A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

lastexitlondon

Keep going hedo.You are a  Strong woman.
Had  a health scare. Spoke to Dr  and I felt calmer now that  has worn off and the brain is eating me

Matts3221

All test came back negative , there was a small issue with the X-ray but I just need to take some medicine on Friday night.

I tried using the house for a work out but just could not get into so I bundled up in long johns , jeans , hoodies , jacket ect ect and managed to get in 4 miles on Sunday and Monday , both made me feel really good.

lastexitlondon

Great news matt i hope you can slowly get back some normal

Fifthelement

lastexitlondon said:

Keep going hedo.You are a  Strong woman.
Had  a health scare. Spoke to Dr  and I felt calmer now that  has worn off and the brain is eating me

Breathe deep and keep fighting.  You are worth it!

Matts3221 said:

All test came back negative , there was a small issue with the X-ray but I just need to take some medicine on Friday night.

I tried using the house for a work out but just could not get into so I bundled up in long johns , jeans , hoodies , jacket ect ect and managed to get in 4 miles on Sunday and Monday , both made me feel really good.

Glad your tests were all good.  Bravo you for braving the elements and getting your workout in.  There is nothing like breathing deep the fresh air.

hugs to all (((())))

hedonist

Thanks, guys. The SOB is still hanging around, though not as loud.

Nothing to do but keep on keeping on. 

Matts3221

Thank you everyone for the kind words.

Sometimes I think I have to hit my bottom before I can start looking up , I feel I have done that. I would have braved the elements last night , cold is one thing but cold and freezing rain will keep me in.

I put a couple of little signs up around my house in areas I will see them , each morning I have a note now that says " you are going to kill it today and have a good day " were my car keys are. Another by my bed stand next to whatever book I am reading I just say " you are going to have a good day tomorrow " a few times before going to bed.

All things I would have laughed at doing a few weeks ago but again once I get into that groove I feel it a little more.

Please note that everyone on this thread has been great over the years and I appreciate a place to talk freely

HughFreakingDillon

Matts3221 said:

I want to just throw the towel in , I never would and know I will get past this but the last few months have been the hardest I have had in a long time.

I find myself withdrawn from everything , not caring , taking naps a lot , going to bed super early , my stomach has been killing me for weeks and today I finally called my doctor and they did some xrays today along with blood work and urine just to make sure I don't have any type of infection or something else that may be causing these pains ( other than stress and anxiety ) honestly just finally going to the doctors already has me feeling a little better.

Two weeks ago I walked into the grocery story and was maksed up and saw everyone with mask and it just hit me so hard " I want this over with " and I just started to cry , left the store and just wept in my car.

Winters are rough , cold weather , sun going down early , no were to go at all , its coming up on a year of hugging someone in my family. I know collectively we are all going thru this and that is what makes it harder for me to post something like this.

I don't think anyone would judge me but I feel like " everyone is going thru this , at least you still have a job and a house and your wife and health who am I to complain" but it just feels like the walls closing in at times.

Most of this was just to vent , if I raised anyone's anxiety from this my apologizes and love to you all.

when I go through shit like this it's hard to function. it's hard to try to make yourself happy because I feel like I don't deserve to be, so I don't make the effort. or it just doesn't seem real to try to be happy when you're not. totally forced and unauthentic. so it's a tough spot to be in. I honestly don't do much; just ride the wave where it takes me. sometimes it takes me to deep waters, other times it's shallower and the storm passes quickly. 

i've been in months-long storms. And ones that last a day. they all feel the same while you're in it, though, so there's no "oh, this will be fine tomorrow". there's no knowing if the life preserver is right around the corner or if low tide all of a sudden happens. while i'm in it, it's forever in that moment. 

like I said, this might not be great advice, but I don't "try" to lift myself up out of it. it only makes it worse. or not in any significant way, anyway. but I just try to power through, do my daily stuff, and just enjoy the sleep when it comes. 

sorry you're going through the storm. 

Fifthelement

Finding techniques that work to motivate and/or support can be a huge challenge, but so very rewarding when you find one that works for you.  @Matts3221 I’m glad you found a way to adapt to a temporary situation.  There will be brighter days ahead, both literally and figuratively. How is your wife doing?  This past year has been a real trip for everyone.

brianlux

Some neighbor was out shooting yesterday.  Loud and scary, but legal to do here outside city limits.  It's been several months since we had close by loud shooting and now my anxiety is skyrocketed.  The fear is constant, the thoughts are pervasive, invasive, and persistent.  Living fucking hell.  Must get out and do something to keep busy and wait for the security of darkness (and, hopefully, rain) to descend.  I won't end my life, but I will be so glad when it is finally through. Maybe with some luck I'll find a quiet place to live so I can enjoy life more fully again some day.  We've been looking and looking.

hedonist

brianlux said:

Some neighbor was out shooting yesterday.  Loud and scary, but legal to do here outside city limits.  It's been several months since we had close by loud shooting and now my anxiety is skyrocketed.  The fear is constant, the thoughts are pervasive, invasive, and persistent.  Living fucking hell.  Must get out and do something to keep busy and wait for the security of darkness (and, hopefully, rain) to descend.  I won't end my life, but I will be so glad when it is finally through. Maybe with some luck I'll find a quiet place to live so I can enjoy life more fully again some day.  We've been looking and looking.

