A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

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  • deadendpdeadendp Northeast OhioPosts: 8,421
    LEL, I'm glad that your thread is re-opened. 
    2014: Cincinnati
    2016: Lexington and Wrigley 1
  • lastexitlondonlastexitlondon Posts: 5,002
    We have  great  people here who are the kind souls the world needs. Love to you all
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 14,061
    Back at ya.
    It's a shame some people use this as a place to criticise rather than support with compassion.
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • tempo_n_groovetempo_n_groove Posts: 20,836
    Rgambs got banned for sticking up for someone?

    C'mon...

    I'm here to show support for my friend Rob/Lastexitlondon.  He is a great person whom I've chatted with quite a few times but have yet the pleasure to meet in person, there's this big ol pond in between us, but one day my friend, one day.
  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 15,867
    Rgambs got banned for sticking up for someone?

    C'mon...

    I'm here to show support for my friend Rob/Lastexitlondon.  He is a great person whom I've chatted with quite a few times but have yet the pleasure to meet in person, there's this big ol pond in between us, but one day my friend, one day.
    he was quite forceful in that defense. he  offered a suggestion  similar to some I have made just not as blunt.

    he also offered a critique of said poster. I cant say I disagree with either the suggestion or the assessment.
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 14,061
    @Sea please tell us rgambs is only temporarily banned? 
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 15,867
    @Sea please tell us rgambs is only temporarily banned? 
    based off my experience recently, week should be it. he had strong language to be sure but I didn't see it rise to what I did fully. but thats just my opinion.
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • Matts3221Matts3221 Posts: 104
    Matts3221 said:

    [ personal attack removed] I know this has already been said I know there are rules on this board for kindness , it say "safe place for anxiety suffers"  not "we are going to shit on you and assume we know everything about you"

    Your facts are bullshit to start.

    I am not going to respond anymore to your post.

    "Thoughts Arrived"

    I don't want to assume anything and I am at work so if I missed that you said this please forgive me but have you seen a therapist to talk about the past bullying? Bullying can happen in so many forms and so many ways I would never ask you to tell the details but thru therapy you may be able to slowly peel away at the long lasting effects it seems to have on you.

    On top of that living at home and feeling like you cannot find a partner is something that will only keep getting you down. For that I don't have a ton of advance. In the United States when we had our big economic downturn in 2007. I had lost my job and was unemployed for almost three years. It was some of the hardest times of my life. You wake up with I don't have a job and go to bed with I don't have a job. I was on unemployment and although that did not cover everything it greatly helped and because of the downturn in the economy they extended unemployment benefits for 99 weeks.

    Please know it will get better , during those three years I saw no hope at the end of the tunnel , I have now been at my job for 8 years , got married , bought a house and look back at that time as a very dark period. Still to this day I have a fear of my company just going under or another recession that leads to mass layoff's. My therapist and I worked thru this for years and I am finally starting to feel comfortable.


    "LastExit"

    My heart breaks for you and I offer you all my thoughts that their are so many people even just on this board whom care deeply about you. I am glad your kids have kept you going , that said you are not a burden to them. You being there is better than you not being there.

    I wish I had more advice for you I really do, just know you are loved and people care about you. Also anyone can feel free to DM me , I typical check the board during the week and not the weekend.

    Hey Matts, I appreciate your reply.

    I saw a new psychologist for the first time a few weeks ago and mentioned this on top of all the other issues. He seemed like he did not know where to begin with all the problems I vented at him. I might ask him to focus on that for now. I regret not taking legal action against these asshole employers. Imagine being bullied then being fired because you don't fit in with the team, it's like victim blaming. It's left me bitter at the world and hate myself for being bullied. 

    My best friend suggested perhaps it's time to get back to working to give me some perspective. Plus I could hopefully move out of home. Living with elderly parents is sad. But giving up studying to become a psychologist is hurting me right now. I thought I had a career sorted.

    Yeah knowing I don't have much going right is hard to bear.
    At the moment I am struggling really bad and breaking down in tears because I worked so hard to get the grades to be accepted into an Honours year at university. It feels like it was all for nothing and it has left me with a 25k debt to pay off and for what?. Every Master's degree is so expensive, be it psychology, counselling or art therapy, like 30k-40k. I cannot get over the anxiety this is giving me, I was already 12k in debt when I went back to university. Now my debt is around 25k. On top of my home mortgage.

