I meditate with music, usually 20th century minimalist composers (Glass, Reich, Riley, extended early Pink Floyd jams).
I have gotten into movie scores recently. Glass of course, but Nick Cave & Warren Ellis have done some good ones and Interstellar's score is really great too. I'm sure there are tons out there.
I was listening to Max Richter radio on Pandora this morning and a song from the Interstellar Soundtrack played--Hans Zimmer's 'Cornfield Chase'. Loved it!
Music recommendations are one of the best benefits of posting/lurking here!
I meditate with music, usually 20th century minimalist composers (Glass, Reich, Riley, extended early Pink Floyd jams).
That's a good idea. I'm going to try that. I usually put on a guided meditation video by Thich Nhat Hanh on YouTube.
I have one of his CD's and a booklet. When I first got sober I delved into a lot of different self help, meditation avenues. I found that I could meditate pretty easily as long as I had the right conditions (no people around, other noises off) and it is a very helpful tool. I've gone to guided meditation which is pretty interesting; my sponsor was a yoga instructor and knew people that did all the chi, energy, etc stuff. Unfortunately her son was in a really bad accident and she was a single mom and had to concentrate on him, so I lost a really great mentor.
I don't like group therapy for depression or mental health issues, I prefer to have a one on one therapist and also a psychiatrist (to prescribe meds, watch that I'm not having side effects, or if I'm really off the rails). I like group therapy when it comes to AA and other issues where peer to peer support is crucial.
I don't have a therapist or a psychiatrist right now. After having a long term shrink, I went to a practice where one doctor specialized in trauma, and he was great. But about a year in he left to go the VA and I switched doctors 3 times, none of them were really helping and I also was cycled through 3 different therapists so I finally had enough. When someone is dealing with trauma, change is not a good thing. You're starting from scratch every 6 months.
I've searched for someone who is a trauma specialist and it is hard to find one that takes my insurance. I could easily find one if I didn't have a specific need at the moment - as long as I like their vibe and approach, I'm really open.
The longer I go without a doctor, the worse I get cause negativity is easier to feed than light. And this is a new animal, I've learned how to live with my other ones.
Anyway - self affirmation books are really great too. There are gobs of them for all kinds of people/issues. I find that reading a daily meditation and thinking and writing about that thought is helpful in keeping me on track (I just need to get back on the rails. )
The last therapist I had recommended this. She said we sometimes don't realize how many negative thoughts we have about ourselves throughout the course of a day, we need to make room for positive ones as well. Which made sense to me.
My problem with group is that it seems to lead to deeper depression or an overwhelming desire to help others within your group instead of focus on yourself -- at least if you're an empath.
My problem with group is that it seems to lead to deeper depression or an overwhelming desire to help others within your group instead of focus on yourself -- at least if you're an empath.
this why I don't think I'd suit group very well. I didn't know that empath was even a thing until recently, and it really turned a light on into who I am and why and that it's ok, but you have to take steps to make sure you keep yourself healthy. I had to purge some relationships from my life as a result of this.
My problem with group is that it seems to lead to deeper depression or an overwhelming desire to help others within your group instead of focus on yourself -- at least if you're an empath.
Exactly what happened. And some immature members were like almost show offs looking for attention from the group. I disliked that
brixton 93
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
My problem with group is that it seems to lead to deeper depression or an overwhelming desire to help others within your group instead of focus on yourself -- at least if you're an empath.
I wonder why there would be such an overwhelming desire when you are there seeking help yourself? I don't mean for that to sound judgmental, because I am the same way, but it makes me wonder about the motives behind that. Maybe we don't want to be the people that everyone else in the room wants to help?
My problem with group is that it seems to lead to deeper depression or an overwhelming desire to help others within your group instead of focus on yourself -- at least if you're an empath.
I wonder why there would be such an overwhelming desire when you are there seeking help yourself? I don't mean for that to sound judgmental, because I am the same way, but it makes me wonder about the motives behind that. Maybe we don't want to be the people that everyone else in the room wants to help?
for me, and this is going to sound weird or maybe dramatic or something, but when I see pain of another, I honestly feel it myself like it's my own. sometimes I rack my brain trying to figure out a life problem and it takes me time to remember that it's actually not my problem at all, it's someone else's.
when someone is going through something, some people feel sad that the person feels sad. but when you leave the presence of that person and situation, that sadness stays there and you go on your way. with me, it comes with me. it can sometimes consume me. not in an obsessive way, I'm not sure how to explain it. it feels like it's MY pain. for example: if a friend's mother dies, in addiiton to feeling for them, I am also sad about my own mother dying, even though she's alive and well. it's really strange. and it feels irrational. I actually have to go through the stages of grief for someone I don't even know. it's bizarre, and it is EXHAUSTING.
so the people that I have had to "let go" in my life are those that have constant issues in their life and refuse to help themselves.
