i don't know why, i just never imagined you were married and with 2 kids! i've seen your avatar once (i 99% of the time have them disabled) and i thought you looked so young.
my heart truly goes out to you. :( i cannot say i have any experience with your situation, but just being married a long time....i can only imagine the devastation you must feel. i wish you and your children love and healing, and that in time....good will come out of it for you all and you will be better and happier down the road!
We moved here 3 months ago because he got a job here. The girl he had an affair with is beautiful...and younger, of course. I moved away from my friends and family. I feel stuck.
I don't mean to sound so pathetic, and I'm really embarrassed about how it sounds, but I just need to get it out.
I guess I'm looking for people who have been through this before. Has anyone here survived this pain and feels like giving me some wise words.
thanks for listening.
I think I understand how you feel, try to hang in there for the kids sake, the 7 year mark of a marriage/relationship is often a rough patch I have learned, try to consider going to counceling together, there may be ways to sort it out even if doesn't look so from your post.
hugs and happy thoughts from me
Everyday................is Pearl Jam Day.
Except Sundays, that's Ed day.
The mind is like a parachute, it doesn't work unless it's open. FZ
That's why you never marry young and never marry your first... it's inevitable that people are going to want to see what else is out there or wonder what they might have missed.
Still, that's shitty and I'm sorry it happened to you. It tore me up when my ex left me for another guy, but we weren't dating all that long and certainly weren't married, so I can't even imagine what you're feeling now.
I have no helpful advice... my advice is on the sadistic side... if he's living in the basement, hit the bars every now and again and bring a diff guy home... see how he likes that! It can't be bad for your confidence either!
Not to get too personal (as if that's possible at this point), but how old are you? From your picture I'd never in a million years have guessed you were married with 2 kids... you don't even look out of college! I can't imagine how he could find a younger, prettier girl that doesn't come with jailtime attached
damn what a shitty situation. i feel for you and hope you can get through this. you are still very young and can rise above this and still have a great life ahead of yourself. wish you the best.
how did a 23yr old guy manage to pick a 13yr old girl up and marry her?
Van '98, Sea I+II '00, Sea '01, Sea II '02, Van '03, Gorge, Van, Cal, Edm '05, Bos I+II, Phi I+II, DC, SF II+III, Port, Gorge I+II '06, DC, NY I+II '08, Sea I+II, Van, Ridge , LA III+IV' 09, Indy '10, Cal, Van '11, Lond, Van, Sea '13, Memphis '14, RRHOF '17, Sea I+II '18, Van I+II, Vegas I+II '24
I can't imagine how he could find a younger, prettier girl that doesn't come with jailtime attached
Well thanks...thats nice to hear.
I'm 28. We were married when I was 22 so I guess we're just coming up on 7 years. I've been with him since I was 13. Didn't sleep with him till I was 17. Sorry if it's too much information.
That's why you never marry young and never marry your first... it's inevitable that people are going to want to see what else is out there or wonder what they might have missed.
Agreed...lesson learned.
Our relationship has had ups and downs, but the continuous trend is the lying. He likes to have secrets. And he seems to feel little guilt until he's been caught.
I was afraid to post here cause of the shame, but I knew that this board is full of supportive people.
Your words are really healing right now and it's so nice to relate to people.
Was it a mistake he made or is it an on-going situation?
I think if you have two young children, it might be worth talking about what it means in the long run before you decide to end your marriage.
he claims it's over...but I have little to no faith in that.
I agree about making it work. We have been trying for years. This is the first affair (that I know of) but there have been so many other lies and secrets.
I know that this is really personal, but I'm just so sad and lonely right now. We've been married for 7 years and have 2 kids. Our marriage is over...I have been with him since I was 13. He was my first boyfriend and the only man I've ever been with. I feel so lost.
We moved here 3 months ago because he got a job here. The girl he had an affair with is beautiful...and younger, of course. I moved away from my friends and family. I feel stuck.
I don't mean to sound so pathetic, and I'm really embarrassed about how it sounds, but I just need to get it out.
I guess I'm looking for people who have been through this before. Has anyone here survived this pain and feels like giving me some wise words.
thanks for listening.
I am so very sorry to hear this Cinnamon. Your kids will need you right now and they will be able to help you. You're a beautiful woman and you'll be fine. He will realize once this younger woman decides to leave HIM what he lost. If I were you I'd move back near my family and friends..they will be your strength. And your PJ friends will always be here for you...we never leave
Oh...and btw...I'm with a woman whos had 2 children by 2 different guys...there are guys out there who will LOVE you...and they might even be a devilishly handsome and sexy as me LOL
just to bring some levity just think that now you will become the hot single mom of the neighborhood
Thanks....but I have never, in my life, felt less hot....and "single mother" isn't the sexiest tag. :oops:
I know that I can't sit around and feel sorry for myself. I just hope I can shake this feeling soon.
