Separating/Divorcing-Anyone in the process?

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  • PearlOfAGirl
    PearlOfAGirl Posts: 15,993
    I'm almost tempted to just go back to him :cry: it feels like I'm getting nowhere fast. It's literally making me physically sick. :roll: :( :|

    Wish you were here...
    ♥~RIP Dad
  • pearljgirl2010
    pearljgirl2010 Shillington, PA/Tuckerton, NJ Posts: 3,428
    HeartShapedBox wrote:
    I'm almost tempted to just go back to him :cry: it feels like I'm getting nowhere fast. It's literally making me physically sick. :roll: :( :|

    Oh, HSB...I'm very sorry this is so difficult :-( If it feels like the right thing for you to go back to him, then consider it...if you're thinking about it because it's easier and less expensive or something, those are the wrong reasons. make sure whatever you do is going to be the best thing for YOU in the long run...you're worth the time it's taking to make things good for you.
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • PearlOfAGirl
    PearlOfAGirl Posts: 15,993
    pearljgirl2010 wrote:
    HeartShapedBox wrote:
    I'm almost tempted to just go back to him :cry: it feels like I'm getting nowhere fast. It's literally making me physically sick. :roll: :( :|

    Oh, HSB...I'm very sorry this is so difficult :-( If it feels like the right thing for you to go back to him, then consider it...if you're thinking about it because it's easier and less expensive or something, those are the wrong reasons. make sure whatever you do is going to be the best thing for YOU in the long run...you're worth the time it's taking to make things good for you.
    I definitely DON'T want to go back, but I can't even get a lawyer pro-bono, I can't afford to hire one... he's not giving me any money, I don't even have my own car. I just figured by this time, now that it's been over 5 months, that my life would be a lot better by now, and it's not...

    Wish you were here...
    ♥~RIP Dad
  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    HeartShapedBox wrote:
    I'm almost tempted to just go back to him :cry: it feels like I'm getting nowhere fast. It's literally making me physically sick. :roll: :( :|

    Sweetheart! Can't you find a way to earn enough money to hire a lawyer? This is getting to an awful point!! :|
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    After months with out speaking to my fucktard of an ex... I may be forced into contacting him. This time though... I'll have a smile on my face when I walk away from him! :D
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • pearljgirl2010
    pearljgirl2010 Shillington, PA/Tuckerton, NJ Posts: 3,428
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    After months with out speaking to my fucktard of an ex... I may be forced into contacting him. This time though... I'll have a smile on my face when I walk away from him! :D


    and I'll bet that you feel so strong and good when you do walk away!!!! I hope you do :-)
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • pearljgirl2010
    pearljgirl2010 Shillington, PA/Tuckerton, NJ Posts: 3,428
    HeartShapedBox wrote:
    HeartShapedBox wrote:
    I definitely DON'T want to go back, but I can't even get a lawyer pro-bono, I can't afford to hire one... he's not giving me any money, I don't even have my own car. I just figured by this time, now that it's been over 5 months, that my life would be a lot better by now, and it's not...

    There will definitely be a way for you to get this done...maybe it will take a little longer, but I'm confident that you'll get through this. I wish I knew how to make it easier...
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    pearljgirl2010 wrote:
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    After months with out speaking to my fucktard of an ex... I may be forced into contacting him. This time though... I'll have a smile on my face when I walk away from him! :D


    and I'll bet that you feel so strong and good when you do walk away!!!! I hope you do :-)
    I already feel strong and good... No situation with him or any man for that matter should determine my strength or goodness, I have my closest friends for that.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • pearljgirl2010
    pearljgirl2010 Shillington, PA/Tuckerton, NJ Posts: 3,428
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    pearljgirl2010 wrote:
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    After months with out speaking to my fucktard of an ex... I may be forced into contacting him. This time though... I'll have a smile on my face when I walk away from him! :D

    and I'll bet that you feel so strong and good when you do walk away!!!! I hope you do :-)

    I already feel strong and good... No situation with him or any man for that matter should determine my strength or goodness, I have my closest friends for that.

    That's great! and you alone are enough to feel like that...no man OR friends should have a bearing on determining those things...they do help you get there, but in the end it's YOU who is strong enough to do it.
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    pearljgirl2010 wrote:
    That's great! and you alone are enough to feel like that...no man OR friends should have a bearing on determining those things...they do help you get there, but in the end it's YOU who is strong enough to do it.

    My friends and they way I help or treat them has a lot to do with my feeling of goodness or strength... Those relationships are what I value... If it wasn't for Cinnamon Girl and a few other close friends around these parts (wolfie) and here at home I wouldn't have made it thru tough times... And I hope some can say the same for me. Knowing what I've done and am capable of is what allows me to have strength in new situations.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • pearljgirl2010
    pearljgirl2010 Shillington, PA/Tuckerton, NJ Posts: 3,428
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    pearljgirl2010 wrote:
    That's great! and you alone are enough to feel like that...no man OR friends should have a bearing on determining those things...they do help you get there, but in the end it's YOU who is strong enough to do it.

