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A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

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  • deadendpdeadendp Northeast OhioPosts: 10,080
    S_C, I'm sorry. You've been lied to and betrayed. I don't know if what is going on is as a result of their actions or as a result of something that happened to them. 

    Did they choose their path to the state they are in? If so, by providing aid, are you helping or enabling? As a helper/fixer, I have had to ask myself this same question. 

    Be well and take care of you first. 
    2014: Cincinnati
    2016: Lexington and Wrigley 1
  • Spiritual_ChaosSpiritual_Chaos Posts: 23,419
    edited August 2020
    deadendp said:
    S_C, I'm sorry. You've been lied to and betrayed. I don't know if what is going on is as a result of their actions or as a result of something that happened to them. 
    Me feeling this way is a direct result of this persons actions, and how he/she chose to treat me by shamelessly doing this behind my back. Knowing perfectly well what an unthinkable insensitive thing it was to do, to someone you supposedly care about. According to the person him/herself, he/she didn't even think once about me during this. And then on top of it, saying he/she didn't even consider I would care about it, or that I even would have a right to care. "I never even thought about you or your feelings, during this"

    Describing how he/she has made me feel, using a random thought example: Imagine finding a stack of pictures of your husband and his secretary being in your house and in your bed. That type of gut wrenching feeling of being violated. Not just "mistreated" - but violated. Degraded. Not a moment's pause from him about what he is doing to you. You are nothing. And that this person (husband in this example) purposely did this to you. He chose to disregard you and not care about the violation or the hurt he was obviously causing. And then as icing on the cake, wave it away with: "It's just a bed. What does it matter who sleeps in it? To me personally, it would be much worse if you two would use the same brand of perfume. So then this must not matter. And I didn't even think about you while me and her was in our bed"

    deadendp said:
    Did they choose their path to the state they are in? If so, by providing aid, are you helping or enabling? As a helper/fixer, I have had to ask myself this same question. 
    The person choose the path for him/herself. I have not aided it.

    This is someone I care about and I have felt cared about me. I can't comprehend how he/she would even be able to do this to me. But still I am here trying to find a way to help and have him/her understand that he/she needs to get away from this path. Because I care so much it hurts. And I feel so bad for him/her that I can't stop crying. And I wish he/she would have talked to me before and treated me with human decency, instead of going behind my back and without any hesitation treat me like this. And I wish that he/she would have regret what he/she has done. But he/she doesnt. The regret I have heard, is that he/she thinks he/she should have just lied to me instead -- but still have done all these things to me, behind my back.

    And the worst part is that this is a wonderful human being. Like really wonderful. The best person I've met since Eddie Vedder after the London show in 2012. And maybe that's why I can't fully comprehend all of this. I don't understand how I could be worth this little. Or understand how he/she thought our relationship was something to just trash. I'm heartbroken.
    Post edited by Spiritual_Chaos on
    "Mostly I think that people react sensitively because they know you’ve got a point"
  • RogueStonerRogueStoner Sunny AZPosts: 1,716
    I’m sorry you’re going through this. Betrayal is awful and regaining trust is so hard. Just remember, whatever this person did had to do with them, not you. And we’re all here for you. Glad you’re getting it out. 
  • deadendpdeadendp Northeast OhioPosts: 10,080
    deadendp said:
    S_C, I'm sorry. You've been lied to and betrayed. I don't know if what is going on is as a result of their actions or as a result of something that happened to them. 
    It is a result of this persons actions, and how he/she chose to treat me by shamelessly doing this behind my back. Knowing perfectly well what a unthinkable shitty thing it was to do, to someone else. According to the person him/herself, he/she didn't even think once about me during this. And then on top of it, saying he/she didn't even consider I would care, or that I even have a right to care. "I never even thought about you or your feelings, when I did all this"

    To describe how I feel, a random thought example: Imagine finding a stack of pictures of your husband and his secretary being in your house, in your bed. That type of feeling of being violated. Disregarded. Spit on. And that this person (husband in this case) purposely did this to you. He chose to completely disregard you and not care about the hurt he knew he was causing. "Whatever it's just a bed! Who cares who sleeps in it!" 

    deadendp said:
    Did they choose their path to the state they are in? If so, by providing aid, are you helping or enabling? As a helper/fixer, I have had to ask myself this same question. 
    The person choose the path for him/herself. I have not aided it.

    This is someone I trusted. And that I really like. I can't grasp why he/she did this to me. But still I am here trying to find a way to help and have him/her understand that he/she needs to get away from this path. Because I care. And I feel so bad for him/her that I can't stop crying. And I wish he/she would have talked to me before, instead of going behind my back deciding without hesitation to treat me like this. And I wish that he/she would regret what he/she has done. But he/she doesnt.

    And the worst part is that this is a wonderful human being. Like really wonderful. And maybe that's why I can't fully comprehend all of this. I don't understand how I turned into someone he/she didn't see a problem with doing this vile thing to. And thinking it is worth throwing away our relationship for this. I'm heartbroken.
    I am so very sorry.  I would say that time heals all wounds, but having a close friendship that hit the ditch hard a lil over a year ago, I'm still struggling with the healing myself.  

    It's difficult, because you don't want ill for this person.  You are hurt, betrayed and trust is out the door.  It's clearly something you didn't know of this person or even see coming.  But . . . the hurt done to you was purposeful.  Coming from someone who you cared for so deeply, to toss the friendship may be necessary, but absolutely beyond crushing.  

    I am so very sorry that everything about you was completely disregarded.  No amount of apologizing for someone else's hurt toward you will make it any better.  That makes me incredibly sad for you.  This hurt will probably always remain, even if but a shadow hanging in the background.  Irreparable damage is an unforgivable and unforgettable thing.  :frowning:

    Feel our love.  Talk all you need.  
    2014: Cincinnati
    2016: Lexington and Wrigley 1
  • Wake up cant breath as im panicking.  Actually panic attack in my fuckin sleep. 
    Im left with the desire to get out of my head every second. I tried a couple days vali7m. Pointless.  I dont like drink  i have tried bits of drink again and i dont like it. Weed screws my brain  so bad but i keep doing it now for the break but its mentally  scary as well.  
    The  walls are closed in now.
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • lastexitlondonlastexitlondon Posts: 7,156
    edited August 2020
    S.C is this a love senario or is it strictly a friend let you down bad type of thing. When i re read your post i think it sounds like a love/high trust . Like a partner. Cheating in some way either mentally  or physically  and it being like why would you care we are not together but in your  heart its more.
    I cant be sure. But the pain of love is the most horrible  pain. I have felt it and the loss. The loss of children is worst then love is a close second for me.
    I once had a relationship in my head and i told the person it was awkward  and we were both married but in my head and hers it turns out it was a feeling we had since childhood  and it only stayed as that. And took me a year to get over . Strange. As humans we love and i love  a lot   some dont but most love too easy and it hurts. Love for friends as well of course.
    Post edited by lastexitlondon on
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • RogueStonerRogueStoner Sunny AZPosts: 1,716
    People suck today. 
  • FifthelementFifthelement LotuslandPosts: 6,664
    @Spiritual_Chaos I’m so sorry that you are going through this upheaval in your life.  As others have stated, betrayal is very confusing and painful. Sending you love and light.
    "What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
  • FifthelementFifthelement LotuslandPosts: 6,664
    People suck today. 
    ((((((((Hugs)))))))))
    "What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
  • Thank you S and Matts.
    I used to have bad anxiety the first time I went to a gym. I thought everyone was looking at and judging me.
    dude, women fart in hot yoga, with their asses in the air, with people behind them. no one's judging shit. and remember, if someone is judging, that's THEIR insecurity, not a reflection of you. 
    :)
  • hedonisthedonist standing on the edge of foreverPosts: 23,076
    Haha, I suck today.

