A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

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  • SD48277SD48277 Woodstock, NYPosts: 12,192
    I found being outside listening to music today to be calming
    Excellent! What were you listening to?
    ELITIST FUK
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 13,854
    SD48277 said:
    I found being outside listening to music today to be calming
    Excellent! What were you listening to?
    Tool's new album.
    The weather was perfect.
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 15,648
    mickeyrat said:
    mickeyrat said:
    as a good friend says in AA , you don't have to like it, love it or roll around in the grass with it  but accept it you must.

    So, ok it is what it is. And I dont like it.
    Did the program work for you?  My brother went to rehab 3 or 4 times and tried AA ... It did not work for him.  The success of these rehab clinics is pretty low, AA does not have a great success rate.  Most rehab clinics use the 12 step program.   From what I understand the program was delivered in the '20s and is virtually unchanged since.  If that is true, you will never convince me that it can be all that good.  Times change, people change, our lives are far more busy and complicated.  Would you send kids to a school with 1920's curriculum?
    first, it was offered via the book in 39.  it tells the collective story of the first 100 or so to get and stay sober. if it aint broke, whats to improve on?

    not knowing your brothers story, I cant speak to what you seem to think doesnt work. I am going tk guess he didnt buy into the concept and do what is suggested consistently.

    success rates are factually hard to judge as its all self reported. there are no master lists beyond individual group level. the courts, unable to do anything see AA as a panacea and order attendance, should those folks count toward success rates?

    further AA doesnt proclaim itself as the end all be all in regards to alcoholism. the early members understood their limitations. the book is quite prophectic in some areas. guessing man would walk on the moon among other things, but makes it clear its meant for the hopeless and helpless and that medical science may well discover additinal trreatments. which has partially come to pass.

    You seem to have an already closed mind to the concept.

    so I'll close with a quote found in the book attributed to Herbert Spencer(in error)


     There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments   and which cannnot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance - that principle is contempt prior to investigation.

    William Paley
      

    as to your initial question.  I am 13yrs  4 monts and 12 days sober. sonething I could not seem to do on my own. there are any number of ways to get and stay sober. I dont know what they are. but this is working for me. allows me some peace and to live comfortably enough in my skin.

    personally the method one uses to achieve sobriety  is secondary to the end result. but all methods require active participation of  the individual for any success.
    For one.  My brother (Passed Away) was not the type of person who would have like standing up and telling strangers his problems.  And religion aspect would never sit well with him.  And the program works for a very few people.  So facts are pretty much not in dispute from what I read.  Yeah, why change?  Because the program is a failure.  And even if worked in 1930, times change, people change.  I am sure the education curriculum in 1930 was fine for 1930 and was working...but you sure as hell won't want kids educated by 1930's standard.

    You know if you got cancer, the oncology team plots a course of treatment and is tailored to your needs.

    The Irrationality of Alcoholics Anonymous
    https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2015/04/the-irrationality-of-alcoholics-anonymous/386255/

    Nowhere in the field of medicine is treatment less grounded in modern science. A 2012 report by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University compared the current state of addiction medicine to general medicine in the early 1900s, when quacks worked alongside graduates of leading medical schools. The American Medical Association estimates that out of nearly 1 million doctors in the United States, only 582 identify themselves as addiction specialists. (The Columbia report notes that there may be additional doctors who have a subspecialty in addiction.) Most treatment providers carry the credential of addiction counsellor or substance-abuse counsellor, for which many states require little more than a high-school diploma or a GED. Many counsellors are in recovery themselves. The report stated: “The vast majority of people in need of addiction treatment do not receive anything that approximates evidence-based care.”

    Like I said.  1935 methods will not work.  I know a lot of atheists will sit in rooms with people talking about an invisible man in the sky, and you want people to take that program seriously.  1st they need to acknowledge God is not real and dump that.  If your religion as part of the program then it is just a fairy tale program.

    I will say it...rehab clinics and AA is just a con...these clinics are committing fraud in my opinion.
    The man tells you this method helped him a great deal and is in a better place now....and you tell him it is a con.
    You are really not a nice person.
    That stuff is downright mean.
    Hope you find some help so that you can try and be better, or at least not seek to antagonize others quite so much.
    Awful of you, really.
    thanks but unnecessary imo. I dont need validation from him or anyone. I know from experience.  lack of understanding for many reasons  on his part. thats ok.  it sucks what his brother went through. sadly some dont make it, with or without help.

    besides, I only shared something I heard that helped me and where I heard. the concept is universal. acceptance is an acknowledgment of what actually is. doesnt require approval of or condoning of a situation, simple recoginition of reality.
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • F Me In The BrainF Me In The Brain this knows everybody from other commetsPosts: 17,140
    mickeyrat said:
    mickeyrat said:
    mickeyrat said:
    as a good friend says in AA , you don't have to like it, love it or roll around in the grass with it  but accept it you must.

    So, ok it is what it is. And I dont like it.
    Did the program work for you?  My brother went to rehab 3 or 4 times and tried AA ... It did not work for him.  The success of these rehab clinics is pretty low, AA does not have a great success rate.  Most rehab clinics use the 12 step program.   From what I understand the program was delivered in the '20s and is virtually unchanged since.  If that is true, you will never convince me that it can be all that good.  Times change, people change, our lives are far more busy and complicated.  Would you send kids to a school with 1920's curriculum?
    first, it was offered via the book in 39.  it tells the collective story of the first 100 or so to get and stay sober. if it aint broke, whats to improve on?

    not knowing your brothers story, I cant speak to what you seem to think doesnt work. I am going tk guess he didnt buy into the concept and do what is suggested consistently.

    success rates are factually hard to judge as its all self reported. there are no master lists beyond individual group level. the courts, unable to do anything see AA as a panacea and order attendance, should those folks count toward success rates?

    further AA doesnt proclaim itself as the end all be all in regards to alcoholism. the early members understood their limitations. the book is quite prophectic in some areas. guessing man would walk on the moon among other things, but makes it clear its meant for the hopeless and helpless and that medical science may well discover additinal trreatments. which has partially come to pass.

    You seem to have an already closed mind to the concept.

    so I'll close with a quote found in the book attributed to Herbert Spencer(in error)


     There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments   and which cannnot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance - that principle is contempt prior to investigation.

    William Paley
      

    as to your initial question.  I am 13yrs  4 monts and 12 days sober. sonething I could not seem to do on my own. there are any number of ways to get and stay sober. I dont know what they are. but this is working for me. allows me some peace and to live comfortably enough in my skin.

    personally the method one uses to achieve sobriety  is secondary to the end result. but all methods require active participation of  the individual for any success.
    For one.  My brother (Passed Away) was not the type of person who would have like standing up and telling strangers his problems.  And religion aspect would never sit well with him.  And the program works for a very few people.  So facts are pretty much not in dispute from what I read.  Yeah, why change?  Because the program is a failure.  And even if worked in 1930, times change, people change.  I am sure the education curriculum in 1930 was fine for 1930 and was working...but you sure as hell won't want kids educated by 1930's standard.

    You know if you got cancer, the oncology team plots a course of treatment and is tailored to your needs.

    The Irrationality of Alcoholics Anonymous
    https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2015/04/the-irrationality-of-alcoholics-anonymous/386255/

    Nowhere in the field of medicine is treatment less grounded in modern science. A 2012 report by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University compared the current state of addiction medicine to general medicine in the early 1900s, when quacks worked alongside graduates of leading medical schools. The American Medical Association estimates that out of nearly 1 million doctors in the United States, only 582 identify themselves as addiction specialists. (The Columbia report notes that there may be additional doctors who have a subspecialty in addiction.) Most treatment providers carry the credential of addiction counsellor or substance-abuse counsellor, for which many states require little more than a high-school diploma or a GED. Many counsellors are in recovery themselves. The report stated: “The vast majority of people in need of addiction treatment do not receive anything that approximates evidence-based care.”

    Like I said.  1935 methods will not work.  I know a lot of atheists will sit in rooms with people talking about an invisible man in the sky, and you want people to take that program seriously.  1st they need to acknowledge God is not real and dump that.  If your religion as part of the program then it is just a fairy tale program.

    I will say it...rehab clinics and AA is just a con...these clinics are committing fraud in my opinion.
    The man tells you this method helped him a great deal and is in a better place now....and you tell him it is a con.
    You are really not a nice person.
    That stuff is downright mean.
    Hope you find some help so that you can try and be better, or at least not seek to antagonize others quite so much.
    Awful of you, really.
    thanks but unnecessary imo. I dont need validation from him or anyone. I know from experience.  lack of understanding for many reasons  on his part. thats ok.  it sucks what his brother went through. sadly some dont make it, with or without help.

    besides, I only shared something I heard that helped me and where I heard. the concept is universal. acceptance is an acknowledgment of what actually is. doesnt require approval of or condoning of a situation, simple recoginition of reality.
    You have the right attitude, obviously, but it is just uncalled for to be like that to people who are sharing something that worked for them

    This is meant to be a thread of kindness, not judgement and put-downs for what works with others.
    The love he receives is the love that is saved
  • rgambsrgambs Posts: 12,230
    Keep hanging in there folks, every day without a panic attack is a small victory!
    Monkey Driven, Call this Living?
  • SeaSea EarthPosts: 2,094
    Off topic posts have been deleted.

    This is a support thread for people who suffer from anxiety. It’s a safe place for people to share their experiences and what works for them. Please treat each other with kindness, compassion, and respect. Please do not derail topic integrity with off topic debates. You can start your own thread for that if one does not already exist.
    Thank you


  • njnancynjnancy Northern New JerseyPosts: 4,891
    I am having a really difficult time.  Can't really put into words correctly while I'm in 'it ' but I've dealt with panic disorder for over 20 years.  I have had PTSD for about 5 years, which is another anxiety disorder,  but I have learned to live with my panic (& depression) . I can function in society except for when panic or depression hit out of nowhere sometimes.  Though I've learned how to steer clear of thinking & situations that make an episode likely,  there are still times I get side swiped.  But I  know how to go through it & not go deeper & come back.  It's just a part of life for me. 

    However,  PTSD anxiety feels & acts completely differently. I have always overcome challenges & I am determined to come out of this as the best version of me that I can muster.  I refuse to give in & give up.  But this anxiety is paralyzing & is constant.  It doesn't come & go, it has settled in the traumatized part of my brain & leaves me unable to do anything,  even under serious circumstances. I can't access that info that I need to be me &take care of my stuff.  I am extremely capable & am the "adult " for my mother & messed up son. 

    I am scared of everything. I am terrified to leave  the house to do normal errands. Even the phone & the internet can be part of my fear. I  hate PTSD, it wants to take away everything that makes me Nancy. It steals time & cab make me hopeless. That's where I am now. Massive amounts of responsibility that I don't have the ability to accomplish.  I an trying. I hate that it was caused by people & not just in my genes.

    I had to write something cause this is years being lost & I am strong but man it may be stronger. Im not lazy,  I'm exhausted from fighting this beast.  Refusing to fall into despair & be lost. I win everyday that I can still write my truth.  But I want more & I want it to fade into the background. 

    And, i too,through AA got sober & hope to celebrate 23 years on November 13 . Fought it,  went to gobs of rehabs, but after 3 years of hell I finally realized that a power greater than myself did not have to be God,  just not me cause I only knew how to get  drunk,  I used the power of the people in the rooms &  then my dad died unexpectedly when I had about a month sober. He was known to enjoy a drink &  it caused his early death in some ways. Dad became  my higher power. I could tell him anything, anytime & my dad  guided me through  the beginning steps.  It was a beautiful gift one drunk gave to another. 

     I also lost my brother to the disease, at 41, he didn't take to rehabs or AA. I brought him though he'd been doing it since his teens.  Why me & not him?  Diseases take some & let others live.  I couldn't make him get sober,  nor he me. And I couldn't be diagnosed by a psychiatrist until I had 6 months sober. Then I began work on all my diseases. But I had no idea what trauma awaited & it's effects. 

    They also both suffered from anxiety though never diagnosed, acknowledged or treated. Common with addicts & drunks. 

    So i am in PTSD hell today. Im exhausted,  I'll end here. My brain is overwhelmed. Im thinking negatively so need to stop discussing. Thanks for letting me share. 
  • HughFreakingDillonHughFreakingDillon In My PlacePosts: 19,201
    njnancy said:
    I am having a really difficult time.  Can't really put into words correctly while I'm in 'it ' but I've dealt with panic disorder for over 20 years.  I have had PTSD for about 5 years, which is another anxiety disorder,  but I have learned to live with my panic (& depression) . I can function in society except for when panic or depression hit out of nowhere sometimes.  Though I've learned how to steer clear of thinking & situations that make an episode likely,  there are still times I get side swiped.  But I  know how to go through it & not go deeper & come back.  It's just a part of life for me. 

    However,  PTSD anxiety feels & acts completely differently. I have always overcome challenges & I am determined to come out of this as the best version of me that I can muster.  I refuse to give in & give up.  But this anxiety is paralyzing & is constant.  It doesn't come & go, it has settled in the traumatized part of my brain & leaves me unable to do anything,  even under serious circumstances. I can't access that info that I need to be me &take care of my stuff.  I am extremely capable & am the "adult " for my mother & messed up son. 

    I am scared of everything. I am terrified to leave  the house to do normal errands. Even the phone & the internet can be part of my fear. I  hate PTSD, it wants to take away everything that makes me Nancy. It steals time & cab make me hopeless. That's where I am now. Massive amounts of responsibility that I don't have the ability to accomplish.  I an trying. I hate that it was caused by people & not just in my genes.

    I had to write something cause this is years being lost & I am strong but man it may be stronger. Im not lazy,  I'm exhausted from fighting this beast.  Refusing to fall into despair & be lost. I win everyday that I can still write my truth.  But I want more & I want it to fade into the background. 

    And, i too,through AA got sober & hope to celebrate 23 years on November 13 . Fought it,  went to gobs of rehabs, but after 3 years of hell I finally realized that a power greater than myself did not have to be God,  just not me cause I only knew how to get  drunk,  I used the power of the people in the rooms &  then my dad died unexpectedly when I had about a month sober. He was known to enjoy a drink &  it caused his early death in some ways. Dad became  my higher power. I could tell him anything, anytime & my dad  guided me through  the beginning steps.  It was a beautiful gift one drunk gave to another. 

     I also lost my brother to the disease, at 41, he didn't take to rehabs or AA. I brought him though he'd been doing it since his teens.  Why me & not him?  Diseases take some & let others live.  I couldn't make him get sober,  nor he me. And I couldn't be diagnosed by a psychiatrist until I had 6 months sober. Then I began work on all my diseases. But I had no idea what trauma awaited & it's effects. 

    They also both suffered from anxiety though never diagnosed, acknowledged or treated. Common with addicts & drunks. 

    So i am in PTSD hell today. Im exhausted,  I'll end here. My brain is overwhelmed. Im thinking negatively so need to stop discussing. Thanks for letting me share. 
    always welcome. I don't know PTSD anxiety, but I do know anxiety very well. it has overwhelmed a good portion of my life until recently. I guess my anxiety wasn't as bad as most, although at the time I thought it was, as it was debilitating, but I am way better now just with medication. So I suppose I am one of the lucky ones (so far). 

    I know always wanting to sleep. Wishing away the day, hoping for tomorrow, while dreading it at the same time. 

    I know you'll get better, and will be at peace again soon. we all know it never really goes away, sometimes it's just dormant. the sleeping giant, if you will. 
    Headstones and Watchmen Fan Boy
  • FifthelementFifthelement LotuslandPosts: 5,960
    @njnancy sending warm, healing thoughts your way.  Hold on. . . One day at a time.  I hear your exhaustion and wish I could help you carry this burden.  I just want you to know, and anyone else who needs to hear it, that we are here for you.  We wish you healing and zither strength to stand up and to keep living to the best of your ability everyday.

    ((((Hugs))))
    "What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
  • njnancynjnancy Northern New JerseyPosts: 4,891
    Thank you for the understanding & kindness @HughFreakingDillon & @Fifthelement .

    I can mask it most of the time,  we all wear lots of masks to pretend we're fine (f'ed up, insecure, needy & emotional) but kindness when I show vulnerability  feels so  good.

    Glad you got on medication HFD, it helps. I finally found what worked for a long time, this is just a monster that needs an ass kicking, along with those who caused   destruction & damage. But I'm going with healing thoughts tonight,  dwelling on it is  self defeating . 

    Thank you. 🤗❤
  • hedonisthedonist standing on the edge of foreverPosts: 19,951
    Keep on with the healing thoughts.  We all need them sometimes ;)
  • lastexitlondonlastexitlondon Posts: 4,911
    edited September 7
    In our hearts . All of us here are caring people.  Emotional  caring  people. 
    The way the world is we suffer most. 
    Im so done with suffering. Nancy you  are strong . So strong and an inspiration to me also mickey  and hedo  all manage   To confront this with no substance  is to me heroic.
    Post edited by lastexitlondon on
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • FifthelementFifthelement LotuslandPosts: 5,960
    @njnancy sending warm, healing thoughts your way.  Hold on. . . One day at a time.  I hear your exhaustion and wish I could help you carry this burden.  I just want you to know, and anyone else who needs to hear it, that we are here for you.  We wish you healing and zither strength to stand up and to keep living to the best of your ability everyday.

    ((((Hugs))))
    Wtf is zither strength?  Lol. Damn you autocorrect! *waves fist futilely towards the heavens*
    "What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
  • I will take some zither strength  for sure
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • FifthelementFifthelement LotuslandPosts: 5,960
    I will take some zither strength  for sure


    A zither for you Rob ❤️
    "What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 15,648
    In our hearts . All of us here are caring people.  Emotional  caring  people. 
    The way the world is we suffer most. 
    Im so done with suffering. Nancy you  are strong . So strong and an inspiration to me also mickey  and hedo  all manage   To confront this with no substance  is to me heroic.
    appreciate that but I have only dealt with situational anxiety. nothing clinical or chronic.
    I come here to offer what ever support I can.
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • I will take some zither strength  for sure


    A zither for you Rob ❤️
    Wow how even would one approach  playing that. Amazing
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 15,648
    edited September 7
    seems very similar to a dulcimer.




    Post edited by mickeyrat on
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • hedonisthedonist standing on the edge of foreverPosts: 19,951
    mickeyrat said:
    In our hearts . All of us here are caring people.  Emotional  caring  people. 
    The way the world is we suffer most. 
    Im so done with suffering. Nancy you  are strong . So strong and an inspiration to me also mickey  and hedo  all manage   To confront this with no substance  is to me heroic.
    appreciate that but I have only dealt with situational anxiety. nothing clinical or chronic.
    I come here to offer what ever support I can.
    Same here.

    Desecrating this thread (or the people within it) is tantamount to kicking someone when they're down.
  • njnancynjnancy Northern New JerseyPosts: 4,891
    @njnancy sending warm, healing thoughts your way.  Hold on. . . One day at a time.  I hear your exhaustion and wish I could help you carry this burden.  I just want you to know, and anyone else who needs to hear it, that we are here for you.  We wish you healing and zither strength to stand up and to keep living to the best of your ability everyday.

    ((((Hugs))))
    Wtf is zither strength?  Lol. Damn you autocorrect! *waves fist futilely towards the heavens*
    Damn, I thought it was some PJ special thing,  like the flying meatball thingamajig. 

    I was waiting for some zither strength to arrive on a mandolin wind. 

    I'm thankful for the standard strength though,  anything helps. 
  • hedonisthedonist standing on the edge of foreverPosts: 19,951
    njnancy said:
    @njnancy sending warm, healing thoughts your way.  Hold on. . . One day at a time.  I hear your exhaustion and wish I could help you carry this burden.  I just want you to know, and anyone else who needs to hear it, that we are here for you.  We wish you healing and zither strength to stand up and to keep living to the best of your ability everyday.

    ((((Hugs))))
    Wtf is zither strength?  Lol. Damn you autocorrect! *waves fist futilely towards the heavens*
    Damn, I thought it was some PJ special thing,  like the flying meatball thingamajig. 

    I was waiting for some zither strength to arrive on a mandolin wind

    I'm thankful for the standard strength though,  anything helps. 
    Reminded me of this beauty.  Good for a smile :)


  • brianluxbrianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain.Posts: 28,464
    I've been avoiding this thread because I've been avoiding dealing with anxiety and depression.  Sometimes when it gets really bad it's just too much to think about so I try to avoid it.  That's a bit like jumping in a pool and hoping not to get wet.  Fat chance. 

    One of the things that makes anxiety such a mofo is the way one's anxiety affects the lives of loved ones and friends.  I know it's hard on my wife at times.  I feel guilty as hell for that but it's not like anxiety is a choice for me.  I try to stuff it as much as possible but a lot of the times it just shows.  I don't always "fake it till you make it" very well. 

    This evening, I tried to explain to my wife what's going on in my head and probably said things I should not have said.  I told her that if it wasn't for her and other people I'm close to, I would likely kill myself in a way that left no doubt about the result. I told that no way did that mean I am going to kill myself (I'm not), but that if all the people I care about in this world disappeared or were whisked away by aliens, I definitely would.  Those words did not help.  So now I feel like shit.

    So much of the time lately, life seems like an on-going hell with just brief periods of reprieve.  I don't want it to be that way.  Life goes by so fast as it is and there is so much to do, so much to experience, and so little time.  To have a lot of that time eaten up by anxiety is a damn shame.  I wish I could just enjoy what's left.  And just as much or more, I wish my tortured mind didn't affect those I love.  That's just wrong, wrong, wrong.
    "Hate your job, love your stuff
    If you think that's living, you are
    Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong"
    -Juliana Hatfield
    ***********
    M.I.T.S.







  • rgambsrgambs Posts: 12,230
    Zither strength shall henceforth be known as the strength you get from the support and successes of other anxiety sufferers!
    It has been decreed.
    Monkey Driven, Call this Living?
  • brianlux said:
    I've been avoiding this thread because I've been avoiding dealing with anxiety and depression.  Sometimes when it gets really bad it's just too much to think about so I try to avoid it.  That's a bit like jumping in a pool and hoping not to get wet.  Fat chance. 

    One of the things that makes anxiety such a mofo is the way one's anxiety affects the lives of loved ones and friends.  I know it's hard on my wife at times.  I feel guilty as hell for that but it's not like anxiety is a choice for me.  I try to stuff it as much as possible but a lot of the times it just shows.  I don't always "fake it till you make it" very well. 

    This evening, I tried to explain to my wife what's going on in my head and probably said things I should not have said.  I told her that if it wasn't for her and other people I'm close to, I would likely kill myself in a way that left no doubt about the result. I told that no way did that mean I am going to kill myself (I'm not), but that if all the people I care about in this world disappeared or were whisked away by aliens, I definitely would.  Those words did not help.  So now I feel like shit.

    So much of the time lately, life seems like an on-going hell with just brief periods of reprieve.  I don't want it to be that way.  Life goes by so fast as it is and there is so much to do, so much to experience, and so little time.  To have a lot of that time eaten up by anxiety is a damn shame.  I wish I could just enjoy what's left.  And just as much or more, I wish my tortured mind didn't affect those I love.  That's just wrong, wrong, wrong.
    The effect i have on my family is not ok . 
    I too want nothing more than to not be a problem to anyone. Thats what drives my thoughts of ending it
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • As hard as it is i must try to stop drinking and smoking  weed. None of it is helpful  to my symptoms and im now addicted  to doing both. Slipping deeper into addiction . Shame. And  disgust for myself and my need to search for relief. It never  comes.
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • FifthelementFifthelement LotuslandPosts: 5,960
    @brianlux @lastexitlondon  et al

    i hear what you guys are saying about fearing that you’re hurting or are a burden to your family(s).  However,I want to remind you, actually all of us, to not be so hard on yourself.   When we’re anxious and/or depressed our thoughts are often outsized and we’re harder on ourselves than we should be  It can become part of the justification cycle when things are bad.

    All any of us can do is try to live one day at a time and to push ourselves, gently, beyond our fear, anxiety and depression.  We don’t need to be perfect.  Give yourself credit for the good days, and forgive yourself on the days that aren’t so good.  Always keep fighting.
    "What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
  • brianluxbrianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain.Posts: 28,464
    @brianlux @lastexitlondon  et al

    i hear what you guys are saying about fearing that you’re hurting or are a burden to your family(s).  However,I want to remind you, actually all of us, to not be so hard on yourself.   When we’re anxious and/or depressed our thoughts are often outsized and we’re harder on ourselves than we should be  It can become part of the justification cycle when things are bad.

    All any of us can do is try to live one day at a time and to push ourselves, gently, beyond our fear, anxiety and depression.  We don’t need to be perfect.  Give yourself credit for the good days, and forgive yourself on the days that aren’t so good.  Always keep fighting.
    Kind and wise words, Fifth, thank you.
    "Hate your job, love your stuff
    If you think that's living, you are
    Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong"
    -Juliana Hatfield
    ***********
    M.I.T.S.







  • God i want to scream . I cant get passed  symptoms that fuck me up .  I wish for some peace
    brixton 93
    astoria 06
    albany 06
    hartford 06
    reading 06
    barcelona 06
    paris 06
    wembley 07
    dusseldorf 07
    nijmegen 07

    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 13,854
    And I can't get over people not liking me. Everytime I post something on Facebook I get no comments or likes. Plus the fact hardly anyone on Facebook wished me a happy birthday recently makes me think if I am very much disliked. 
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
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