A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

JPPJ84

Sorry

a5pj

Sorry for reading and not posting in this thread more.

lastexitlondon

Really  in a deep  dark  hole..

lastexitlondon

Its fucking ridiculous that  when im in the  worst  place  i want to survive but the moment i get reassurance or some  medical freedom i feel like now  i could  end it all. 
I just cant  understand or do this  anymore. Wednesday  if all is ok and i still here im going  to go out of my comfort zone to go to my dear friend  donna s funeral . Donna showed me love and kindness  at many pj and glen shows.  I don't  go anywhere  but for her i  want to.  She was younger  than me. A mother  and a beautiful  woman.  If its the last thing  i do i will go.
Slante Donna.  Big love

deadendp

lastexitlondon said:

Its fucking ridiculous that  when im in the  worst  place  i want to survive but the moment i get reassurance or some  medical freedom i feel like now  i could  end it all. 
I just cant  understand or do this  anymore. Wednesday  if all is ok and i still here im going  to go out of my comfort zone to go to my dear friend  donna s funeral . Donna showed me love and kindness  at many pj and glen shows.  I don't  go anywhere  but for her i  want to.  She was younger  than me. A mother  and a beautiful  woman.  If its the last thing  i do i will go.
Slante Donna.  Big love

❤

Fifthelement

lastexitlondon said:

Its fucking ridiculous that  when im in the  worst  place  i want to survive but the moment i get reassurance or some  medical freedom i feel like now  i could  end it all. 
I just cant  understand or do this  anymore. Wednesday  if all is ok and i still here im going  to go out of my comfort zone to go to my dear friend  donna s funeral . Donna showed me love and kindness  at many pj and glen shows.  I don't  go anywhere  but for her i  want to.  She was younger  than me. A mother  and a beautiful  woman.  If its the last thing  i do i will go.
Slante Donna.  Big love

Sending love your way @l@lastexitlondon Donna sounds like an amazing person.  Condolences to her family and friends.  May she rest in peace. 

West Coast Dreamgirl

Sorry for your loss @lastexitlondon xxx

lastexitlondon

I think some people on the forum knew donna. I hadn't  seen her for a while. Last time was at pj at the  02.   Time is short and life is cruel. 

lastexitlondon

so today we said  goodbye  to a pearl jam fan. 
There must have been 200 plus people in tge most beautiful  chapel in the most beautiful  countryside  ive ever seen. 
When the  coffin  came in light  years  played and only about 10 of us there knew what  that  meant. But it shook me to my soul.  I felt every  one of eds words  and to hear it in a church  was so surreal. Ive listened to that song so many  times  when somebody dies. But to hear it now was so profound.  
So many people  came together  and it made me think.  We spend our lives feeling alone and in fear. But when we die so many l
People come.  Its weird.  Why dont  they when you are alive.

hedonist

My condolences to you and to her family, Rob. I know it was difficult for you — and you did it.  Hold those memories with her dearly, and be proud of pushing yourself. 

lastexitlondon

Thank you  for your  kindness. 
Ive lost the  damn plot

a5pj

jhager79

Sorry for your loss Rob.
Let's start showing the people in our lives how much we value, love and appreciate them every chance we get. It's not always easy but some of us are getting to the age where we start losing more of the people who meant the most to us growing up, be it friends, teachers, parents of friends, our parents etc. Let's not wait until we are at the funeral home to show how much we love someone. 

NEweather

jhager79 said:

Sorry for your loss Rob.
Let's start showing the people in our lives how much we value, love and appreciate them every chance we get. It's not always easy but some of us are getting to the age where we start losing more of the people who meant the most to us growing up, be it friends, teachers, parents of friends, our parents etc. Let's not wait until we are at the funeral home to show how much we love someone. 

       This. + I'm sorry for your loss too @lastexitlondon
  
    My honey has stage 4 prostate cancer, and it has spread.  Maybe i get what you mean, a bit-Rob, when you say  Ive lost the plot.  Trying to be strong for him, but it is hard. Started that one treatment, that lowers the testosterone yesterday, to try and slow it-  
 We actually had a laugh, later- cuz the nurse said he might have " menopausal-type" symptoms/ effects, ( which i know isn't funny) but smhow we thought it was funny for a bit, just cuz we hadnt heard ANYTHING like that, yet been around stuff like that- in a way, the humor was an ok thing... Love you all...
             

hedonist

NEweather said:

jhager79 said:

Sorry for your loss Rob.
Let's start showing the people in our lives how much we value, love and appreciate them every chance we get. It's not always easy but some of us are getting to the age where we start losing more of the people who meant the most to us growing up, be it friends, teachers, parents of friends, our parents etc. Let's not wait until we are at the funeral home to show how much we love someone. 

