A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

brianlux

Meltdown99 said:

lastexitlondon said:

Does  anyone  NOT fear death?

Fifthelement said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I though The t this is a safe place not a place to be incorrectly diagnosed by a faceless stranger who has never received training in personality assessment and has no knowledge of underlying theories of personality behind said assessment.

Right now, it seems to me M, that you’re the one making this an unsafe space for another board member. Your passive-aggressive tone and demands to be answered are full of hostility.  WD owe you anything, none of us do.  We share if we feel it might help.  We see similarities in ourselves and struggles. Take from our advice or not.  Be well M. We do want the best for you.  We want the best for all of us.

Nope.  I made it a point to try and live my life to the fullest within my means.  I have travelled extensively, been to around a couple of hundred concerts, sporting events ... etc.  I read one time that we should go into our grave feet first. yelling, "what a ride!!!"  I've done this while suffering from anxiety.

What I fear more is to lay dying or sick for a period of time in a hospital (hate fucking hospitals) waiting to die...that would suck.  

lastexitlondon said:

I guess  waiting to die is what im fearing 

I hear you both.  Like most of us, I would like to go peacefully in my sleep.  But given the choice of wasting away in a hospital bed or being struck by lightning or something else fast and violent, I would prefer the latter (but fast is the operative word there).

But above all that, there is one thing that concerns me more, much more, and that is wasting away with dementia or Alzheimer's.  I watched both my mother and her sister, my aunt, deteriorate and die slowly from Alzheimer's.  The last coherent conversation I had with my mother took place on a walk around the block near where my folks were living.  She had one of those sudden moments of clarity and she looked at me and told me she knew her mind was going and she wished more than anything that she could end her life before she was too far gone.  But of course in short order she was too far gone to end her life and she spent the next year- the last year of her life- in a care center where her last day consisted of either staring off into space or- and this was frequent- in miserable tears unable to express her feeling. She was no longer able to speak.

Going down that road is what worries me the most.  And some days I feel like I've stepped on to that first rung already.  I sometimes wonder if I should pray for lightning.

Meanwhile, I'm going to kick out the jams as much as an old fool can, get as much reading in as I can, keep the records spinning when I'm up for that, keep my little business going as long as I'm able, and stay in touch here with all you good people because you guys are awesome!

lastexitlondon

Well i just got back from my appointment  and im ok. Had a camera up my nose and she saw my throat and said its red and sore. Nothing  more.  So acid is to blame.
 So i start again . Trying to beleive  and move on

lastexitlondon

I cant even read words  about  those illnesses.  Im beyond scared of them.

brianlux

Yikes, major anxiety attack tonight.  It was so bad I began to sweat, my stomach went in intense knots, my gut was... well, you don't want to hear about my gut..., my face and palms got really clammy, and I had a brief spike in my temperature.  It's late now and all the scary unknown shit that's happening outside (like new yet unknown neighbors that seem to mysteriously come and go, changes in management where I sell a few records, new spikes in COVID in our county, dead skunk on the road, Friday the Fuckin' 13th which has never been a problem for me before today).  It felt majorly unhealthy.  I'm still feeling queasy.  This can't be healthy.

Purple Fairy Tree

Hi @lastexitlondon @brianlux
I haven't been on here in a while.  I hope you are both ok.  Sending you both (and anyone else reading this) good vibes for the weekend.  Best wishes xxx

OffSheGoes35

Thank you, WCD! I'll take all the good vibes I can get. Hope you're doing okay. 

Rob, I'm happy that you received good news from the doctor. If you were able to feel relief for even a little while, it was worth the time and effort.

Brian, that sounds like a really bad one. You must be exhausted. I hope you're resting right now.

brianlux

West Coast Dreamgirl said:

Hi @lastexitlondon @brianlux
I haven't been on here in a while.  I hope you are both ok.  Sending you both (and anyone else reading this) good vibes for the weekend.  Best wishes xxx

OffSheGoes35 said:

Thank you, WCD! I'll take all the good vibes I can get. Hope you're doing okay. 

Rob, I'm happy that you received good news from the doctor. If you were able to feel relief for even a little while, it was worth the time and effort.

Brian, that sounds like a really bad one. You must be exhausted. I hope you're resting right now.

