Its not conscious for me. Damn im waiting for an appointment to ENT on friday. Im a fuckin mess. I know something is wrong. Whilst all around me there are people getting ill with all sorts and i feel its all come on top. I feel like im dying
Its getting worse every day. I guess when i get to Friday i have the first appointment of the day thankfully. Then i will know more and panic more. Or less. My daughter is 4 tomorrow and i willl have to raise my game. And thats not negotiable. Im taking her to find a beach no matter what.
brixton 93
astoria 06
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reading 06
barcelona 06
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nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Its getting worse every day. I guess when i get to Friday i have the first appointment of the day thankfully. Then i will know more and panic more. Or less. My daughter is 4 tomorrow and i willl have to raise my game. And thats not negotiable. Im taking her to find a beach no matter what.
I believe you will find that beach. I'm so glad you have her birthday to think about. If there's anything that can help combat the anticipation of your appointment--it's your little girl having fun and being happy.
Had a very rough weekend for the first time in a long time , feeling better today but sucks that I spent my weekend pretty much sleeping all day so I did not have to feel the anxiety ( that iron like taste in your mouth ) I hated it and just realized that sleeping it off would be better.
I think the worst part is you feel better and now I am back at work , hopeful not to ruin next weekend.
Had a very rough weekend for the first time in a long time , feeling better today but sucks that I spent my weekend pretty much sleeping all day so I did not have to feel the anxiety ( that iron like taste in your mouth ) I hated it and just realized that sleeping it off would be better.
I think the worst part is you feel better and now I am back at work , hopeful not to ruin next weekend.
Thinking of all of you.
I hope at some point next weekend, you can spoil yourself somehow. Plan for it all week, get excited about it, and have a backup plan just in case it falls through. So you will even have a rainy day way to spoil yourself.
It is exactly that going against that instinct and voice inside that ive lived by. I had many traumas i listed them and its over 10 and they say thats why im like it
have you begun addressing these traumas individually one by one? come to terms on one, move on to the next?
How does one do that? Come to terms with one and move on to the next?
intensive counseling or therapy to address each individually or group like traumas?? It seems to me a collective of trauma would at minimum seem insurmountable if not actually be so?
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
It is exactly that going against that instinct and voice inside that ive lived by. I had many traumas i listed them and its over 10 and they say thats why im like it
have you begun addressing these traumas individually one by one? come to terms on one, move on to the next?
How does one do that? Come to terms with one and move on to the next?
intensive counseling or therapy to address each individually or group like traumas?? It seems to me a collective of trauma would at minimum seem insurmountable if not actually be so?
I have to admit that I had a problem with your original comment, because it seemed so black and white--and trauma is anything but black and white. Trauma affects you in ways you aren't even aware of, but it isn't all bad because it also gives you more empathy towards people in pain. However, your second comment seems to take into account the enormity of it all, so you understand. I see that now. I see where you're coming from a little better
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
I understand it can happen sudden and at any time. everyday I climb in this truck to work, during the hours I do that risk is there. but I do have skill at this job. so its not a foreboding concern. too much cool shit to see instead.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
at the height of my anxiety, honestly, it was all I thought about. I simultaneously feared it and wished for it. Everything was going to kill me, and I simultaneously was drawn to it and tried to avoid it like the plague.
a non-anxious person doesn't think about it much, I don't think. I mean, I think about it sometimes in terms of my kids and how they'll feel when I die; I think about my parents as they age occasionally. As you get older sometimes minor decisions are swayed by the prospect of it. I have spent time with loved ones for the sole reason of "anything could happen tomorrow", and I wouldn't want that regret, and I almost always end up enjoying the time spent anyway, so it's win/win.
I actually now fear the death of others more than my own, since I'm pretty sure I won't know when it happens. I mean, I remember one time passing out while standing up for no particular reason. I didn't know it was happening when it happened, I only knew when I woke up, so if I hadn't woken up, I wouldn't have been the wiser. Only the bar tender and the other patrons would have. LOL
Darwinspeed, all.
Cheers,
HFD
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hedonist
standing on the edge of forever Posts: 24,524
I fear my husband’s death. And despite knowing full well going into it that there’s always that finite time with them, the death of our cats.
Last year, there was a week in the hospital where I waited to hear if I had pancreatic cancer or not. The thoughts that accompany such news! I’m sure others here have been in similar situations; it’s sobering, it makes you take stock.
I don’t fear death, per se. It’s part of life — I know this. But I’m just SO not ready to die yet.
at the height of my anxiety, honestly, it was all I thought about. I simultaneously feared it and wished for it. Everything was going to kill me, and I simultaneously was drawn to it and tried to avoid it like the plague.
a non-anxious person doesn't think about it much, I don't think. I mean, I think about it sometimes in terms of my kids and how they'll feel when I die; I think about my parents as they age occasionally. As you get older sometimes minor decisions are swayed by the prospect of it. I have spent time with loved ones for the sole reason of "anything could happen tomorrow", and I wouldn't want that regret, and I almost always end up enjoying the time spent anyway, so it's win/win.
