So...my husband had an affair.

CHANGEinWAVES

Cinnamon Girl wrote:

Last night when I was talking to...lets call him "Mr.HeadUpHisAss"...He said "I need this to be real...it's the only way I can fix this." I know I'm sharing a lot...but you guys (and the whiskey) make it easy.

Anyway, I think that was him asking me to really end this.

sometimes It's almost like they are asking permission. :? like they can't get up the nerve to REALLY say it themselves.

DeLukin

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

sometimes It's almost like they are asking permission. :? like they can't get up the nerve to REALLY say it themselves.

Well, it lets him off the hook if it's a mutual thing... If he can keep things amicable then he can have his cake and eat it too.

CHANGEinWAVES

DeLukin wrote:

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

sometimes It's almost like they are asking permission. :? like they can't get up the nerve to REALLY say it themselves.

Well, it lets him off the hook if it's a mutual thing... If he can keep things amicable then he can have his cake and eat it too.

yes this is true... though in my marriage him making me mad and me wanting it over "let him off the hook" let him get out of it with out having to say he wanted it over.

decides2dream

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

DeLukin wrote:

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

sometimes It's almost like they are asking permission. :? like they can't get up the nerve to REALLY say it themselves.

Well, it lets him off the hook if it's a mutual thing... If he can keep things amicable then he can have his cake and eat it too.

yes this is true... though in my marriage him making me mad and me wanting it over "let him off the hook" let him get out of it with out having to say he wanted it over.

well as long as it is what YOU truly want, in the end.....it won't make much difference. and, if anything, help you realize more and more...you are a stronger, better person.

iluvcats

LongRd. wrote:

Cinnamon Girl wrote:

pjhawks wrote:

just to bring some levity just think that now you will become the hot single mom of the neighborhood

Thanks....but I have never, in my life, felt less hot....and "single mother" isn't the sexiest tag. :oops:

I know that I can't sit around and feel sorry for myself. I just hope I can shake this feeling soon.

Being raise by a single mother myself I can tell you the only things she cared about were her 3 kids, we were everything to her. After my dad and step-dad, she pretty much lost faith in all men. LOL

Like everybody said, it's cliche but it's true...just strong for your kids and by the time they're my age they will look at you as the greatest mom in the world!

Stay strong and good luck!

may i change the subject?

longroad, get rid of that cheesy, seventies, you know what star looking moustache

ugh

can't you find a better pic of jason lee?

JOEJOEJOE

Cinn-Girl:

I am sorry for what has transpired, but I wish you strength and clarity in your ordeal. As people have already said, you are not at any fault, and you are the victim here. Your husband is the culprit, and he will have to live his mistakes forever.

Once you have resolved the matter, I hope you will be able to feel a sense of relief, and find happiness, in the near future. You are still very young, so you have your whole life ahead of you.

iluvcats

JOEJOEJOE wrote:

Cinn-Girl:

I am sorry for what has transpired, but I wish you strength and clarity in your ordeal. As people have already said, you are not at any fault, and you are the victim here. Your husband is the culprit, and he will have to live his mistakes forever.

Once you have resolved the matter, I hope you will be able to feel a sense of relief, and find happiness, in the near future. You are still very young, so you have your whole life ahead of you.

this is a very sweet reply

Lizard

Truly sorry to read this.

Can't really add to the good words and advice above me so I will just say STAY STRONG and I wish you the best.

((((Cinn Girl))))

All5horizons1991

Truly sorry for you and your children. I have no advice to give as I can't fathom what your going through. At the very least you can take comfort in the fact that so many people out here obviously care about you.

in_hiding79

Cinnamon Girl wrote:

I know that this is really personal, but I'm just so sad and lonely right now. We've been married for 7 years and have 2 kids. Our marriage is over...I have been with him since I was 13. He was my first boyfriend and the only man I've ever been with. I feel so lost.

We moved here 3 months ago because he got a job here. The girl he had an affair with is beautiful...and younger, of course. I moved away from my friends and family. I feel stuck.

I don't mean to sound so pathetic, and I'm really embarrassed about how it sounds, but I just need to get it out.

I guess I'm looking for people who have been through this before. Has anyone here survived this pain and feels like giving me some wise words.

thanks for listening.

Younger? You look like you're 20 years old. Beautiful? You're beautiful.

I'm sorry, but he's an asshole. He is going to be so sorry that he did this to you and your two children. I have news for him, this young girl will drop him and he will get what he deserves!

I can't tell you enough how sorry I am to hear this, it makes me sad. All those years...just take it day by day and you will soon feel better. I know it is hard , but you seem like a strong woman.

Keiran

I am so very very sorry that anyone has to go through this. Don't be surprised if you find yourself moving through the same stages of grieving that one experiences when a loved one dies. Don't fear these feelings. Healing is a process that is often lengthy.

Get yourself and your kids in touch with a counselor you trust. Don't be stupid and prideful like I was, getting help and support is a sign of strength - not weakness.

Above all else, remember the foolish choices your ex has made are not a reflection of you.

Best of luck. And warm strong loving wishes to both you and your children.

Cinnamon Girl

I am so grateful for all the support...you guys kick ASS!!

Thanks. :oops:

decides2dream

Keiran wrote:

I am so very very sorry that anyone has to go through this. Don't be surprised if you find yourself moving through the same stages of grieving that one experiences when a loved one dies. Don't fear these feelings. Healing is a process that is often lengthy.

Get yourself and your kids in touch with a counselor you trust. Don't be stupid and prideful like I was, getting help and support is a sign of strength - not weakness.

Above all else, remember the foolish choices your ex has made are not a reflection of you.

