A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

HughFreakingDillon

it's really strange. when I was at the peak of my anxiety, everything else didn't really seem to exist. now that it's under control, it's like all the shit i was ignoring (or just couldn't function enough to focus on) is coming back. I can handle it, but i hate it. no more google searches of what mystery disease I have, but all the real problems in my life are back. 

I think living with extreme anxiety is worse, but man, it's close. Forgot how the anxiety literally rules your life to the point that everything else disappears. 

HughFreakingDillon

makes you wonder how meaningless a lot of those problems are if they can just disappear without focus. 

lastexitlondon

One of the reasons we have that anxiety  is exactly that.  Those  problems. They  are a root cause. Among other reasons like drink/weed. Also i had  an hour  appointment  with my dr. We spoke a lot and i made sence of some stuff not that it changes anything. But that living in complete blinding fear becomes so normal. Without it you cant get back easily because its become your everything.  Im ashamed to say ive been confined to my bed for a long time. So any responsibility i had dwindled on to others , hours  pass like weeks. Been trapped so long any life or purpose dissapeared. How to fill any even small amount of time is pathetically hard. If i could believe i haven't got a dreadful illness for even a day. The  gap those thoughts and fears took up within a day fills up with  not peace or fun but more and more fears and illnesses. 

lastexitlondon

I was confined to bed oct and nov with labyrintitus then that turned into early dec. Now i got gout so bad i cant walk so thats  3 months with legit real illness that has kept me in bed. Ita impossible.  Now im weak and lame which leads to fear.  

lastexitlondon

Fear is the killer

Fifthelement

lastexitlondon said:

Fear is the killer

Hugs to you Rob.

lastexitlondon

Thank  you  i just cant No matter how i try. Stop the  fear. 

a5pj

on the struggle bus today..
sucks how one more thing can roll into worrying about everything. 
fighting your own brain sucks

lastexitlondon

a5pj said:

on the struggle bus today..
sucks how one more thing can roll into worrying about everything. 
fighting your own brain sucks

Im right  with you my friend.  Started 2 nrw meds and its hell i cant stop crying and panicking.  Worry has  kept me in bed for days.  Running out of ideas

lastexitlondon

So it's exactly a year since my last post. I've been scared to post here. The world seems a different place.
I don't exactly know what I wanted to write except that I'm in that place again. Medical problems seem to rule my fear. Had a rough few months with my kids being ill whilst trying to cope with symptoms myself.
I guess I had nowhere to go with all this fear at 3 a.m

lastexitlondon

Hear the voices calling. Again they're calling.
I don't know why I even try anymore 

Loujoe

Will send some good thoughts your way my man

HughFreakingDillon

lastexitlondon said:

Hear the voices calling. Again they're calling.
I don't know why I even try anymore 

your kids. and life is beautiful. dude, you have so much good in your life. choose to see it. I'm not saying your struggles are your choice; they aren't. but CHOOSE to overrun them with the good that you have. the good can choke out the voices and silence them forever. you CAN get better if you choose to work at it instead of succumbing to it. FIGHT, DAMMIT. 

I finally won when I chose to fight it. No one is the same. My struggles are not the same as yours. But it's all a fight. And you can win yours. 

brianlux

lastexitlondon said:

Hear the voices calling. Again they're calling.
I don't know why I even try anymore 

Hang in their, friend!  I only know what my anxiety feels like, no one else's, but I know in each of our own way it totally sucks.  I'm coming out of a few days of heavy anxiety slam and as things get a little better, I'm reminded yet again that there's a payoff in clawing through those nasty brambles. 

Hang in there, bud.  We're all pulling for you!

lastexitlondon

Thanks my friends 

lastexitlondon

 When It's gone too far.

CROJAM95

lastexitlondon said:

 When It's gone too far.

Rob, been reading your posts for a long time and it’s been refreshing to me , you sharing your truth…. It’s not easy , and I’ve been going through something for almost a decade and some things before that .. I’m currently looking to lock down the right therapist and sort myself out a bit. I have been putting some of it on the back burner and feel it’s important as a get older to take care of myself as a whole, I always think I have all the answers to my issues and lately I’m starting to wear down to my studs a bit and feel even if I’m running at 85% of my potential, it’s not good enough anymore.  You come across as a real real good dude my friend, I always hope for the best for you when I read your posts… life always shifts beneath your feet, I’m 44 and in some ways I’m so much better than I ve ever been, and in other ways I need to refocus and let down the walls I tend to put up and try to go on my own. So thanks again for being honest & open… and to everyone else in here or going through something.