I actually now fear the death of others more than my own, since I'm pretty sure I won't know when it happens. I mean, I remember one time passing out while standing up for no particular reason. I didn't know it was happening when it happened, I only knew when I woke up, so if I hadn't woken up, I wouldn't have been the wiser. Only the bar tender and the other patrons would have. LOL
I had a similar experience, only I know why I passed out--my blood sugar was dangerously low. I came to inside an ambulance, an EMT told me they had put honey under my tongue and that I was able to walk to the ambulance with their help, but I had no recollection of that happening. I was just OUT and there was no fear involved. I guess it's like how nobody remembers the earliest years of life. I don't remember what happened right before I passed out. And if I would've died, it wouldn't have been a scary experience for me. I told that to my mom in case it happens in the future, so she would know and not worry that I was scared or in pain. Hopefully, it won't happen, but just in case.
at the height of my anxiety, honestly, it was all I thought about. I simultaneously feared it and wished for it. Everything was going to kill me, and I simultaneously was drawn to it and tried to avoid it like the plague.
a non-anxious person doesn't think about it much, I don't think. I mean, I think about it sometimes in terms of my kids and how they'll feel when I die; I think about my parents as they age occasionally. As you get older sometimes minor decisions are swayed by the prospect of it. I have spent time with loved ones for the sole reason of "anything could happen tomorrow", and I wouldn't want that regret, and I almost always end up enjoying the time spent anyway, so it's win/win.
I actually now fear the death of others more than my own, since I'm pretty sure I won't know when it happens. I mean, I remember one time passing out while standing up for no particular reason. I didn't know it was happening when it happened, I only knew when I woke up, so if I hadn't woken up, I wouldn't have been the wiser. Only the bar tender and the other patrons would have. LOL
I had a similar experience, only I know why I passed out--my blood sugar was dangerously low. I came to inside an ambulance, an EMT told me they had put honey under my tongue and that I was able to walk to the ambulance with their help, but I had no recollection of that happening. I was just OUT and there was no fear involved. I guess it's like how nobody remembers the earliest years of life. I don't remember what happened right before I passed out. And if I would've died, it wouldn't have been a scary experience for me. I told that to my mom in case it happens in the future, so she would know and not worry that I was scared or in pain. Hopefully, it won't happen, but just in case.
I was at a bar. went outside for a smoke (quit 16 years ago). woke up face first on the pavement. sure, I'd had a few drinks, but I didn't even feel drunk, before, or after. it was fucking bizarre. hasn't happened since.
at the time I wasn't much of a smoker; only when I had some drinks. so maybe that caused it? I don't know. but it was kinda scary. glad I didn't have anxiety back then. I'd have been a wreck.
at the height of my anxiety, honestly, it was all I thought about. I simultaneously feared it and wished for it. Everything was going to kill me, and I simultaneously was drawn to it and tried to avoid it like the plague.
a non-anxious person doesn't think about it much, I don't think. I mean, I think about it sometimes in terms of my kids and how they'll feel when I die; I think about my parents as they age occasionally. As you get older sometimes minor decisions are swayed by the prospect of it. I have spent time with loved ones for the sole reason of "anything could happen tomorrow", and I wouldn't want that regret, and I almost always end up enjoying the time spent anyway, so it's win/win.
I actually now fear the death of others more than my own, since I'm pretty sure I won't know when it happens. I mean, I remember one time passing out while standing up for no particular reason. I didn't know it was happening when it happened, I only knew when I woke up, so if I hadn't woken up, I wouldn't have been the wiser. Only the bar tender and the other patrons would have. LOL
I can very much relate to this , I used to fear it every single day. If it was not cancer , it was HIV , or some unknow brain issue. Whatever it was I assumed I was dead and sometimes I honestly wished I just was dead so I did not have to think about it. One my mind 24/7.
That went away as I got older and went to therapy but will creep up from time to time. Covid certainly did a number on me last year. I started to fear every single day that I was going to catch it and die or give it to my wife and she would die.
Now that I am fully vaccinated and still wear a mask with rising numbers. I don't have that fear of death , still fear of getting Covid but trusting science and that I don't have co-morbities(sp) that even if I did get it I really have slim odds of being taken down by it.
When I said I had a rough weekend recently , I talk to a client of mine on Tuesday and come to fine out that he has been a client for over 10 years with me and we just started having a real heart to heart and he shared with me that he has had stage 4 non - Hodgkin's lymphoma for the past 14 years and was giving at most 5 years to live when first diagnosed.
He went on to say he used to be afraid of death but now just realizes it is part of life and that ever morning when he wakes up its another day he has that he feels he should not.
