A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

lastexitlondon

Im trying so hard to keep saying over and over the words mentioned above. 

brianlux

I'm thinking the best thoughts I possibly can for lastexitlion and shyner and anybody else here in the grips of anxiety, depression, and the difficult feelings that are a part of that world. 

I had a friend who lost to depression.  The details aren't important for here but the thing is, she didn't make it.  I nor anyone else could save her.  I still wish I could reach around to the other side and pull her back. 

But I can't do that, so all I can do is put out the best thoughts I can-- for all of us, really.  I'm guessing anyone reading this has been there.

mickeyrat

lastexitlondon said:

Im trying so hard to keep saying over and over the words mentioned above. 

does it help, at all, to remind yourself that you HAVE been wrong before? Even in the face of your certainty otherwise?

lastexitlondon

I keep saying that over and over . Its all i have. I MUST trust im terrible at faith and trust. 

HughFreakingDillon

lastexitlondon said:

I keep saying that over and over . Its all i have. I MUST trust im terrible at faith and trust. 

it's incredibly difficult because what you are experiencing is real. it's not real "to you". it's real. embrace that. you know it's real. you know it's there. it's not "all in your head". so accept it. this is your existence. at least for now. try to laugh at it here and there. i have tried it, and sometimes it lightens it a bit. not much, but everything helps. like if you forget something, just laugh it off "oh, there i go again!". 

leaving this world is not an option for you. you have kids who need their dad. being a parent means surviving through everything for our kids. don't fool yourself and tell yourself the Depression Lie: they will NOT be better off without you. 

my mom has 3 working limbs. has since she was 4 when she contracted polio. i'm sure there must have been a time, probably a long time, of self-pity. but she is one of the most positive people i know. she is my hero in that regard. she accepts her reality and lives within that framework. 

the doctor says you aren't dying so you aren't. 
you get confused and forget things so you have to learn to live with it until you can find figure out what it is. my strong guess is it is the anxiety fucking with your neurons. 

go for a walk. 
go get a cup of coffee somewhere and read the news or a magazine. 
go to a pub and have a beer with a friend and catch up. 
put on headphones and get lost in the music for an hour. or if it's a pj boot, 3 hours. 

i'm off sick today cause i just couldn't fucking get out of bed. there is a massive shame element when my kids are off to school and asking me why i'm in bed. i just tell them daddy needs a day to himself. that's all i can say. 

kce8

How have you guys been over the last "Club free" days?

Hope you are all doing well!!! 

lastexitlondon

HFD your words seriously keep me going. Ive been a mess since the board was down . Ive become dependent on visiting here as its a sanctuary for 10 mins . You truly are one person ive spoken with who GETS IT. You seem to live this life along side me the same way. Im in tears reading this its 5.am and im ill as well as sick now some fuckin flu like shit. Im getting worse not better don't see my dr till Friday. I got drunk 2 days ago and it was useless. Staying sober and valium free is so hard but the after effects of drink are no good. Also i will add 3 people around the family and neighbours have died this week. Along with all 3 of my older kids have health issues i can't fix. Im not able to die like you say so i live in the half life in the chasm where i don't even know what day im in.
Big love and a warm heart to all of you in this boat with me 

lastexitlondon

Fuck i really can't get a second of break from confusion and vacantness.

Shyner

Hi I'm scared to go to sleep because tomorrow = anxiety
I haven't quit my job and left home yet but I'm praying i can do it 
The city she loves me

brianlux

Shyner said:

Hi I'm scared to go to sleep because tomorrow = anxiety
I haven't quit my job and left home yet but I'm praying i can do it 
The city she loves me

I get that too, Shyner.  Or sometimes I can't get to sleep because I know I should be sleeping because I have to get up the next day to do something that will involve anxiety.  It's quite a dilemma.  So now I'm going to go crawl in bed and try and try and try to sleep.  If only I didn't try so hard, I probably would.

But we can get through these things, right?  Yes, we can.   Hope you have a good tomorrow!

Thoughts_Arrive

I would have to disagree with HFD regarding coffee. Caffeine exacerbates or causes anxiety for me.

lastexitlondon

Oh yes i don't drink coffee but get the sentiment. What is everyones name mine is rob seems more friendly

HughFreakingDillon

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I would have to disagree with HFD regarding coffee. Caffeine exacerbates or causes anxiety for me.

I had to quit caffeine totally at the height of my anxiety. I would literally sit at my desk and shake the rest of the morning. once my anxiety got better, i slowly reintroduced it, but only one cup per day, instead of the 3 or 4 that I was having previously. 

HughFreakingDillon

lastexitlondon said:

HFD your words seriously keep me going. Ive been a mess since the board was down . Ive become dependent on visiting here as its a sanctuary for 10 mins . You truly are one person ive spoken with who GETS IT. You seem to live this life along side me the same way. Im in tears reading this its 5.am and im ill as well as sick now some fuckin flu like shit. Im getting worse not better don't see my dr till Friday. I got drunk 2 days ago and it was useless. Staying sober and valium free is so hard but the after effects of drink are no good. Also i will add 3 people around the family and neighbours have died this week. Along with all 3 of my older kids have health issues i can't fix. Im not able to die like you say so i live in the half life in the chasm where i don't even know what day im in.
Big love and a warm heart to all of you in this boat with me 

dude, when the forum was down, I was just hoping that you would still be here when it came back up. I knew that you were using this as a sort of lifeline, so glad to see you still around. I was worrying about you all weekend. 

like I said before, I've been through this and came out the other side, so you can too. so has Brian. Do I still have issues? of course. I had hoped I would be back to 100% by now. I'll be honest in that I don't know if I ever will be. But I'm light years better than I was two years ago. there is a light at the end of this tunnel. believe me. 

I think you'd find that there are many more people like you than just me. I am just at a point where I'm not longer embarrassed to share it publicly. I've been told by some friends that I'm hyper-self-aware as well. I don't know about that. I just think I think too much, and I found over the years of reading story after story of anxiety forums on the web that all or most of the stuff that has gone through my head is all-too-common and not unique to me or anyone else. none of us are nuts and think stuff no one else thinks of. that's really the part that scared me the most. it is incredibly isolating to believe your brain is the only one in existence that operates the way it does. but it's not. the most liberating part of this is being able to share your most frightening thoughts and having people's eyes light up and go "holy fuck! that's ME!". 

I'm not trying to sound all-knowing or some type of yoda here, but from what I've been through, I've been where you're at right now. Aware that all of your troubles are being caused by your brain, but not quite able to let go of it yet. It could be a while yet. But you'll get there. 

HughFreakingDillon

lastexitlondon said:

Oh yes i don't drink coffee but get the sentiment. What is everyones name mine is rob seems more friendly

Paul. 

i_lov_it

HughFreakingDillon said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I would have to disagree with HFD regarding coffee. Caffeine exacerbates or causes anxiety for me.

I had to quit caffeine totally at the height of my anxiety. I would literally sit at my desk and shake the rest of the morning. once my anxiety got better, i slowly reintroduced it, but only one cup per day, instead of the 3 or 4 that I was having previously. 

I gave up Coffee a few years ago...but I still drink Tea though...I just felt better not drinking Coffee...but I do limit the amount of Tea...

lastexitlondon

What's your name thoughts_arrive?
Paul and brian i really appreciate you being here and frank. I ask the people around me all the time the same questions which they wish they could help with. But you guys are distant but close in heart if you know what i mean. And do you know to be able to share with other men is rare. Ive drank again tonight . I will regret it but i have had an hour or so of a break. Even though IT hasn't gone away . Im so close to the end because drink isn't the answer neither is meds or valium. But each day i do none of them im in utter turmoil and can't concentrate or recall or remember. I know im truly fucked either way. Love to you all

HughFreakingDillon

lastexitlondon said:

What's your name thoughts_arrive?
Paul and brian i really appreciate you being here and frank. I ask the people around me all the time the same questions which they wish they could help with. But you guys are distant but close in heart if you know what i mean. And do you know to be able to share with other men is rare. Ive drank again tonight . I will regret it but i have had an hour or so of a break. Even though IT hasn't gone away . Im so close to the end because drink isn't the answer neither is meds or valium. But each day i do none of them im in utter turmoil and can't concentrate or recall or remember. I know im truly fucked either way. Love to you all

I know saying "it's close to the end" can be comforting in ways. almost calming, as it helps you feel as if the pain will soon end. I used to say stuff like that to myself all the time. Still do sometimes. But I'm still here. And so are you. 

Thoughts_Arrive

How are you doing, Rob?

brianlux

Rob, I'm so glad you got through the shut down OK.  That shut down WAS a bummer!  Keep hanging in there with us!

And Rob and others who felt like posting your names, thanks!  I totally understand people not wanting to post their name so no problem there, but I also love it when people do.  I'm pretty sure you've all ready guessed mine, lol!

My wife and I head for Medford, Oregon for my father's memorial tomorrow (Sunday) morning which means a) not likely too have internet access since I only have this computer at home, b) having to sleep somewhere away from home which is a MAJOR anxiety producer for me (the worst, really) and, c) being scheduled to play my guitar at the memorial and wanting to honor my father by getting it right which is hard to do with old arthritic hands.  I'm a complete nervous wreck and will be SO relieved when I get home Tuesday.