Peace & Understanding!

lastexitlondon

I really wish I could type freely, on a public forum it's so difficult.
I've been sober 8 months and my physical health has petrified me with nowhere to hide and it's like my brain has gone off the chart. I'm due to see mental health professionals today. 
The days turned into the nights turn into today.
Thank you for replying so kindly and openly, I will be thinking of you and hoping you guide your ship to safely 

Attaway77

lastexitlondon said:

 When It's gone too far.

my man.... you are loved. you have a family, people who love you, a blood line that will continue on. get busy living with those who matter most.

Attaway77

N/A

Attaway77

N/A

lastexitlondon

All very true

Attaway77

lastexitlondon said:

All very true

N/A

Attaway77

N/A

CROJAM95

lastexitlondon said:

I really wish I could type freely, on a public forum it's so difficult.
I've been sober 8 months and my physical health has petrified me with nowhere to hide and it's like my brain has gone off the chart. I'm due to see mental health professionals today. 
The days turned into the nights turn into today.
Thank you for replying so kindly and openly, I will be thinking of you and hoping you guide your ship to safely 

I hear ya, I went thru a 9 day hospital stay in September right after Philly pj show, was doing very well prior and it came out of nowhere … got a real nasty infection which puzzled my primary doctor due to the fact that the last few years prior my health numbers were the best they’ve been since I can remember. I was feeling great and optimistic on life. The whole thing felt like a cruel joke and if not for a few people helping me stay in the moment I would’ve easily broken…then up until a month ago I wasn’t cleared to resume my daily exercise routine cause I had to rehab and they pumped me full of the strongest antibiotics , which I administered myself at home …. It drained the shit out of me, I was strong and now felt the air come out…. Mentally it was a big challenge. The winter has been pretty bad this year in New York so I’m navigating that , and then as mentioned I’ve had a terrible family situation that reared its ugly head over the summer that fucked me up real bad… some people are not worth it but family stuff is hard to figure out. So now I’m gonna try and see where some good ol Therapy takes me. 

I totally get health things causing strife in our lives, year before that I had a major neck surgery… when I was a kid I almost died at 8 in Europe due to viral Menigitis… spent 2 weeks in a hospital… neck problem was related to that. So it’s been rough here n there… some dark days and not to mention some big bills $$…. All we can do is try our best.

thanks for the well wishes Rob, same to you!

lastexitlondon

CROJAM95 said:

lastexitlondon said:

I really wish I could type freely, on a public forum it's so difficult.
I've been sober 8 months and my physical health has petrified me with nowhere to hide and it's like my brain has gone off the chart. I'm due to see mental health professionals today. 
The days turned into the nights turn into today.
Thank you for replying so kindly and openly, I will be thinking of you and hoping you guide your ship to safely 

I hear ya, I went thru a 9 day hospital stay in September right after Philly pj show, was doing very well prior and it came out of nowhere … got a real nasty infection which puzzled my primary doctor due to the fact that the last few years prior my health numbers were the best they’ve been since I can remember. I was feeling great and optimistic on life. The whole thing felt like a cruel joke and if not for a few people helping me stay in the moment I would’ve easily broken…then up until a month ago I wasn’t cleared to resume my daily exercise routine cause I had to rehab and they pumped me full of the strongest antibiotics , which I administered myself at home …. It drained the shit out of me, I was strong and now felt the air come out…. Mentally it was a big challenge. The winter has been pretty bad this year in New York so I’m navigating that , and then as mentioned I’ve had a terrible family situation that reared its ugly head over the summer that fucked me up real bad… some people are not worth it but family stuff is hard to figure out. So now I’m gonna try and see where some good ol Therapy takes me. 

I totally get health things causing strife in our lives, year before that I had a major neck surgery… when I was a kid I almost died at 8 in Europe due to viral Menigitis… spent 2 weeks in a hospital… neck problem was related to that. So it’s been rough here n there… some dark days and not to mention some big bills $$…. All we can do is try our best.

thanks for the well wishes Rob, same to you!

Great to be able to talk to someone similar. Keep going my friend. Stay in touch