Sorry about your situation Cinn... :(
Like someone else said- Emerse yourself in your kids.
I'm with a woman who never thought she'd be a 'MILF' after her divorce. She has three amazing kids. Single moms are awesome. There are a lot of people who were raised by them...
The main thing is to make sure the kids are alright.
Was it a mistake he made or is it an on-going situation?
I think if you have two young children, it might be worth talking about what it means in the long run before you decide to end your marriage.
he claims it's over...but I have little to no faith in that.
I agree about making it work. We have been trying for years. This is the first affair (that I know of) but there have been so many other lies and secrets.
Hmm... that does sound like something that won't really go away. UGH.
Try to work on the relationship while you are simultaneously getting yourself organized. That way you won't be left with two little children and no way to take care of them. It'll give you some time to find a job.
I'm 28. We were married when I was 22 so I guess we're just coming up on 7 years. I've been with him since I was 13. Didn't sleep with him till I was 17. Sorry if it's too much information.
Agreed...lesson learned.
Our relationship has had ups and downs, but the continuous trend is the lying. He likes to have secrets. And he seems to feel little guilt until he's been caught.
I was afraid to post here cause of the shame, but I knew that this board is full of supportive people.
You're welcome, I hope I didn't offend you... I meant that comment as a compliment!
In any case your description of him reminds me of... well, me. I've often behaved that way in the past and while I've tried to be better about it, it still resurfaces. The fact is, there's nothing you can do about a guy like that. He just needs to grow up and it's clear he hasn't done that and he probably won't while he has you and thinks you'll accept him as he is. Like an adolescent, he feels entitled to whatever he wants and doesn't care how pursuing it affects those around him. In fact, I'm willing to bet that anytime you pushed on the secrets he turned it on you and tried to make you feel irrational or nagging for even wanting to know. Just don't buy it. You have nothing to be ashamed of and there's nothing you could have done to prevent it. He made the choices and he's the one that failed in the relationship. It doesn't mean he never loved you or that he's a monster, but it does mean that he's not the kind of guy you deserve or can depend upon in a committed relationship. Better to find that out sooner rather than later.
I'm very sorry this happened to you and your children. :( You shouldn't be embarrassed or ashamed of this.
He is the loser in this situation. Even though it might not feel like it right now, you will be better off, and he will be the one left with regrets. So take some solace in that. (Maybe that's not healthy, lol, but it is true and I know that would make me feel better if I were in this situation.)
Our relationship has had ups and downs, but the continuous trend is the lying. He likes to have secrets. And he seems to feel little guilt until he's been caught.
I'm 28. We were married when I was 22 so I guess we're just coming up on 7 years. I've been with him since I was 13. Didn't sleep with him till I was 17.
I was afraid to post here cause of the shame, but I knew that this board is full of supportive people.
Your words are really healing right now and it's so nice to relate to people.
Thanks.
Even the ages are similar for us. Yes this place is very supportive. Remember I'm here if you need to talk, or cry, or be pissed
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
wow don't feel shame... you've absolutely nothing to be ashamed of... that's one thing that's crystal clear ok?
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
wow don't feel shame... you've absolutely nothing to be ashamed of... that's one thing that's crystal clear ok?
Thanks...It's strange cause I know I shouldn't feel ashamed...I did nothing wrong. It's just embarrassing to admit that my husband wanted someone else.
I talked to my sister yesterday and I said "She's just so pretty..."
she said "Would it make it easier if she wasn't??"
I've been thinking about that and I guess no, it wouldn't be easier. It's just so hard not to blame yourself on some level.
I'm very sorry to read about what you and your children are going through.
She may be pretty, but we all grow old and gray.
Maybe, she will end up like the woman I know who knowingly dated (several) married men. She's old, ill, and alone -- and no longer pretty. As for dating (if you want to call it that) a married man, I could not imagine touching another woman's property like that. This says alot about what she's like on the inside.
9/98, 9/00 - DC, 4/03 - Pitt., 7/03 - Bristow, 10/04 - Reading, 10/05 - Philly, 5/06 - DC, 6/06 - Pitt., 6/08 - Va Beach, 6/08 - DC, 5/10 - Bristow, 10/13 B'more
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
I talked to my sister yesterday and I said "She's just so pretty..."
she said "Would it make it easier if she wasn't??"
