A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

Thoughts_Arrive

Rob, if you're still off the drinking then you're doing well. Keep fighting.

deadendp said:

T_A, Just when you announce doing things you need to do to get the hell out of the toxic hell hole you live in, you are going back to negative self talk. 

Stop.

Yes, your landlord will allow you to paint. Oil paints aren't that strong, but the mineral spirits to clean are. Do that out near the dumpster or switch to acrylic for a bit. Or! Use other materials you have. 

Will you have the same amount of disposable income you have now? No. Do what you need to do to trim the budget. Your mental health begs for it. That may be free YouTube tutorials as suggested above. 

I don't use turpentine. I'm health conscious. I only use Gamsol to clean my brushes and Galkyd to speed or slow drying. It's also the fear people have of me getting paint on the floor/walls. I used to paint with acrylics but hate it.

I'd have about the same amount of money. If I study full time I might be able to receive a living away from home allowance.

I feel sad as I like hanging around with people I've met in my class and my teacher.

Thoughts_Arrive

I hope I can make enough money to survive by tutoring psychology students. I can't return to working for another company because of past bullying. I'd rather be dead than put up with being picked on.

JPPJ84

M, it's important that you work through the bullying issue with your psychologist. You can't run from working forever. 

As for potentially getting paint on the floor: Just use a shower curtain, problem solved.

Deadendp is right, you're too negative. It seems you're looking for problems that aren't even there.

Thoughts_Arrive

Last time I saw my psychologist he kept looking at his wrist watch. It made me feel like he couldn't be bothered. He's the only one I can see because it's free for 10 sessions.

Thoughts_Arrive

That's two psychologists I've had get sick of me. I'm a lost cause.

mickeyrat

or when the purse denies paint , draw instead using colored pencil.....

is it the medium or the creative expression?

HughFreakingDillon

Thoughts_Arrive said:

That's two psychologists I've had get sick of me. I'm a lost cause.

there are loads of bad ones out there. I learned that through experience. they are also human. many humans are bad at what they do. try another and then another. it's worth it. 

oftenreading

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Last time I saw my psychologist he kept looking at his wrist watch. It made me feel like he couldn't be bothered. He's the only one I can see because it's free for 10 sessions.

Well, maybe rooky mistake on your therapist’s part if he had to look at a watch - most therapists know to have a clock on the wall behind their clients’ , so they can discretely check the time .

You may benefit from looking at this scenario using some of the CBT principles that you’ve learned, though, because you’re jumping to conclusions and putting the most negative spin on this, which often brings you down. Therapists are humans with jobs, and they have to keep to time so that they can see their other clients. 

What other explanations can you generate that don’t assume he’s sick of you? Maybe his clock is broken and he really doesn’t want to run behind. Maybe he had a personal issue that’s distracting him - his kid is sick and he needs to fit in calling the doctor between you and his next client. Maybe he wasn’t feeling well. Maybe he just really had to go to the bathroom!

The point is, you don’t know the reason and you’re assuming the worst and running with it. Try to be mindful of this tendency and generate alternate hypothesis instead. You are an educated man - use your critical thinking here as well!

Thoughts_Arrive

Very good point.

He was looking at his watch very frequently though.

Thoughts_Arrive

mickeyrat said:

or when the purse denies paint , draw instead using colored pencil.....

is it the medium or the creative expression?

I prefer painting. I've tried other mediums.

Thoughts_Arrive

Feeling depressed this morning.

I'll probably never be able to afford to buy another property. Looks like I'll be living in share houses for life as a single man.

oftenreading

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Very good point.

He was looking at his watch very frequently though.

So, challenge that thought. What are the alternate interpretations you can come up with?

mickeyrat

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Feeling depressed this morning.

I'll probably never be able to afford to buy another property. Looks like I'll be living in share houses for life as a single man.

and with that defeatist negative attitude you will bring that to fruition.

Thoughts_Arrive

I struggle to. I'm thinking that I am unbearable as a patient.

oftenreading

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I struggle to. I'm thinking that I am unbearable as a patient.

That's not actually an alternative interpretation - that's your go-to

So put that one aside and come up with some others. They don't even have to be realistic, they just need to be alternates to broaden your thinking.

mickeyrat

I think some part of you deep down doesn't want to. As bad as your present thinking and feeling may be, its a comfort zone. A known thing to rely on. Removal of it presents a scary proposition. The great unknown.

eventually a continuation of what was the uncomfortably comfortable existence became a greater fear than what was the unknown for me.

Challenges to meet and walk through to be sure, but now I'm on a motherfucking adventure!!!!! And I wouldnt have it any other way.......

hedonist

mickeyrat said:

I think some part of you deep down doesn't want to. As bad as your present thinking and feeling may be, its a comfort zone. A known thing to rely on. Removal of it presents a scary proposition. The great unknown.

eventually a continuation of what was the uncomfortably comfortable existence became a greater fear than what was the unknown for me.

Challenges to meet and walk through to be sure, but now I'm on a motherfucking adventure!!!!! And I wouldnt have it any other way.......

Yup.

mickeyrat

btw its not a judgement of you.  its an observation. One that I've lived myself so I know how stuck it can make a person.

and I hope my subsequent experience can. serve as an example of moving through that to something better.

HughFreakingDillon

mickeyrat said:

I think some part of you deep down doesn't want to. As bad as your present thinking and feeling may be, its a comfort zone. A known thing to rely on. Removal of it presents a scary proposition. The great unknown.

eventually a continuation of what was the uncomfortably comfortable existence became a greater fear than what was the unknown for me.

Challenges to meet and walk through to be sure, but now I'm on a motherfucking adventure!!!!! And I wouldnt have it any other way.......

"I miss the comfort in being sad"

mickeyrat

HughFreakingDillon said:

mickeyrat said:

I think some part of you deep down doesn't want to. As bad as your present thinking and feeling may be, its a comfort zone. A known thing to rely on. Removal of it presents a scary proposition. The great unknown.

eventually a continuation of what was the uncomfortably comfortable existence became a greater fear than what was the unknown for me.

Challenges to meet and walk through to be sure, but now I'm on a motherfucking adventure!!!!! And I wouldnt have it any other way.......

"I miss the comfort in being sad"

more like , I hate my present but am too afraid of what life could be without it.