A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

Matts3221

lastexitlondon said:

Thanks  mickey im attempting  to quit all substance  again. 
Im at the bottom . And just that comment made me cry mickey. Logic  says it cant be what i fear  but my symptoms  man. Im lost

I have to really beg you if you are thinking suicide ( even if you don't want to say it ) please reach out to a help line , an 800 number. This is not the end for you I promise that. 

You are loved by family , you have people whom care about you on this board. Please reach out there is no weakness in speaking to someone about suicide. Those phone lines will get you thru really tough times , no judgment , no need to censor yourself.

We only have one life and although life fucking sucks sometimes ( those of us dealing with mental health boy does it suck a lot of the time ) but it really is the one life we live ( sorry I personal don't believe anything happens when we are gone ) so remember that.

My words may fall on deaf ears if you are feeling that down but please just take one thing , please please please for all of us if you think you are that close to the edge call a suicide hotline.

mickeyrat

lastexitlondon said:

Thanks  mickey im attempting  to quit all substance  again. 
Im at the bottom . And just that comment made me cry mickey. Logic  says it cant be what i fear  but my symptoms  man. Im lost

more than that, you've dipped toes back in to amt and are coming from a place of love and making a shit ton of sense in your assessments and suggestions.

its in you man. believe it. we all see it. you can too.

HughFreakingDillon

mickeyrat said:

lastexitlondon said:

Thanks  mickey im attempting  to quit all substance  again. 
Im at the bottom . And just that comment made me cry mickey. Logic  says it cant be what i fear  but my symptoms  man. Im lost

more than that, you've dipped toes back in to amt and are coming from a place of love and making a shit ton of sense in your assessments and suggestions.

its in you man. believe it. we all see it. you can too.

yeah, I don't see anything that would suggest any kind of cognitive decline. 

lastexitlondon

Matts3221 said:

lastexitlondon said:

Thanks  mickey im attempting  to quit all substance  again. 
Im at the bottom . And just that comment made me cry mickey. Logic  says it cant be what i fear  but my symptoms  man. Im lost

I have to really beg you if you are thinking suicide ( even if you don't want to say it ) please reach out to a help line , an 800 number. This is not the end for you I promise that. 

You are loved by family , you have people whom care about you on this board. Please reach out there is no weakness in speaking to someone about suicide. Those phone lines will get you thru really tough times , no judgment , no need to censor yourself.

We only have one life and although life fucking sucks sometimes ( those of us dealing with mental health boy does it suck a lot of the time ) but it really is the one life we live ( sorry I personal don't believe anything happens when we are gone ) so remember that.

My words may fall on deaf ears if you are feeling that down but please just take one thing , please please please for all of us if you think you are that close to the edge call a suicide hotline.

mickeyrat said:

lastexitlondon said:

Thanks  mickey im attempting  to quit all substance  again. 
Im at the bottom . And just that comment made me cry mickey. Logic  says it cant be what i fear  but my symptoms  man. Im lost

more than that, you've dipped toes back in to amt and are coming from a place of love and making a shit ton of sense in your assessments and suggestions.

its in you man. believe it. we all see it. you can too.

Thanks for the love

lastexitlondon

Logic should tell me that in 18 months i can still post here  ,then i cant have it. 
I phoned the mental health self referral im out of strength completely . I cant tell you all what it is to speak to you  all. It may seem you are far away but you  are not. You are here with me

Matts3221

=lastexitlondon said:

Logic should tell me that in 18 months i can still post here  ,then i cant have it. 
I phoned the mental health self referral im out of strength completely . I cant tell you all what it is to speak to you  all. It may seem you are far away but you  are not. You are here with me

All the love in the world to you.

lastexitlondon

I just  dont know what the hell is happening  to me. 
Yesterday dr asked if i wanted sectioning.
I cant sleep . Heart is racing all the  time. The drugs they perscribed made  me sleep 24hrs so didnt take again.dr says carry on. Cant.
Today we are taking my 2 year old to the zoo for her birthday.  Ive been up all night. I took 2.5 mg valium at 4 am slept til 6 woken by my heart. That dr says is fine.
Ive been sober of drink and weed for a week. The front  of my head is empty and vacant . Confused  as fuck but have been nearly 2 years  now.  I am helping myself  but failing. The drugs don't work.  Cant see how there  is any hope

OffSheGoes35

Sectioning would probably be the best way for doctors to get you on the right meds. They can monitor you more closely. And you would have the opportunity to just concentrate on you while this is going on.

HughFreakingDillon

lastexitlondon said:

I just  dont know what the hell is happening  to me. 
Yesterday dr asked if i wanted sectioning.
I cant sleep . Heart is racing all the  time. The drugs they perscribed made  me sleep 24hrs so didnt take again.dr says carry on. Cant.
Today we are taking my 2 year old to the zoo for her birthday.  Ive been up all night. I took 2.5 mg valium at 4 am slept til 6 woken by my heart. That dr says is fine.
Ive been sober of drink and weed for a week. The front  of my head is empty and vacant . Confused  as fuck but have been nearly 2 years  now.  I am helping myself  but failing. The drugs don't work.  Cant see how there  is any hope

unfortunately, in my experience, quitting your vices for a week to see if that does anything is probably not helping you. it needs to be the long game. either try to taper off or quit for a long time to see if makes a difference. I know, easier said than done, obviously. especially in your state, I get it. I haven't been as bad as you describe, i was still functioning, but I was a nervous wreck 24/7 for a long time. lost a lot of weight. (silver lining!). I was convinced I was dying from an unknown ailment. 

I had to google sectioning, and at this point, it honestly doesn't sound like a bad idea for you. or go to a therapist and go on a clear and detailed plan of attack. 

and take it one minute at a time. 

lastexitlondon

I just cant take these tablets .
I tried half this time and feel so shit. 
Why can't  will power and desire fix this.

lastexitlondon

At the moment im really thinking  i will have a beer. Ive done as im told and im worse

OffSheGoes35

You told us that the doctor mentioned sectioning, but you haven't mentioned what you think about it. Are you thinking about it or do you shut down when you try to consider it?

lastexitlondon

I cant unless they take that out of my hands. 
I have  kids and my mums birthday tomorrow.  My baby is 2 next week. 
If i get suicidal thought s i will go to hospital.
Atm im absolutely confused. Lost. And the world keeps turning. 
I hate  being alone. Im so soft .  
I want to learn acceptance , i haven't  yet in my life. Its the key im sure. 
I can say i was better drinking  and smoking than this.

F Me In The Brain

Hang in there, Rob.
There are some problems in life that have no good answers.  Knowing that you are working on acceptance is key, I think.
We care about you.  

OffSheGoes35

One good thing about it would be that your doctor is ready to help you with the process, so you wouldn't have to do it alone and it would be your choice, so you would feel as if you have a measure of control over the situation. 
That's one positive aspect.

Another possible positive aspect would be that you would meet others who feel lost and confused, so you wouldn't feel alone in that. That alone can make it feel worth it. It did for my aunt anyway. 

I hope you will do some research and think about it, because it may end up being what you've needed all along. 

mickeyrat

curious, how much sleep are you getting without the meds?

lastexitlondon

I did sleep a good  amount but sober an hour then wake with heart pumping. Then awake 3 hours. Then sleep another hour or so. 
I normally was getting  a good 8 hrs. 
Atm not good

mickeyrat

lastexitlondon said:

I did sleep a good  amount but sober an hour then wake with heart pumping. Then awake 3 hours. Then sleep another hour or so. 
I normally was getting  a good 8 hrs. 
Atm not good

so alcohol use is acting as a sedative then? the 8 hours was in the timeframe of your consumption? but in detoxing your sleep is erratic. which is normal for that process.

did you feel rested before? when you were using?

lastexitlondon

I think alcohol was ok in small amounts. If i had  too much sleep was less. But yeah i find i get restless legs and angry when sober sleeping

mickeyrat

lastexitlondon said:

I think alcohol was ok in small amounts. If i had  too much sleep was less. But yeah i find i get restless legs and angry when sober sleeping

so consider then alcohol is or does mask some important things you experience that just may help your Doctors see you through this.

lastexitlondon

I cant understand  what though?

lastexitlondon

My youngest  is 2 today. Ive woken same as always but worse. 
I should notice anxiety  by now right. 
 Nope. To me its a terminal  illness..
I fuckin hate myself and what ive become. 

Thoughts_Arrive

lastexitlondon said:

My youngest  is 2 today. Ive woken same as always but worse. 
I should notice anxiety  by now right. 
 Nope. To me its a terminal  illness..
I fuckin hate myself and what ive become. 

Hate the illness not yourself, if you're going to hate anything.
Wishing you strength. 

lastexitlondon

Thank you . I do . I do hate it but i cant recognise it. Others always say oh thats anxiety. Its not i just know its not. Arrgghh im angry with me. Im angry  and sad

Thoughts_Arrive

Please don't be.
Have you tried Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)?

lastexitlondon

That sounds like something  i will ask about. I have a mental health assessment  on monday. Thanks

Thoughts_Arrive

No problem. It's more about learning to live with your symptoms than fighting them which creates more anxiety.

lastexitlondon

Sounds like me

mickeyrat

very important to note, acceptance does NOT equal approval or condoning....

simply means acknowledging agreeing that what is, is.....

you can become neutral about it. at least partially so.

lastexitlondon

Its a great point because i have spent  years unable to accept. And these  symptoms definitely  not