Thank you both for kind thoughts.  I managed to get a little sleep last night and fortunately don't have much going on today.  Just really have to focus and keeping busy and avoiding negative thinking.  Hack or pack, as Henry says.

lastexitlondon

I hope everyone  is ok as can be.
 Thank you all for being  so kind and generous with your ideas and time and experiences.
I find  myself in a void. My therapy hasnt gone well. Now the lady says its not  worth  carrying on.  She seems have a way to make it all about me not doing it right/enough. 
What if i cant  do it? So now i have  no support but i may have to  do this one myself.  Im in a gap where im not focused  100%on symptoms  now the depression  is setting in. I started drinking more  during  last month. Now i want to stop.  Im scared of everything.  It gave me a break where meds wiped me out.  A few drinks  got me "doing"
I know  most of you dont/can't  drink 
 I gave up pot 4 months or so ago and wont ever do that again.  So i face trying  fully sober of everything.  
I guess  one day at a time. I just wanted to write it out.

hedonist

Even one hour at a time, if that works.

Have you stopped drinking? It can fuck with your head, your perspective— you know this, I know.

Can you change therapists? This one seems to be writing you off; you’re worth more than that. Do NOT forget this, Rob.  

lastexitlondon

Im beginning to stop  now.  
I cant challenge her its all i am allowed
 National  health, i cant choose who i get. She is a clinical psychologist but never wrong or to blame. Puts it all at me like im not doing it right  and put  pressure  saying "well 90 people are waiting for this  appointment,if its not working"
Im so let down it makes me want to get drunk. I wont
 But my head  is so dizzy with confusion  at the minute. I try so hard  . Nothing  works . Works for me anymore

Gern Blansten

lastexitlondon said:

Im beginning to stop  now.  
I cant challenge her its all i am allowed
 National  health, i cant choose who i get. She is a clinical psychologist but never wrong or to blame. Puts it all at me like im not doing it right  and put  pressure  saying "well 90 people are waiting for this  appointment,if its not working"
Im so let down it makes me want to get drunk. I wont
 But my head  is so dizzy with confusion  at the minute. I try so hard  . Nothing  works . Works for me anymore

do you have a dog?  Get a dog...go to the humane society and pick out a best friend.  

lastexitlondon

Gern Blansten said:

lastexitlondon said:

Im beginning to stop  now.  
I cant challenge her its all i am allowed
 National  health, i cant choose who i get. She is a clinical psychologist but never wrong or to blame. Puts it all at me like im not doing it right  and put  pressure  saying "well 90 people are waiting for this  appointment,if its not working"
Im so let down it makes me want to get drunk. I wont
 But my head  is so dizzy with confusion  at the minute. I try so hard  . Nothing  works . Works for me anymore

do you have a dog?  Get a dog...go to the humane society and pick out a best friend.  

I walk my daughter's  dog  daily. Im not allowed  pets  in my flat. Im not a fan really. Im plenty  busy with kids and stuff

Gern Blansten

lastexitlondon said:

Gern Blansten said:

lastexitlondon said:

Im beginning to stop  now.  
I cant challenge her its all i am allowed
 National  health, i cant choose who i get. She is a clinical psychologist but never wrong or to blame. Puts it all at me like im not doing it right  and put  pressure  saying "well 90 people are waiting for this  appointment,if its not working"
Im so let down it makes me want to get drunk. I wont
 But my head  is so dizzy with confusion  at the minute. I try so hard  . Nothing  works . Works for me anymore

do you have a dog?  Get a dog...go to the humane society and pick out a best friend.  

I walk my daughter's  dog  daily. Im not allowed  pets  in my flat. Im not a fan really. Im plenty  busy with kids and stuff

gotcha....dog walking is great therapy for my anxiety.  My dog died five years ago but hoping to get another soon

lastexitlondon

Losing a pet must be hard 
 I see how my daughters love the dog . More  than anything. 

Gern Blansten

lastexitlondon said:

Losing a pet must be hard 
 I see how my daughters love the dog . More  than anything. 

It is.  That's why I haven't got another dog yet.  

If they live a nice long life you can sit back and be proud of giving them a nice play to stay and play.  When they go early (cancer, etc.) it can be heartbreaking.  Our dog was 11 so decent life but it was still rough.  

HughFreakingDillon

we had one dog. he died nearly 25 years ago. I still think of him often. I was actually just talking about him on the weekend. I don't like the term "fur babies" or people saying that pets are on the same level as kids, but it's still heart wrenching. 

Gern Blansten

HughFreakingDillon said:

we had one dog. he died nearly 25 years ago. I still think of him often. I was actually just talking about him on the weekend. I don't like the term "fur babies" or people saying that pets are on the same level as kids, but it's still heart wrenching. 