I teared up , we hugged , I thanked him for what he said because it moved my brain back into the right direction , I know reading something like this may not help but the face to face and hearing him talk about life and death just brought calmness over me.
I will just end with I agree those that don't have anxiety / depression I really think do not think about death that much , I kind of wish that could be me , although I suppose with out anxiety and depression I would not be who I am now.
I though The t this is a safe place not a place to be incorrectly diagnosed by a faceless stranger who has never received training in personality assessment and has no knowledge of underlying theories of personality behind said assessment.
Right now, it seems to me M, that you’re the one making this an unsafe space for another board member. Your passive-aggressive tone and demands to be answered are full of hostility. WD owe you anything, none of us do. We share if we feel it might help. We see similarities in ourselves and struggles. Take from our advice or not. Be well M. We do want the best for you. We want the best for all of us.
Nope. I made it a point to try and live my life to the fullest within my means. I have travelled extensively, been to around a couple of hundred concerts, sporting events ... etc. I read one time that we should go into our grave feet first. yelling, "what a ride!!!" I've done this while suffering from anxiety.
What I fear more is to lay dying or sick for a period of time in a hospital (hate fucking hospitals) waiting to die...that would suck.
Comments
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Had a very rough weekend for the first time in a long time , feeling better today but sucks that I spent my weekend pretty much sleeping all day so I did not have to feel the anxiety ( that iron like taste in your mouth ) I hated it and just realized that sleeping it off would be better.
I think the worst part is you feel better and now I am back at work , hopeful not to ruin next weekend.
Thinking of all of you.
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
intensive counseling or therapy to address each individually or group like traumas?? It seems to me a collective of trauma would at minimum seem insurmountable if not actually be so?
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
However, your second comment seems to take into account the enormity of it all, so you understand. I see that now. I see where you're coming from a little better
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Cheers,
HFD
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
ahh but you did. or rather your partner did(assume partner is the photog.)
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
What a lovely picture.
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
get a print made.... and back up the digital to the cloud
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
a non-anxious person doesn't think about it much, I don't think. I mean, I think about it sometimes in terms of my kids and how they'll feel when I die; I think about my parents as they age occasionally. As you get older sometimes minor decisions are swayed by the prospect of it. I have spent time with loved ones for the sole reason of "anything could happen tomorrow", and I wouldn't want that regret, and I almost always end up enjoying the time spent anyway, so it's win/win.
I actually now fear the death of others more than my own, since I'm pretty sure I won't know when it happens. I mean, I remember one time passing out while standing up for no particular reason. I didn't know it was happening when it happened, I only knew when I woke up, so if I hadn't woken up, I wouldn't have been the wiser. Only the bar tender and the other patrons would have. LOL
Cheers,
HFD
Last year, there was a week in the hospital where I waited to hear if I had pancreatic cancer or not. The thoughts that accompany such news! I’m sure others here have been in similar situations; it’s sobering, it makes you take stock.
I don’t fear death, per se. It’s part of life — I know this. But I’m just SO not ready to die yet.
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
I told that to my mom in case it happens in the future, so she would know and not worry that I was scared or in pain. Hopefully, it won't happen, but just in case.
at the time I wasn't much of a smoker; only when I had some drinks. so maybe that caused it? I don't know. but it was kinda scary. glad I didn't have anxiety back then. I'd have been a wreck.
Cheers,
HFD
I can very much relate to this , I used to fear it every single day. If it was not cancer , it was HIV , or some unknow brain issue. Whatever it was I assumed I was dead and sometimes I honestly wished I just was dead so I did not have to think about it. One my mind 24/7.
That went away as I got older and went to therapy but will creep up from time to time. Covid certainly did a number on me last year. I started to fear every single day that I was going to catch it and die or give it to my wife and she would die.
Now that I am fully vaccinated and still wear a mask with rising numbers. I don't have that fear of death , still fear of getting Covid but trusting science and that I don't have co-morbities(sp) that even if I did get it I really have slim odds of being taken down by it.
When I said I had a rough weekend recently , I talk to a client of mine on Tuesday and come to fine out that he has been a client for over 10 years with me and we just started having a real heart to heart and he shared with me that he has had stage 4 non - Hodgkin's lymphoma for the past 14 years and was giving at most 5 years to live when first diagnosed.
He went on to say he used to be afraid of death but now just realizes it is part of life and that ever morning when he wakes up its another day he has that he feels he should not.
I teared up , we hugged , I thanked him for what he said because it moved my brain back into the right direction , I know reading something like this may not help but the face to face and hearing him talk about life and death just brought calmness over me.
I will just end with I agree those that don't have anxiety / depression I really think do not think about death that much , I kind of wish that could be me , although I suppose with out anxiety and depression I would not be who I am now.
What I fear more is to lay dying or sick for a period of time in a hospital (hate fucking hospitals) waiting to die...that would suck.
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -