix up, you're too much of a sweetie to be banned!
Stay strong, we're all here for you

arq

Nice to have you back and strong!

Thoughts_Arrive

A big welcome back!

chime

Welcome back and sorry for what you're going through.

Only thing I can pass on from experience ... a similar situation happened with my parents when I was about 4 (they stayed together) ... but just to remember (and remind others) that although the kids aren't in the room doesn't mean they aren't hearing what is said ... I regret that this situation adversely effected my relationship with my maternal grandparents as I overheard a lot of things being said by them about the father I loved and worshipped. It made me from a young age not want to spend time with them because in my mind they were mean to my Dad and means that I'm still not as close to them as they would like me to be as we didn't develop the relationship when I was young.

I hope that the counselling helps you and your kids get through this situation as best you can.

{{{CinGirl}}}

Heineken Helen

Chime wrote:

Welcome back and sorry for what you're going through.

Only thing I can pass on from experience ... a similar situation happened with my parents when I was about 4 (they stayed together) ... but just to remember (and remind others) that although the kids aren't in the room doesn't mean they aren't hearing what is said ... I regret that this situation adversely effected my relationship with my maternal grandparents as I overheard a lot of things being said by them about the father I loved and worshipped. It made me from a young age not want to spend time with them because in my mind they were mean to my Dad and means that I'm still not as close to them as they would like me to be as we didn't develop the relationship when I was young.

I hope that the counselling helps you and your kids get through this situation as best you can.

{{{CinGirl}}}

well said... the reason I have no relationship/contact with my mother probably originates (and grew) from her treating me as her friend rather than daughter and bitching about my Dad... I didn't appreciate it then and I still don't.

Black Diamond

Heineken Helen wrote:

well said... the reason I have no relationship/contact with my mother probably originates (and grew) from her treating me as her friend rather than daughter and bitching about my Dad... I didn't appreciate it then and I still don't.

Well said too. I had the same situation with my mom as she used me as a pawn against my father her whole life and especially through their divorce. She asked me not to be the best man at his wedding when I was 14 because he was late on his alimony payment. Of course after he died she has had nothing but nicer things to say and considers herself a widow and not divorced.

Heineken Helen

Black Diamond wrote:

Well said too. I had the same situation with my mom as she used me as a pawn against my father her whole life and especially through their divorce. She asked me not to be the best man at his wedding when I was 14 because he was late on his alimony payment. Of course after he died she has had nothing but nicer things to say and considers herself a widow and not divorced.

Just don't be one of these cinn girl... although I've no doubt you'll be fine . I'd imagine it will be tough not trying to get your kids on side by telling them bad stuff that he does... but your kids don't want to know... EVER! Don't expect them to love him any less... they're gonna be going through enough. I expect you know better than this though and, while there will be tough times, you're strong and you can only get stronger

libragirl

I am very sorry. Although I have never been married I know how it is to have someone betray you. It sucks. But I can't imagine what you are going through. :(

Black Diamond

Heineken Helen wrote:

Black Diamond wrote:

Well said too. I had the same situation with my mom as she used me as a pawn against my father her whole life and especially through their divorce. She asked me not to be the best man at his wedding when I was 14 because he was late on his alimony payment. Of course after he died she has had nothing but nicer things to say and considers herself a widow and not divorced.

Just don't be one of these cinn girl... although I've no doubt you'll be fine . I'd imagine it will be tough not trying to get your kids on side by telling them bad stuff that he does... but your kids don't want to know... EVER! Don't expect them to love him any less... they're gonna be going through enough. I expect you know better than this though and, while there will be tough times, you're strong and you can only get stronger

I still do love her although we can never talk about my dad or I get really agitated.

Cinnamon Girl

Heineken Helen wrote:

Black Diamond wrote:

Well said too. I had the same situation with my mom as she used me as a pawn against my father her whole life and especially through their divorce. She asked me not to be the best man at his wedding when I was 14 because he was late on his alimony payment. Of course after he died she has had nothing but nicer things to say and considers herself a widow and not divorced.

Just don't be one of these cinn girl... although I've no doubt you'll be fine . I'd imagine it will be tough not trying to get your kids on side by telling them bad stuff that he does... but your kids don't want to know... EVER! Don't expect them to love him any less... they're gonna be going through enough. I expect you know better than this though and, while there will be tough times, you're strong and you can only get stronger

Don't worry, I am not one of those. My husband and I are a team no matter what happens to our marriage. We both know this and understand that there are boundaries with parenting that you do not cross. My husband is a great dad....not a great husband....but a GREAT dad. (thank god).

We are very realistic people. We're looking into our options on how we can successfully raise these kids while living separately. It's a challenge and sometimes painful, but our kids deserve nothing less.

Heineken Helen

Cinnamon Girl wrote:

Don't worry, I am not one of those. My husband and I are a team no matter what happens to our marriage. We both know this and understand that there are boundaries with parenting that you do not cross. My husband is a great dad....not a great husband....but a GREAT dad. (thank god).

We are very realistic people. We're looking into our options on how we can successfully raise these kids while living separately. It's a challenge and sometimes painful, but our kids deserve nothing less.

that's great to hear... it's not gonna be easy... but if the two of you can somehow remain on good terms, despite what happened you'll be halfway there

fanch75

Drink a lot of natty light, listen to a lot of YIELD, and do stuff with your friends. In about six months, assess how things are going for you.

AmentsChick

Kat wrote:

There have been some people getting the message that they are banned and it's some kind of bbs error. If it happens to you, please let <!-- e --><a href="mailto:info@tenclub.net">info@tenclub.net</a><!-- e --> know or write to us and we'll pass it along so it can be fixed.

Damn gremlins!

xo

LMAO! I thought the gremlins were exterminated in the 80s. You might want to make this post a sticky.

CHANGEinWAVES

Cinnamon Girl wrote:

Don't worry, I am not one of those. My husband and I are a team no matter what happens to our marriage. We both know this and understand that there are boundaries with parenting that you do not cross. My husband is a great dad....not a great husband....but a GREAT dad. (thank god).

We are very realistic people. We're looking into our options on how we can successfully raise these kids while living separately. It's a challenge and sometimes painful, but our kids deserve nothing less.

I am so glad to hear you say this. It shows how great and caring a person you are to see his faults with you are not a reflection on him as a father. You really are a step a head if you can already see this. Rational is the best way to think now because all of your feelings are irrarional...and you need a balance. I'm here when you need me.

g under p

I've been there and it hurts like hell. Did everything in my power to still make it work but ended up placing all my energies into my daughter. She's been living with me for the last 8 years and sees her mom every other weekend. My daughter happy and I'm happy with the outcome. Good luck and focus your motherhood skills on your young children.

It may look like ALL hell is coming but give things time and I promise you there's a bright light at the end of this tunnel.

Peace

so-much-clearer

I'm really sorry that this happened to you, cinnamon... I hope it works out for the best for you and your kids.

demetrios

I'm so sorry!

woundedorgan

I feel very bad about your situation. I would suggest doing something for yourself. Take a break, let's face it, your x is going to have to man up to this and take care of your children as well. You don't know me or anything and I am not going to give your personal advice but I would suggest meeting this conflict in your life head on. Don't feel stuck, there is an entire support base out there if you need, I am sure. Of course the feelings are going to be horrible but this can pass. Life is full of choices and someone very close to you chose to screw things up which involves almost every sacred aspect of your life to date.

Don't let this claim your inner peace...