A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

brianlux

Thoughts_Arrive said:

My ban is over.
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
Means a lot.
I hope you're all doing fine?

Awesome!  So good!

lastexitlondon said:

I can no longer visit an empty well. 
Thank you to the good souls.
All that went out of their life and their day to help me..
The strangest tribe. 
Love and thanks rob

It's a great place for that, Rob.  Are you just taking a break from here?  I've done that when it felt right, and jumped back in when it felt right.  Seems like a good thing to do now and then.

brianlux

My neighbor cut down a huge pine tree in his yard today.  I don't know why (we don't talk much and that's best).  It looked healthy to me.  But anyway, whatever the reason, watching a big tree be slaughtered fucks with my head and my soul in a bad way.  Seeing a big tree die just eats me up inside.  It's weakness I have, I know.  It's a soft spot that I wish were not there because of how it eats away at my guts and my head.  My wife has told me that being sensitive is one of things that she likes best about me but also acknowledges it's difficult.  That's for sure.  I wish I were more rough hewn.  Sensitivity can really be the shits sometimes.  :-(

lastexitlondon

I don't post very often anymore. Ive lost the will to carry on . Ive reached out everywhere possible. But to no avail. Im at the bottom and i can't get up anymore. All the advice isn't hitting home. I do not believe or trust anything. They say you don't know when you lose your mind..... i know i am what does that say. Fuck knows. Dr says the same
 I saw 2 and they said the same. I don not believe them because what is happening in my mind or brain is crippling me and now im wrecking the only relationships i have. Not on purpose of course but this illness is the cruelist demise of a good human who has never hurt anyone and only cared too much about everyone and everything. There is no justice and no god. There are no prizes for good. That aside i wanted everyone who comes /came here that ive gained friends in my mind here and that was kind. 

curmudgeoness

lastexitlondon said:

I don't post very often anymore. Ive lost the will to carry on . Ive reached out everywhere possible. But to no avail. Im at the bottom and i can't get up anymore. All the advice isn't hitting home. I do not believe or trust anything. They say you don't know when you lose your mind..... i know i am what does that say. Fuck knows. Dr says the same
 I saw 2 and they said the same. I don not believe them because what is happening in my mind or brain is crippling me and now im wrecking the only relationships i have. Not on purpose of course but this illness is the cruelist demise of a good human who has never hurt anyone and only cared too much about everyone and everything. There is no justice and no god. There are no prizes for good. That aside i wanted everyone who comes /came here that ive gained friends in my mind here and that was kind. 

I'm so sorry that you continue to suffer. Part of me wants to tell you that it will get better -- and part of me knows what it's like to be in that hole and wonder if anyone really believes that it will get better, because there's so little daylight where you are right now.

I wish you could find better help for what's bothering you. I'm sorry that I have no advice to offer -- but maybe you're tired of unsolicited advice, anyway.

Please try to remember that there is a whole community here rooting for you. And be kind to yourself.

lastexitlondon

Many thanks. And i appreciate all the love. Thats one thing ive always done is show love. I applaud all of us that are capable of showing it. 

Meltdown99

My anxiety has been under control until recently ... found out my homeowners policy not being renewed, claim frequency, apparently 1 claim is frequent...let me tell you, an insurance company not renewing a policy is not good ... having trouble finding insurance.  Oh yeah, in Canada insurance is heavily regulated, but they can fuck people over one claim...and people wonder why I have no use for government.  Our government regulates insurance to ensure insurance companies maximize profits...I wake up everyday thankful I do not work in the insurance industry, fucking vultures they are.

i_lov_it

Hey Lastexit I hope you are doing well...Just think Positive ok...I send you many Positive thoughts

i_lov_it

lastexitlondon said:

Many thanks. And i appreciate all the love. Thats one thing ive always done is show love. I applaud all of us that are capable of showing it. 

I hope you are doing well?...think Positive I know you can get through this

i_lov_it

Meltdown99 said:

My anxiety has been under control until recently ... found out my homeowners policy not being renewed, claim frequency, apparently 1 claim is frequent...let me tell you, an insurance company not renewing a policy is not good ... having trouble finding insurance.  Oh yeah, in Canada insurance is heavily regulated, but they can fuck people over one claim...and people wonder why I have no use for government.  Our government regulates insurance to ensure insurance companies maximize profits...I wake up everyday thankful I do not work in the insurance industry, fucking vultures they are.

I agree with you Meltdown...they are Vultures...it's good to hear that you have kept your anxiety under control...you ok?

i_lov_it

lastexitlondon said:

Many thanks. And i appreciate all the love. Thats one thing ive always done is show love. I applaud all of us that are capable of showing it. 

You're Welcome Lastexit...I hope you are doing well?...stay Positive

brianlux

Meltdown99 said:

My anxiety has been under control until recently ... found out my homeowners policy not being renewed, claim frequency, apparently 1 claim is frequent...let me tell you, an insurance company not renewing a policy is not good ... having trouble finding insurance.  Oh yeah, in Canada insurance is heavily regulated, but they can fuck people over one claim...and people wonder why I have no use for government.  Our government regulates insurance to ensure insurance companies maximize profits...I wake up everyday thankful I do not work in the insurance industry, fucking vultures they are.

Oh man, insurance companies can really SUCK sometimes.  Ours told us recently we need a new roof or they won't renew.  I can't prove it but I think the roof we have has at least a few more years left in it.  But they insist so rather than hassle with them or go with another company (why bother- they all suck) we're coughing up the big bucks for a roof.  At 66+ with no prospects for a new career start, those thousands of dollars are going to take a gouge.  Ouch!

Meltdown99

brianlux said:

Meltdown99 said:

My anxiety has been under control until recently ... found out my homeowners policy not being renewed, claim frequency, apparently 1 claim is frequent...let me tell you, an insurance company not renewing a policy is not good ... having trouble finding insurance.  Oh yeah, in Canada insurance is heavily regulated, but they can fuck people over one claim...and people wonder why I have no use for government.  Our government regulates insurance to ensure insurance companies maximize profits...I wake up everyday thankful I do not work in the insurance industry, fucking vultures they are.

Oh man, insurance companies can really SUCK sometimes.  Ours told us recently we need a new roof or they won't renew.  I can't prove it but I think the roof we have has at least a few more years left in it.  But they insist so rather than hassle with them or go with another company (why bother- they all suck) we're coughing up the big bucks for a roof.  At 66+ with no prospects for a new career start, those thousands of dollars are going to take a gouge.  Ouch!

It turns out the insurance company screwed up and removed everything from our records...but still, it’s a pain in the ass. Get the roof, if you don’t and it leaks, then the insurance company will have an out.  I am thankful than I’m not an I surance adjuster...they have no souls.

Meltdown99

In dealing with my insurance my insurance company, my father said to me “he admires my tenacity for for sticking to facts and getting the insurance to admit to their mistakes it brought tears to my eyes.

i_lov_it

lastexitlondon said:

I don't post very often anymore. Ive lost the will to carry on . Ive reached out everywhere possible. But to no avail. Im at the bottom and i can't get up anymore. All the advice isn't hitting home. I do not believe or trust anything. They say you don't know when you lose your mind..... i know i am what does that say. Fuck knows. Dr says the same
 I saw 2 and they said the same. I don not believe them because what is happening in my mind or brain is crippling me and now im wrecking the only relationships i have. Not on purpose of course but this illness is the cruelist demise of a good human who has never hurt anyone and only cared too much about everyone and everything. There is no justice and no god. There are no prizes for good. That aside i wanted everyone who comes /came here that ive gained friends in my mind here and that was kind. 

I am so sorry to hear this lastexit...I just hope that you can find a way to get through this...

You may have hit the Bottom but just think there's only one way from here and that is up...