       This. + I'm sorry for your loss too @lastexitlondon
  
    My honey has stage 4 prostate cancer, and it has spread.  Maybe i get what you mean, a bit-Rob, when you say  Ive lost the plot.  Trying to be strong for him, but it is hard. Started that one treatment, that lowers the testosterone yesterday, to try and slow it-  
 We actually had a laugh, later- cuz the nurse said he might have " menopausal-type" symptoms/ effects, ( which i know isn't funny) but smhow we thought it was funny for a bit, just cuz we hadnt heard ANYTHING like that, yet been around stuff like that- in a way, the humor was an ok thing... Love you all...
             

My best wishes to you both. Being on either end of that is so difficult. Take that humor wherever you find it!

NEweather

Thanks so much-

Fifthelement

jhager79 said:

Sorry for your loss Rob.
Let's start showing the people in our lives how much we value, love and appreciate them every chance we get. It's not always easy but some of us are getting to the age where we start losing more of the people who meant the most to us growing up, be it friends, teachers, parents of friends, our parents etc. Let's not wait until we are at the funeral home to show how much we love someone. 

((((Hugs)))) Nice to see you here @jhager79

NEweather said:

jhager79 said:

Sorry for your loss Rob.
Let's start showing the people in our lives how much we value, love and appreciate them every chance we get. It's not always easy but some of us are getting to the age where we start losing more of the people who meant the most to us growing up, be it friends, teachers, parents of friends, our parents etc. Let's not wait until we are at the funeral home to show how much we love someone. 

       This. + I'm sorry for your loss too @lastexitlondon
  
    My honey has stage 4 prostate cancer, and it has spread.  Maybe i get what you mean, a bit-Rob, when you say  Ive lost the plot.  Trying to be strong for him, but it is hard. Started that one treatment, that lowers the testosterone yesterday, to try and slow it-  
 We actually had a laugh, later- cuz the nurse said he might have " menopausal-type" symptoms/ effects, ( which i know isn't funny) but smhow we thought it was funny for a bit, just cuz we hadnt heard ANYTHING like that, yet been around stuff like that- in a way, the humor was an ok thing... Love you all...
             

Sending hugs and healing vibes to both you and your hubby.

Find the things that make you laugh and that give you a moment of joy. Make jokes, laugh at the absurdity of life.   These are the moments that give us comfort on our dark days. ❤️❤️❤️

jhager79

Thank you @Fifthelement ,taking it hour by hour and day by day. Has not been easy and I've been leaning on some strong people who have been done this road before. They have been placed into my life for a reason and I'm truly grateful for that.

GlowGirl

jhager79 said:

Sorry for your loss Rob.
Let's start showing the people in our lives how much we value, love and appreciate them every chance we get. It's not always easy but some of us are getting to the age where we start losing more of the people who meant the most to us growing up, be it friends, teachers, parents of friends, our parents etc. Let's not wait until we are at the funeral home to show how much we love someone. 

I am glad to see you have posted again. How are you feeling?

jhager79

GlowGirl said:

jhager79 said:

Sorry for your loss Rob.
Let's start showing the people in our lives how much we value, love and appreciate them every chance we get. It's not always easy but some of us are getting to the age where we start losing more of the people who meant the most to us growing up, be it friends, teachers, parents of friends, our parents etc. Let's not wait until we are at the funeral home to show how much we love someone. 

I am glad to see you have posted again. How are you feeling?

Today's a good day. Feeling better than yesterday but I'm being cautious and not stepping out of my comfort zone. 

Fifthelement

jhager79 said:

Thank you @Fifthelement ,taking it hour by hour and day by day. Has not been easy and I've been leaning on some strong people who have been done this road before. They have been placed into my life for a reason and I'm truly grateful for that.

