A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

HughFreakingDillon

Meltdown99 said:

lastexitlondon said:

Yes I've seen some
 And they have said I've had all the service can offer. I.e counselling. Therapy and groups

That's not right that you are being brushed off.  That kind of attitude by health care professionals is what discourages people from seeking help.  I hope you find someone that can help you, but it sounds like they are not LISTENING to you and your concerns, and that is problematic.  I encourage you to continue to try to get help and never give up.  Just curious, are these older health care professionals you are seeing?  

it's not necessarily being brushed off. the medical community can only do so much. I can't speak for lastexit, but in my situation, unfortunately the medical community is pretty much grasping at straws trying to help people with these conditions as it is not like taking antibiotics. every single situation is unique, and they simply do not have the time nor the manpower to get to the bottom of it all. that's why they throw pills at people, which works for some, so they justify it. if not, they tell you to seek psychological help, which helps some people. but your average GP can only run tests and do what he/she is medically trained to do. for lastexit, all of those tests have come up negative, so what more can they do? refer him for psych help. 

I have done an immense amount of reading on this because of my own struggles, and I am convinced all of my physical pains/discomforts/etc have everything to do with my mental state. why? because it's not constant. And, when my brain is not able to deal with the trauma, i.e: my wife was out of town for 5 days, and one of my kids fell ill, all of my issues magically disappeared because I simply did not have the time to be lying in bed with symptoms, and my brain knew it. 

at least that's the conclusion I came to yesterday. Because all of my symptoms came back the second I was about to pick up my wife from the airport. and as tempting as a "marriage will do that to you" joke may be here, it's not applicable. 

Meltdown99

HughFreakingDillon said:

Meltdown99 said:

lastexitlondon said:

Yes I've seen some
 And they have said I've had all the service can offer. I.e counselling. Therapy and groups

That's not right that you are being brushed off.  That kind of attitude by health care professionals is what discourages people from seeking help.  I hope you find someone that can help you, but it sounds like they are not LISTENING to you and your concerns, and that is problematic.  I encourage you to continue to try to get help and never give up.  Just curious, are these older health care professionals you are seeing?  

it's not necessarily being brushed off. the medical community can only do so much. I can't speak for lastexit, but in my situation, unfortunately the medical community is pretty much grasping at straws trying to help people with these conditions as it is not like taking antibiotics. every single situation is unique, and they simply do not have the time nor the manpower to get to the bottom of it all. that's why they throw pills at people, which works for some, so they justify it. if not, they tell you to seek psychological help, which helps some people. but your average GP can only run tests and do what he/she is medically trained to do. for lastexit, all of those tests have come up negative, so what more can they do? refer him for psych help. 

I have done an immense amount of reading on this because of my own struggles, and I am convinced all of my physical pains/discomforts/etc have everything to do with my mental state. why? because it's not constant. And, when my brain is not able to deal with the trauma, i.e: my wife was out of town for 5 days, and one of my kids fell ill, all of my issues magically disappeared because I simply did not have the time to be lying in bed with symptoms, and my brain knew it. 

at least that's the conclusion I came to yesterday. Because all of my symptoms came back the second I was about to pick up my wife from the airport. and as tempting as a "marriage will do that to you" joke may be here, it's not applicable. 

I cannot disagree with you there.  From my own experience, GP's are not the best equipped to deal with mental health issues, they are not councillors and in Ontario, a GP is not allowed to diagnose mental health issues, only psychologist and psychiatrist can ... and about the only tool in a GP's tool belt are pills.  I know from my experience, navigating the mental health system is an exercise in frustration at times, and people at the height of anxiety do not always cope well with frustrating situations, I know I didn't.  That's why I encourage him to not give up.

In my case, a local hospital has excellent 3-week anxiety/depression program that teaches wonderful coping skills.  When I say brush off, I mean it more in terms like his GP needs to get him into a mental health program.

I suffered from anxiety for years, it sucks.  Any uncontrolled anxiety is terrible.  I feel for anyone suffering from anxiety.  

I feel governments need to create a ministry of mental health, to focus on mental health issues by experts in mental health.

I have no idea how other provinces work but in Ontario Counselling is not covered, it should be covered...

camsjam

Sorry to hear you're having a dark time Rob. Since you haven't posted in this thread in a long time I assumed things were going okay for you. I don't have anything to add other than what's already posted above, please don't give up and you have good people here who really care. You're a kind and thoughtful person we all want to see get well. Hang in there.

PJ_Soul

Not for anxiety, but for depression that no treatment work against... I thought some here might find this interesting.

In biggest advance for depression in years, FDA approves novel treatment for hardest cases

https://www.washingtonpost.com/health/2019/03/06/biggest-advance-depression-years-fda-approves-novel-treatment-hardest-cases/?utm_term=.2061648e7d33

josevolution

Sorry to hear lastexit that things haven’t gotten any better anxiety totally sucks my daughter suffers from it as I do , these last two yrs it has gotten really bad for me I’m cutting out all caffeine and sugars from my diet ...

lastexitlondon

Hi im writing here as a last resort. Im in the worst situation of my life and im scared. 

mickeyrat

lastexitlondon said:

Hi im writing here as a last resort. Im in the worst situation of my life and im scared. 

understandable. when is the procedure?

Fifthelement

@lastexitlondon

Checking in on you.  Hope you’re holding on my friend.  Sending positive thoughts your way.  

If you can, maybe write down what you’re feeling.  Sometimes, for me, writing down what I’m angry or scared about can lessen my anxiety.  Sort of like purging an infected wound.

lastexitlondon

mickeyrat said:

lastexitlondon said:

Hi im writing here as a last resort. Im in the worst situation of my life and im scared. 

understandable. when is the procedure?

Nobody has called yet.  I wait for  a call and then a date. It feels so slow. Now i cant walk. My big toe is swollen  and feels like ive been stabbed in it. I give up

lastexitlondon

Fifthelement said:

@lastexitlondon

Checking in on you.  Hope you’re holding on my friend.  Sending positive thoughts your way.  

If you can, maybe write down what you’re feeling.  Sometimes, for me, writing down what I’m angry or scared about can lessen my anxiety.  Sort of like purging an infected wound.

Thank you

mickeyrat

lastexitlondon said:

mickeyrat said:

lastexitlondon said:

Hi im writing here as a last resort. Im in the worst situation of my life and im scared. 

understandable. when is the procedure?

Nobody has called yet.  I wait for  a call and then a date. It feels so slow. Now i cant walk. My big toe is swollen  and feels like ive been stabbed in it. I give up

ok, so the Dr is concerned but not overly so. thats a positive sign.

lastexitlondon

Just found out they fucked my call back up . So the clock starts again  from today. I fuckin always have  some shit go wrong

catefrances

in my class today i mentioned that i was introverted, have extreme anxiety and do not like people. the answers i got back were you dont look it, you dont seem it, i dont see that. i then went on to explain what it took for me to be in that class today, what it takes for me to show up for my shifts at work... how  i spend my time psyching myself up in order to make to work... how there are days when i find myself standing across the road from work willing myself to just walk across the road, that itll be ok once im there, how i hope that my shift times wont be changed or that where im working wont be changed cause that will throw all my good work out the window. i dont tell them that my house has become my fortress and my bedroom is my sanctuary. that those days ive been missing from class have been because im essentially hiding from the world... that i cant even  leave my bed. cause why??? cause the world is crushing me. cause i wake up when id hoped i wouldnt... cause just the sound of people makes me bristle... cause if someone sits next to me on the bus, i bristle. cause if someone speaks to me, i bristle. cause i truly wish i could step in front of that bus... but how could i do that to the driver, the passengers, my family? my mind is constantly buzzing with what ifs, why cant i justs and what the fuck is wrong with you thoughts. the guy i recently stopped seeing said to me one day that he was ok with people who had mental illnesses(as if his judgement mattered)... so long as they dealt with it themselves. naturally i thought hes got no friggin idea and hes not ok with people with mental illness. he told me he had friends that had anxiety and my immediate thought was what a sucky friend he must be to them. i found out how sucky one day, when i was going through an episode and didnt wish to see anyone, that i wanted to concentrate on myself, to try and fix myself, that he had no idea cause despite him knowing my state of mind that day, he kept me on the phone talking while he decided to show up at my house wanting me to meet up with him.. tho he didnt knock on my door. he wasnt respecting my boundaries and he wasnt  giving a shit about how i was feeling. what he wanted was for me to attend to him. i said no, i couldnt. unsurprisingly he freaked out saying no one had ever said no to him... i thought no shit sherlock. he pushed me, i resisted. i was tired of not putting myself first, of not looking out for my mental health. he gave me ultimatums . i stood my ground.  id like to say that i won, but it felt like a loss. actually it felt like  a mix of the two. but i tell you, his attitude has put me on  high alert. i cant lower my guard enough to become involved with anyone. half of me wants someone, the other half whispers dont do it. anxiety and depression suck so much. i struggle to be who i want to be... to do what i want to do. it makes me feel useless, pathetic and not worth anyones love. and tbh i cant even get out of my own way. 

lastexitlondon

How old are you? Have you had trauma  in your life.  Visit a dr and talk. Talk. And talk more if possible.  I feel your  pain. I used to sit outside work weeping on my own.

lastexitlondon

There is a song by glen hansard called don't settle . Its about getting out of your own way

catefrances

lastexitlondon said:

How old are you? Have you had trauma  in your life.  Visit a dr and talk. Talk. And talk more if possible.  I feel your  pain. I used to sit outside work weeping on my own.

im in my early 50s. my head tells me that at my age i should have it all sorted. then i think about robin williams, chris cornell, chester bennington... then the age argument collapses and i think theres no rules for this. nope no trauma. and thats what adds to the pathetic feeling. to me theres no cause. as  a logical person, i need a cause and there isnt one. i guess for me that is some sort of trauma... i cant fathom the why. and so it feels like  my anxiety and depression come from nowhere. and being a massive thinker, its amplified. ive spoken to doctors and therapists. ive been on meds. they didnt seem to make a difference so i stopped them... that was a fun time. i resigned from a job last year cause  i had sevral breakdowns at work for no friggin reason at all. in between those breakdowns i had so many days off. yet no one approached me to see if i was ok or ask the reason for the absences. when i had my final breakdown at work, the solution proffered by my supervisor was for me to resign. i agreed to it. of course in hindsight i realise it probably wasnt the time to be making big decisions. tho i do admit, with it being a high stress job, resigning was probably a good thing. maybe. 

catefrances

lastexitlondon said:

There is a song by glen hansard called don't settle . Its about getting out of your own way

i just listened to that song. i try to get out of my own way.... to keep out of my own own way... but i cant.  i try to just let things happen, to be enveloped by whats coming at me. i cant. i want things that have been denied me, but i cant figure out out how to sort it.  

lastexitlondon

Oh man i hear you.  Your story has parts of mine too. Im 44 next week and i too have many thoughts of those famous people you mention and i do at times feel like following them. Im empty in my soul now. I mean  i have  chronic health anxiety  and now i have to have procedures  to see if its serious. Worst thing  for a health anxiety  sufferer. 
Have you a partner?

lastexitlondon

catefrances said:

lastexitlondon said:

There is a song by glen hansard called don't settle . Its about getting out of your own way

i just listened to that song. i try to get out of my own way.... to keep out of my own own way... but i cant.  i try to just let things happen, to be enveloped by whats coming at me. i cant. i want things that have been denied me, but i cant figure out out how to sort it.  

What has been denied you? What do YOU want.

lastexitlondon

Ive found anxiety  makes  you yearn control of every damn thing  to protect yourself. I feel sometimes  i need to grow up. I look at myself as weak and child like. Its embarrassing  for sure. But i broke down in front of all my pj friends at london gig last summer. Total melt down whilst in line for near on 2 days.

lastexitlondon

Everyone was kind . But i still could not get it together. But ed held my hand for a whole  verse of porch. I felt like he knew haha

HughFreakingDillon

catefrances said:

lastexitlondon said:

How old are you? Have you had trauma  in your life.  Visit a dr and talk. Talk. And talk more if possible.  I feel your  pain. I used to sit outside work weeping on my own.