That doesn't sound weird or dramatic to me, it does sound exhausting though. I'm glad that you have found a way to relate to people in a way that is healthier for you.
This is exactly the reason why people who have constant issues prefer private therapy instead of group therapy. It's the reason why I don't post on a regular basis anywhere either. It sucks to always be talking about crap that is going on and having people tell you how strong you are. I'd rather not share continuously and just isolate. So I pop in here for a couple months then go away.
Group is good for addiction though. Mental health and life issues are different and are better shared with one on one therapy. But if you are dealing with addiction of any sort - it's difficult but going to AA, NA, AlAnon , etc are life saving. I cannot recommend this strongly enough.
Okay, since we have a lot of single people in this thread...who has a "let's-not-die-alone" pact with someone already? You may be okay with your single status now, but...very few of us can depend on an 'Our Souls At Night' scenario happening. Better firm things up now. I'm looking at you guys, PJ_Soul & Spiritual_Chaos!
I know I would suck at dating at this point. The last time I asked someone out on a date was 30 years ago, and I was not very good at it then...lol, so if I ever become interested in dating again I'd be totally lost. LOL
Okay, since we have a lot of single people in this thread...who has a "let's-not-die-alone" pact with someone already? You may be okay with your single status now, but...very few of us can depend on an 'Our Souls At Night' scenario happening. Better firm things up now. I'm looking at you guys, PJ_Soul & Spiritual_Chaos!
I'm good, lol!
I have no issues "dying alone" anyhow, but even if I did, hooking up with a partner sure isn't going to guarantee that you don't - a 50/50 shot certainly isn't enough to get me to partner up with anyone. Someone has to go first, right? Half of any couple is still going to "die alone", if they thought marrying someone would prevent it. Unless, I guess, they just keep pairing up with a new person after each one dies, lol. This plan would work best for cougars and sugar daddies.
For me, the only thing that's going to get me actually making some sort of effort to connect with someone romantically is if I start feeling hopelessly lonely. I am so far from that feeling now it's hard to imagine I'd ever maybe get to that, but I suppose you never know what the future holds.
Besides that, if my "soul mate" just falls into my lap one day I'd probably not reject it.
Post edited by PJ_Soul on
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
I know I would suck at dating at this point. The last time I asked someone out on a date was 30 years ago, and I was not very good at it then...lol, so if I ever become interested in dating again I'd be totally lost. LOL
I'm with ya, I don't understand how it works anymore at all.
I know I would suck at dating at this point. The last time I asked someone out on a date was 30 years ago, and I was not very good at it then...lol, so if I ever become interested in dating again I'd be totally lost. LOL
I'm with ya, I don't understand how it works anymore at all.
That's the beauty of the pact, you don't have to worry about dating. If you pick the right age to act on it, you'll be beyond caring about the who,what,when,where, and why. LOL You'll be like,"Yay, I always wondered what it would be like to wake up to Yoda's older sister!'
I know I would suck at dating at this point. The last time I asked someone out on a date was 30 years ago, and I was not very good at it then...lol, so if I ever become interested in dating again I'd be totally lost. LOL
I'm with ya, I don't understand how it works anymore at all.
I don't think there is a formula or anything... You just do it however you want, and wait until someone who goes for whatever that is comes along. The only "trick" to dating is handling rejection well and perseverance.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
I know I would suck at dating at this point. The last time I asked someone out on a date was 30 years ago, and I was not very good at it then...lol, so if I ever become interested in dating again I'd be totally lost. LOL
I'm with ya, I don't understand how it works anymore at all.
I wouldn't even know to get a date. I'm not into the bar scene or online dating. Have you tried online dating? I worked with a fellow who has been in a long-term live-in relationship from online dating.
I know I would suck at dating at this point. The last time I asked someone out on a date was 30 years ago, and I was not very good at it then...lol, so if I ever become interested in dating again I'd be totally lost. LOL
I'm with ya, I don't understand how it works anymore at all.
I don't think there is a formula or anything... You just do it however you want, and wait until someone who goes for whatever that is comes along. The only "trick" to dating is handling rejection well and perseverance.
Here is how I'm approaching things for now. I am not actively looking, but if I meet someone that would be great too. In a nutshell, if someone ends up in my life accidentally I'll pursue. Does that make sense?
Okay, since we have a lot of single people in this thread...who has a "let's-not-die-alone" pact with someone already? You may be okay with your single status now, but...very few of us can depend on an 'Our Souls At Night' scenario happening. Better firm things up now. I'm looking at you guys, PJ_Soul & Spiritual_Chaos!
I'm good, lol!
I have no issues "dying alone" anyhow, but even if I did, hooking up with a partner sure isn't going to guarantee that you don't - a 50/50 shot certainly isn't enough to get me to partner up with anyone. Someone has to go first, right? Half of any couple is still going to "die alone", if they thought marrying someone would prevent it. Unless, I guess, they just keep pairing up with a new person after each one dies, lol. This plan would work best for cougars and sugar daddies.
For me, the only thing that's going to get me actually making some sort of effort to connect with someone romantically is if I start feeling hopelessly lonely. I am so far from that feeling now it's hard to imagine I'd ever maybe get to that, but I suppose you never know what the future holds.
Besides that, if my "soul mate" just falls into my lap one day I'd probably not reject it.
Hmmm, I'd rather take my chances with the pact, I don't really believe in the soul mate thing. Also, I understand your reasoning for wanting to remain a free agent. I don't know if S_C will, but I do.
I know I would suck at dating at this point. The last time I asked someone out on a date was 30 years ago, and I was not very good at it then...lol, so if I ever become interested in dating again I'd be totally lost. LOL
I'm with ya, I don't understand how it works anymore at all.
I don't think there is a formula or anything... You just do it however you want, and wait until someone who goes for whatever that is comes along. The only "trick" to dating is handling rejection well and perseverance.
Here is how I'm approaching things for now. I am not actively looking, but if I meet someone that would be great too. In a nutshell, if someone ends up in my life accidentally I'll pursue. Does that make sense?
Yeah, sure. That's necessarily what my plan is too, since I'm not looking or hoping to meet anyone at all, lol. It's going to have to be a complete accident or else it's not happening. Effort on my part is not a factor.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
I know I would suck at dating at this point. The last time I asked someone out on a date was 30 years ago, and I was not very good at it then...lol, so if I ever become interested in dating again I'd be totally lost. LOL
I'm with ya, I don't understand how it works anymore at all.
I wouldn't even know to get a date. I'm not into the bar scene or online dating. Have you tried online dating? I worked with a fellow who has been in a long-term live-in relationship from online dating.
I have. In my experience it was a total waste. There just isn't much of a pool here. If I lived in a more urban area or a big city, I could see how online stuff would be a great tool. But here, population 20,000 and shrinking, the online options are the bottom of the barrel.
Okay, since we have a lot of single people in this thread...who has a "let's-not-die-alone" pact with someone already? You may be okay with your single status now, but...very few of us can depend on an 'Our Souls At Night' scenario happening. Better firm things up now. I'm looking at you guys, PJ_Soul & Spiritual_Chaos!
I'm good, lol!
I have no issues "dying alone" anyhow, but even if I did, hooking up with a partner sure isn't going to guarantee that you don't - a 50/50 shot certainly isn't enough to get me to partner up with anyone. Someone has to go first, right? Half of any couple is still going to "die alone", if they thought marrying someone would prevent it. Unless, I guess, they just keep pairing up with a new person after each one dies, lol. This plan would work best for cougars and sugar daddies.
For me, the only thing that's going to get me actually making some sort of effort to connect with someone romantically is if I start feeling hopelessly lonely. I am so far from that feeling now it's hard to imagine I'd ever maybe get to that, but I suppose you never know what the future holds.
Besides that, if my "soul mate" just falls into my lap one day I'd probably not reject it.
Hmmm, I'd rather take my chances with the pact, I don't really believe in the soul mate thing. Also, I understand your reasoning for wanting to remain a free agent. I don't know if S_C will, but I do.
I'm not sure I understand "the pact" thing. If you're good enough friends with someone to make such a pact, then why not just be good friends and keep each other company like friends do when the time comes? Or is a sexual relationship a necessity here? What if there is no sexual chemistry, which I have to assume there isn't, because if there was, then the pact wouldn't have been necessary - you would have just hooked up in the first place, lol.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
Comments
Music recommendations are one of the best benefits of posting/lurking here!
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
www.headstonesband.com
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
when someone is going through something, some people feel sad that the person feels sad. but when you leave the presence of that person and situation, that sadness stays there and you go on your way. with me, it comes with me. it can sometimes consume me. not in an obsessive way, I'm not sure how to explain it. it feels like it's MY pain. for example: if a friend's mother dies, in addiiton to feeling for them, I am also sad about my own mother dying, even though she's alive and well. it's really strange. and it feels irrational. I actually have to go through the stages of grief for someone I don't even know. it's bizarre, and it is EXHAUSTING.
so the people that I have had to "let go" in my life are those that have constant issues in their life and refuse to help themselves.
www.headstonesband.com
www.headstonesband.com
Group is good for addiction though. Mental health and life issues are different and are better shared with one on one therapy. But if you are dealing with addiction of any sort - it's difficult but going to AA, NA, AlAnon , etc are life saving. I cannot recommend this strongly enough.
You'll be like,"Yay, I always wondered what it would be like to wake up to Yoda's older sister!'
I wouldn't even know to get a date. I'm not into the bar scene or online dating. Have you tried online dating? I worked with a fellow who has been in a long-term live-in relationship from online dating.