    I'm thinking of doing a pHD as it is paid for by the university. I'd only have to spend 8k more on Honours and work hard to get the grades to be accepted into a pHD. I've been interested in an academic role, doing research and teaching at university. But right now my motivation to study is not there. I managed to struggle through working on my assignment yesterday all day and night as I am behind due to being unwell. Another thing, academic roles at universities are not permanent, a lot of pHD students and those with their pHD's are not on a permanent contract, they're pretty much working poor from what I hear. So there's no job security. Another thing that makes me feel stuck.
    I feel so trapped and like the walls are closing in around me and I am drowning and panicking. 

    I was reading back thru this tread last night so I saw the horrible experiences you had with prior co-workers. Do you mind me asking were you live ( country ) , I don't understand he strong homophobia ( regardless of your sexuality ).

    Was it a small company that made it hard to go to HR , was it so small on the owner was basically HR?

    As you start your work search maybe look into the background of companies see if you can find any complaints about harassment and try to find work with a company that would take a strong stance on that subject.

    I would think working in academic's would be a much less homophobic attitude.  Also I have three friend with pHD's two whom do very well for themselves and one that has a comfortable middle class lifestyle.

    The trapped feeling is the worst and everyone deals with it differently , do you have woods around you? Sometimes I find the quietness of the woods and just a place to sit with my thoughts ( music can help ) can relax me.

    Also take out what you are panicking about , so if you are panicked about finding a job. Take the job out of it and just know "you are panicking" and work on it from there.

    Always feel free to reach out , I say it all the time but everyone is different so what works for me may not work for you at all just trying to find something that may help.

    Best   

  • lastexitlondonlastexitlondon Posts: 5,002
    Rgambs got banned for sticking up for someone?

    C'mon...

    I'm here to show support for my friend Rob/Lastexitlondon.  He is a great person whom I've chatted with quite a few times but have yet the pleasure to meet in person, there's this big ol pond in between us, but one day my friend, one day.
    I really appreciate  this. And  i would hopr rgambs isnt banned because he said what we all felt.  We must all stand up to bullies and intolerance. If anything  a word is needed with the  guy who keeps doing this.
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 14,061
    Matts3221 said:
    Matts3221 said:

    [ personal attack removed] I know this has already been said I know there are rules on this board for kindness , it say "safe place for anxiety suffers"  not "we are going to shit on you and assume we know everything about you"

    Your facts are bullshit to start.

    I am not going to respond anymore to your post.

    "Thoughts Arrived"

    I don't want to assume anything and I am at work so if I missed that you said this please forgive me but have you seen a therapist to talk about the past bullying? Bullying can happen in so many forms and so many ways I would never ask you to tell the details but thru therapy you may be able to slowly peel away at the long lasting effects it seems to have on you.

    On top of that living at home and feeling like you cannot find a partner is something that will only keep getting you down. For that I don't have a ton of advance. In the United States when we had our big economic downturn in 2007. I had lost my job and was unemployed for almost three years. It was some of the hardest times of my life. You wake up with I don't have a job and go to bed with I don't have a job. I was on unemployment and although that did not cover everything it greatly helped and because of the downturn in the economy they extended unemployment benefits for 99 weeks.

    Please know it will get better , during those three years I saw no hope at the end of the tunnel , I have now been at my job for 8 years , got married , bought a house and look back at that time as a very dark period. Still to this day I have a fear of my company just going under or another recession that leads to mass layoff's. My therapist and I worked thru this for years and I am finally starting to feel comfortable.


    "LastExit"

    My heart breaks for you and I offer you all my thoughts that their are so many people even just on this board whom care deeply about you. I am glad your kids have kept you going , that said you are not a burden to them. You being there is better than you not being there.

    I wish I had more advice for you I really do, just know you are loved and people care about you. Also anyone can feel free to DM me , I typical check the board during the week and not the weekend.

    Hey Matts, I appreciate your reply.

    I saw a new psychologist for the first time a few weeks ago and mentioned this on top of all the other issues. He seemed like he did not know where to begin with all the problems I vented at him. I might ask him to focus on that for now. I regret not taking legal action against these asshole employers. Imagine being bullied then being fired because you don't fit in with the team, it's like victim blaming. It's left me bitter at the world and hate myself for being bullied. 

    My best friend suggested perhaps it's time to get back to working to give me some perspective. Plus I could hopefully move out of home. Living with elderly parents is sad. But giving up studying to become a psychologist is hurting me right now. I thought I had a career sorted.

    Yeah knowing I don't have much going right is hard to bear.
    At the moment I am struggling really bad and breaking down in tears because I worked so hard to get the grades to be accepted into an Honours year at university. It feels like it was all for nothing and it has left me with a 25k debt to pay off and for what?. Every Master's degree is so expensive, be it psychology, counselling or art therapy, like 30k-40k. I cannot get over the anxiety this is giving me, I was already 12k in debt when I went back to university. Now my debt is around 25k. On top of my home mortgage.

    I'm thinking of doing a pHD as it is paid for by the university. I'd only have to spend 8k more on Honours and work hard to get the grades to be accepted into a pHD. I've been interested in an academic role, doing research and teaching at university. But right now my motivation to study is not there. I managed to struggle through working on my assignment yesterday all day and night as I am behind due to being unwell. Another thing, academic roles at universities are not permanent, a lot of pHD students and those with their pHD's are not on a permanent contract, they're pretty much working poor from what I hear. So there's no job security. Another thing that makes me feel stuck.
    I feel so trapped and like the walls are closing in around me and I am drowning and panicking. 

    I was reading back thru this tread last night so I saw the horrible experiences you had with prior co-workers. Do you mind me asking were you live ( country ) , I don't understand he strong homophobia ( regardless of your sexuality ).

    Was it a small company that made it hard to go to HR , was it so small on the owner was basically HR?

    As you start your work search maybe look into the background of companies see if you can find any complaints about harassment and try to find work with a company that would take a strong stance on that subject.

    I would think working in academic's would be a much less homophobic attitude.  Also I have three friend with pHD's two whom do very well for themselves and one that has a comfortable middle class lifestyle.

    The trapped feeling is the worst and everyone deals with it differently , do you have woods around you? Sometimes I find the quietness of the woods and just a place to sit with my thoughts ( music can help ) can relax me.

    Also take out what you are panicking about , so if you are panicked about finding a job. Take the job out of it and just know "you are panicking" and work on it from there.

    Always feel free to reach out , I say it all the time but everyone is different so what works for me may not work for you at all just trying to find something that may help.

    Best   

    Hey,
    Australia is where I live.
    Yeah, it still exists here.
    One of the guy's who bullied me hard called many people 'faggot'. Plus one lady in the office saw two girls kissing and made a big deal of it saying it is disgusting. I couldn't believe how blatant the homophobia was in these workplaces. I felt so uncomfortable in my last office job, small office full of homophobes and racists, as well as sexist pigs. 

    One of the companies was a large multi-national, the HR lady was useless, she was more pissed off at me being sent emails at work with links to porn or porn images, the people sending it to me were testing me to see if I was attracted to women. She just said it's none of their business what my sexual orientation is without doing anything to discipline these guys.

    In my last office job, there was no HR, it was a real estate office. Everywhere you go here, HR is useless, they do nothing but take the management's side. 
    I like your suggestion about investigating potential employers. I'll do that in future.
    Working in academia, especially psychology would be great, a few of the lecturers at my university are gay. Generally, any university here with a school of psychology is full of kind people I've been told. I was actually thinking trying to find a job as a research assistant, I remembered yesterday that one of my lecturers/tutors mentioned you just need to finish you Bachelor degree in psychology to be able to get a job as a research assistant. It would probably suit me. That is if I don't want to spend four more years studying (Honours plus pHD).



    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 14,061
    ***PART 2 OF MY REPLY TO YOU (WAS OVER THE CHARACTER LIMIT SO COULD NOT POST)***

    I live in suburbia but woody areas would be maybe an hour's drive or more away if I am thinking correctly. 
    I am in Melbourne. 
    Last Christmas I was very stressed out after a fight with my mum and went to the royal botanic gardens in the city and it was cool.
    I was actually thinking I should get out in nature more because I really need to start taking photos of nature for painting reference photos, sick of asking others for permission. One of my paintings is off someone else's photo. If I sell it and prints of it I'll need to ask the photographer and if she asks pay her some of my sales.

    Music is my saviour. 

