Well said too. I had the same situation with my mom as she used me as a pawn against my father her whole life and especially through their divorce. She asked me not to be the best man at his wedding when I was 14 because he was late on his alimony payment. Of course after he died she has had nothing but nicer things to say and considers herself a widow and not divorced.
Just don't be one of these cinn girl... although I've no doubt you'll be fine . I'd imagine it will be tough not trying to get your kids on side by telling them bad stuff that he does... but your kids don't want to know... EVER! Don't expect them to love him any less... they're gonna be going through enough. I expect you know better than this though and, while there will be tough times, you're strong and you can only get stronger
I still do love her although we can never talk about my dad or I get really agitated.
Well said too. I had the same situation with my mom as she used me as a pawn against my father her whole life and especially through their divorce. She asked me not to be the best man at his wedding when I was 14 because he was late on his alimony payment. Of course after he died she has had nothing but nicer things to say and considers herself a widow and not divorced.
Just don't be one of these cinn girl... although I've no doubt you'll be fine . I'd imagine it will be tough not trying to get your kids on side by telling them bad stuff that he does... but your kids don't want to know... EVER! Don't expect them to love him any less... they're gonna be going through enough. I expect you know better than this though and, while there will be tough times, you're strong and you can only get stronger
Don't worry, I am not one of those. My husband and I are a team no matter what happens to our marriage. We both know this and understand that there are boundaries with parenting that you do not cross. My husband is a great dad....not a great husband....but a GREAT dad. (thank god).
We are very realistic people. We're looking into our options on how we can successfully raise these kids while living separately. It's a challenge and sometimes painful, but our kids deserve nothing less.
Don't worry, I am not one of those. My husband and I are a team no matter what happens to our marriage. We both know this and understand that there are boundaries with parenting that you do not cross. My husband is a great dad....not a great husband....but a GREAT dad. (thank god).
We are very realistic people. We're looking into our options on how we can successfully raise these kids while living separately. It's a challenge and sometimes painful, but our kids deserve nothing less.
that's great to hear... it's not gonna be easy... but if the two of you can somehow remain on good terms, despite what happened you'll be halfway there
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
There have been some people getting the message that they are banned and it's some kind of bbs error. If it happens to you, please let <!-- e --><a href="mailto:info@tenclub.net">info@tenclub.net</a><!-- e --> know or write to us and we'll pass it along so it can be fixed.
Damn gremlins!
xo
LMAO! I thought the gremlins were exterminated in the 80s. You might want to make this post a sticky.
This is the greatest band in the world -- Ben Harper
Don't worry, I am not one of those. My husband and I are a team no matter what happens to our marriage. We both know this and understand that there are boundaries with parenting that you do not cross. My husband is a great dad....not a great husband....but a GREAT dad. (thank god).
We are very realistic people. We're looking into our options on how we can successfully raise these kids while living separately. It's a challenge and sometimes painful, but our kids deserve nothing less.
I am so glad to hear you say this. It shows how great and caring a person you are to see his faults with you are not a reflection on him as a father. You really are a step a head if you can already see this. Rational is the best way to think now because all of your feelings are irrarional...and you need a balance. I'm here when you need me.
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
I've been there and it hurts like hell. Did everything in my power to still make it work but ended up placing all my energies into my daughter. She's been living with me for the last 8 years and sees her mom every other weekend. My daughter happy and I'm happy with the outcome. Good luck and focus your motherhood skills on your young children.
It may look like ALL hell is coming but give things time and I promise you there's a bright light at the end of this tunnel.
Peace
*We CAN bomb the World to pieces, but we CAN'T bomb it into PEACE*...Michael Franti
*MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
.....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti
*The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)
I feel very bad about your situation. I would suggest doing something for yourself. Take a break, let's face it, your x is going to have to man up to this and take care of your children as well. You don't know me or anything and I am not going to give your personal advice but I would suggest meeting this conflict in your life head on. Don't feel stuck, there is an entire support base out there if you need, I am sure. Of course the feelings are going to be horrible but this can pass. Life is full of choices and someone very close to you chose to screw things up which involves almost every sacred aspect of your life to date.
This type of shit makes me feel so bad for the children. Ofcourse I am sorry for you also but adults bounce back easier then children. It makes me so sad when children are involved. I went through it when I was young and I dont wish it upon anyone.
Good luck woman.
FYI, when you are ready to move on....the old ways of thinking that a woman with kids is not a good catch is total bullshit. You will find the right guy when your ready.
Get em a Body Bag Yeeeeeaaaaa!
Sweep the Leg Johnny.
Thanks so much for the new posts. I've been doing very well lately. The emotions are under control and I am making all my families choices based on facts, not feelings. I've been focusing on school (just got accepted for nursing!) and my kids, so my brain is pretty full. I don't have much chance to stop and feel sorry for myself.