My sanctuary of walks is fucked for now. We’ve had a longish spate of random assaults, robberies, breakins, shots fired, grand theft, people being stripped of their shoes and/or clothes, knocked down just for the hell of it. Rinse, repeat in the morning, midday, evening, all the fucking time.

So yeah, it gets somewhat...stressful. Not sure we want to sell our place. And to move where?

City of Angels, my ass!

Matts3221

Fifthelement said:

Finding techniques that work to motivate and/or support can be a huge challenge, but so very rewarding when you find one that works for you.  @Matts3221 I’m glad you found a way to adapt to a temporary situation.  There will be brighter days ahead, both literally and figuratively. How is your wife doing?  This past year has been a real trip for everyone.

Wife is doing well, I have been really taken care of her for the past week as I have come out of this months long funk I have been in. She has been there ever step of the way and I think as soon as she saw me getting better her body just finally came off high anxiety and crashed.

Honestly it makes me feel good to come home and make her dinner , take care of thinks around the house and brining flowers or something nice home for her.

Taking care of her also gives me more of a purpose during a New Hampshire winter were its just cold , dark and bleak most of the Dec - March.  Little more sunlight everyday I even made it home from work yesterday or the first time and the sunlight was just barley there but still was there.  

brianlux

hedonist said:

brianlux said:

Some neighbor was out shooting yesterday.  Loud and scary, but legal to do here outside city limits.  It's been several months since we had close by loud shooting and now my anxiety is skyrocketed.  The fear is constant, the thoughts are pervasive, invasive, and persistent.  Living fucking hell.  Must get out and do something to keep busy and wait for the security of darkness (and, hopefully, rain) to descend.  I won't end my life, but I will be so glad when it is finally through. Maybe with some luck I'll find a quiet place to live so I can enjoy life more fully again some day.  We've been looking and looking.

My sanctuary of walks is fucked for now. We’ve had a longish spate of random assaults, robberies, breakins, shots fired, grand theft, people being stripped of their shoes and/or clothes, knocked down just for the hell of it. Rinse, repeat in the morning, midday, evening, all the fucking time.

So yeah, it gets somewhat...stressful. Not sure we want to sell our place. And to move where?

City of Angels, my ass!

Oh no!  I am very sorry to hear that.  Are you able to find another place to walk?  I hope so.

Walking is very healing.  C and I decided back in late November to make walking a regular, daily part of our lives and it has been very helpful.  I truly hope you find a good, safe place to walk!

lastexitlondon

I've totally  had enough  i lay here at 5 a.m since 4 and I'm a mess. I know now I will  never get back what I've lost mentally  . I'm a shell and so fucking confused  every minute.  No answers  and no hope

Fifthelement

lastexitlondon said:

I've totally  had enough  i lay here at 5 a.m since 4 and I'm a mess. I know now I will  never get back what I've lost mentally  . I'm a shell and so fucking confused  every minute.  No answers  and no hope

Just keep breathing Rob.  You may not get back what you’ve lost, but you can create new memories.  Sending hugs 🤗 

lastexitlondon

Thank you for being here.  Kind words

brianlux

lastexitlondon said:

I've totally  had enough  i lay here at 5 a.m since 4 and I'm a mess. I know now I will  never get back what I've lost mentally  . I'm a shell and so fucking confused  every minute.  No answers  and no hope

Anxiety sucks big-time, Rob.  One of the things that makes it tough is that it's really hard or even impossible to tell someone who hasn't experienced it how it feels, and that makes it hard for them to know how to empathize.  I think my wife struggles with that.  She knows it can be torturous for me, but she has little to no idea what it is like (and I'm glad for that).  That's why it's good to have a place like this to support each other.  We don't know exactly what each other's anxiety feels like, but we know it is intense and difficult and we can encourage each other to hang on.

My anxiety has been pounding me more than usual lately as well.  I told my wife that it's the first thing I wake up to every day.  I have to go through this process every morning where I start each day talking myself down.  I tell myself it will be better once I've had some coffee and once I get busy with whatever I'm doing that day.  These last two weeks though, since the neighbors started shooting again, have made that task harder than normal.  Really, really hard.  But it's that or live in the city where motorcycles, sirens, barking dogs, boom cars, and other loud noises drive me up the wall and where there are aggressive people who might attack or assault.  The world is a mine field that is hard to move through.

But we keep doing it, Rob.  One day at a time. 

Hang in there, my friend, and I will try to do the same.

lastexitlondon

Please do hang in there. 
I'm in a bad cycle and nobody can help. My dr says no point taking meds because  they  didn't help in the past. I'm alone  . Only option is to self medicate  and I know that's wrong. But thats all I have.  

brianlux

lastexitlondon said:

Please do hang in there. 
I'm in a bad cycle and nobody can help. My dr says no point taking meds because  they  didn't help in the past. I'm alone  . Only option is to self medicate  and I know that's wrong. But thats all I have.  

