So speaking of the same Ex from when I was speaking about those Irish Guys earlier in this Thread and on other Threads...we were having Romantic time together and half of the time she was on her Phone messaging some other dude from her class...oh yeah not letting me forget how "Funny" he is or "How much She likes Him"...wtf???...who does that?
I've already tried to talk to him about it, but he's really in denial about his condition a lot of time... Even when he's not in denial he's in denial, lol. He gets very defensive any time I try to suggest to him that maybe what he's thinking isn't the best route to take. I had to back off on trying to make suggestions like that just to save the friendship, honestly. I think just talking about it like that sets off his anxiety and he starts getting upset, then tries to hide that it's triggering him, and it gets just really weird. I'm at a bit of a loss... I think I've kind of done everything I can do. I've just had to back off and let him make his own mistakes. At this point all I can really do to help him is not judge him... People judging him is probably his greatest fear and I think that largely keeps him in a cycle of anxiety.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
I think we all are similar in this illness. Its hard to grasp its my own brain . The same one which decides when i need the toilet and knows when to eat can cause such pain and misery. I myself believe i have a physical illness. I just cannot accept its my brain. Because 100% i don't believe that. Also we are all stubborn highly intelligent people. Its part of the problem
brixton 93
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
I've already tried to talk to him about it, but he's really in denial about his condition a lot of time... Even when he's not in denial he's in denial, lol. He gets very defensive any time I try to suggest to him that maybe what he's thinking isn't the best route to take. I had to back off on trying to make suggestions like that just to save the friendship, honestly. I think just talking about it like that sets off his anxiety and he starts getting upset, then tries to hide that it's triggering him, and it gets just really weird. I'm at a bit of a loss... I think I've kind of done everything I can do. I've just had to back off and let him make his own mistakes. At this point all I can really do to help him is not judge him... People judging him is probably his greatest fear and I think that largely keeps him in a cycle of anxiety.
unfortunately, it really is true, that you can't help someone who doesn't want help. you can try, but like you said, it can often end up fracturing the relationship.
people like me and possibly him honestly do not believe that anyone can possibly understand what is in our heads, so taking advice from someone who doesn't "get it" (in our minds) is impossible.
what I might suggest is writing a letter. it's less confrontational and gets out all your thoughts without being interrupted. the only problem is, the written word can be taken a meriad of differnet ways depending the frame of mind the reader is in. not a bad idea to let him read it in your company so he can clarify things in the letter immediately (if he so wishes to) instead of letting it stew in him to the point of a possible misunderstanding being catastrophic to your friendship.
my wife asked me last night if it helps to think of stuff I'm thankful for to take my mind off of it. bless her heart, but she is so far out of her element it really made me realize why she has been so helpless through all of this. she really has no idea.
part of me is glad she doesn't.
I get the impression that most people who haven't dealt with it themselves simply cannot wrap their heads around the fact that you can't just will or think yourself out of it like that. Like, I don't think they're capable of understanding that no matter how you explain it to them.
I agree. That’s why professional help is usually the best. But there are terrible therapist as well...it’s a process...
After i got into an anxiety program and therapy I was instructed to go on an anti-depresent (I was taking Ativan 3 times a day for about 6 months, but my dr never fully explained that I was only to take as needed, it wasn’t on the label either). So I went on the anti-depresent for about 7-8 months but I have since went off it, and my anxiety is under control. I think in my case the therapy I received was very beneficial. Now if start to feel emotional/anxious I go to my therapist and I find that works for me.
i am glad off the anti-depressant though...
the problem with anxiety is there is no particular treatment that works for everybody.
i think it was around a year ago a young man in my community was denied dr assisted suicide, his anxiety was so bad. Unfortunately he took his own life, he just could not cope anymore.
I've already tried to talk to him about it, but he's really in denial about his condition a lot of time... Even when he's not in denial he's in denial, lol. He gets very defensive any time I try to suggest to him that maybe what he's thinking isn't the best route to take. I had to back off on trying to make suggestions like that just to save the friendship, honestly. I think just talking about it like that sets off his anxiety and he starts getting upset, then tries to hide that it's triggering him, and it gets just really weird. I'm at a bit of a loss... I think I've kind of done everything I can do. I've just had to back off and let him make his own mistakes. At this point all I can really do to help him is not judge him... People judging him is probably his greatest fear and I think that largely keeps him in a cycle of anxiety.
unfortunately, it really is true, that you can't help someone who doesn't want help. you can try, but like you said, it can often end up fracturing the relationship.
people like me and possibly him honestly do not believe that anyone can possibly understand what is in our heads, so taking advice from someone who doesn't "get it" (in our minds) is impossible.
what I might suggest is writing a letter. it's less confrontational and gets out all your thoughts without being interrupted. the only problem is, the written word can be taken a meriad of differnet ways depending the frame of mind the reader is in. not a bad idea to let him read it in your company so he can clarify things in the letter immediately (if he so wishes to) instead of letting it stew in him to the point of a possible misunderstanding being catastrophic to your friendship.
That is a good suggestion, but you know, he's got a wife, so I'm just going to let her deal with it on that level (or not). I am totally there for him to talk to whenever he feels like it, and he does, but he's not doing it to get feedback. He just wants to vent. I'm just going to let him do it (at least until I'm actually worried that he's going to kill himself... He has been there once before, but I don't think he's in that place anymore, or not right now, anyway).
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
I've already tried to talk to him about it, but he's really in denial about his condition a lot of time... Even when he's not in denial he's in denial, lol. He gets very defensive any time I try to suggest to him that maybe what he's thinking isn't the best route to take. I had to back off on trying to make suggestions like that just to save the friendship, honestly. I think just talking about it like that sets off his anxiety and he starts getting upset, then tries to hide that it's triggering him, and it gets just really weird. I'm at a bit of a loss... I think I've kind of done everything I can do. I've just had to back off and let him make his own mistakes. At this point all I can really do to help him is not judge him... People judging him is probably his greatest fear and I think that largely keeps him in a cycle of anxiety.
unfortunately, it really is true, that you can't help someone who doesn't want help. you can try, but like you said, it can often end up fracturing the relationship.
people like me and possibly him honestly do not believe that anyone can possibly understand what is in our heads, so taking advice from someone who doesn't "get it" (in our minds) is impossible.
what I might suggest is writing a letter. it's less confrontational and gets out all your thoughts without being interrupted. the only problem is, the written word can be taken a meriad of differnet ways depending the frame of mind the reader is in. not a bad idea to let him read it in your company so he can clarify things in the letter immediately (if he so wishes to) instead of letting it stew in him to the point of a possible misunderstanding being catastrophic to your friendship.
That is a good suggestion, but you know, he's got a wife, so I'm just going to let her deal with it on that level (or not). I am totally there for him to talk to whenever he feels like it, and he does, but he's not doing it to get feedback. He just wants to vent. I'm just going to let him do it (at least until I'm actually worried that he's going to kill himself... He has been there once before, but I don't think he's in that place anymore, or not right now, anyway).
I don't know what your relationship is to his wife, but mentioning something to her might lift a weight off her shoulders too. I know my shit isn't easy on my wife, but she doesn't feel comfortable talking to people we both know about it, even though I've given her my blessing to so. Giving her that outlet might help her like you wouldn't believe.
I've already tried to talk to him about it, but he's really in denial about his condition a lot of time... Even when he's not in denial he's in denial, lol. He gets very defensive any time I try to suggest to him that maybe what he's thinking isn't the best route to take. I had to back off on trying to make suggestions like that just to save the friendship, honestly. I think just talking about it like that sets off his anxiety and he starts getting upset, then tries to hide that it's triggering him, and it gets just really weird. I'm at a bit of a loss... I think I've kind of done everything I can do. I've just had to back off and let him make his own mistakes. At this point all I can really do to help him is not judge him... People judging him is probably his greatest fear and I think that largely keeps him in a cycle of anxiety.
unfortunately, it really is true, that you can't help someone who doesn't want help. you can try, but like you said, it can often end up fracturing the relationship.
people like me and possibly him honestly do not believe that anyone can possibly understand what is in our heads, so taking advice from someone who doesn't "get it" (in our minds) is impossible.
what I might suggest is writing a letter. it's less confrontational and gets out all your thoughts without being interrupted. the only problem is, the written word can be taken a meriad of differnet ways depending the frame of mind the reader is in. not a bad idea to let him read it in your company so he can clarify things in the letter immediately (if he so wishes to) instead of letting it stew in him to the point of a possible misunderstanding being catastrophic to your friendship.
That is a good suggestion, but you know, he's got a wife, so I'm just going to let her deal with it on that level (or not). I am totally there for him to talk to whenever he feels like it, and he does, but he's not doing it to get feedback. He just wants to vent. I'm just going to let him do it (at least until I'm actually worried that he's going to kill himself... He has been there once before, but I don't think he's in that place anymore, or not right now, anyway).
I don't know what your relationship is to his wife, but mentioning something to her might lift a weight off her shoulders too. I know my shit isn't easy on my wife, but she doesn't feel comfortable talking to people we both know about it, even though I've given her my blessing to so. Giving her that outlet might help her like you wouldn't believe.
You are correct. Your wife needs an outlet/support network as well, my therapist told me that.
I've already tried to talk to him about it, but he's really in denial about his condition a lot of time... Even when he's not in denial he's in denial, lol. He gets very defensive any time I try to suggest to him that maybe what he's thinking isn't the best route to take. I had to back off on trying to make suggestions like that just to save the friendship, honestly. I think just talking about it like that sets off his anxiety and he starts getting upset, then tries to hide that it's triggering him, and it gets just really weird. I'm at a bit of a loss... I think I've kind of done everything I can do. I've just had to back off and let him make his own mistakes. At this point all I can really do to help him is not judge him... People judging him is probably his greatest fear and I think that largely keeps him in a cycle of anxiety.
unfortunately, it really is true, that you can't help someone who doesn't want help. you can try, but like you said, it can often end up fracturing the relationship.
people like me and possibly him honestly do not believe that anyone can possibly understand what is in our heads, so taking advice from someone who doesn't "get it" (in our minds) is impossible.
what I might suggest is writing a letter. it's less confrontational and gets out all your thoughts without being interrupted. the only problem is, the written word can be taken a meriad of differnet ways depending the frame of mind the reader is in. not a bad idea to let him read it in your company so he can clarify things in the letter immediately (if he so wishes to) instead of letting it stew in him to the point of a possible misunderstanding being catastrophic to your friendship.
That is a good suggestion, but you know, he's got a wife, so I'm just going to let her deal with it on that level (or not). I am totally there for him to talk to whenever he feels like it, and he does, but he's not doing it to get feedback. He just wants to vent. I'm just going to let him do it (at least until I'm actually worried that he's going to kill himself... He has been there once before, but I don't think he's in that place anymore, or not right now, anyway).
I don't know what your relationship is to his wife, but mentioning something to her might lift a weight off her shoulders too. I know my shit isn't easy on my wife, but she doesn't feel comfortable talking to people we both know about it, even though I've given her my blessing to so. Giving her that outlet might help her like you wouldn't believe.
I do know her, but since they moved way out to the 'burbs I haven't even seen her or talked to her for at least a few years, and I think it would be pretty weird for me to contact her about that. But she's smart, and she's a nurse. She's also supporting him in that she's going back to work full time in a month so that he can deal with his shit and not work (I'm not convinced this is a good plan, but they've made up their minds). He also has a doctor involved, and has seen a therapist (not too sure if he's still going to that, but maybe). Honestly, any more input from me isn't being requested and I don't think is wanted at all. Really, I've tried for quite a long time now... the reaction to it is pretty bad. He really isn't into me doing it. On the bright side, he is self-aware enough or at least pro-active enough to seek help if he becomes suicidal again, I think. The last time it happened he actually just walked out of work and drove himself to the hospital and checked himself into the psych ward.
Post edited by PJ_Soul on
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
I've already tried to talk to him about it, but he's really in denial about his condition a lot of time... Even when he's not in denial he's in denial, lol. He gets very defensive any time I try to suggest to him that maybe what he's thinking isn't the best route to take. I had to back off on trying to make suggestions like that just to save the friendship, honestly. I think just talking about it like that sets off his anxiety and he starts getting upset, then tries to hide that it's triggering him, and it gets just really weird. I'm at a bit of a loss... I think I've kind of done everything I can do. I've just had to back off and let him make his own mistakes. At this point all I can really do to help him is not judge him... People judging him is probably his greatest fear and I think that largely keeps him in a cycle of anxiety.
unfortunately, it really is true, that you can't help someone who doesn't want help. you can try, but like you said, it can often end up fracturing the relationship.
people like me and possibly him honestly do not believe that anyone can possibly understand what is in our heads, so taking advice from someone who doesn't "get it" (in our minds) is impossible.
what I might suggest is writing a letter. it's less confrontational and gets out all your thoughts without being interrupted. the only problem is, the written word can be taken a meriad of differnet ways depending the frame of mind the reader is in. not a bad idea to let him read it in your company so he can clarify things in the letter immediately (if he so wishes to) instead of letting it stew in him to the point of a possible misunderstanding being catastrophic to your friendship.
That is a good suggestion, but you know, he's got a wife, so I'm just going to let her deal with it on that level (or not). I am totally there for him to talk to whenever he feels like it, and he does, but he's not doing it to get feedback. He just wants to vent. I'm just going to let him do it (at least until I'm actually worried that he's going to kill himself... He has been there once before, but I don't think he's in that place anymore, or not right now, anyway).
I don't know what your relationship is to his wife, but mentioning something to her might lift a weight off her shoulders too. I know my shit isn't easy on my wife, but she doesn't feel comfortable talking to people we both know about it, even though I've given her my blessing to so. Giving her that outlet might help her like you wouldn't believe.
I do know her, but since they moved way out to the 'burbs I haven't even seen her or talked to her for at least a few years, and I think it would be pretty weird for me to contact her about that. But she's smart, and she's a nurse. She's also supporting him in that she's going back to work full time in a month so that he can deal with his shit and not work (I'm not convinced this is a good plan, but they've made up their minds). He also has a doctor involved, and has seen a therapist (not too sure if he's still going to that, but maybe). Honestly, any more input from me isn't being requested and I don't think is wanted at all. Really, I've tried for quite a long time now... the reaction to it is pretty bad. He really isn't into me doing it. On the bright side, he is self-aware enough or at least pro-active enough to seek help if he becomes suicidal again, I think. The last time it happened he actually just walked out of work and drove himself to the hospital and checked himself into the psych ward.
cool. just saying that, just because it seems like she is dealing with it ok on the surface, or is equipped emotionally or professionally, that isn't always the case. but you obviously know your friend and his spouse, so....hope all works out for them.
Good to see people helping other here. Where are the other 90% of people on this forum? Instead of bullying others they could perhaps show some kindness and post here to offer support.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Good to see people helping other here. Where are the other 90% of people on this forum? Instead of bullying others they could perhaps show some kindness and post here to offer support.
Every night i hope and wish and every morning i want it all to be over. I want to let go now. There is no end for this. no getting better. No getting memory back. No end to confusion every waking hour. Whatever is wrong here Is not fixable
brixton 93
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Every night i hope and wish and every morning i want it all to be over. I want to let go now. There is no end for this. no getting better. No getting memory back. No end to confusion every waking hour. Whatever is wrong here Is not fixable
Have you had a brain scan to rule out any biological issue?
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
I can hope the dr knows best but in reality he can't hear me because ive been so often in the last 3 years. And never what i thought came true. So now im like the boy who cried wolf. But i have been extremely ill mentally but of course they will say this is the same. I say its not. Really its 8a.m here and ive been up 4 hours when my partner wakes i need to get help. With my baby daughter trying to give my partner a break but i need help
brixton 93
astoria 06
albany 06
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reading 06
barcelona 06
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
To those struggling i hope you can find the sun for even 10mins today. Light is nice. I know im always sad when i come here. Today is bad because yesterday i tried with all my might and couldn't get right. So today im down and residing to the fact this is here forever and worsening.
brixton 93
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
To those struggling i hope you can find the sun for even 10mins today. Light is nice. I know im always sad when i come here. Today is bad because yesterday i tried with all my might and couldn't get right. So today im down and residing to the fact this is here forever and worsening.
Can you try to resign yourself to this as always being present, but rather like a shadow?
Getting out in the sun is a good suggestion.
One thing that works for me is- if I catch myself walking into rooms and not remembering why I went in there in the first place, or I'm rushing through doors and letting them slam behind me, or I'm just generally distracted and nervous- I will slow my movements down. I will open a door to leave and close it slowly behind me. I slow everything down. And it really helps calm me. The trick is to catch it happening.
Thank you...but what I described happened while we were together...and yes Break ups do suck...and being treated like shit during the relationship also suck...
Yeah, gotcha (I can't comment too much, as partying with a bunch of Irishmen until 5am sounds like something I would do, lol. Although I would certainly call my live-in BF to say I was going to be really late! That's the part where she fucked up!). Yes, being treated like shit in relationships sucks too. I've had a few doozies in my time. It can really turn your life upside down.... especially when the break up happens, for some reason. Break ups often aren't any easier, or maybe even harder, when the relationship has been a roller coaster ride... Especially because that situation tend to lead to messier break ups with more turbulent emotions.
Yeah I should also mention this is the same person who got some Guy from her class a Nice Birthday Present who She finds 'Funny' and that 'She likes' on the day of his Birthday but yet I didn't get mine until a week later...wtf???
Comments
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
people like me and possibly him honestly do not believe that anyone can possibly understand what is in our heads, so taking advice from someone who doesn't "get it" (in our minds) is impossible.
what I might suggest is writing a letter. it's less confrontational and gets out all your thoughts without being interrupted. the only problem is, the written word can be taken a meriad of differnet ways depending the frame of mind the reader is in. not a bad idea to let him read it in your company so he can clarify things in the letter immediately (if he so wishes to) instead of letting it stew in him to the point of a possible misunderstanding being catastrophic to your friendship.
www.headstonesband.com
I agree. That’s why professional help is usually the best. But there are terrible therapist as well...it’s a process...
i am glad off the anti-depressant though...
the problem with anxiety is there is no particular treatment that works for everybody.
i think it was around a year ago a young man in my community was denied dr assisted suicide, his anxiety was so bad. Unfortunately he took his own life, he just could not cope anymore.
ill search for the article.
That is a good suggestion, but you know, he's got a wife, so I'm just going to let her deal with it on that level (or not). I am totally there for him to talk to whenever he feels like it, and he does, but he's not doing it to get feedback. He just wants to vent. I'm just going to let him do it (at least until I'm actually worried that he's going to kill himself... He has been there once before, but I don't think he's in that place anymore, or not right now, anyway).
'My life is a nightmare': Windsor man, 27, wants legally assisted death
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/windsor/assisted-dying-mentally-ill-1.3829839Tributes flow for Windsor man who lobbied for assisted-dying rights for mentally ill
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/windsor/adam-maier-clayton-assisted-dying-1.4072312www.headstonesband.com
On the bright side, he is self-aware enough or at least pro-active enough to seek help if he becomes suicidal again, I think. The last time it happened he actually just walked out of work and drove himself to the hospital and checked himself into the psych ward.
www.headstonesband.com
Where are the other 90% of people on this forum?
Instead of bullying others they could perhaps show some kindness and post here to offer support.
Exactly, but first people have to realize that they are the bully themselves!
Kindness would be great too!
Is not fixable
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
astoria 06
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
astoria 06
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Or if you paid you could get one?
astoria 06
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paris 06
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Getting out in the sun is a good suggestion.
One thing that works for me is- if I catch myself walking into rooms and not remembering why I went in there in the first place, or I'm rushing through doors and letting them slam behind me, or I'm just generally distracted and nervous- I will slow my movements down. I will open a door to leave and close it slowly behind me. I slow everything down. And it really helps calm me. The trick is to catch it happening.
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
What a beautiful girl!