Ours (Puck) was a golden retriever.  He had started laying out in the yard and not coming to us when we would call him.  I would have to carry him into the house sometimes to keep him out of the cold.  We found out he had a tumor in his chest cavity and had it removed. The vet told us that it might grow back and it did.  A month or so later he started doing the same thing so he had him put to sleep.  He had a rough night the night before and we knew it wasn't going to get better.  

I'll never forget loading him into the truck and seeing his face in my rearview mirror.  He was so fucking happy to be riding in the truck.

lastexitlondon

Wow thats rough 

HughFreakingDillon

Gern Blansten said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

we had one dog. he died nearly 25 years ago. I still think of him often. I was actually just talking about him on the weekend. I don't like the term "fur babies" or people saying that pets are on the same level as kids, but it's still heart wrenching. 

Ours (Puck) was a golden retriever.  He had started laying out in the yard and not coming to us when we would call him.  I would have to carry him into the house sometimes to keep him out of the cold.  We found out he had a tumor in his chest cavity and had it removed. The vet told us that it might grow back and it did.  A month or so later he started doing the same thing so he had him put to sleep.  He had a rough night the night before and we knew it wasn't going to get better.  

I'll never forget loading him into the truck and seeing his face in my rearview mirror.  He was so fucking happy to be riding in the truck.

Ours (a male spaniel cross unfortunately named Buffy) started to have trouble getting up on our beds, then we noticed he was wincing in pain a lot of the time. he developed arthritis. the vet said we should put him down as he was in a lot of pain. 

the day came, and like always, he greeted my dad as he came home from work. my dad, knowing it would be the last time, broke down crying as Buffy wagged his tail and was so happy to see his dad (Buffy was a birthday gift for my dad). our entire family was in the room when he was administered the needle and quietly drifted away. everyone was fucking bawling. it was awful. 

Purple Fairy Tree

Gern Blansten said:

lastexitlondon said:

Gern Blansten said:

lastexitlondon said:

Im beginning to stop  now.  
I cant challenge her its all i am allowed
 National  health, i cant choose who i get. She is a clinical psychologist but never wrong or to blame. Puts it all at me like im not doing it right  and put  pressure  saying "well 90 people are waiting for this  appointment,if its not working"
Im so let down it makes me want to get drunk. I wont
 But my head  is so dizzy with confusion  at the minute. I try so hard  . Nothing  works . Works for me anymore

do you have a dog?  Get a dog...go to the humane society and pick out a best friend.  

I walk my daughter's  dog  daily. Im not allowed  pets  in my flat. Im not a fan really. Im plenty  busy with kids and stuff

gotcha....dog walking is great therapy for my anxiety.  My dog died five years ago but hoping to get another soon

What breed are you thinking? I've got a Shih Tzu, he is 11, I love out little dog!

OffSheGoes35

lastexitlondon said:

I hope everyone  is ok as can be.
 Thank you all for being  so kind and generous with your ideas and time and experiences.
I find  myself in a void. My therapy hasnt gone well. Now the lady says its not  worth  carrying on.  She seems have a way to make it all about me not doing it right/enough. 
What if i cant  do it? So now i have  no support but i may have to  do this one myself.  Im in a gap where im not focused  100%on symptoms  now the depression  is setting in. I started drinking more  during  last month. Now i want to stop.  Im scared of everything.  It gave me a break where meds wiped me out.  A few drinks  got me "doing"
I know  most of you dont/can't  drink 
 I gave up pot 4 months or so ago and wont ever do that again.  So i face trying  fully sober of everything.  
I guess  one day at a time. I just wanted to write it out.

Does writing it out help? I'm asking because I tend to keep things inside. If I open up to someone, they may not realize it, but it is a big deal to me.

lastexitlondon

I think writing it helps

OffSheGoes35

Why can't people just be allowed to be sad people? Why is that so unacceptable and offensive?  Just let people be.

That's all I have to say right now.

HughFreakingDillon

OffSheGoes35 said:

Why can't people just be allowed to be sad people? Why is that so unacceptable and offensive?  Just let people be.

That's all I have to say right now.

as an empathetic human, i tend to want to help if i'm able and think it's possible. however, i have had conversations with a close friend recently, someone who was a very good friend for many years but we had a falling out because of my tendency to give advice rather than just be an ear. so after that, i worked on that. it's just so hard when the solution is so clear, but i get it; i'm objective, she's not, so it's not that easy. just being an ear is what she needed. so that's what i'm doing now that we've reconnected and she's going through a rough patch. 

however, if someone is posting on an open message board, wouldn't you assume they are hoping for some kind of help?

lastexitlondon

OffSheGoes35 said:

Why can't people just be allowed to be sad people? Why is that so unacceptable and offensive?  Just let people be.