I agree it is very cruel but just try to be kind to yourself and remember be compassionate to yourself...give yourself compassion you're a wonderful Person...tell yourself that lastexit...you will get through this and if you need to let anything off your chest or need any advice there are so many Wonderful people here on this Forum who will listen...

lastexitlondon

Thank you. 
Its 4a.m all i can think is.
"The day i tried to live" followed by "blow up the outside world" 
I rode my bike in the rain yesterday. It was invigorating. 
I will do it again today. 
I can't keep the wolves from my door anymore though. 
I went to a pj and soundgarden tribute show,my auntie got me a ticket and drove me there. The music was great. But i had moments where it was all quiet in my head as the people all moved around and i was visualising when i met chris cornell then the members of pj ive met and i suddenly thought im done here. I felt a peace that i could leave earth now ,in that moment. I never felt ready before. Or since. Chris 's bravery almost inspired me.
I know that sounds odd.

lastexitlondon

Im getting numb

Shyner

lastexitlondon said:

Im getting numb

Hey .We love your word

Meltdown99

lastexitlondon said:

Im getting numb

Hang in there buddy...

do you have a cat or dog to comfort you...

have you considered looking into a therapy dog?

i have a dog, she’s not a therapy dog, but she is loyal, and when I’m stressed just petting her really helps...

lastexitlondon

Thank you meltdown and shyner. 
 Im not a fan of dogs and cats i live in a flat we aren't allowed animals . But i do love birds. I watch a red kite that comes to visit . I imagine its a relative visiting me when im at my lowest it always appears. 
I want to be a bird of prey. So graceful and smooth. Magestic.
Ive decided i need to be sober. So im trying again. I hate it but i must 

lastexitlondon

Without this thread i would be lost. Sometimes i have to just type how i feel. Because its eating my brain up

Shyner

I dont think id come back here if you decided plan destruction
I love you

Meltdown99

lastexitlondon said:

Thank you meltdown and shyner. 
 Im not a fan of dogs and cats i live in a flat we aren't allowed animals . But i do love birds. I watch a red kite that comes to visit . I imagine its a relative visiting me when im at my lowest it always appears. 
I want to be a bird of prey. So graceful and smooth. Magestic.
Ive decided i need to be sober. So im trying again. I hate it but i must 

Do you have a nice park for bird watching ...

i love birds as well...

lastexitlondon

I found a nice bike ride where there is nature so im planning on that today. Feeling fucking dizzy and confused. But i will try again. Just for today . Thats all i can do.

lastexitlondon

I went for a ride and gave up. I forgot which way i was going a few times and all i could think about was ending it all. Fuckin pathetic

Meltdown99

lastexitlondon said:

I found a nice bike ride where there is nature so im planning on that today. Feeling fucking dizzy and confused. But i will try again. Just for today . Thats all i can do.

Dizzy and confused can be symptoms of panic attacks.  Do you get panic attackks?  If not sure, maybe discus with doc, is vertigo causing your dizziness?

Meltdown99

Definitely get out into nature...studies show spirituality and being out enjoying nature really helps with mental health...

lastexitlondon

I always tell him. Its not a spinning so says not vertigo. No i rarely get attacks. Its all part of this memory loss and confusion that i cannot take anymore

Meltdown99

lastexitlondon said:

I always tell him. Its not a spinning so says not vertigo. No i rarely get attacks. Its all part of this memory loss and confusion that i cannot take anymore

Hang in there ... stay positive.

i_lov_it

So many Brave People on here

i_lov_it

i_lov_it said:

lastexitlondon said:

I don't post very often anymore. Ive lost the will to carry on . Ive reached out everywhere possible. But to no avail. Im at the bottom and i can't get up anymore. All the advice isn't hitting home. I do not believe or trust anything. They say you don't know when you lose your mind..... i know i am what does that say. Fuck knows. Dr says the same
 I saw 2 and they said the same. I don not believe them because what is happening in my mind or brain is crippling me and now im wrecking the only relationships i have. Not on purpose of course but this illness is the cruelist demise of a good human who has never hurt anyone and only cared too much about everyone and everything. There is no justice and no god. There are no prizes for good. That aside i wanted everyone who comes /came here that ive gained friends in my mind here and that was kind. 

I am so sorry to hear this lastexit...I just hope that you can find a way to get through this...

You may have hit the Bottom but just think there's only one way from here and that is up...

I agree it is very cruel but just try to be kind to yourself and remember be compassionate to yourself...give yourself compassion you're a wonderful Person...tell yourself that lastexit...you will get through this and if you need to let anything off your chest or need any advice there are so many Wonderful people here on this Forum who will listen...

Posted this a couple of days ago just incase you missed it...also posted on the 'who are you' thread in reply to you...hope you are doing well lastexit