I’m so pleased that you have support in place. Day by day, hour by hour, is definitely the way to go. 💕💕💕

lastexitlondon

I just don't know what more i can do. 
Im trying to keep busy but its not working.  Im so lost. Health anxiety  is fucking awful.  Its at a level i believe im dying of illness every second of every day. It  not only ruins my life but those around me. I see how mental people  like me become homeless and addicted to anything that will pause  this for even an hour

Fifthelement

lastexitlondon said:

I just don't know what more i can do. 
Im trying to keep busy but its not working.  Im so lost. Health anxiety  is fucking awful.  Its at a level i believe im dying of illness every second of every day. It  not only ruins my life but those around me. I see how mental people  like me become homeless and addicted to anything that will pause  this for even an hour

I’m sorry you’re suffering so badly right now.  Sending hugs across the sea and wishing you moments of peace.

lastexitlondon

Fifthelement said:

lastexitlondon said:

I just don't know what more i can do. 
Im trying to keep busy but its not working.  Im so lost. Health anxiety  is fucking awful.  Its at a level i believe im dying of illness every second of every day. It  not only ruins my life but those around me. I see how mental people  like me become homeless and addicted to anything that will pause  this for even an hour

I’m sorry you’re suffering so badly right now.  Sending hugs across the sea and wishing you moments of peace.

Thank you so much

lastexitlondon

So  i haven't  been here for a bit. I just had the call . My dad has a month or so left. Its a long long story our relationship.  I want to say so much . Im alone. So much happened  the last 10 years in our relationship.  And i thought  many times i might lose him. I lost him many times emotionally  and prepared  so many times. But  im ill prepared and im an outcast now for speaking  the actual truth. He was an alcoholic.  10 years sober  but it turns out his liver remembered . So many things  i need help working out. My siblings are there with him when he found out. Not  me. His new wife and my half sister hate me because  i spoke up for my full brother who they mistreated.  I lost my relationship  so my younger  brother could have his  relationship  with dad. I was always close but from  afar to dad as the  eldest. 
He left when i was 8 and bro was 6. To have to more kids with this  lady he had been cheating  with since my mum was young. Horrible. But  i love my 2 siblings from that marriage. They are full brother and sister to me. But i had to call out bad behaviour  towards chris  my full bro. And from then on half sis and step mum won't  speak  to me. My dad did bad things  to my mum and us by proxy. From alcoholism.  Not anyones fault but horrible. Chris didn't want to know  my dad. I always  spent my life trying.  Trying trying to get dad to notice me and us. I never gave up. Now chris is there with him and im here miles away  alone. They all recieved the news together.  But not me. Sorry this is long

hedonist

I’m so sorry, Rob. I wish I knew the “right” thing to say, but know I wish you well — as always.  

lastexitlondon

hedonist said:

I’m so sorry, Rob. I wish I knew the “right” thing to say, but know I wish you well — as always.  

You are an inspiration hedo. I always think how strong  you are. And hold it  with me in weak moments know that

HughFreakingDillon

lastexitlondon said:

So  i haven't  been here for a bit. I just had the call . My dad has a month or so left. Its a long long story our relationship.  I want to say so much . Im alone. So much happened  the last 10 years in our relationship.  And i thought  many times i might lose him. I lost him many times emotionally  and prepared  so many times. But  im ill prepared and im an outcast now for speaking  the actual truth. He was an alcoholic.  10 years sober  but it turns out his liver remembered . So many things  i need help working out. My siblings are there with him when he found out. Not  me. His new wife and my half sister hate me because  i spoke up for my full brother who they mistreated.  I lost my relationship  so my younger  brother could have his  relationship  with dad. I was always close but from  afar to dad as the  eldest. 
He left when i was 8 and bro was 6. To have to more kids with this  lady he had been cheating  with since my mum was young. Horrible. But  i love my 2 siblings from that marriage. They are full brother and sister to me. But i had to call out bad behaviour  towards chris  my full bro. And from then on half sis and step mum won't  speak  to me. My dad did bad things  to my mum and us by proxy. From alcoholism.  Not anyones fault but horrible. Chris didn't want to know  my dad. I always  spent my life trying.  Trying trying to get dad to notice me and us. I never gave up. Now chris is there with him and im here miles away  alone. They all recieved the news together.  But not me. Sorry this is long

ugh. I really don't know what to say to this. This sounds so incredibly complex. All I would try to do (and this is easy to say but would be very hard for me to do) is swallow whatever pride you have in the moment and speak your truth to your dad. Don't worry about whatever reaction you might get from others. Think of what you'd regret not saying/doing and say/do it. And then let it be and move on and let the universe take it from there. All you can control is you. 

You made a sacrifice for your brother and you should be proud that you did that. In the end, we have to live with ourselves, and you can do that knowing you did the right thing, as much as you lost because of it. 

lastexitlondon

❤ is all i can think. Show love .  Feel  love . Ive decided  Im going  no matter what . And i will  be love thats all . After that  its other peoples conscience.  I cant control

lastexitlondon

Thank  you  my dear friends.