Best of luck. And warm strong loving wishes to both you and your children.

excellent, excellent post....ALL of it!
some excellent advice to be heeded.

*hugs cinngirl*

mookie9999

So sorry to hear this! My live-in girlfriend of 9.5 years cheated on me just over a year ago. She fessed up as opposed to me catching her, however it hurt just the same. I was (and still am) 3000+miles away from every family member. I felt lost and betrayed. To make matters worse, she didn't have a penny to her name so I allowed her to stay at my place in my bed (as we only had a studio apartment in NYC) for 3 months while she saved up to move out. It was a nightmare only made better by me doing all that I could to avoid contact with her. It took a few months to feel better about the situation and now I'm even able to joke about it. However, trust issues (which were never a problem for me) have become an issue. The best advice I can give is to just know that it will get better, the hurt will subside, stay strong and just be thankful to have wonderful kids! Peace to you.

pearljgirl2010

I just read through all of these pages of posts....isn't it great that you have so many people who care about you?? I've never met you, but if I could do anything to help you out--like most people on this board!

you are doing an amazing job with your life...you're beautiful, fun, have great taste in music (!) and have raised 2 children--you rock!! It seems like you have a lot of positive people and things in your life and you're so lucky.

as difficult as things get sometimes, i think things happen for a reason--in your case, there is someone out there who is going to treat you the way you deserve to be treated...and you will be better off in the long run ,maybe not next month, maybe not in 6 months...but you will.

edvedder913

First off, I am so sorry you are going through this painful and deceitful experience. I have so many friends right now going through divorces for the same reason. I was also in a similar situation myself 5+ years ago. I promise you, you will get through this.

You need to go through all of the emotions as someone mentioned earlier - close to that of dealing with a death. Counseling helps - for both you and the 6 year old. Your kids are young enough that they will survive this. My son was 4 when we split up and he has no memory of his dad really ever living with us. The 6 year old will feel more of a loss, but hopefully their dad will still be a part of their lives and the 2 of you can be civil with one another. If you both put your kids happiness first, they will fare well. We still do certain things together as a family and it is great for my son. Today we went to the museum together. Many of his teachers have remarked to me that they would NEVER know he was the product of a divorce. If you both respect one another and can be friendly, the kids will flourish from it. It may be very hard right now, but in 6 months or so hopefully you can mend some wounds.

As hard as it sounds, do NOT blame yourself. Do NOT feel like a fool. He is the fool that broke his family in two, and trust me, one day he will regret it. People are only responsible for their own actions. If you say he was a liar, he obviously is and always was - no reflection of you. He is obviously acting selfishly, and selfish people live very lonely lives. You will always have your 2 beautiful children. He lost all around. Hopefully you can move back home after the dust settles - maybe in June when your child is out of school. Do what is best for YOU and the kids. A happy mom is a better mom. please put yourself 1st - the kids will benefit from that in the long run. You should not suffer because of his poor decision making.

Hang in there! Be there for your kids, enjoy every minute with them as best as possible. Don't tell them too much, they are too young to understand adult relationships. Being a single mom is very rewarding in many ways - do not let the term frighten you. I am sure you will eventually find someone more honest and deserving - you have never given yourself that chance. Now is your time, for both you and the kids. You all deserve better

fightingthesuburbs

I never get too personnel online but just so you know Cinnamon, unfortunately this is too common. My parents split up when I was still a baby in a nearly identical way. My mom raised my sister and I by herself and did a great job. I'm sure you will too, and I'm sure you'll find the RIGHT guy for you some day in the future.

I would say one positive thing to come out of it is you'll get two very strong little kids out of this as this will definitely be a hardship they'll learn to overcome over time. Just be the best mom you can, try to keep your cool in front of them even if its really hard. Find a good friend or message board to vent to. Never vent to your kids! Probably my moms only failing was that. Kids aren't able to process that stuff.

My father isn't a bad guy either but even at 30 men can act like 15 year olds.

I waited a very long time to get married and have kids, partly because I never wanted to go through what my parents did and I don't take my wife and children for granted because of what happened to my parents.

I'm kind of getting off track, but I guess what I'm saying is you seem to be a sweet person and no one deserves something like this to happen to them.

If you ever want to talk please feel free to PM me.

LONGRD

iluvcats wrote:

LongRd. wrote:

Cinnamon Girl wrote:

Thanks....but I have never, in my life, felt less hot....and "single mother" isn't the sexiest tag. :oops:

I know that I can't sit around and feel sorry for myself. I just hope I can shake this feeling soon.

Being raise by a single mother myself I can tell you the only things she cared about were her 3 kids, we were everything to her. After my dad and step-dad, she pretty much lost faith in all men. LOL

Like everybody said, it's cliche but it's true...just strong for your kids and by the time they're my age they will look at you as the greatest mom in the world!

Stay strong and good luck!

may i change the subject?

longroad, get rid of that cheesy, seventies, you know what star looking moustache

ugh

can't you find a better pic of jason lee?

First of all, this thread ain't the right place or time to show your affection for me, Catsie. Very unnecessary!

Secondly, like Jason, I too have a 70's stash. So the avatar is stayin'!(for awhile)

rockpants

Sorry to hear about this. I wish you well.

My parents split when I was quite young (almost 4 years old) and my older brother was nearing 6. Everything turned out alright for my brother and I because my parents put us before themselves. We don't have any memories of fights or hostility. I hope your soon-to-be-ex will be co-operative with you regarding the children.

Best of luck with everything. Take care.

Heineken Helen

Cinnamon Girl wrote:

I am so grateful for all the support...you guys kick ASS!!

Thanks. :oops:

Is there a secret message in there? Ya want us to? Cos I will!