A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.
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If you end up selling and find yourself with a bit of profit, don't blow it. Put it away in a SAFE investment where you can't touch it until your mind is in a right place.Thoughts_Arrive said:I'll have to speak to the bank about paying off the mortgage with the sale money so might have to ask about that option.
Thanks.
I have lived and survived the unfortunate bi-polar experience of poor money management and spending irrationally. It's just not a good idea to make major financial decisions from fear, anxiety, depression, mania, etc.
Is it possible to raise the rent to cover the interest? Are you not charging the full market value? What's the rental market in the area? I don't know a landlord who doesn't cover his full payments plus a profit in the rent he charges.
Talk to a financial advisor before you do anything. You could be making a huge financial mistake that you come to regret later. You don't need any more regrets on your pile, dude.0 -
Thanks for the tips man.Yeah I definitely want to save any profit.I'm charging close to market average for rent in the area. I've not raised the rent for a few years because the tenants have been good in terms of keeping the place clean and they have caused no problems.I'll have to speak to a financial advisor.I'm getting a property appraisal from two agents to see what they think it's worth.Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/20140
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From a friend's perspective, I can say it is mentally and emotionally draining to hear a friend say the same thing over and over, to watch a friend repeat the behavioral pattern over and over, to do nothing to change, to make excuses for themselves, to blame everyone and everything else for their problems, to suck the friend into their drama, expect the friend to give endless emotional support but give nothing in return. I had a best friend like this once. For years, I shook my head, nodded, offered comfort, encouraged. But I finally had to end the friendship for my own sanity, and told her exactly why. I don't regret the decision, but I do often wonder how she's doing.
If you find yourself losing good friends, or friendly acquaintances stop wanting to be around you, you may consider trying to be a different kind of friend. People can only take so much.0 -
Especially when they are new parents themselves. The thought of me ruining the friendship is causing me fear
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/20140 -
The next time you talk with them, don't talk about yourself. At all. When they ask you how you're doing, say "Fine, thank you. Things are going well. . . That baby!! Oh my gosh, you must be so excited . . ." And then talk about the baby, and their lives, their hopes and dreams and challenges.Thoughts_Arrive said:Especially when they are new parents themselves. The thought of me ruining the friendship is causing me fear
I'm not saying suppress your feelings. I'm saying, save it for your therapist. Your friends are not your therapist.0 -
I hardly ever talk about my problems with him though. I went throughout the whole year lying saying I'm fine until I couldn't no more as I was depressed bad.I'm all too aware there's only so much people can take. When I see him I never discuss my dramas. He's just annoyed I don't stick to my promise to sell the property and move away from my mum.Would you ever consider reconnecting with your friend?Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/20140
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No, I would never consider reconnecting with that friend. My life is vastly different than the one I lived when we were friends, as I imagine hers is too. I have new healthy relationships. I don't dwell on my past losses, and I don't attempt to control what I can't control. I do tend to ruminate on the current problems I have, and I sometimes project my insecurities by dreaming up completely irrational explanations for people's responses to me, especially at work, but I've learned to recognize it when I do it. If drama does happen in my life now, I look inward and ask what did I do to contribute and stop doing what I did and I quit blaming everyone else.
If you're miserably "stuck" in your parent's house, that's on you, nobody else. You ARE a grown man of 35. Start acting like it and you might be surprised by the results. In about ten posts ago, you said there's a room you would love to rent, but then immediately made an excuse as to why you couldn't do it. It's bullshit. I don't even know you, and I'm annoyed. by your excuses. Can you really blame your best friend for being so?0 -
No, I understand that he's annoyed.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/20140 -
M, go look at any room on offer. Tell people who you are, a bit shy and quiet, but kind, honest and you love art and nature. Smile, try to be confident. You will find someone who will gladly take you. Also go get a job. Any job to cover rent and move out within a month. Packing boxes at a supermarket, barkeeping, a uni job, it doesn’t matter.0
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The thought of losing my best friend who I've been friends with for almost 20 years makes me depressed and panicky. I have two other friends but we're not super close and I don't feel the same connection with them as I do with my best friend. I don't know how I'd live with myself if I lose him. I'd probably take my own life.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/20140 -
JPPJ84 said:M, go look at any room on offer. Tell people who you are, a bit shy and quiet, but kind, honest and you love art and nature. Smile, try to be confident. You will find someone who will gladly take you. Also go get a job. Any job to cover rent and move out within a month. Packing boxes at a supermarket, barkeeping, a uni job, it doesn’t matter.The sad thing is I won't be able to continue with my studies if I choose to work full time in order to keep the property and live in it.I don't see any other option but to move out and work to pay rent. I'm going to have to defer my studies and just look for work so I can rent somewhere.Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/20140
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Damn, this and your prior post are spot on.what dreams said:No, I would never consider reconnecting with that friend. My life is vastly different than the one I lived when we were friends, as I imagine hers is too. I have new healthy relationships. I don't dwell on my past losses, and I don't attempt to control what I can't control. I do tend to ruminate on the current problems I have, and I sometimes project my insecurities by dreaming up completely irrational explanations for people's responses to me, especially at work, but I've learned to recognize it when I do it. If drama does happen in my life now, I look inward and ask what did I do to contribute and stop doing what I did and I quit blaming everyone else.
If you're miserably "stuck" in your parent's house, that's on you, nobody else. You ARE a grown man of 35. Start acting like it and you might be surprised by the results. In about ten posts ago, you said there's a room you would love to rent, but then immediately made an excuse as to why you couldn't do it. It's bullshit. I don't even know you, and I'm annoyed. by your excuses. Can you really blame your best friend for being so?
My mom used to cry to me about her marriage to my stepfather. For years, sobbing, "I can't live like this anymore" and doing shit to better her situation. I'd listen, offer advice, listen again...until it was enough. I'd already lost the stability of my family for this (??) and now was losing respect for her in not taking the necessary actions - any actions - for improvement. Finally told her I love her but am done with the cycle. I'm carrying enough of my own shit to handle the baggage of someone who claims to hate it yet won't let the fucking bags go, won't even try to.
It's made a difference in my life - getting rid of that toxicity. I love her, but if she starts with her marital problems, I tell her the store is closed.
Had she made an honest effort, it might've gone another way.
TA, I don't know when you'll stop with the excuses and actually DO something for yourself, but I hope it's soon.
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You understand THAT he is annoyed. Do you understand WHY he is annoyed? There's a few things going on here that doesn't add up to me that I don't understand. You're either:Thoughts_Arrive said:No, I understand that he's annoyed.
1. Projecting your insecurity onto your friend with your fear that he's going to dump you as a friend.
2. In denial about how much you unload on your friend if you think his only issue is the sale of your house.
3. Maybe something else because there's always more than two choices. I just can't think of a third one right now.
But we have been down this road before. You've done this "I'm going to be dumped by my friend" before. You've done the "my parents are toxic and ruin everything" many times before. You've done the "I can't work because I'm bullied" before. You've done the "my psychologist won't help because he's a terrible doctor" before. You've done the "I can't go to university because people bully me there too, and my parents, and the money." People bully you online, too. And now you can't paint because you have to do your art with oil and if you rent somewhere else, there's the end of your painting. The level of your victim-hood is just astounding to me. You own a home while on the government dole, for goodness sake. That's a problem? Yes, but not the kind you think it is.
I know this is a safe place, and I feel obligated to say I'm sorry if I'm being too harsh. But you come across to me as someone with a narcissistic personality disorder than a sufferer of anxiety and depression. Have any of your terrible therapists gone that route with you?0 -
Why not study AND work? People do it all the timeThoughts_Arrive said:JPPJ84 said:M, go look at any room on offer. Tell people who you are, a bit shy and quiet, but kind, honest and you love art and nature. Smile, try to be confident. You will find someone who will gladly take you. Also go get a job. Any job to cover rent and move out within a month. Packing boxes at a supermarket, barkeeping, a uni job, it doesn’t matter.The sad thing is I won't be able to continue with my studies if I choose to work full time in order to keep the property and live in it.I don't see any other option but to move out and work to pay rent. I'm going to have to defer my studies and just look for work so I can rent somewhere.0 -
I understand why sorry.I don't recall saying I'll get bullied at university?I highly doubt I have a narcissistic personality disorder. I studied about personality disorders in my degree.And I've been diagnosed with anxiety and depression.Post edited by Thoughts_Arrive onAdelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/20140
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Every honours student I've spoken to had to drop work as the intensity of honours is great.JPPJ84 said:
Why not study AND work? People do it all the timeThoughts_Arrive said:JPPJ84 said:M, go look at any room on offer. Tell people who you are, a bit shy and quiet, but kind, honest and you love art and nature. Smile, try to be confident. You will find someone who will gladly take you. Also go get a job. Any job to cover rent and move out within a month. Packing boxes at a supermarket, barkeeping, a uni job, it doesn’t matter.The sad thing is I won't be able to continue with my studies if I choose to work full time in order to keep the property and live in it.I don't see any other option but to move out and work to pay rent. I'm going to have to defer my studies and just look for work so I can rent somewhere.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/20140 -
I was misdiagnosed, and improperly medicated, for years before receiving the correct diagnosis that put me on the right path toward improvement. In fact, I was 35 and in a major life crisis near hospitalization before it happened. Thank God for the doctor who recognized it, helped me, and for the wisdom I have gained the past 15 years and moving forward.Thoughts_Arrive said:I understand why sorry.I don't recall saying I'll get bullied at university?I highly doubt I have a narcissistic personality disorder. I studied about personality disorders in my degree.And I've been diagnosed with anxiety and depression.
Given the pre-occupation with the self, and a need for excessive attention, plus a sensitivity to perceived criticism, and co-morbidity with anxiety and depression due to ongoing problems at work, school, and in relationships, I'm going to pass on trying to help here any further. I don't have it to give. I know my limits. There are lots of people on this thread who have the heart to go the rounds with you. I actually came here this morning for a different purpose but saw the post about your house and got distracted by giving you some financial advice. Good luck with that.0 -
I wanted to share today a book I've been reading since I last posted around Thanksgiving. At the time, I had a tremendous sense of foreboding about a looming crisis at a new job which actually did come to pass but thankfully has resolved with some good feedback, reflection, and behavior change. It kicked me into self-care mode. I've spent some time in therapy, reintroduced a medication I had stopped taking, and started eating, sleeping, and exercising some more. Not perfect, but I'm feeling better and I thank everyone here who shared an encouraging word at the time.
The book is called Widen the Window by Elizabeth Stanley. The flap grabbed me at the library because I work in a high stress middle school environment with students who have experienced a high level of trauma in their lives (and I have childhood trauma in my own background as well). At the time I had my mini-meltdown a month ago, I thought the solution may be to quit my job and find a new line work of work. The treatment of my symptoms has brought me back to a more logical place. While I still may try to find a position in a more mainstream school next year, a colleague I trust told me yesterday that I was meant to work in a high-needs school with this population. She said I have what I need to survive the kids but what I really need is to figure out is how to survive the politics of the adults. Very insightful.
Just for laughs, one of my strategies to manage the student-induced stress is to deposit five dollars into a special savings account created just for the purpose every time a 12 or 13 year old tells me to fuck off or you're a god-damned pain in the ass, or other such verbal abuse I experience on the regular. I call it my Fuck You Fund. When a kid curses me out (as opposed to their standard daily rudeness), I go, "Ding, ding, ding! That will be five dollars, ma'am!" They look at me like I'm nuts. I plan to treat myself to a spa treatment in June with my winnings. I will let you know in June how much I have earned since the beginning of January when I instituted the Fuck You Fund. I have fifteen dollars so far this month and I may only afford a mani-pedi instead of a massage at this late date. I wish I had started it in August. Humor works.
Anyway, I want to share the book title, because it's been helpful. The author recommends reading it all the way through to fully understand the mind-body connection rather than jumping to the mindfulness exercises in the back section, many of which I already know and am trying to practice more.
Have a healthy day, everyone.
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I’m gonna say the obvious here: you’re not them, so you don’t know until you try. they might not need the money as you do and you could just do 10 hours a week or something like thatThoughts_Arrive said:
Every honours student I've spoken to had to drop work as the intensity of honours is great.JPPJ84 said:
Why not study AND work? People do it all the timeThoughts_Arrive said:JPPJ84 said:M, go look at any room on offer. Tell people who you are, a bit shy and quiet, but kind, honest and you love art and nature. Smile, try to be confident. You will find someone who will gladly take you. Also go get a job. Any job to cover rent and move out within a month. Packing boxes at a supermarket, barkeeping, a uni job, it doesn’t matter.The sad thing is I won't be able to continue with my studies if I choose to work full time in order to keep the property and live in it.I don't see any other option but to move out and work to pay rent. I'm going to have to defer my studies and just look for work so I can rent somewhere.0 -
My husband's cousin and his wife married while they were in college. She was studying to become a physician. He was studying criminal justice.Thoughts_Arrive said:
Every honours student I've spoken to had to drop work as the intensity of honours is great.JPPJ84 said:
Why not study AND work? People do it all the timeThoughts_Arrive said:JPPJ84 said:M, go look at any room on offer. Tell people who you are, a bit shy and quiet, but kind, honest and you love art and nature. Smile, try to be confident. You will find someone who will gladly take you. Also go get a job. Any job to cover rent and move out within a month. Packing boxes at a supermarket, barkeeping, a uni job, it doesn’t matter.The sad thing is I won't be able to continue with my studies if I choose to work full time in order to keep the property and live in it.I don't see any other option but to move out and work to pay rent. I'm going to have to defer my studies and just look for work so I can rent somewhere.
She was in honors.
She went through three pregnancies, during which she was a resident at a hospital an hour away from home.
They move three times. The homes they purchased and moved from were an hour away from the next.
She graduated with her doctorate with honors from a university 2 hours from her home. She spent an extreme amount of time driving every week.
She is now an emergency room physician. Somehow Lauren did it. But! She wanted it. Nothing was going to stand in her way.
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