im in my early 50s. my head tells me that at my age i should have it all sorted. then i think about robin williams, chris cornell, chester bennington... then the age argument collapses and i think theres no rules for this. nope no trauma. and thats what adds to the pathetic feeling. to me theres no cause. as  a logical person, i need a cause and there isnt one. i guess for me that is some sort of trauma... i cant fathom the why. and so it feels like  my anxiety and depression come from nowhere. and being a massive thinker, its amplified. ive spoken to doctors and therapists. ive been on meds. they didnt seem to make a difference so i stopped them... that was a fun time. i resigned from a job last year cause  i had sevral breakdowns at work for no friggin reason at all. in between those breakdowns i had so many days off. yet no one approached me to see if i was ok or ask the reason for the absences. when i had my final breakdown at work, the solution proffered by my supervisor was for me to resign. i agreed to it. of course in hindsight i realise it probably wasnt the time to be making big decisions. tho i do admit, with it being a high stress job, resigning was probably a good thing. maybe. 

i thought this too. that people in their 40's should not be this fucked up. then cornell happened. it opened my eyes wide fucking open that if i didn't do something for myself to get better, that my life was going to suck until it stopped. and i wasn't willing to stop it. for my wife, our kids, my family. i couldn't do it. so i decided that if i couldn't end it, i needed to start it. this life of limbo just wasn't working. 

i spent a few years every morning waking up, then being depressed i didn't die in my sleep. i found no joy in anything. all I could think of was "fuck, I have possibly 45 more years of this shit?". even after that realization, it still took me a full year to get up and actually be active in my own recovery. and by "active in my recovery", all I'm really doing is taking meds every day.  and months later i'm still only at about 40%. if that. i mean, I think I'm good for a bit, but the slightest bit of wind in my life and I buckle like wheat in a hurricane. the past few days I've been in bed so early i feel like i'm going down the tunnel again. summer is always worst for me. I have never known why. it is my favourite season, but jesus, every july is the hardest on my mental well being. there's no rhyme or reason for it. 

anyone who tells you they get it, if they haven't experienced it, are full of shit. through no fault of their own. they honestly believe they think they get it. but knowing someone who experienced it is not the same as experiencing it. they get to shut it off. we don't. when that person hangs up the phone with their anxiety-ridden friend, their associative anguish is over. ours isn't. that phone is always at our ear, hoping someone there will reach through the receiver and say the magic words that make it all go away, but those words never come. and I don't know if they ever will. 

I have tried to choose to live rather than exist. I am hoping one day I can be back to my normal self, but honestly, when I think about who i was before, I can't go back. I haven't had any trauma that caused this, but THIS IS THE TRAUMA. So even if I "beat it" (whatever that even means), I won't be the same person i was prior. it's not possible. not seeing the dark places I've seen. the thoughts I've had. you can't forget those. all you can do is hope you learn from them, you turn them into the reason(s) you aren't going back. 

HughFreakingDillon

but my biggest hurdle I've jumped over is living an actual life instead of isolating myself. isolation is so easy and so fucking hard at the same time. you know it's not normal. you tell yourself it is. but it isn't. and you know it. so you get through the day. hoping tomorrow will be different. but it won't be. not unless you do something about it. 

my meds helped me with my social anxiety. i don't get all fucked up nervous about going outside my home anymore. or going to a party or whatever. i'm past that point. but I still struggle with coping with minor things. 

I still catch myself occasionally just standing around my house, not doing a fucking thing, not knowing what to do. it's such a strange thing that I always attributed to people in a mental institution; standing around, hands shaking, not being able to make a decision to sit or stand, walk or stay, turn on the tv or just fucking stare. but those are rare now. 

HughFreakingDillon

lastexitlondon said:

Everyone was kind . But i still could not get it together. But ed held my hand for a whole  verse of porch. I felt like he knew haha

wow. that would have been powerful. 

lastexitlondon

That whole  show was an out of body experience. 

lastexitlondon

lastexitlondon

Thats ED feeling my sadness

HughFreakingDillon

i'd have that framed in my living room. 

lastexitlondon

Good idea

Fifthelement

I want to wave a magic wand and heal us all.  But I can’t.  So I just want to say, from my heart, to each of you, “I read your words, your heart, thoughts, and emotions.  I see you, I hear you.  Always Keep Fighting.  Live each day one hour at a time to the best of your current ability.”  Talk and share when and as you can   You are not alone.  There are millions of us who walk back and forth on that path between lightness and darkness. Hold on.