I'll tell you that I was in this position... the girl my husband went for was on the not so pretty side (as mean as that is to say)... It made me feel disgusting for him to chose her over me. But I think I would of felt that way either way, as I'm sure you would of too. It's not about the looks... some men just cheat, and some are looking for something, and some are done in their marriage long before they are ready to admit it to the wife. I don't know your husband and I'm just getting to know you so I can't tell you which it is for you... but you are beautiful and a Pj fan so there's nothing better than that!! oh and I'm sure you're a kick ass momma too!!
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
You're welcome, I hope I didn't offend you... I meant that comment as a compliment!
In any case your description of him reminds me of... well, me. I've often behaved that way in the past and while I've tried to be better about it, it still resurfaces. The fact is, there's nothing you can do about a guy like that. He just needs to grow up and it's clear he hasn't done that and he probably won't while he has you and thinks you'll accept him as he is. Like an adolescent, he feels entitled to whatever he wants and doesn't care how pursuing it affects those around him. In fact, I'm willing to bet that anytime you pushed on the secrets he turned it on you and tried to make you feel irrational or nagging for even wanting to know. Just don't buy it. You have nothing to be ashamed of and there's nothing you could have done to prevent it. He made the choices and he's the one that failed in the relationship. It doesn't mean he never loved you or that he's a monster, but it does mean that he's not the kind of guy you deserve or can depend upon in a committed relationship. Better to find that out sooner rather than later.
no, I wasn't offended at all. And YES to everything you wrote...you seem to understand my husband and the way he works.
As for dating (if you want to call it that) a married man, I could not imagine touching another woman's property like that. This says alot about what she's like on the inside.
I can only imagine the shit storm that would occur if some guy here posted about not pursuing a woman because she was some other guy's property
I talked to my sister yesterday and I said "She's just so pretty..."
she said "Would it make it easier if she wasn't??"
I've been thinking about that and I guess no, it wouldn't be easier. It's just so hard not to blame yourself on some level.
I don't think there's anything unnatural about that. When someone you love goes to someone else, it can't help but level your confidence.
The guy my ex left me for had martial arts and working out listed as his hobbies, he's in the kind of grad program I wanted before I ended up in law school, and he wants to be in the CIA. Looking at his picture, he doesn't look any better than me... honestly, he's kind of a goofier looking version of me (hard as that might be to imagine ). Nonetheless, I hear stuff like that and can't shake the thought that I got left for James Bond or Jason Bourne... some real life super spy action hero that I'll never be cool enough to compete with.
It's ridiculous when you think about it, but the feelings it inspires are perfectly legit. So don't tear yourself up about feeling that way, it's going to bother you. Just realize that doesn't make it true and do whatever you have to do to work past it and feel good about yourself again.
As for dating (if you want to call it that) a married man, I could not imagine touching another woman's property like that. This says alot about what she's like on the inside.
I can only imagine the shit storm that would occur if some guy here posted about not pursuing a woman because she was some other guy's property
I talked to my sister yesterday and I said "She's just so pretty..."
she said "Would it make it easier if she wasn't??"
I've been thinking about that and I guess no, it wouldn't be easier. It's just so hard not to blame yourself on some level.
I don't think there's anything unnatural about that. When someone you love goes to someone else, it can't help but level your confidence.
The guy my ex left me for had martial arts and working out listed as his hobbies, he's in the kind of grad program I wanted before I ended up in law school, and he wants to be in the CIA. Looking at his picture, he doesn't look any better than me... honestly, he's kind of a goofier looking version of me (hard as that might be to imagine ). Nonetheless, I hear stuff like that and can't shake the thought that I got left for James Bond or Jason Bourne... some real life super spy action hero that I'll never be cool enough to compete with.
It's ridiculous when you think about it, but the feelings it inspires are perfectly legit. So don't tear yourself up about feeling that way, it's going to bother you. Just realize that doesn't make it true and do whatever you have to do to work past it and feel good about yourself again.
oh well, I guess I'm just old (the property remark)
9/98, 9/00 - DC, 4/03 - Pitt., 7/03 - Bristow, 10/04 - Reading, 10/05 - Philly, 5/06 - DC, 6/06 - Pitt., 6/08 - Va Beach, 6/08 - DC, 5/10 - Bristow, 10/13 B'more
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
oh well, I guess I'm just old (the property remark)
I understand what you meant by it, but yes I guess the notion is not a great one to be considered someone's property.... because then wouldn't cinnamon be considered his property too.
regardless... I understand what you meant, and that you meant not bad terms with it.
you're an awesome lady Cats... always there for support!
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
My wife has a friend who went through the same thing. One night, the friend was at our house (I was gone) and they stayed up crying and all until 2:00 in the morning. The girl was devastated. It seemed like the worst thing ever.
Long story short..........fast forward two years..............the friend is remarried to a really cool guy who makes the first husband look like the POS he is and she is fantastically happy. I know this marriage will last. So, even though things look bad right now, I'm sure you will end up in a better place. I just know it. If possible, I think your avatar shows what a fantastic woman you are.
If I had known then what I know now...
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VIC 07
EV LA1 08
Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
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EV LA 11
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St. Paul 14, Denver 14
oh well, I guess I'm just old (the property remark)
I understand what you meant by it, but yes I guess the notion is not a great one to be considered someone's property.... because then wouldn't cinnamon be considered his property too.
regardless... I understand what you meant, and that you meant not bad terms with it.
you're an awesome lady Cats... always there for support!
thanks dear I guess if I were single, I just wouldn't want a married man because he's not available and he's not respecting his marriage vows. And then if the cheater is available after his divorce, how could the one he cheated with trust him if he wants to continue the "relationship?"
9/98, 9/00 - DC, 4/03 - Pitt., 7/03 - Bristow, 10/04 - Reading, 10/05 - Philly, 5/06 - DC, 6/06 - Pitt., 6/08 - Va Beach, 6/08 - DC, 5/10 - Bristow, 10/13 B'more
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
Comments
my heart truly goes out to you. :( i cannot say i have any experience with your situation, but just being married a long time....i can only imagine the devastation you must feel. i wish you and your children love and healing, and that in time....good will come out of it for you all and you will be better and happier down the road!
hearts & thoughts!
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
I think I understand how you feel, try to hang in there for the kids sake, the 7 year mark of a marriage/relationship is often a rough patch I have learned, try to consider going to counceling together, there may be ways to sort it out even if doesn't look so from your post.
hugs and happy thoughts from me
Except Sundays, that's Ed day.
The mind is like a parachute, it doesn't work unless it's open. FZ
Still, that's shitty and I'm sorry it happened to you. It tore me up when my ex left me for another guy, but we weren't dating all that long and certainly weren't married, so I can't even imagine what you're feeling now.
I have no helpful advice... my advice is on the sadistic side... if he's living in the basement, hit the bars every now and again and bring a diff guy home... see how he likes that! It can't be bad for your confidence either!
Not to get too personal (as if that's possible at this point), but how old are you? From your picture I'd never in a million years have guessed you were married with 2 kids... you don't even look out of college! I can't imagine how he could find a younger, prettier girl that doesn't come with jailtime attached
Except Sundays, that's Ed day.
The mind is like a parachute, it doesn't work unless it's open. FZ
how did a 23yr old guy manage to pick a 13yr old girl up and marry her?
Well thanks...thats nice to hear.
I'm 28. We were married when I was 22 so I guess we're just coming up on 7 years. I've been with him since I was 13. Didn't sleep with him till I was 17. Sorry if it's too much information.
Agreed...lesson learned.
Our relationship has had ups and downs, but the continuous trend is the lying. He likes to have secrets. And he seems to feel little guilt until he's been caught.
I was afraid to post here cause of the shame, but I knew that this board is full of supportive people.
Your words are really healing right now and it's so nice to relate to people.
Thanks.
he claims it's over...but I have little to no faith in that.
I agree about making it work. We have been trying for years. This is the first affair (that I know of) but there have been so many other lies and secrets.
Wha?
I am so very sorry to hear this Cinnamon. Your kids will need you right now and they will be able to help you. You're a beautiful woman and you'll be fine. He will realize once this younger woman decides to leave HIM what he lost. If I were you I'd move back near my family and friends..they will be your strength. And your PJ friends will always be here for you...we never leave
Oh...and btw...I'm with a woman whos had 2 children by 2 different guys...there are guys out there who will LOVE you...and they might even be a devilishly handsome and sexy as me LOL
9/24/96 MD. 9/28/96 Randalls. 8/28-29/98 Camden. 9/8/98 NJ. 9/18/98 MD. 9/1-2/00 Camden. 9/4/00 MD. 4/28/03 Philly. 7/5-6/03 Camden. 9/30/05 AC.
10/3/05 Philly. 5/27-28/06 Camden. 6/23/06 Pitt. 6/19-20/08 Camden. 6/24/08 MSG. 8/7/08 EV Newark, NJ. 6/11-12/09 EV Philly, PA. 10/27-28-30-31/09 Philly, PA., 5/15/10 Hartford,5/17/10 Boston, 5/18/10 Newark, 5/20-21/10 MSG
Sorry about your situation Cinn... :(
Like someone else said- Emerse yourself in your kids.
I'm with a woman who never thought she'd be a 'MILF' after her divorce. She has three amazing kids. Single moms are awesome. There are a lot of people who were raised by them...
The main thing is to make sure the kids are alright.
Good Luck. Keep you head up...
2003-6/1, 10/25
2005-8/29, 9/4
2006-7/2, 7/22, 7/23
2008-4/15(EV solo)
2009-9/21, 9/22, 9/28
2011-9/3, 9/4
2012-9/30
2013-7/19, 11/30
Hmm... that does sound like something that won't really go away. UGH.
Try to work on the relationship while you are simultaneously getting yourself organized. That way you won't be left with two little children and no way to take care of them. It'll give you some time to find a job.
hmmm.....tempting.
You're welcome, I hope I didn't offend you... I meant that comment as a compliment!
In any case your description of him reminds me of... well, me. I've often behaved that way in the past and while I've tried to be better about it, it still resurfaces. The fact is, there's nothing you can do about a guy like that. He just needs to grow up and it's clear he hasn't done that and he probably won't while he has you and thinks you'll accept him as he is. Like an adolescent, he feels entitled to whatever he wants and doesn't care how pursuing it affects those around him. In fact, I'm willing to bet that anytime you pushed on the secrets he turned it on you and tried to make you feel irrational or nagging for even wanting to know. Just don't buy it. You have nothing to be ashamed of and there's nothing you could have done to prevent it. He made the choices and he's the one that failed in the relationship. It doesn't mean he never loved you or that he's a monster, but it does mean that he's not the kind of guy you deserve or can depend upon in a committed relationship. Better to find that out sooner rather than later.
He is the loser in this situation. Even though it might not feel like it right now, you will be better off, and he will be the one left with regrets. So take some solace in that. (Maybe that's not healthy, lol, but it is true and I know that would make me feel better if I were in this situation.)
In the meantime, hold your head up.
And do gross things to the food he eats.
http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
Thanks...It's strange cause I know I shouldn't feel ashamed...I did nothing wrong. It's just embarrassing to admit that my husband wanted someone else.
I talked to my sister yesterday and I said "She's just so pretty..."
she said "Would it make it easier if she wasn't??"
I've been thinking about that and I guess no, it wouldn't be easier. It's just so hard not to blame yourself on some level.
She may be pretty, but we all grow old and gray.
Maybe, she will end up like the woman I know who knowingly dated (several) married men. She's old, ill, and alone -- and no longer pretty. As for dating (if you want to call it that) a married man, I could not imagine touching another woman's property like that. This says alot about what she's like on the inside.
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
no, I wasn't offended at all. And YES to everything you wrote...you seem to understand my husband and the way he works.
I can only imagine the shit storm that would occur if some guy here posted about not pursuing a woman because she was some other guy's property
I don't think there's anything unnatural about that. When someone you love goes to someone else, it can't help but level your confidence.
The guy my ex left me for had martial arts and working out listed as his hobbies, he's in the kind of grad program I wanted before I ended up in law school, and he wants to be in the CIA. Looking at his picture, he doesn't look any better than me... honestly, he's kind of a goofier looking version of me (hard as that might be to imagine
It's ridiculous when you think about it, but the feelings it inspires are perfectly legit. So don't tear yourself up about feeling that way, it's going to bother you. Just realize that doesn't make it true and do whatever you have to do to work past it and feel good about yourself again.
oh well, I guess I'm just old (the property remark)
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
she's living a miserable life too like the other one I know.
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
regardless... I understand what you meant, and that you meant not bad terms with it.
you're an awesome lady Cats... always there for support!
Long story short..........fast forward two years..............the friend is remarried to a really cool guy who makes the first husband look like the POS he is and she is fantastically happy. I know this marriage will last. So, even though things look bad right now, I'm sure you will end up in a better place. I just know it. If possible, I think your avatar shows what a fantastic woman you are.
Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
VIC 07
EV LA1 08
Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
Columbus 10
EV LA 11
Vancouver 11
Missoula 12
Portland 13, Spokane 13
St. Paul 14, Denver 14
thanks dear
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more