    I'll try our suggestion around panicking.
    I was feeling great this morning, woke up looking forward to the day and with energy, played guitar for hours, worked on some song ideas, tried to learn a Tool song, but tonight I started feeling down again and started panicking thinking there's no escape from the sad mood. Like, I was happy to be free, and now it's like I got my hopes up. Maybe it's the medication just starting to work, I don't know.

    Thank you so much for your care. You're a kind soul.

    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • njnancynjnancy Northern New JerseyPosts: 4,951
    Im shocked to come to our safe place & see the mayhem.  I hope that @rgambs is in a time out only,  he adds so much to discussions. If people need be banned (unbrlievable), shouldn't the instigator also have a time out?  Some people ferociously stir the pot for fun not caring who is hurt & get a pass. Description was given by non banned person, I did not label them,  they labelled themselves awhile ago. 

    Im glad the thread is open.  Safe place & anxiety (& depression) should make this a non judgement zone.  

    October is Depression Awareness Month. Anxiety illnesses coexist with depression illnesses in most people. Let's advocate for acceptance & understanding! 

    He's one misconception. 

    There is a vast difference between feeling depressed & it being tied to a situation and being diagnosed with depression. There is no specific reason, just impending amorphous sense of doom. And depression is not sadness, it is a feeling nothing,  just seeing a black hole that one keeps climbing out of. 

    Situational depression is real & can be just gone through with a supportive family or church or friends. One can seek therapy fir grief or other intense feelings & meds may be a temporary help. 

    Clinical depression is incurable but can be managed with therapy, medication,  health living,  meditation,  etc. It will reappear out of nowhere & is life changing. More understanding & less judgement would go a long way. And unless you are a trained therapist or have been in the depths of despair & have knowledge to share,  please don't tell us to have will power, get over it,  go for  a run or other unhelpful & possibly a trigger for a bad reaction. Think of how you are with people of other diseases & use that barometer. 

    Big hug my fellow warriors. #free rgambs
  • lastexitlondonlastexitlondon Posts: 5,002
    Free  him indeed. He did only what anyone would have done. First on the scene
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 14,061
    njnancy said:
    Im shocked to come to our safe place & see the mayhem.  I hope that @rgambs is in a time out only,  he adds so much to discussions. If people need be banned (unbrlievable), shouldn't the instigator also have a time out?  Some people ferociously stir the pot for fun not caring who is hurt & get a pass. Description was given by non banned person, I did not label them,  they labelled themselves awhile ago. 

    Im glad the thread is open.  Safe place & anxiety (& depression) should make this a non judgement zone.  

    October is Depression Awareness Month. Anxiety illnesses coexist with depression illnesses in most people. Let's advocate for acceptance & understanding! 

    He's one misconception. 

    There is a vast difference between feeling depressed & it being tied to a situation and being diagnosed with depression. There is no specific reason, just impending amorphous sense of doom. And depression is not sadness, it is a feeling nothing,  just seeing a black hole that one keeps climbing out of. 

    Situational depression is real & can be just gone through with a supportive family or church or friends. One can seek therapy fir grief or other intense feelings & meds may be a temporary help. 

    Clinical depression is incurable but can be managed with therapy, medication,  health living,  meditation,  etc. It will reappear out of nowhere & is life changing. More understanding & less judgement would go a long way. And unless you are a trained therapist or have been in the depths of despair & have knowledge to share,  please don't tell us to have will power, get over it,  go for  a run or other unhelpful & possibly a trigger for a bad reaction. Think of how you are with people of other diseases & use that barometer. 

    Big hug my fellow warriors. #free rgambs
    Very well said.
    Thank you, Nancy. Big hug.

    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 14,061
    edited October 6
    I feel this new medication I am on is helping. However there are brief moments in each day where I feel those same empty and sad feelings come back. But on the whole, after a very rough first week on them I am feeling more optimistic, no suicidal ideation, and productive.
    Managed to work through a lot of my university assignment and record two rough song demos.
    And started looking at a job I may be interested in and was looking to apply but need one more year of university.
    Although my head feels kind of weird still, a side effect that hopefully will go away.
    I am just worried what if this antidepressant I am on now stops working like my last ones. 
    That's the thing with antidepressants, they stop working and you need to change or up your dose.

    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • brianluxbrianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain.Posts: 28,718
    I feel this new medication I am on is helping. However there are brief moments in each day where I feel those same empty and sad feelings come back. But on the whole, after a very rough first week on them I am feeling more optimistic, no suicidal ideation, and productive.
    Managed to work through a lot of my university assignment and record two rough song demos.
    And started looking at a job I may be interested in and was looking to apply but need one more year of university.
    Although my head feels kind of weird still, a side effect that hopefully will go away.
    I am just worried what if this antidepressant I am on now stops working like my last ones. 
    That's the thing with antidepressants, they stop working and you need to change or up your dose.

    Great to hear you're getting some good results so far.  I hope that continues to be the case.   Will be thinking good thoughts for success for you with this one!
    "Hate your job, love your stuff
    If you think that's living, you are
    Wrong... wrong,
    Wrong wrong wrong."
    -Juliana Hatfield
    ***********
    M.I.T.S.







  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 14,061
    brianlux said:
    I feel this new medication I am on is helping. However there are brief moments in each day where I feel those same empty and sad feelings come back. But on the whole, after a very rough first week on them I am feeling more optimistic, no suicidal ideation, and productive.
    Managed to work through a lot of my university assignment and record two rough song demos.
    And started looking at a job I may be interested in and was looking to apply but need one more year of university.
    Although my head feels kind of weird still, a side effect that hopefully will go away.
    I am just worried what if this antidepressant I am on now stops working like my last ones. 
    That's the thing with antidepressants, they stop working and you need to change or up your dose.

    Great to hear you're getting some good results so far.  I hope that continues to be the case.   Will be thinking good thoughts for success for you with this one!
    Thank you Brian!
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • brianluxbrianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain.Posts: 28,718
    brianlux said:
    I feel this new medication I am on is helping. However there are brief moments in each day where I feel those same empty and sad feelings come back. But on the whole, after a very rough first week on them I am feeling more optimistic, no suicidal ideation, and productive.
    Managed to work through a lot of my university assignment and record two rough song demos.
    And started looking at a job I may be interested in and was looking to apply but need one more year of university.
    Although my head feels kind of weird still, a side effect that hopefully will go away.
    I am just worried what if this antidepressant I am on now stops working like my last ones. 
    That's the thing with antidepressants, they stop working and you need to change or up your dose.

    Great to hear you're getting some good results so far.  I hope that continues to be the case.   Will be thinking good thoughts for success for you with this one!
    Thank you Brian!


    When you feel like doing so, keep us posted your your progress.  :smile:

    I remember how long it took me to find a good anti-depressant.  It was called Serzone.  It was eventually taken off the market (supposedly bad for the liver but I never read anything that made it sound serious- probably no worse than Ibuprofen or Tylenol), but I think it did what a good antidepressant will do which is to  sort of "train" the brain to form a more balanced brain chemistry. 

    I still have bouts of depression and anxiety and sometimes mild to moderate panic attacks, but I've learned to see them as only a part of who and what I am, and try hard to remember that although the time period is variable, they are temporary states of mind and there is another side of the tunnel.  That kind of awareness for me can be very challenging and difficult, but I keep at it, reminding myself of these things often, and then in the better-to-good in between times, really relish those better feeling periods of time and try to make the most of them.

    "Hate your job, love your stuff
    If you think that's living, you are
    Wrong... wrong,
    Wrong wrong wrong."
    -Juliana Hatfield
    ***********
    M.I.T.S.







  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 14,061
    edited October 8
    So today my mum said that I'll never get married, that noone will want me now because I am too old, and won't have anyone to look after me when I'm old.
    Usually I would become enraged and argue with her, lose my temper, get depressed.
    Today I was slightly hurt, out of a scale of 10 with 10 being very, I'd say I was a 2.
    But I was calm and did not lose my cool when speaking to my mum about why I am single (my current circumstances don't make me attractive as a partner). I had a smile on my face as I calmly responded to my mum. It's something my psychologist wants me to practice so I can shrug negative, hurtful comments off automatically. Like learning a new reflex. It is possible the medication helped me from erupting in anger to her comments.
    Post edited by Thoughts_Arrive on
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 14,061
    An interesting side note.
    My mum when I was younger was always saying if my girlfriend is not of the same ethnic background then she is not welcome in the house and that I must marry the same ethnicity.
    Today, she doesn't care what ethnicity she is.
    Funny, I guess now they see I am 35, my mum is so desperate for me to get married, so much so she no longer cares about sticking to our kind.
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • brianluxbrianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain.Posts: 28,718
    So today my mum said that I'll never get married, that noone will want me now because I am too old, and won't have anyone to look after me when I'm old.
    Usually I would become enraged and argue with her, lose my temper, get depressed.
    Today I was slightly hurt, out of a scale of 10 with 10 being very, I'd say I was a 2.
    But I was calm and did not lose my cool when speaking to my mum about why I am single (my current circumstances don't make me attractive as a partner). I had a smile on my face as I calmly responded to my mum. It's something my psychologist wants me to practice so I can shrug negative, hurtful comments off automatically. Like learning a new reflex. It is possible the medication helped me from erupting in anger to her comments.
    That's a great reflex to learn.  I've gotta work on that myself.  I sometimes let words push my buttons but really, if they're my buttons I should have control over them!  Sounds like you did well!
    An interesting side note.
    My mum when I was younger was always saying if my girlfriend is not of the same ethnic background then she is not welcome in the house and that I must marry the same ethnicity.
    Today, she doesn't care what ethnicity she is.
    Funny, I guess now they see I am 35, my mum is so desperate for me to get married, so much so she no longer cares about sticking to our kind.
    I think marriage happens best on it's own time.  And lots of people don't marry until later in life. Even cool dude Jerry Seinfeld didn't get married until he was 45.  I didn't get it right until I was 51.  Best to wait for the right time, whatever that may be.  Maybe you mother needs to learn a little patience and maybe not push so much. 
    "Hate your job, love your stuff
    If you think that's living, you are
    Wrong... wrong,
    Wrong wrong wrong."
    -Juliana Hatfield
    ***********
    M.I.T.S.







  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 14,061
    She'll be 70 soon and dad 72.
    I guess they fear they are running out of time to see their only son marry and carry the family surname.
    A lot of marriages end in divorce nowadays. I told my parents this and said I want to make sure she's the right one.
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • HughFreakingDillonHughFreakingDillon In My PlacePosts: 19,451
    So today my mum said that I'll never get married, that noone will want me now because I am too old, and won't have anyone to look after me when I'm old.
    Usually I would become enraged and argue with her, lose my temper, get depressed.
    Today I was slightly hurt, out of a scale of 10 with 10 being very, I'd say I was a 2.
    But I was calm and did not lose my cool when speaking to my mum about why I am single (my current circumstances don't make me attractive as a partner). I had a smile on my face as I calmly responded to my mum. It's something my psychologist wants me to practice so I can shrug negative, hurtful comments off automatically. Like learning a new reflex. It is possible the medication helped me from erupting in anger to her comments.
    interesting that your mother chooses to go the negative, insulting route when trying to get you to do something she wants. she obviously doesn't get it. you need confidence in yourself to be able to be in a relationship. brow-beating does the opposite. 

    seriously, dude, when you feel better, GTFO of that house. 
    12/29/19
  • Matts3221Matts3221 Posts: 104
    So today my mum said that I'll never get married, that noone will want me now because I am too old, and won't have anyone to look after me when I'm old.
    Usually I would become enraged and argue with her, lose my temper, get depressed.
    Today I was slightly hurt, out of a scale of 10 with 10 being very, I'd say I was a 2.
    But I was calm and did not lose my cool when speaking to my mum about why I am single (my current circumstances don't make me attractive as a partner). I had a smile on my face as I calmly responded to my mum. It's something my psychologist wants me to practice so I can shrug negative, hurtful comments off automatically. Like learning a new reflex. It is possible the medication helped me from erupting in anger to her comments.


    Yeah this just seems like a cruel comment on your moms side , first I am positive there are tons of females whom you would be compatible with and I don't even know you. When you are feeling down on yourself with anxiety and depression along with your fear of job prospects it is easy for you to feel like you are unattractive or whom would want to be with me. Adding again what I would consider a cruel jab at you from your mother just makes it worse.

    Confidence is key , also and this is just something I learned the hard way when you first met someone no need to dump all the baggage at once. Everyone has it but I used to want to get it off my chest and I think that would scare some away.

    Started going bald when I was in my early 30's and it used to kill my confidence on every level , then I realized I was the one making a deal out of it and not anyone else. At 41 I could care less and that does make a big deal.

    Last like HFD said GTFO of that house when you can.

    All the best.

  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 14,061
    So today my mum said that I'll never get married, that noone will want me now because I am too old, and won't have anyone to look after me when I'm old.
    Usually I would become enraged and argue with her, lose my temper, get depressed.
    Today I was slightly hurt, out of a scale of 10 with 10 being very, I'd say I was a 2.
    But I was calm and did not lose my cool when speaking to my mum about why I am single (my current circumstances don't make me attractive as a partner). I had a smile on my face as I calmly responded to my mum. It's something my psychologist wants me to practice so I can shrug negative, hurtful comments off automatically. Like learning a new reflex. It is possible the medication helped me from erupting in anger to her comments.
    interesting that your mother chooses to go the negative, insulting route when trying to get you to do something she wants. she obviously doesn't get it. you need confidence in yourself to be able to be in a relationship. brow-beating does the opposite. 

    seriously, dude, when you feel better, GTFO of that house. 
    Yeah, I've actually started thinking (imagining) how I could get out of here. It's amazing how not feeling down and depressed makes you feel like you can do things you thought you have no hope of doing.
    I'll have to live in a share house. But need to find someone of my age and not into the party lifestyle.
    I've had the chance to move into a house like that recently with a guy from university and his friends, they're all early 20s and drink and party. I need another introvert haha.
    I might have to sell my property to do that sadly, can't afford to pay a mortgage and rent. Unless I move into that place and get housemates to pay me to live there. 

    As for my mum, she is all negative and insulting. Always has been. Always will be.
    When I tell psychologists what she says their mouths drop.
    It's sad to know my estranged sister is very alike my mum. 
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 14,061
    edited October 9
    Matts3221 said:
    So today my mum said that I'll never get married, that noone will want me now because I am too old, and won't have anyone to look after me when I'm old.
    Usually I would become enraged and argue with her, lose my temper, get depressed.
    Today I was slightly hurt, out of a scale of 10 with 10 being very, I'd say I was a 2.
    But I was calm and did not lose my cool when speaking to my mum about why I am single (my current circumstances don't make me attractive as a partner). I had a smile on my face as I calmly responded to my mum. It's something my psychologist wants me to practice so I can shrug negative, hurtful comments off automatically. Like learning a new reflex. It is possible the medication helped me from erupting in anger to her comments.


    Yeah this just seems like a cruel comment on your moms side , first I am positive there are tons of females whom you would be compatible with and I don't even know you. When you are feeling down on yourself with anxiety and depression along with your fear of job prospects it is easy for you to feel like you are unattractive or whom would want to be with me. Adding again what I would consider a cruel jab at you from your mother just makes it worse.

    Confidence is key , also and this is just something I learned the hard way when you first met someone no need to dump all the baggage at once. Everyone has it but I used to want to get it off my chest and I think that would scare some away.

    Started going bald when I was in my early 30's and it used to kill my confidence on every level , then I realized I was the one making a deal out of it and not anyone else. At 41 I could care less and that does make a big deal.

    Last like HFD said GTFO of that house when you can.

    All the best.


    Yep, she's cruel a lot of the time.

    I just find I have not found many compatible with me or that they don't exist, I feel like a freak as I've never attracted someone.
    Maybe it's the way society is, it's all materialistic. Any woman I find interesting is in a relationship or lives in another country.

    Another thing, I feel like if I don't tell any potential partner on a first date I have depression then she'll get pissed off at me as that may be something that she does not want to deal with. I feel like I am cheating and lying to her if I am not upfront right away. I don't think a single woman would want to have to deal with a partner who gets depressed. I don't know, it's tricky. I want to be honest right away but on first dates it is a turn off but then imagine we end up being in a relationship and I drop that on her. 

    As for baldness, I actually am into the bald look right now. I shave my hair ultra close with a balding clipper.
    I used to have long hair up until earlier this year when I got sick of maintaining it and decided to shave it off.
    Some women love the bald man. 

