A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

lastexitlondon

Thank you

RogueStoner

lastexitlondon said:

My heart sank then i got the joke. Phew

Oh no! I was joking that it sounded like it's taking him 30 years to perform the same surgery. Instead of making you laugh, I gave you more anxiety! I suck.

lastexitlondon

In England its called a surgery i got there in the end. Don't worry. I quickly calmed back to frantic

RogueStoner

lastexitlondon said:

In England its called a surgery i got there in the end. Don't worry. I quickly calmed back to frantic

HughFreakingDillon

lastexitlondon said:

Thank you

i know you won't believe this now. but it does get better. i did. i still struggle, but my worst is (for now) behind me. i was crying constantly, sitting at my desk at work trying my best to shield what was going on but probably failing miserably. calling in sick when i knew i'd be home alone. having pains in my body that made me think i was going to die. but the pain was all from stress and anxiety. and not taking care of myself. i am horribly out of shape, and any stress makes my muscles fucking turn against me. i started to feel a lot better when i lost all that weight. but of course, once i felt better, i went back to my old habits and gained it all back. and i'm back to where i started. except now i am armed with the knowledge of what it wrong, so that particular stress isn't there for the most part. 

there are some days, they are rare, mind you,but they have happened, where i have been able to will myself to get the fuck out of bed and do something. it is a double edged sword sometimes, where you do something trivial to make yourself feel good about yourself, and then you feel good, and then you feel like a loser for something so trivial making you feel proud. it sucks, i know. but they call it baby steps for a reason. babies take a step, which for most of us, is nothing. they take it, and they get a fucking standing ovation. that's us. but the more steps we take, the easier it gets. and then before you know it, we're running. 

HughFreakingDillon

how y'all doing today?

lastexitlondon

Ive really tried hard today. But ive had enough of being confused

HughFreakingDillon

lastexitlondon said:

Ive really tried hard today. But ive had enough of being confused

can't that be explained as the alcohol withdrawal?

lastexitlondon

No because ive now tried a few drinks and made no difference. Ive decided that i do not need drink and want a relaxed approach to it because im so obsessive i was nasty to myself .  Its 3 a.m and im sitting here vacant and confused even in my sleep i fear the worst 

HughFreakingDillon

have you tried marijuana?

HughFreakingDillon

i'm not saying it will solve all  your problems, but it does help with calming nerves and sleep issues. 

lastexitlondon

No not since maybe 20 years ago. Im scared i will become addicted to it . I once loved it as a youth

lastexitlondon

God im having a panic attack now whilst everyone is asleep again. I fuckin hate this life

lastexitlondon

You are kind help thanks for that

HughFreakingDillon

lastexitlondon said:

No not since maybe 20 years ago. Im scared i will become addicted to it . I once loved it as a youth

marijuana is not addictive. it can be habit forming, but not physically addictive. but if you are afraid of it, then don't try it. your paranoia may be at a fever pitch when you do it and that can take your mind to even more anxious places. there was a time i had to quit it altogether cause i wasn't in the right frame of mind. 

has your doc prescribed any sleep aids at all? sorry, after 9 pages, i can't recall what you've tried. 

lastexitlondon

I sleep from early. Like 7 pm til about 2 am but the last bit before i wake im confused . Then it stays 24 7. Im on antidepressants tha i started 2 weeks ago. I have some valium that is for emergencies but i rarely take that.  I must stop writing about my symptoms because someone might say something that sends me off the chart. But i try and trust my dr and my partner but i know deep inside that this is the end.

lastexitlondon

Ive had to take a valium this is insane

HughFreakingDillon

lastexitlondon said:

I sleep from early. Like 7 pm til about 2 am but the last bit before i wake im confused . Then it stays 24 7. Im on antidepressants tha i started 2 weeks ago. I have some valium that is for emergencies but i rarely take that.  I must stop writing about my symptoms because someone might say something that sends me off the chart. But i try and trust my dr and my partner but i know deep inside that this is the end.

dude. i spent months in the same exact state as you and i got through it. i was a fucking mess. sleeping about 2 hours per night. not eating. not drinking. not sleeping. just fucking shaking 24/7, thinking i was going to die every time i slept for a minute and opened my eyes again. i hated the waking state. but that's all i had. lying in bed staring at the cieling for hours on end. my wife didn't know what to do. it will get better. you have to know that. it will. 

please don't give up. 

SmallestOceans

Everybody alright?

HughFreakingDillon

on the whole, ok. bad days here and there.