That's all I have to say right now.

Im with you 
 I had a real shit experience  relevant to this today. 
Life is short  and people are nasty. I refuse to be even in the face of idiots.  Keep going in you own way/style 

lastexitlondon

HughFreakingDillon said:

OffSheGoes35 said:

Why can't people just be allowed to be sad people? Why is that so unacceptable and offensive?  Just let people be.

That's all I have to say right now.

as an empathetic human, i tend to want to help if i'm able and think it's possible. however, i have had conversations with a close friend recently, someone who was a very good friend for many years but we had a falling out because of my tendency to give advice rather than just be an ear. so after that, i worked on that. it's just so hard when the solution is so clear, but i get it; i'm objective, she's not, so it's not that easy. just being an ear is what she needed. so that's what i'm doing now that we've reconnected and she's going through a rough patch. 

however, if someone is posting on an open message board, wouldn't you assume they are hoping for some kind of help?

Good point man. My cousin really upset me but i actually  stopped listened and learned  a lesson close to this. About listening  and not offering  anything.  Good lesson learned

OffSheGoes35

lastexitlondon said:

OffSheGoes35 said:

Why can't people just be allowed to be sad people? Why is that so unacceptable and offensive?  Just let people be.

That's all I have to say right now.

Im with you 
 I had a real shit experience  relevant to this today. 
Life is short  and people are nasty. I refuse to be even in the face of idiots.  Keep going in you own way/style 

Thank you Rob.You're brave for being able to write it out. Seriously.

OffSheGoes35

HughFreakingDillon said:

OffSheGoes35 said:

Why can't people just be allowed to be sad people? Why is that so unacceptable and offensive?  Just let people be.

That's all I have to say right now.

as an empathetic human, i tend to want to help if i'm able and think it's possible. however, i have had conversations with a close friend recently, someone who was a very good friend for many years but we had a falling out because of my tendency to give advice rather than just be an ear. so after that, i worked on that. it's just so hard when the solution is so clear, but i get it; i'm objective, she's not, so it's not that easy. just being an ear is what she needed. so that's what i'm doing now that we've reconnected and she's going through a rough patch. 

however, if someone is posting on an open message board, wouldn't you assume they are hoping for some kind of help?

Try being the vulnerable one with your friend, it sucks.

hedonist

OffSheGoes35 said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

OffSheGoes35 said:

Why can't people just be allowed to be sad people? Why is that so unacceptable and offensive?  Just let people be.

That's all I have to say right now.

as an empathetic human, i tend to want to help if i'm able and think it's possible. however, i have had conversations with a close friend recently, someone who was a very good friend for many years but we had a falling out because of my tendency to give advice rather than just be an ear. so after that, i worked on that. it's just so hard when the solution is so clear, but i get it; i'm objective, she's not, so it's not that easy. just being an ear is what she needed. so that's what i'm doing now that we've reconnected and she's going through a rough patch. 

however, if someone is posting on an open message board, wouldn't you assume they are hoping for some kind of help?

Try being the vulnerable one with your friend, it sucks.

I’ve found vulnerabilities can be liberating, in ways. It’s been freeing for me to be that bare, that raw, in lieu of the baggage I’d been carrying. It’s tough keeping up a front!

HughFreakingDillon

OffSheGoes35 said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

OffSheGoes35 said:

Why can't people just be allowed to be sad people? Why is that so unacceptable and offensive?  Just let people be.

That's all I have to say right now.

as an empathetic human, i tend to want to help if i'm able and think it's possible. however, i have had conversations with a close friend recently, someone who was a very good friend for many years but we had a falling out because of my tendency to give advice rather than just be an ear. so after that, i worked on that. it's just so hard when the solution is so clear, but i get it; i'm objective, she's not, so it's not that easy. just being an ear is what she needed. so that's what i'm doing now that we've reconnected and she's going through a rough patch. 

however, if someone is posting on an open message board, wouldn't you assume they are hoping for some kind of help?

Try being the vulnerable one with your friend, it sucks.

I am, all the time.

But I'm a different person, in that I actually like people giving me their thoughts. But I realized, obviously, that not everyone likes that.