Should I ask Agnes out on a date?

PJ_Soul · November 2018

Yes

Why do you think that people without kids and lots of free time waste their time?? I do indeed have tons of free time, which I relish, and I'm not wasting my life, thanks.

rgambs · November 2018

PJ_Soul said:

Why do you think that people without kids and lots of free time waste their time?? I do indeed have tons of free time, which I relish, and I'm not wasting my life, thanks.

I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about people in real life.
Watching dancing with the stars and shopping for junk at outlet malls and flea markets is a waste of a life, whether a person is content with it or not, IMO.

HughFreakingDillon · November 2018

PJ_Soul said:

Meltdown99 said:

PJ_Soul said:

I have actually met a few parents who said if they could do it all over again, they would not have had children... and I assume there are many more who think that but wouldn't say it out loud because they feel guilty for feeling that way. However, I believe the majority of parents do not regret it, no matter what they had to give up for it.

Any parent who abuses their children in any way probably didn't want kids/or kids for the right reason ... and there are a lot of abused children.

I don't know about that. I think many people who end up abusing their kids actually had good intentions... Not to excuse their actions in any way, of course. And sure, obviously some horrible people have kids for all the wrong reasons. Hell, some women go off birth control and get pregnant just to manipulate their partners and shit like that.

my friends and I have always suspected my buddy's ex did this. she curiously got pregnant as soon as she started realizing things were on the rocks.

PJ_Soul · November 2018

Yes

rgambs said:

PJ_Soul said:

Why do you think that people without kids and lots of free time waste their time?? I do indeed have tons of free time, which I relish, and I'm not wasting my life, thanks.

I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about people in real life.
Watching dancing with the stars and shopping for junk at outlet malls and flea markets is a waste of a life, whether a person is content with it or not, IMO.

In real life, I have tons of free time and am not wasting it, lol.

I figure that whatever makes a person content and satisfied in life is never a waste of time or a life. Who are we to judge how someone finds contentment in their own life?? Now if someone is lying there on the couch watching garbage TV all the time and they're miserable and depressed and fucking hate themselves for it, then that's a waste, yes (and they should really talk to a professional about it). But if they're content and happy doing that? Or get real joy out of going to flea markets everyday? Not at all. IMO.

bbiggs · November 2018

Who would have thought the “Should I ask Agnes on a date” thread would remain at the top of AET for days on end with 600 posts. It’s taken some twists and turns along the way too. Good stuff.

HughFreakingDillon · November 2018

rgambs said:

People tend to want to justify their decision to have kids or not moreso than other life decisions. I think both sides overestimate the strength of their arguments too lol

No kids- I get so tired of hearing about the freedom afforded by not having kids from people who do nothing but work, shop, watch TV, and take a week-long cruise once a year.
You don't have more freedom than I do, you just have more free time...that you waste.

Kids- Your children are only special to you and they don't make your life fulfilled, and they don't make your life happy. If children made a person happy, there wouldn't be so many damn miserable people.

I think having kids (1 is enough for me) and not letting it stop you from living is the best solution. The love you have for your child is such an intense feeling, it's something I wouldn't want to have lived a life without experiencing. I definitely relate heavily to the idea that happiness is only real, or possible, when it's shared. Everything that is amazing in this life is better with someone next to you who is loving it just as much as you.

A person without kids can certainly have a fulfilling life, but they usually don't.
A person with kids can certainly have the freedom to do essentially anything they want in life, but they usually don't.
End of the day, lazy unimaginative schlubs are going to hate their lives either way, but they will still try to justify their position.

uh, my kids make me happiER, 100%. I didn't have kids to make myself happy, it's just an awesome bi-product of it. I honeslty had kids because it never occured to me to have a wife and no kids. call that naive, or bowing to societal pressure, etc, but to me that's just what you do. Obviously I've realized over time that's not what everyone does, and I'm glad they don't.

do my kids piss me off? yes, but the best part of my day is listening to how their day went.

until one of them doesn't shut up about it. then it's the worst part of my day. LOL

rgambs · November 2018

PJ_Soul said:

rgambs said:

PJ_Soul said:

Why do you think that people without kids and lots of free time waste their time?? I do indeed have tons of free time, which I relish, and I'm not wasting my life, thanks.

I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about people in real life.
Watching dancing with the stars and shopping for junk at outlet malls and flea markets is a waste of a life, whether a person is content with it or not, IMO.

In real life, I have tons of free time and am not wasting it, lol.
I figure that whatever makes a person content and satisfied in life is never a waste of time or a life. Who are we to judge how someone finds contentment in their own life??

By real life, I mean people I know. I know how they spend their time, I know how wasted it is.
You, on the other hand...you read quality books and consume quality music and art, you go to shows and events, you partake in joyful substances responsibly...you do it up right, and I'm guessing if you could afford it you would travel the world.

Who am I to judge them???
Nobody, I'm just a judgemental and arrogant asshole lol
I'll stand by it, a life of empty consumption without passion and adventure is a life wasted, even if it brings contentment.
If I had the power, I'd snatch the lives from adults like that and give it to little kids who die and never get to bring their passion into the world.

bbiggs · November 2018

And for the record, there’s no greater joy in life than raising kids imo. I definitely enjoy some “Brian time,” but I’d be bored as shit at this stage of my life without kids.

lastexitlondon · November 2018

Yes

rgambs said:

PJ_Soul said:

rgambs said:

PJ_Soul said:

Why do you think that people without kids and lots of free time waste their time?? I do indeed have tons of free time, which I relish, and I'm not wasting my life, thanks.

I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about people in real life.
Watching dancing with the stars and shopping for junk at outlet malls and flea markets is a waste of a life, whether a person is content with it or not, IMO.

In real life, I have tons of free time and am not wasting it, lol.
I figure that whatever makes a person content and satisfied in life is never a waste of time or a life. Who are we to judge how someone finds contentment in their own life??

By real life, I mean people I know. I know how they spend their time, I know how wasted it is.
You, on the other hand...you read quality books and consume quality music and art, you go to shows and events, you partake in joyful substances responsibly...you do it up right, and I'm guessing if you could afford it you would travel the world.

Who am I to judge them???
Nobody, I'm just a judgemental and arrogant asshole lol
I'll stand by it, a life of empty consumption without passion and adventure is a life wasted, even if it brings contentment.
If I had the power, I'd snatch the lives from adults like that and give it to little kids who die and never get to bring their passion into the world.

Well said

lastexitlondon · November 2018

Yes

bbiggs said:

And for the record, there’s no greater joy in life than raising kids imo. I definitely enjoy some “Brian time,” but I’d be bored as shit at this stage of my life without kids.

I agree

lastexitlondon · November 2018

Yes

I live and love their company.

HughFreakingDillon · November 2018

PJ_Soul said:

rgambs said:

PJ_Soul said:

Why do you think that people without kids and lots of free time waste their time?? I do indeed have tons of free time, which I relish, and I'm not wasting my life, thanks.

I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about people in real life.
Watching dancing with the stars and shopping for junk at outlet malls and flea markets is a waste of a life, whether a person is content with it or not, IMO.

In real life, I have tons of free time and am not wasting it, lol.
I figure that whatever makes a person content and satisfied in life is never a waste of time or a life. Who are we to judge how someone finds contentment in their own life?? Now if someone is lying there on the couch watching garbage TV all the time and they're miserable and depressed and fucking hate themselves for it, then that's a waste, yes (and they should really talk to a professional about it). But if they're content and happy doing that? Or get real joy out of going to flea markets everyday? Not at all. IMO.

I would agree. saying someone who is content and happy is wasting their life because it doesn't fit your definition of a full life is assinine.

rgambs · November 2018

bbiggs said:

And for the record, there’s no greater joy in life than raising kids imo. I definitely enjoy some “Brian time,” but I’d be bored as shit at this stage of my life without kids.

I find it hard to agree with this completely. It ignores the fact that there is also no greater pain in life than watching your child suffer and there's no greater fear than the fear that your child is going to suffer.

PJ_Soul · November 2018

Yes

HughFreakingDillon said:

rgambs said:

People tend to want to justify their decision to have kids or not moreso than other life decisions. I think both sides overestimate the strength of their arguments too lol

No kids- I get so tired of hearing about the freedom afforded by not having kids from people who do nothing but work, shop, watch TV, and take a week-long cruise once a year.
You don't have more freedom than I do, you just have more free time...that you waste.

Kids- Your children are only special to you and they don't make your life fulfilled, and they don't make your life happy. If children made a person happy, there wouldn't be so many damn miserable people.

I think having kids (1 is enough for me) and not letting it stop you from living is the best solution. The love you have for your child is such an intense feeling, it's something I wouldn't want to have lived a life without experiencing. I definitely relate heavily to the idea that happiness is only real, or possible, when it's shared. Everything that is amazing in this life is better with someone next to you who is loving it just as much as you.

A person without kids can certainly have a fulfilling life, but they usually don't.
A person with kids can certainly have the freedom to do essentially anything they want in life, but they usually don't.
End of the day, lazy unimaginative schlubs are going to hate their lives either way, but they will still try to justify their position.

uh, my kids make me happiER, 100%. I didn't have kids to make myself happy, it's just an awesome bi-product of it. I honeslty had kids because it never occured to me to have a wife and no kids. call that naive, or bowing to societal pressure, etc, but to me that's just what you do. Obviously I've realized over time that's not what everyone does, and I'm glad they don't.

do my kids piss me off? yes, but the best part of my day is listening to how their day went.

until one of them doesn't shut up about it. then it's the worst part of my day. LOL

I think if I'd ended up actually marrying my ex, I would have ended up having kids. I'm really glad I didn't.... but if it had worked out that way, I would have been a good mom and I'm sure would have been glad to have them and proud of them, even though I would miss the freedom one has without them.

HughFreakingDillon · November 2018

rgambs said:

bbiggs said:

And for the record, there’s no greater joy in life than raising kids imo. I definitely enjoy some “Brian time,” but I’d be bored as shit at this stage of my life without kids.

I find it hard to agree with this completely. It ignores the fact that there is also no greater pain in life than watching your child suffer and there's no greater fear than the fear that your child is going to suffer.

it doesn't ignore it. it takes it into account and realizes that even with all that, it is still a net positive.

as a father of a child with a chronic incurable disease, I can attest to this.

PJ_Soul · November 2018

Yes

bbiggs said:

And for the record, there’s no greater joy in life than raising kids imo. I definitely enjoy some “Brian time,” but I’d be bored as shit at this stage of my life without kids.

For many, that appears to be true - I have a strong enough sense of empathy to understand the joy/love involved when it comes to ones own kids (it's not hard - I have been on the receiving end of that). Although it really all just depends on the parents. There are also, unfortunately, many parents who basically hate having children and show little interest in them, and are largely just acting out of obligation and usually love, but a kind of love that they are particularly equipped to express or nurture. It takes all kinds... the latter kind make up a group of people I'd rather avoid of course, lol.

rgambs · November 2018

HughFreakingDillon said:

rgambs said:

bbiggs said:

And for the record, there’s no greater joy in life than raising kids imo. I definitely enjoy some “Brian time,” but I’d be bored as shit at this stage of my life without kids.

I find it hard to agree with this completely. It ignores the fact that there is also no greater pain in life than watching your child suffer and there's no greater fear than the fear that your child is going to suffer.

it doesn't ignore it. it takes it into account and realizes that even with all that, it is still a net positive.

as a father of a child with a chronic incurable disease, I can attest to this.

Yeah, and I agree with that assessment.
But the standard wasn't "net positive", it was "greatest joy in life".
And I know from my time before my son that there are some great joys in life that, at the right time and circumstance, can be gross positives, with no appreciable downside.

We are crossing wires a bit in differentiating between moments of time and a collection of all the moments that make a life.
It's complicated and communication is difficult in this medium.

rgambs · November 2018

HughFreakingDillon said:

PJ_Soul said:

rgambs said:

PJ_Soul said:

Why do you think that people without kids and lots of free time waste their time?? I do indeed have tons of free time, which I relish, and I'm not wasting my life, thanks.

I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about people in real life.
Watching dancing with the stars and shopping for junk at outlet malls and flea markets is a waste of a life, whether a person is content with it or not, IMO.

In real life, I have tons of free time and am not wasting it, lol.
I figure that whatever makes a person content and satisfied in life is never a waste of time or a life. Who are we to judge how someone finds contentment in their own life?? Now if someone is lying there on the couch watching garbage TV all the time and they're miserable and depressed and fucking hate themselves for it, then that's a waste, yes (and they should really talk to a professional about it). But if they're content and happy doing that? Or get real joy out of going to flea markets everyday? Not at all. IMO.

I would agree. saying someone who is content and happy is wasting their life because it doesn't fit your definition of a full life is assinine.

It's not asinine, you just don't like it. Wouldn't you be perfectly willing to consider a life wasted if it was spent languishing in a heroin stupor? It makes them content and happy, but you'd still consider it a waste.
I draw the line a few miles from there, but it's not as extreme as it sounds, I know people way more extreme than that.
People who live in a way that is essentially, if you aren't on the edge you are taking up too much space.

PJ_Soul · November 2018

Yes

Is there any such thing as a content and happy heroin addict??

rgambs · November 2018

PJ_Soul said:

Is there any such thing as a content and happy heroin addict??

I would ask the same thing about half of America lol

Should I ask Agnes out on a date?

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