Im going fucking insane i cant even begin to explain. I write here not for an answer but because i need to just let it out. I see suicide everywhere atm. Even a dear friend tried it the other week. I live in hell . My sleep is torture. I want peace so badly.
I cant see hope its soul destroying. In the end i need bravery which i dont have.
I beg to differ. Bravery is about showing up, and that is what you are doing. It is not about not having doubts or fears; it is about feeling the fear and doing it, anyways. And as far as I can tell, that is what you are doing. Keep posting here. You have a lot of people here who support you.
I cant see hope its soul destroying. In the end i need bravery which i dont have.
I beg to differ. Bravery is about showing up, and that is what you are doing. It is not about not having doubts or fears; it is about feeling the fear and doing it, anyways. And as far as I can tell, that is what you are doing. Keep posting here. You have a lot of people here who support you.
I cant see hope its soul destroying. In the end i need bravery which i dont have.
I used to think I didn't have the "guts" to end it. I realized over time that what actually takes guts is to keep going. Especially when the end of the tunnel is not in sight (which, in my former and your current situation, is almost always the case).
we can all get to the end of the tunnel, but you won't if you don't keep moving through it.
Ive come to a and e . Ive had heart symptoms for a couple days. Waiting 3hrs so far. Had ecg and blood test waiting for dr. The courage it took to come even though im in pain was huge. But i really want to ask about my confusion but probably us not relavant to them. I fuckin hate my life so much.
brixton 93
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Rob, I hope all goes well. It’s a huge step you’ve taken. Tell them about your confusion. You never know, it might be relevant. Sending you ((((hugs)))).
"What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
Rob, I hope all goes well. It’s a huge step you’ve taken. Tell them about your confusion. You never know, it might be relevant. Sending you ((((hugs)))).
Ive come to a and e . Ive had heart symptoms for a couple days. Waiting 3hrs so far. Had ecg and blood test waiting for dr. The courage it took to come even though im in pain was huge. But i really want to ask about my confusion but probably us not relavant to them. I fuckin hate my life so much.
Checking in on you. Giving you some positive energy and love.
2014: Cincinnati 2016: Lexington and Wrigley 1
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hedonist
standing on the edge of forever Posts: 24,524
As difficult as I'm sure this was to even do, I'm happy for you taking this step.
May it be the first of many that brings you to a better and more serene state of mind (and body).
God as if things cant get worse. I have a vomit phobia since years Now my partners son is at our small flat . Now he is throwing up and shitting. I cannot live like this. My head has gone. My baby is just recovering from scarlett fever and i just know how weak she is. I actually want to scream and fight
brixton 93
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
It was a comment I left about Greta Van Fleet on a music page. I don't know the guy, he's from another city. It happens all the time which is why it gets to me. Probably why I'm still single and have never had a girlfriend. I genuinely do not like the way I look and people on Facebook have made it clear there is something not right with my appearance. I deactivated my old account because of this and started with a new account. Same thing again.
Thoughts Arrived , please don't take this the wrong way but you are placing yourself out there for failing. I understand all too well depression / anxiety / self loathing ect. I went from the ages of 15-30 without really getting much help or very little , with some more self caring about myself from 30-35 , really worked on myself from 35-40 and can say that with a times this year 40 has been the healthiest year I have had mentality.
Cleary you have ( if I am wrong please let me know ) low self esteem , you don't seem to think much of yourself and read very much into what someone says or does not say to you. So putting yourself out online with open comments is just asking to get comments made about you. For the most part any comment section on an internet board is going to be filled with hate and making fun of others.
I would ask , what do you care what this person you have never met thought about you? I think I have said before but you should really set a goal for 2020 that you will just care for yourself , don't worry about dating , don't worry what others will think of you any of that. Just focus on loving yourself , finding what brings you happiness ( not what others think will make you happy ) and just live a year without worrying about those things. Hopeful combining that with therapy will make you feel more comfortable in your skin and these little things will not pull you over the edge. I really think that is a much deeper matter for you than the one off comments , I just think those are the last straw for you and you take it so hard.
I wish you all the best , happy to chat with you about technicians you could use ( mindfulness is very helpful ) , snowed all day and night here yesterday , around 4pm I was ready to just take a nap but I knew that would sleep till 8pm and then just go back to bed at 10pm. I pulled myself out of bed and went to the gym and just jogged for an hour. I know this is easier said than done and I give myself a pat on the back for how far I have come , just a year ago I would have taken the nap.
Be well , take care of yourself and get off social media
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hedonist
standing on the edge of forever Posts: 24,524
Amen, Matts. And good on you!
Rob, how are things in your world? Have the illnesses eased up a bit? Any tiny respite for yourself?
Im so grateful you care here. I really have gotten to the lowest low.
brixton 93
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
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hedonist
standing on the edge of forever Posts: 24,524
Can you try one day without the substances?
Believe me, I understand the need to hide; it's necessary at times, though living in hiding ultimately isn't living. Living includes those times you soooo want to hide, but don't (see Matts' post above). And eventually, you need to emerge...for your own sake.
You can have spates of shitty moments as you navigate yourself toward peace.
To horribly paraphrase a line from Heaven and Earth, "The road to nirvana is tricky and steep, but if you only walk on sunny days, you'll never reach your destination."
I do have some days but not many free of substance. But to be honest i know its pointless now. My brain is fucked and this memory and confusion is murder so the moments when wasted give me a moment of not caring
brixton 93
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
It was a comment I left about Greta Van Fleet on a music page. I don't know the guy, he's from another city. It happens all the time which is why it gets to me. Probably why I'm still single and have never had a girlfriend. I genuinely do not like the way I look and people on Facebook have made it clear there is something not right with my appearance. I deactivated my old account because of this and started with a new account. Same thing again.
Thoughts Arrived , please don't take this the wrong way but you are placing yourself out there for failing. I understand all too well depression / anxiety / self loathing ect. I went from the ages of 15-30 without really getting much help or very little , with some more self caring about myself from 30-35 , really worked on myself from 35-40 and can say that with a times this year 40 has been the healthiest year I have had mentality.
Cleary you have ( if I am wrong please let me know ) low self esteem , you don't seem to think much of yourself and read very much into what someone says or does not say to you. So putting yourself out online with open comments is just asking to get comments made about you. For the most part any comment section on an internet board is going to be filled with hate and making fun of others.
I would ask , what do you care what this person you have never met thought about you? I think I have said before but you should really set a goal for 2020 that you will just care for yourself , don't worry about dating , don't worry what others will think of you any of that. Just focus on loving yourself , finding what brings you happiness ( not what others think will make you happy ) and just live a year without worrying about those things. Hopeful combining that with therapy will make you feel more comfortable in your skin and these little things will not pull you over the edge. I really think that is a much deeper matter for you than the one off comments , I just think those are the last straw for you and you take it so hard.
I wish you all the best , happy to chat with you about technicians you could use ( mindfulness is very helpful ) , snowed all day and night here yesterday , around 4pm I was ready to just take a nap but I knew that would sleep till 8pm and then just go back to bed at 10pm. I pulled myself out of bed and went to the gym and just jogged for an hour. I know this is easier said than done and I give myself a pat on the back for how far I have come , just a year ago I would have taken the nap.
Be well , take care of yourself and get off social media
Thank you for your reply. I haven't taken it the wrong way. I don't know why but I just care. I haven't stopped thinking about it since. I hate how everyone stares at me when I go out to do grocery shopping at the local shopping plaza. I feel like a freak. I genuinely feel like I am ugly which is why people make fun of me and stare. Well done for pushing yourself to go to the gym and for improving yourself.
Right now I just feel like I cannot do anything right. A job I applied for in October seems to have not eventuated. Have not heard from the place I applied. And all those jobs I had to apply for in order to receive my unemployment welfare payments I have heard nothing back. I started art classes and feel like I am not good enough. Tonight is my third class and I'm thinking is there a point to spending my money.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
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mickeyrat
up my ass, like Chadwick was up his Posts: 35,764
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
So true mickey. M. You must listen to us and not these clowns on fb. Its toxic. Its not real. We are real. You look like every other man your age. Who are you judging yourself against? Here is an experiment. I will post a picture of me and see what you all see. I bet no matter what i think of myself nobody here will say a bad word.why? Because 1. Nobody here is a clown off of an anti social media site. 2. I am just a man like you. 3. We are all insecure with no need.
brixton 93
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Comments
2016: Lexington and Wrigley 1
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
2016: Lexington and Wrigley 1
we can all get to the end of the tunnel, but you won't if you don't keep moving through it.
www.headstonesband.com
The courage it took to come even though im in pain was huge. But i really want to ask about my confusion but probably us not relavant to them.
I fuckin hate my life so much.
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
2016: Lexington and Wrigley 1
May it be the first of many that brings you to a better and more serene state of mind (and body).
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Now my partners son is at our small flat . Now he is throwing up and shitting. I cannot live like this. My head has gone. My baby is just recovering from scarlett fever and i just know how weak she is. I actually want to scream and fight
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Thoughts Arrived , please don't take this the wrong way but you are placing yourself out there for failing. I understand all too well depression / anxiety / self loathing ect. I went from the ages of 15-30 without really getting much help or very little , with some more self caring about myself from 30-35 , really worked on myself from 35-40 and can say that with a times this year 40 has been the healthiest year I have had mentality.
Cleary you have ( if I am wrong please let me know ) low self esteem , you don't seem to think much of yourself and read very much into what someone says or does not say to you. So putting yourself out online with open comments is just asking to get comments made about you. For the most part any comment section on an internet board is going to be filled with hate and making fun of others.
I would ask , what do you care what this person you have never met thought about you? I think I have said before but you should really set a goal for 2020 that you will just care for yourself , don't worry about dating , don't worry what others will think of you any of that. Just focus on loving yourself , finding what brings you happiness ( not what others think will make you happy ) and just live a year without worrying about those things. Hopeful combining that with therapy will make you feel more comfortable in your skin and these little things will not pull you over the edge. I really think that is a much deeper matter for you than the one off comments , I just think those are the last straw for you and you take it so hard.
I wish you all the best , happy to chat with you about technicians you could use ( mindfulness is very helpful ) , snowed all day and night here yesterday , around 4pm I was ready to just take a nap but I knew that would sleep till 8pm and then just go back to bed at 10pm. I pulled myself out of bed and went to the gym and just jogged for an hour. I know this is easier said than done and I give myself a pat on the back for how far I have come , just a year ago I would have taken the nap.
Be well , take care of yourself and get off social media
Rob, how are things in your world? Have the illnesses eased up a bit? Any tiny respite for yourself?
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Believe me, I understand the need to hide; it's necessary at times, though living in hiding ultimately isn't living. Living includes those times you soooo want to hide, but don't (see Matts' post above). And eventually, you need to emerge...for your own sake.
You can have spates of shitty moments as you navigate yourself toward peace.
To horribly paraphrase a line from Heaven and Earth, "The road to nirvana is tricky and steep, but if you only walk on sunny days, you'll never reach your destination."
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
I haven't taken it the wrong way.
I don't know why but I just care. I haven't stopped thinking about it since.
I hate how everyone stares at me when I go out to do grocery shopping at the local shopping plaza.
I feel like a freak. I genuinely feel like I am ugly which is why people make fun of me and stare.
Well done for pushing yourself to go to the gym and for improving yourself.
Right now I just feel like I cannot do anything right.
A job I applied for in October seems to have not eventuated. Have not heard from the place I applied.
And all those jobs I had to apply for in order to receive my unemployment welfare payments I have heard nothing back.
I started art classes and feel like I am not good enough. Tonight is my third class and I'm thinking is there a point to spending my money.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
M. You must listen to us and not these clowns on fb. Its toxic. Its not real.
We are real. You look like every other man your age. Who are you judging yourself against?
Here is an experiment. I will post a picture of me and see what you all see. I bet no matter what i think of myself nobody here will say a bad word.why? Because 1. Nobody here is a clown off of an anti social media site.
2. I am just a man like you.
3. We are all insecure with no need.
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -