A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

mickeyrat

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Meltdown99 said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Meltdown99 said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I was very bad about 3 years ago and things got better thanks to medication. But I am still hoping for further happiness which seems like will never happen.

Happiness will come.  For many years I never thought I’d be happy.  Now, I am the happiest I’ve ever been...I really regret not seeking help sooner, I wasted a lot of years...now I’m looking forward to the future.

i think you’ll find happiness, because you sound like you want happiness.  If you ever go to speak with someone again, let them know your not happy, they can work you through it.

If you can, find something meaningful that will add to your self worth.  For me, I spend a lot of time helping my widower father...he still lives in own home, wants to stay in his home .... so I’m helping him do that, every time I help him out it makes me feel good, another deposit into the self worth bank.

Try a new hobby.  I took up pen turning, I haven’t turned anything 35 years.  Photography is another hobby I enjoy...

you will get their, stay positive...if an old stubborn guy like myself can seek help, you can to.

just stay positive...

Thank you
Chasing happiness is bad they say as it actually makes you feel worse.
My unhappiness is due to not being sure who I am and what I want to do with life or what I am doing.

I am a full time student and have been doing well in my studies to become a psychologist but lately I've been wondering these past 2 weeks if the ever growing student loan debt is worth it and the 5 more years to become a clinical psychologist. I am 34 soon and still living with my parents and have never had a girlfriend. They are the main things making me unhappy. Plus failed friendships and having hardly any friends. It is not possible to work full time and study full time. I feel like I'll never move out of home and get a job. I just feel useless and a failure.
Also, I'd love to just be an artist but need an income, it's like sacrificing what you love to pay the mortgage and keep your family happy but it's tearing me up. I told everyone after changing career paths so many times in the last 5 years that psychology is it, it is a 100% what I want to do. If I quit now people will shake their heads. I've worked so hard and gotten top marks these past 2 years. I feel like I can't even fix myself, how can I fix others. Hearing people's problems every day might wear me down. Plus many people cannot connect with their psychologist, I feel like I'll be a shit one that people will not come back to. And then there is my growing interest in art.

I have actually taken up painting last year but due to university I had to stop. Resumed this summer and it's great to keep me occupied instead of moping about. I've spent the entire summer break in the garage painting and it keeps my mind on something. But there have been moments where I got angry and started asking myself "why do I suck at everything I do" when my painting was not turning out. My canvas tore yesterday, a week of painting destroyed, I was struggling with it and was getting very frustrated. I was down about it but feel better now as I took it as a learning experience. Learning to paint is a long road. I've gotten help and support from other artists online.

Thoughts...relationships are hard, people are needy...I suck at relationships myself...probably why my marriage is struggling.  You are an intelligent person. If becoming a psychologist is your goal, go for it...I think psychology needs more people like you...you seem compassionate.  Keep up your studies if you enjoy, the mental health community needs more people like you.  Stay positive. And take care of yourself.

With me it's been "friends" not being friends. Selfish users or those that just want my company for their own amusement. 
I made two friends last year at university but they turned out to be taking the piss out of me and I was blind to see it for a while.
I ditched others and they ditched me.
I don't think I am intelligent, but thank you.
I did enjoy my studies in psychology. That is why I am thinking what the fuck has happened these past 2 weeks. I think it is that voice and desire to paint growing stronger. The past 2 years I have thrown away my desire to pursue music for university. I consciously made the choice to give up any of my artistic desires for a stable, well paying job (teaching then psychology) so I can pay my mortgage and move out of home.
Thank you for your kind words.

you aren't able to pursue these artistic endeavors as a hobby at the least? It seems as if you are saying that its an all or nothing proposition?  whats wrong with art for arts sake, must it also include monetary gain?

Thoughts_Arrive

mickeyrat said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Meltdown99 said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Meltdown99 said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I was very bad about 3 years ago and things got better thanks to medication. But I am still hoping for further happiness which seems like will never happen.

Happiness will come.  For many years I never thought I’d be happy.  Now, I am the happiest I’ve ever been...I really regret not seeking help sooner, I wasted a lot of years...now I’m looking forward to the future.

i think you’ll find happiness, because you sound like you want happiness.  If you ever go to speak with someone again, let them know your not happy, they can work you through it.

If you can, find something meaningful that will add to your self worth.  For me, I spend a lot of time helping my widower father...he still lives in own home, wants to stay in his home .... so I’m helping him do that, every time I help him out it makes me feel good, another deposit into the self worth bank.

Try a new hobby.  I took up pen turning, I haven’t turned anything 35 years.  Photography is another hobby I enjoy...

you will get their, stay positive...if an old stubborn guy like myself can seek help, you can to.

just stay positive...

Thank you
Chasing happiness is bad they say as it actually makes you feel worse.
My unhappiness is due to not being sure who I am and what I want to do with life or what I am doing.

I am a full time student and have been doing well in my studies to become a psychologist but lately I've been wondering these past 2 weeks if the ever growing student loan debt is worth it and the 5 more years to become a clinical psychologist. I am 34 soon and still living with my parents and have never had a girlfriend. They are the main things making me unhappy. Plus failed friendships and having hardly any friends. It is not possible to work full time and study full time. I feel like I'll never move out of home and get a job. I just feel useless and a failure.
Also, I'd love to just be an artist but need an income, it's like sacrificing what you love to pay the mortgage and keep your family happy but it's tearing me up. I told everyone after changing career paths so many times in the last 5 years that psychology is it, it is a 100% what I want to do. If I quit now people will shake their heads. I've worked so hard and gotten top marks these past 2 years. I feel like I can't even fix myself, how can I fix others. Hearing people's problems every day might wear me down. Plus many people cannot connect with their psychologist, I feel like I'll be a shit one that people will not come back to. And then there is my growing interest in art.

I have actually taken up painting last year but due to university I had to stop. Resumed this summer and it's great to keep me occupied instead of moping about. I've spent the entire summer break in the garage painting and it keeps my mind on something. But there have been moments where I got angry and started asking myself "why do I suck at everything I do" when my painting was not turning out. My canvas tore yesterday, a week of painting destroyed, I was struggling with it and was getting very frustrated. I was down about it but feel better now as I took it as a learning experience. Learning to paint is a long road. I've gotten help and support from other artists online.

Thoughts...relationships are hard, people are needy...I suck at relationships myself...probably why my marriage is struggling.  You are an intelligent person. If becoming a psychologist is your goal, go for it...I think psychology needs more people like you...you seem compassionate.  Keep up your studies if you enjoy, the mental health community needs more people like you.  Stay positive. And take care of yourself.

With me it's been "friends" not being friends. Selfish users or those that just want my company for their own amusement. 
I made two friends last year at university but they turned out to be taking the piss out of me and I was blind to see it for a while.
I ditched others and they ditched me.
I don't think I am intelligent, but thank you.
I did enjoy my studies in psychology. That is why I am thinking what the fuck has happened these past 2 weeks. I think it is that voice and desire to paint growing stronger. The past 2 years I have thrown away my desire to pursue music for university. I consciously made the choice to give up any of my artistic desires for a stable, well paying job (teaching then psychology) so I can pay my mortgage and move out of home.
Thank you for your kind words.

you aren't able to pursue these artistic endeavors as a hobby at the least? It seems as if you are saying that its an all or nothing proposition?  whats wrong with art for arts sake, must it also include monetary gain?

Only so I can support myself, pay the bills, buy groceries etc.
I found that before I got into songwriting when I was working a full time 9-5 office job I was often too tired after a days work to want to write songs. When I quit my job and was unemployed (still am) I all of a sudden wrote about 20 songs in a year. I doubt I'd be able to have the time or energy (painting is very labour intensive) to paint if I were working full-time. It's a sad trade off, you work and you can afford to invest in art materials or music equipment but then you lose that time to put a lot of energy into your art.

RogueStoner

Hey guys. I haven’t posted but have kept you all in my thoughts. 

Lastexit, you got some great suggestions here. As for your search for happiness, may I suggest taking pleasure in simple things first? It’s hard to see anything good when you’re depressed but I found that taking time to admire a flower, a sunset, a song...any tiny simple thing I could admire and appreciate each day really helped. 

Thoughts, I hate reading about you doubting yourself. You’re doing it! You’re going for it! That’s more than many people do, including myself. Don’t worry about a strict path. Follow it wherever it leads you. Maybe you can be an art therapist. 

As for me...I’m heading into some rough waters. Wish me luck. 

RogueStoner

Oh, and @brianlux , I had some deep shit to say to you in another thread but it got lost. Shocker! I know.  But it was good I tell you! Totally would’ve made your day! Keep in mind I may be a bit biased. Also keep in mind my user name. I do remember saying you crack me up and fuck them haters or something like that. Okie dokie. I should probably get off now. Goodnight y’all! 

P.S. I’ll likely be back in a couple hours when my body realizes my mind is just messing with it and won’t actually let it sleep. 

brianlux

RogueStoner said:

Oh, and @brianlux , I had some deep shit to say to you in another thread but it got lost. Shocker! I know.  But it was good I tell you! Totally would’ve made your day! Keep in mind I may be a bit biased. Also keep in mind my user name. I do remember saying you crack me up and fuck them haters or something like that. Okie dokie. I should probably get off now. Goodnight y’all! 

P.S. I’ll likely be back in a couple hours when my body realizes my mind is just messing with it and won’t actually let it sleep. 

All I can say is... 

Do let me know when it all comes back in focus, RG!  I'm a little green puffed myself at the moment. 

Thoughts_Arrive

RogueStoner said:

Hey guys. I haven’t posted but have kept you all in my thoughts. 

Lastexit, you got some great suggestions here. As for your search for happiness, may I suggest taking pleasure in simple things first? It’s hard to see anything good when you’re depressed but I found that taking time to admire a flower, a sunset, a song...any tiny simple thing I could admire and appreciate each day really helped. 

Thoughts, I hate reading about you doubting yourself. You’re doing it! You’re going for it! That’s more than many people do, including myself. Don’t worry about a strict path. Follow it wherever it leads you. Maybe you can be an art therapist. 

As for me...I’m heading into some rough waters. Wish me luck. 

Thanks RS.
Really appreciate it.
A few people have suggested art therapy. Not really keen on it. But who knows my mind may change.
I wish you all the best and that you sleep well.

lastexitlondon

Why must my head spin everyday. I had some belief for a day after seeing the dementia dr. But after a radio advertising about drinking causing early on set and some other altzhiemers ad catching my eye im fucked. My symptoms didn't change but i had a new opinion that i could at least hear. These meds are no good. Im lost and all dr wants to do is try more meds. That cause sexual dysfunction spaced out headache and nausea. Im not up all that on top of confusion and instant memory loss. There are other things they look for. But what the fuck has happened to the articulate ,funny,intelligent man Rob that used to be inside my head. Now i just have a blank void permanently. Im finding this so distressing on a 24hr rate. No let up. And now drink must be stopped and left behind. Dark thoughts  and times

lastexitlondon

Give me strength

mickeyrat

what are the things you forget?

lastexitlondon

Instant things ive just done and like the days are mixed up. I constantly feel like if forgotten something. Its very odd because i know things but can't recall them. I wish i could explain it better. Im not sure what day it is and it feels odd when i look and it says friday i can't recall what i did yesterday and the days before so i try and maybe recall some event but cant place the day.

lastexitlondon

Its distressing. Im trying to do lots and keep busy. Not like im laying around . I can't see how this fits anxiety

lastexitlondon

I write lists. For the shops and stuff. Its a blank mind all the time and confused. Trying to recall basic things. Keep putting kettle on and just forgetting. I have to pick my daughter up at 10am everyday and forgot yesterday. Dr says if i can remember my breakfast. Name the prime minister. Spell world backwards and draw a clock face . I don't have dementia but what have i got then because im seriously fucked. Anxiety is their answer. No way

lastexitlondon

I find reading difficult also now.

Hi!

I think I suffer from a mild case of anxiety, or maybe im just an introvert. Sometimes I think maybe the two go hand and hand.

https://youtu.be/UFCrKGL88Uw

RogueStoner

Hi, Hi! This is the right place, either way. We can all struggle together.

Hey, has anyone heard from Thoughts Arrive? Been wondering/worried about him since he got banned. I hope he knows we still care. 

lastexitlondon

Why was he banned. He is a sensitive soul i hope he is ok

mickeyrat

lastexitlondon said:

Why was he banned. He is a sensitive soul i hope he is ok

likely from a foray into amt. saw a couple mod deleted posts in one thread.

lastexitlondon

Ah ok. I hope he copes because he already feels like an outcast at times.

Meltdown99

lastexitlondon said:

Ah ok. I hope he copes because he already feels like an outcast at times.

Someone must have really pushed his buttons...but sheesh last member I thought would ever be banned.

lastexitlondon

Does he get to come back. Is it temporary a ban?

oftenreading

lastexitlondon said:

Does he get to come back. Is it temporary a ban?

We never know ahead of time if a ban is temporary or permanent. Sometimes people just show up again after they've been banned for a few weeks. 

TA made comments to a few people that usually lead to banning or at least bars. It's unfortunate but the mods are pretty consistent with that phrase. 

lastexitlondon

Oh ok fair enough he didn't strike me as malicious but i hope the mods see this and give him another chance. I feel worried about him

Meltdown99

lastexitlondon said:

Oh ok fair enough he didn't strike me as malicious but i hope the mods see this and give him another chance. I feel worried about him

I agree with you ... hope he’s back.

brianlux

I'm a bit stunned and definitely saddened to see Thoughts was banned.  I hope it's just a temporary time out. 

If you're thought there reading this, Thoughts, best wishes going out to you!

stuckinline

brianlux said:

I'm a bit stunned and definitely saddened to see Thoughts was banned.  I hope it's just a temporary time out. 

If you're thought there reading this, Thoughts, best wishes going out to you!

Wow, Thoughts...hope all is well!

Thoughts_Arrive

My ban is over.
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
Means a lot.
I hope you're all doing fine?

kce8

Glad to see you are back Thoughts!  
Hope you are ok?

lastexitlondon

Great to see you. Ive been angry at some folk on here . I must learn to walk away. . Be well all

lastexitlondon

I think i will take a break from AMT. Anger and rudeness are easy for me to get offended by. In my actual life i had to defend my son in a crowded environment and i was like a man possessed i saw red and realised how proud a father i am and my son saw a side of me i have not shown all but 3 or 4 times in a lifetime.  It made me think how i let people walk and stamp on my heart and soul and point it inward.  Ive decided to stand tall in the face of bullies and ignorant fools. Partly because i fear i woń live much longer and i will be fucked if im going down like a wet lettuce. 
Whatever illness has taken my brain and memory has in a way lost me any hope of a long future. Insert The lyrics to pendulum.

lastexitlondon

I can no longer visit an empty well. 
Thank you to the good souls.
All that went out of their life and their day to help me..
The strangest tribe. 
Love and thanks rob