That's a tough place to be, buddy.  Hang on, friend.

I'm hanging in there. 

Big storm is coming in so we might lose internet and/or power soon.  I'll be think of you though.

lastexitlondon

Thank you Brian. Take care 

Purple Fairy Tree

@lastexitlondon Well dont give up complete hope just yet. Things can turn around. I was really unwell and thought I'd never get better, yet I did. The problem with self medicating is that it may help in the short term but not in the long term, however I understand that you have to do what you can to keep yourself afloat. Sorry to hear you are not sleeping well, that can really undermine resilience. We are here for you xxx

lastexitlondon

Thank you

lastexitlondon

Well im back here again. 
Are any of my old friends around?

lastexitlondon

Basically  ive been off of any substance  for 5 days and each and every day ive been in such panic i can only lay down. I took half a valium first morning  then i had to take half a quetiapine knocked me out. But last 3 days ive tried to ride it out. The problem  im having is even before i wake im waking  with panic symptoms.  Heart fast. Empty gutless feeling  and whimpering. Im embarrassed  by this so please be kind. 
But im gonna be very honest here. 
The anxiety  symptoms  are so so strong i cannot live. I do want it to stop but it doesn't. 
Dr said no point in ssri because i tried loads (not often sober) drink  i have no love for and i wasnt drinking much at all but pot i got addicted to .  Its easy to be addicted  to no matter what anyone says.
It fucks my confusion badly but it gave me a few  hours of joy sometimes. Then it became habit and need.  So i stopped sunday cold turkey. 
I am in hell

lastexitlondon

Im forcing myself to my allotment  garden  in 1 hours  time. If want to or not. Only thing is i used to smoke a joint and drift away there. But now sober i get there and come back home i genuinely  feel like ending it all when im alone there.  Fuck i reached out to mental services  and they said have afucking cup pf tea. I am on a waiting  list ,have been a year.
This for me can only end in addiction  or death 

Loujoe

Please take care. Thank you for opening up. Sounds like it's an unimaginably hard time you are going through.

a5pj

This thread has helped me a ton, all the stories, and ppl helping each other. 
Anxiety sucks, I've come to learn I've lived with it for 36 years, now I think I'm getting better.
Thinking of you @lastexitlondon

Loujoe

Just read something interesting things from an article.
"New things are happening very quietly inside of me." 
 "We are trying to flourish in terrible conditions."
 "gardening situates you in a different kind of time, the antithesis of the agitating present of social media. Time becomes circular, not chronological; minutes stretch into hours; some actions don't bear fruit for decades."
"To every thing there is a season...a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up..."

Gern Blansten

I'm thinking about asking my Dr to go back on Paxil.  That really helped me about 20 years ago.  

I went off of it because it seemed like I learned how to live with it.  Also because it sterilized me.  As soon as I went off Paxil we had two more kids.  Then I got a vasectomy.  Good times.

I think I need it again to get my confidence back.

Matts3221

lastexitlondon said:

Basically  ive been off of any substance  for 5 days and each and every day ive been in such panic i can only lay down. I took half a valium first morning  then i had to take half a quetiapine knocked me out. But last 3 days ive tried to ride it out. The problem  im having is even before i wake im waking  with panic symptoms.  Heart fast. Empty gutless feeling  and whimpering. Im embarrassed  by this so please be kind. 
But im gonna be very honest here. 
The anxiety  symptoms  are so so strong i cannot live. I do want it to stop but it doesn't. 
Dr said no point in ssri because i tried loads (not often sober) drink  i have no love for and i wasnt drinking much at all but pot i got addicted to .  Its easy to be addicted  to no matter what anyone says.
It fucks my confusion badly but it gave me a few  hours of joy sometimes. Then it became habit and need.  So i stopped sunday cold turkey. 
I am in hell

Nothing to be embarrassed about , we have all shared stories about when we are at lows. Stopping something cold turkey can really be hell. The panic is not even controllable so that is what makes it such a vicious cycle. When I have moments of panic attacks I start to only think when the next one is going to come on and by thinking about it so much they keep happing.

I wish I had advice on how to deal , breath some fresh air , lay down , take naps. The waves are high and then go low. All the love to you Rob.   

Gern Blansten

lastexitlondon said:

Basically  ive been off of any substance  for 5 days and each and every day ive been in such panic i can only lay down. I took half a valium first morning  then i had to take half a quetiapine knocked me out. But last 3 days ive tried to ride it out. The problem  im having is even before i wake im waking  with panic symptoms.  Heart fast. Empty gutless feeling  and whimpering. Im embarrassed  by this so please be kind. 
But im gonna be very honest here. 
The anxiety  symptoms  are so so strong i cannot live. I do want it to stop but it doesn't. 
Dr said no point in ssri because i tried loads (not often sober) drink  i have no love for and i wasnt drinking much at all but pot i got addicted to .  Its easy to be addicted  to no matter what anyone says.
It fucks my confusion badly but it gave me a few  hours of joy sometimes. Then it became habit and need.  So i stopped sunday cold turkey. 
I am in hell

Have you received a second opinion regarding SSRIs?  If not do so ASAP.