    I hate days like this. I hate myself like this.

    Gotta kick this funk to the fucking curb. 
  • GlowGirlGlowGirl New York, NYPosts: 2,857
    edited August 2020
    hedonist said:
    Haha, I suck today.

    I hate days like this. I hate myself like this.

    Gotta kick this funk to the fucking curb. 
    Suck is never a word I would use to describe you. Awesome is a better word. I know we all have days like this but feel better soon. Big hug!!
  • hedonisthedonist standing on the edge of foreverPosts: 23,076
    GlowGirl said:
    hedonist said:
    Haha, I suck today.

    I hate days like this. I hate myself like this.

    Gotta kick this funk to the fucking curb. 
    Suck is never a word I would use to describe you. Awesome is a better word. I know we all have days like this but feel better soon. Big hug!!
    Well thank you!  I probably should've put this in my Bitch Here thread :lol:

    When it comes without warning, it makes me angry on top of the feeling itself.  No provocation or spark, just my mind working overtime.

    After posting, I decided to take a long hot shower.  My husband can pair his phone with the speaker inside, so I'm enjoying it all - the scents, the music (Blind Melon, who, if you're unfamiliar with them, is not really known as being a light or poppy band) - then the music abruptly stops and I hear a cacophony of farts.

    Loud, wet, high-pitched, long, burp-like, all varieties!  Dude got me laughing my ass off when I didn't think I was open to it.

    Yet another reason I fucking love this man :)
  • deadendpdeadendp Northeast OhioPosts: 10,080
    hedonist said:
    GlowGirl said:
    hedonist said:
    Haha, I suck today.

    I hate days like this. I hate myself like this.

    Gotta kick this funk to the fucking curb. 
    Suck is never a word I would use to describe you. Awesome is a better word. I know we all have days like this but feel better soon. Big hug!!
    Well thank you!  I probably should've put this in my Bitch Here thread :lol:

    When it comes without warning, it makes me angry on top of the feeling itself.  No provocation or spark, just my mind working overtime.

    After posting, I decided to take a long hot shower.  My husband can pair his phone with the speaker inside, so I'm enjoying it all - the scents, the music (Blind Melon, who, if you're unfamiliar with them, is not really known as being a light or poppy band) - then the music abruptly stops and I hear a cacophony of farts.

    Loud, wet, high-pitched, long, burp-like, all varieties!  Dude got me laughing my ass off when I didn't think I was open to it.

    Yet another reason I fucking love this man :)
    I will take Blind Melon.  No, they are not light or poppy-- thank god. 

    You may keep the cacophony of farts.  :smiley: 

    (What did you guys eat?  Dude may need some Beano!)
    2014: Cincinnati
    2016: Lexington and Wrigley 1
  • GlowGirlGlowGirl New York, NYPosts: 2,857
    hedonist said:
    GlowGirl said:
    hedonist said:
    Haha, I suck today.

    I hate days like this. I hate myself like this.

    Gotta kick this funk to the fucking curb. 
    Suck is never a word I would use to describe you. Awesome is a better word. I know we all have days like this but feel better soon. Big hug!!
    Well thank you!  I probably should've put this in my Bitch Here thread :lol:

    When it comes without warning, it makes me angry on top of the feeling itself.  No provocation or spark, just my mind working overtime.

    After posting, I decided to take a long hot shower.  My husband can pair his phone with the speaker inside, so I'm enjoying it all - the scents, the music (Blind Melon, who, if you're unfamiliar with them, is not really known as being a light or poppy band) - then the music abruptly stops and I hear a cacophony of farts.

    Loud, wet, high-pitched, long, burp-like, all varieties!  Dude got me laughing my ass off when I didn't think I was open to it.

    Yet another reason I fucking love this man :)
    I remember seeing Blind Melon live back in the old 90s. Sounds like your guy gave you just what you needed to cheer you up. Some women like flowers, others......😂
  • hedonisthedonist standing on the edge of foreverPosts: 23,076
    I feel I should clarify - they were not HIS farts! Something he found on YouTube. He had tears from laughing. 

    Amy, we do share that melon-y love :)
  • deadendpdeadendp Northeast OhioPosts: 10,080
    hedonist said:
    I feel I should clarify - they were not HIS farts! Something he found on YouTube. He had tears from laughing. 

    Amy, we do share that melon-y love :)
    However, if you say you don't fart, you lie. Though, I was a lil concerned about his digestive system. 

    Always, Blind Melon. Always. ❤
    2014: Cincinnati
    2016: Lexington and Wrigley 1
  • brianluxbrianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain.Posts: 33,863
    We're under a red flag warning Sunday and Monday with a chance of wide-spread dry lightning.  We may get nothing, we may get Mother Natures wrath upon us like so many others in the state of California have.  Who knows?  But it's that uncertainty that is building a pressure cooker of anxiety in my brain.  Sometimes it feels like my lid is going to blow off.  Most of the time it's just dread and worry.  I'm on the internet searching and searching for answers.  How lame.  There are none.  We're either gonna burn or we're not.  The essentials are packed.  There's nothing I can do... but hold the lid down.  The next two days will be... interesting.
    “In all human affairs there are efforts, and there are results, and the strength of the effort is the measure of the result.”
    -James Allen










  • FifthelementFifthelement LotuslandPosts: 6,664
    brianlux said:
    We're under a red flag warning Sunday and Monday with a chance of wide-spread dry lightning.  We may get nothing, we may get Mother Natures wrath upon us like so many others in the state of California have.  Who knows?  But it's that uncertainty that is building a pressure cooker of anxiety in my brain.  Sometimes it feels like my lid is going to blow off.  Most of the time it's just dread and worry.  I'm on the internet searching and searching for answers.  How lame.  There are none.  We're either gonna burn or we're not.  The essentials are packed.  There's nothing I can do... but hold the lid down.  The next two days will be... interesting.
    The situation in CA is devastating to behold.  Your anxiety is completely understandable.  I wish you weren’t having to deal with this on top of everything else currently going on in this crazy world.  I’m glad you guys are prepared to leave if necessary.  I Hope that you won’t have to.  ((((Hugs)))
    "What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
  • Hold on brian. Hold on tight. You will be through it safely very soon. Try and ride the storm out however you  can.
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • RogueStonerRogueStoner Sunny AZPosts: 1,716
    Stay safe, Brian. Sending calming vibes for your anxiety and Mother Nature as well. :hug:
  • Thankful for my friend sending down some sleepingpills. I really need to get some sleep tonight. 
    "Mostly I think that people react sensitively because they know you’ve got a point"
  • RogueStonerRogueStoner Sunny AZPosts: 1,716
    Everyone is struggling and has real problems. I just needed somewhere safe to vent. It’s just stupid rambling  so feel free to skip reading. 

    I’m struggling again (still). I can feel my depression creeping up again. I don’t want to change my meds as it’s always such a crap shoot on what will work and the transition period is so rough. I figure as long as I’m not suicidal, it’s good enough. My anxiety is through the roof. I’m constantly worried about what I’m doing wrong, whether it’s homeschooling or wearing a mask properly or social distancing. I don’t really want to do anything because it’ll be wrong. Nothing sounds fun anymore. 
    I feel so alone. I’m grateful for my amazing family but my extended family are all Trumpsters and we can’t talk at all now. I miss my friends. I miss people. I went out briefly this weekend and it sucked to not be able to talk to people like I used to. Not that I could do that now,  even without the social distancing rules. I’ve gotten so quiet and keep to myself now. I miss my old self. I used to laugh all the time and felt so peaceful. I want to reach out but don’t know what to say anymore so I just sit in silence and let friends think what they want as to why I’m not calling or texting. Even if I do reach out it’s just a couple of words and then awkward silence. Or I read vile shit on Facebook that I just can’t look past. So I assume no one wants to talk to me anymore and end up ghosting people. Then I get upset at myself and the cycle starts all over again. 
    I care but sometimes wish I didn’t because then it wouldn’t hurt and I wouldn’t feel so helpless. I want to make others feel better but feel so awful myself. 
    I feel sick writing this. I feel so exposed but I’m counting on this still being a safe place. And anonymous, so that helps. 
    Thanks for giving me a place to get this out of my system. Gonna go have a good cry now. 
  • deadendpdeadendp Northeast OhioPosts: 10,080
    brianlux said:
    We're under a red flag warning Sunday and Monday with a chance of wide-spread dry lightning.  We may get nothing, we may get Mother Natures wrath upon us like so many others in the state of California have.  Who knows?  But it's that uncertainty that is building a pressure cooker of anxiety in my brain.  Sometimes it feels like my lid is going to blow off.  Most of the time it's just dread and worry.  I'm on the internet searching and searching for answers.  How lame.  There are none.  We're either gonna burn or we're not.  The essentials are packed.  There's nothing I can do... but hold the lid down.  The next two days will be... interesting.
    How are you holding up, Brian?
    Thankful for my friend sending down some sleepingpills. I really need to get some sleep tonight. 
    A lil time taking slerping pills just until your anxiety goes down and you can reset your patterns.  So kind of a friend to share with you to bring you through the rough stuff. 
    Everyone is struggling and has real problems. I just needed somewhere safe to vent. It’s just stupid rambling  so feel free to skip reading. 

    I’m struggling again (still). I can feel my depression creeping up again. I don’t want to change my meds as it’s always such a crap shoot on what will work and the transition period is so rough. I figure as long as I’m not suicidal, it’s good enough. My anxiety is through the roof. I’m constantly worried about what I’m doing wrong, whether it’s homeschooling or wearing a mask properly or social distancing. I don’t really want to do anything because it’ll be wrong. Nothing sounds fun anymore. 
    I feel so alone. I’m grateful for my amazing family but my extended family are all Trumpsters and we can’t talk at all now. I miss my friends. I miss people. I went out briefly this weekend and it sucked to not be able to talk to people like I used to. Not that I could do that now,  even without the social distancing rules. I’ve gotten so quiet and keep to myself now. I miss my old self. I used to laugh all the time and felt so peaceful. I want to reach out but don’t know what to say anymore so I just sit in silence and let friends think what they want as to why I’m not calling or texting. Even if I do reach out it’s just a couple of words and then awkward silence. Or I read vile shit on Facebook that I just can’t look past. So I assume no one wants to talk to me anymore and end up ghosting people. Then I get upset at myself and the cycle starts all over again. 
    I care but sometimes wish I didn’t because then it wouldn’t hurt and I wouldn’t feel so helpless. I want to make others feel better but feel so awful myself. 
    I feel sick writing this. I feel so exposed but I’m counting on this still being a safe place. And anonymous, so that helps. 
    Thanks for giving me a place to get this out of my system. Gonna go have a good cry now. 

    This hangs on our fridge for a reason. I think you might need one, too. 

    The world is a rough one right now. No one feels good enough. No one feels smart enough. No one feels like anyone likes anyone. However, despite the ugly there are good people, loving people and caring people. The toxic air leaves a thick fog muting out everything. Trust in knowing that the fog will rise and the world will settle again...some day. Sadly no time soon, but hang in there. 
    2014: Cincinnati
    2016: Lexington and Wrigley 1
  • RogueStonerRogueStoner Sunny AZPosts: 1,716
    deadendp said:



    This hangs on our fridge for a reason. I think you might need one, too. 