    Thanks.
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • HughFreakingDillonHughFreakingDillon In My PlacePosts: 19,451
    Matts3221 said:
    So today my mum said that I'll never get married, that noone will want me now because I am too old, and won't have anyone to look after me when I'm old.
    Usually I would become enraged and argue with her, lose my temper, get depressed.
    Today I was slightly hurt, out of a scale of 10 with 10 being very, I'd say I was a 2.
    But I was calm and did not lose my cool when speaking to my mum about why I am single (my current circumstances don't make me attractive as a partner). I had a smile on my face as I calmly responded to my mum. It's something my psychologist wants me to practice so I can shrug negative, hurtful comments off automatically. Like learning a new reflex. It is possible the medication helped me from erupting in anger to her comments.


    Yeah this just seems like a cruel comment on your moms side , first I am positive there are tons of females whom you would be compatible with and I don't even know you. When you are feeling down on yourself with anxiety and depression along with your fear of job prospects it is easy for you to feel like you are unattractive or whom would want to be with me. Adding again what I would consider a cruel jab at you from your mother just makes it worse.

    Confidence is key , also and this is just something I learned the hard way when you first met someone no need to dump all the baggage at once. Everyone has it but I used to want to get it off my chest and I think that would scare some away.

    Started going bald when I was in my early 30's and it used to kill my confidence on every level , then I realized I was the one making a deal out of it and not anyone else. At 41 I could care less and that does make a big deal.

    Last like HFD said GTFO of that house when you can.

    All the best.


    Yep, she's cruel a lot of the time.

    I just find I have not found many compatible with me or that they don't exist, I feel like a freak as I've never attracted someone.
    Maybe it's the way society is, it's all materialistic. Any woman I find interesting is in a relationship or lives in another country.

    Another thing, I feel like if I don't tell any potential partner on a first date I have depression then she'll get pissed off at me as that may be something that she does not want to deal with. I feel like I am cheating and lying to her if I am not upfront right away. I don't think a single woman would want to have to deal with a partner who gets depressed. I don't know, it's tricky. I want to be honest right away but on first dates it is a turn off but then imagine we end up being in a relationship and I drop that on her. 

    As for baldness, I actually am into the bald look right now. I shave my hair ultra close with a balding clipper.
    I used to have long hair up until earlier this year when I got sick of maintaining it and decided to shave it off.
    Some women love the bald man. 

    Thanks.
    don't drop all your secrets on the first date. that's a turn off no matter what it is. there needs to be an appropriate level of intimacy for sharing stuff that personal and private. 

    she'll always have the choice to deal with it or not deal with it. but dropping that bomb that early is a mistake, in my opinion. 

    the way you have always talked about yourself here has always been pretty negative. sometimes subtle, sometimes outward self-loathing. i imagine you probably talk to girls this way as well about yourself. you don't have to lie, just don't be apologetic about who you are off the bat. 

    you won't start a healthy relationship without confidence. either you'll get someone who treats you like dirt, or you won't get anyone at all. 
    12/29/19
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 14,061
    edited October 9
    Thank you for your advice.
    I'm just afraid of having a great first few dates and hitting it off for her to dump me if she learns about my depression.
    I guess at times I have talked about the shit things about me (if I remember correctly) to girls, but I believe this has only ever been online.
    That is after a while of getting to know them.
    Someone that I have just met in person I don't reveal anything.
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • brianluxbrianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain.Posts: 28,718
    Thank you for your advice.
    I'm just afraid of having a great first few dates and hitting it off for her to dump me if she learns about my depression.
    I guess at times I have talked about the shit things about me (if I remember correctly) to girls, but I believe this has only ever been online.
    That is after a while of getting to know them.
    Someone that I have just met in person I don't reveal anything.
    I think it's natural to show one's best side when first meeting someone.  But at the same time, she will probably do the same.  Maybe the best way to go about it is to try to both be honest right up front.  I think if someone you meet is the caring kind of person you would want in your life, then it would be OK if you told here you deal with depression.  It's not an uncommon thing.  She might even say, "That's OK, I do too!"  But if she turns out to be turned off by you having depression, she's probably not the right one anyway.  There are plenty of ladies out there who will be understanding and that's probably what you want to look for.

    In any case, hang in there my friend.  I'm told our power is going to be shut off any time soon now and probably won't be back on until Saturday at best.  So I'll catch up here more again when I can.  In the meantime, take care!
    "Hate your job, love your stuff
    If you think that's living, you are
    Wrong... wrong,
    Wrong wrong wrong."
    -Juliana Hatfield
    ***********
    M.I.T.S.







  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 14,061
    Thank you Brian, I appreciate your love.
    You too bud.
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
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