I agree about the kids. I feel terrible that they have to be involved in this. But I would rather my children see me as a person who won't be treated badly. I have no trust for my husband and I don't want them thinking that that is normal or acceptable. I tried for many year with my husband, he just never tried too. He is a good father and we are open and agreeable when it comes to raising our kids.
The support from this place has been unbelievable! There are some good caring folks here.
As hard and as painful as it seems now....it is for the best (I've been divorced from my H.S. sweetheart for 2 1/2 years now). Think of it like life is giving you a second chance at happiness. Your free!! He wasn't right for you, as hard as that may seem. You can't plan life...you can only let it happen.c Good luck to you.
"If you want a friend, feed any animal." - JA
"Don't let it get you down, you know, still give your love, just give it away...I love singin' that part." - EV
As hard and as painful as it seems now....it is for the best (I've been divorced from my H.S. sweetheart for 2 1/2 years now). Think of it like life is giving you a second chance at happiness. Your free!! He wasn't right for you, as hard as that may seem. You can't plan life...you can only let it happen.c Good luck to you.
This is very good advice. While you're 'in it' it's hard to see how you could be better off with out them. But from the other side I now see it's for the best... And all I was hopeful for then was a life I was 'comfortabl'e being in... Not one I was happy in.
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
I'm about a month late on this, but it's the first time I've been back to the ex-message pit in a while. I'm sorry to hear about your situation... went through something very similar a few years back with a woman I too had moved far away from home to be with. We were never married but were together for six years before she cheated and things fell apart. I came here, well, to the pit anyway and was humbled to get so much support from fellow Jammers.
Good to know you are moving forward in all of this. That is all you can do really... once a cheater always a cheater. It's unfortunate for children in situations like this, but I think it is worse when parents who don't love each other stick together for the sake of the kids. Children aren't dummies and that kind of environment can be very harmful emotionally when they are old enough to realize what is going on.
Good luck in the future and hang in there!
Make your life a mission - not an intermission. - Arnold Gasglow
I know that this is really personal, but I'm just so sad and lonely right now. We've been married for 7 years and have 2 kids. Our marriage is over...I have been with him since I was 13. He was my first boyfriend and the only man I've ever been with. I feel so lost.
We moved here 3 months ago because he got a job here. The girl he had an affair with is beautiful...and younger, of course. I moved away from my friends and family. I feel stuck.
I don't mean to sound so pathetic, and I'm really embarrassed about how it sounds, but I just need to get it out.
I guess I'm looking for people who have been through this before. Has anyone here survived this pain and feels like giving me some wise words.
Comments
I still do love her although we can never talk about my dad or I get really agitated.
Don't worry, I am not one of those. My husband and I are a team no matter what happens to our marriage. We both know this and understand that there are boundaries with parenting that you do not cross. My husband is a great dad....not a great husband....but a GREAT dad. (thank god).
We are very realistic people. We're looking into our options on how we can successfully raise these kids while living separately. It's a challenge and sometimes painful, but our kids deserve nothing less.
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
LMAO! I thought the gremlins were exterminated in the 80s. You might want to make this post a sticky.
It may look like ALL hell is coming but give things time and I promise you there's a bright light at the end of this tunnel.
Peace
*MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
.....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti
*The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)
Don't let this claim your inner peace...
Good luck woman.
FYI, when you are ready to move on....the old ways of thinking that a woman with kids is not a good catch is total bullshit. You will find the right guy when your ready.
Sweep the Leg Johnny.
xxx
I agree about the kids. I feel terrible that they have to be involved in this. But I would rather my children see me as a person who won't be treated badly. I have no trust for my husband and I don't want them thinking that that is normal or acceptable. I tried for many year with my husband, he just never tried too. He is a good father and we are open and agreeable when it comes to raising our kids.
The support from this place has been unbelievable! There are some good caring folks here.
congrats!!!
good to hear you are doing well
I'm looking forward to it!! You'll be celebrating with me, right?
Me too!
nice hair cut!
"Don't let it get you down, you know, still give your love, just give it away...I love singin' that part." - EV
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Why not (V) (°,,,,°) (V) ?
The new pic is actually an older (pre-haircut) pic...but thanks none the less. :oops:
it's a great haircut and a BIG congrats on your nursing school endeavor--good for you!
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
I concur :oops:
Good to know you are moving forward in all of this. That is all you can do really... once a cheater always a cheater. It's unfortunate for children in situations like this, but I think it is worse when parents who don't love each other stick together for the sake of the kids. Children aren't dummies and that kind of environment can be very harmful emotionally when they are old enough to realize what is going on.
Good luck in the future and hang in there!
Make your life a mission - not an intermission. - Arnold Gasglow
:(
no need to dig up old scars for some board members.