    The world is a rough one right now. No one feels good enough. No one feels smart enough. No one feels like anyone likes anyone. However, despite the ugly there are good people, loving people and caring people. The toxic air leaves a thick fog muting out everything. Trust in knowing that the fog will rise and the world will settle again...some day. Sadly no time soon, but hang in there. 
    Ok, that made me laugh. Thanks. I really needed that. Hope you had a great birthday. 

    What it comes down to is a couple of close friends moved away and had other things that distanced us and I didn’t do my part to maintain contact and now it’s awkward and not the same. And a couple others are just on a different level since we realized we have different values, much more so than we thought. 
    Now I’m stuck in this in between friends place I guess. It is what it is. Strange days. 
  • I need some advice.  1 week to go. Its my partners birthday then 3 days school goes back .  Keeping my 3 year old home until next year  no harm done. But her son is 13 and is going back. I cant live here if that happens. What do i do. As stupid as i seem im ordering a tent. I have  no clue about water toilet or electricity  but i need to run 
     And i feel to escape. But to where and how. Fuck all this 
     Lives are being lost but more lives are being decimated  by other peoples agenda. And  we are turning  on eachother with pressure to rush everything.  Its a pandemic 
     Not 1 of us has lived in one before.
    There is no one size fits all.
    If anything happens to me because of this i want you all to know  there must be more  rights  for  this kind of illness i have.  Its just  as important if not more  than some illnesses. You can die from this much more likely than many .
    Mental turmoil  will be the death of me. 
    I spent  years seeing and feeling imaginary dirt and germs on every damn thing.  Now its no longer  imaginary  and people  act like it is. Just  fucking how
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • brianluxbrianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain.Posts: 33,863
    Stay safe, Brian. Sending calming vibes for your anxiety and Mother Nature as well. :hug:

    deadendp said:
    brianlux said:
    We're under a red flag warning Sunday and Monday with a chance of wide-spread dry lightning.  We may get nothing, we may get Mother Natures wrath upon us like so many others in the state of California have.  Who knows?  But it's that uncertainty that is building a pressure cooker of anxiety in my brain.  Sometimes it feels like my lid is going to blow off.  Most of the time it's just dread and worry.  I'm on the internet searching and searching for answers.  How lame.  There are none.  We're either gonna burn or we're not.  The essentials are packed.  There's nothing I can do... but hold the lid down.  The next two days will be... interesting.
    How are you holding up, Brian?
    Thankful for my friend sending down some sleepingpills. I really need to get some sleep tonight. 
    A lil time taking slerping pills just until your anxiety goes down and you can reset your patterns.  So kind of a friend to share with you to bring you through the rough stuff. 
    Everyone is struggling and has real problems. I just needed somewhere safe to vent. It’s just stupid rambling  so feel free to skip reading. 

    I’m struggling again (still). I can feel my depression creeping up again. I don’t want to change my meds as it’s always such a crap shoot on what will work and the transition period is so rough. I figure as long as I’m not suicidal, it’s good enough. My anxiety is through the roof. I’m constantly worried about what I’m doing wrong, whether it’s homeschooling or wearing a mask properly or social distancing. I don’t really want to do anything because it’ll be wrong. Nothing sounds fun anymore. 
    I feel so alone. I’m grateful for my amazing family but my extended family are all Trumpsters and we can’t talk at all now. I miss my friends. I miss people. I went out briefly this weekend and it sucked to not be able to talk to people like I used to. Not that I could do that now,  even without the social distancing rules. I’ve gotten so quiet and keep to myself now. I miss my old self. I used to laugh all the time and felt so peaceful. I want to reach out but don’t know what to say anymore so I just sit in silence and let friends think what they want as to why I’m not calling or texting. Even if I do reach out it’s just a couple of words and then awkward silence. Or I read vile shit on Facebook that I just can’t look past. So I assume no one wants to talk to me anymore and end up ghosting people. Then I get upset at myself and the cycle starts all over again. 
    I care but sometimes wish I didn’t because then it wouldn’t hurt and I wouldn’t feel so helpless. I want to make others feel better but feel so awful myself. 
    I feel sick writing this. I feel so exposed but I’m counting on this still being a safe place. And anonymous, so that helps. 
    Thanks for giving me a place to get this out of my system. Gonna go have a good cry now. 

    This hangs on our fridge for a reason. I think you might need one, too. 

    The world is a rough one right now. No one feels good enough. No one feels smart enough. No one feels like anyone likes anyone. However, despite the ugly there are good people, loving people and caring people. The toxic air leaves a thick fog muting out everything. Trust in knowing that the fog will rise and the world will settle again...some day. Sadly no time soon, but hang in there. 

    Thank you, my friends.  We did some distracting things this evening- a movie, jigsaw puzzle, some music.  Things were going pretty good until around 11:30 PM and suddenly a whiff of skunk crept into the house. 
    Boom! That kind of jacked up my anxiety because the smell of skunk gives me terrible headaches.  I ran around and turned on outside lights or light in room with no outside light near by.  That tends to encourage those cute little striped bastards to take a hike. 

    The smell has faded some but also lingers.  I'm dead tires at 1:29 AM.  Should be nearing pass-out stage soon.  :lol:

    I hope you're all doing well!

    I need some advice.  1 week to go. Its my partners birthday then 3 days school goes back .  Keeping my 3 year old home until next year  no harm done. But her son is 13 and is going back. I cant live here if that happens. What do i do. As stupid as i seem im ordering a tent. I have  no clue about water toilet or electricity  but i need to run 
     And i feel to escape. But to where and how. Fuck all this 
     Lives are being lost but more lives are being decimated  by other peoples agenda. And  we are turning  on eachother with pressure to rush everything.  Its a pandemic 
     Not 1 of us has lived in one before.
    There is no one size fits all.
    If anything happens to me because of this i want you all to know  there must be more  rights  for  this kind of illness i have.  Its just  as important if not more  than some illnesses. You can die from this much more likely than many .
    Mental turmoil  will be the death of me. 
    I spent  years seeing and feeling imaginary dirt and germs on every damn thing.  Now its no longer  imaginary  and people  act like it is. Just  fucking how

    I'd say if the 13 year old moves in and that's how it's got to be, lay down some solid coronavirus rules.  Keep the surfaces disinfected.  If you don't trust the young man, keep your distance as much as possible.  That's all I can think of for now.  And hang in there!
    “In all human affairs there are efforts, and there are results, and the strength of the effort is the measure of the result.”
    -James Allen










  • He lives here  permanently.  And i dont trust him. Also its more the  transmission  from being in a school of 1500 and bringing it back here  to my safe place. I bought a tent . Feel insane but i cant now trust  the air even here. So that means i lose everything. Over  years  of ocd i lost the ability to hug and kiss my kids and then wife it cost me everything.  Now with my partner and daughter  i built that ability back up. Now its all lost . 

    R.s sorry to bang on over  your post . 
    Hang in there  and i hope peace comes your  way and yours brian.  
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • hedonisthedonist standing on the edge of foreverPosts: 23,076
    Wishing you well, Rob. I wish I had more to offer right now, but know there are many here (and where you are too) sincerely hoping the best for you. 
  • RogueStonerRogueStoner Sunny AZPosts: 1,716
    He lives here  permanently.  And i dont trust him. Also its more the  transmission  from being in a school of 1500 and bringing it back here  to my safe place. I bought a tent . Feel insane but i cant now trust  the air even here. So that means i lose everything. Over  years  of ocd i lost the ability to hug and kiss my kids and then wife it cost me everything.  Now with my partner and daughter  i built that ability back up. Now its all lost . 

    R.s sorry to bang on over  your post . 
    Hang in there  and i hope peace comes your  way and yours brian.  
    Don’t be sorry. This place is for everyone. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I hope you stay safe and healthy. 
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