    My friends and they way I help or treat them has a lot to do with my feeling of goodness or strength... Those relationships are what I value... If it wasn't for Cinnamon Girl and a few other close friends around these parts (wolfie) and here at home I wouldn't have made it thru tough times... And I hope some can say the same for me. Knowing what I've done and am capable of is what allows me to have strength in new situations.


    I agree with you....I was just meant that you are a strong, capable woman...your friends encouraged and helped guide you to being in a better place--but you had a good base to start with!! And, there are definitely those who can say the same for you.
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • PJFAN_seattle
    PJFAN_seattle Posts: 2,965
    I still have feelings for someone i havent seen in a year, i dream about them sometimes, life kinda sucks right now, oh and to add to that my riot act cd is skipping :(
    Shows:
    Seattle Key Arena 9-21-2009
    Seattle Key Arena 9-22-2009
  • pearljgirl2010
    pearljgirl2010 Shillington, PA/Tuckerton, NJ Posts: 3,428
    PJ_kidd_9-21-22 wrote:
    I still have feelings for someone i havent seen in a year, i dream about them sometimes, life kinda sucks right now, oh and to add to that my riot act cd is skipping :(


    I'm sorry things aren't going so great for you right now :-( I hope they get better soon and that you get a new Riot Act cd!
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • PearlOfAGirl
    PearlOfAGirl Posts: 15,993
    pearljgirl2010 wrote:
    HeartShapedBox wrote:
    HeartShapedBox wrote:
    I definitely DON'T want to go back, but I can't even get a lawyer pro-bono, I can't afford to hire one... he's not giving me any money, I don't even have my own car. I just figured by this time, now that it's been over 5 months, that my life would be a lot better by now, and it's not...

    There will definitely be a way for you to get this done...maybe it will take a little longer, but I'm confident that you'll get through this. I wish I knew how to make it easier...
    Thanks sweetie, but I think times are going to be tougher before they get better...

    Wish you were here...
    ♥~RIP Dad
  • Jeff Murray
    Jeff Murray Posts: 1,259
    pearljgirl2010 wrote:
    Sept 1....divorce was "successfully filed." Ironically, the 6 month waiting period in CA puts us at the same week as our anniversary in March--guess it really will go full circle

    It is weird how that happens, my divorce decree was signed by the Judge on our anniversary date. Kind of put a dark cloud over a date that was a very special day.

    Divorce is not an easy thing, no matter how easy the courts have made it lately. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I've been divorced now for over 4 years, and there are still times when something small sparks a Good memory, and I wonder what would have been if only it worked out, but then I shake it off and go about my life. I know it may be cliche but the song Present Tense helped me realize some things I wasn't able to see for myself. It is good to learn from the past, but to ponder on it keeps you from living. So I am taking what I have learned about myself and hope that I will be able to apply that once I get into another serious relationship.

    And to the person that spoke of accepting other's faults, you hit it right on the head! Too often we find ourselves trying to fix things rather then accepting them for what they are. Unfortunately I am a fixer, and it is a very difficult trait to suppress sometimes.

    The only advice I can offer is to find someone you can talk to, whether it be a professional, a friend, a family member, or a member of a church. It helped me a lot, especially being a very independent person, also known as stubborn. Having a good group of friends helped me through the rough times, they allowed me space to cope, but they were there to keep me from going too far down the wrong path.

    Enough of my rambling, I am glad I came across this thread as I am bored to tears at work today. A skeleton crew means little work....

    Good luck to everyone going through this and keep your chin up, it gets better!
    If there were no Angels would there be no sin?
  • pearljgirl2010
    pearljgirl2010 Shillington, PA/Tuckerton, NJ Posts: 3,428
    Jeff Murray wrote:
    pearljgirl2010 wrote:
    Sept 1....divorce was "successfully filed." Ironically, the 6 month waiting period in CA puts us at the same week as our anniversary in March--guess it really will go full circle

    It is weird how that happens, my divorce decree was signed by the Judge on our anniversary date. Kind of put a dark cloud over a date that was a very special day.

    Divorce is not an easy thing, no matter how easy the courts have made it lately. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I've been divorced now for over 4 years, and there are still times when something small sparks a Good memory, and I wonder what would have been if only it worked out, but then I shake it off and go about my life. I know it may be cliche but the song Present Tense helped me realize some things I wasn't able to see for myself. It is good to learn from the past, but to ponder on it keeps you from living. So I am taking what I have learned about myself and hope that I will be able to apply that once I get into another serious relationship.

    And to the person that spoke of accepting other's faults, you hit it right on the head! Too often we find ourselves trying to fix things rather then accepting them for what they are. Unfortunately I am a fixer, and it is a very difficult trait to suppress sometimes.

    The only advice I can offer is to find someone you can talk to, whether it be a professional, a friend, a family member, or a member of a church. It helped me a lot, especially being a very independent person, also known as stubborn. Having a good group of friends helped me through the rough times, they allowed me space to cope, but they were there to keep me from going too far down the wrong path.

    Enough of my rambling, I am glad I came across this thread as I am bored to tears at work today. A skeleton crew means little work....

    Good luck to everyone going through this and keep your chin up, it gets better!


    Great post....thanks for the words of encouragement!! There are definitely moments that spark a good memory, and I just am thankful that I had more good than bad. I was very lucky that my ex and I came to this decision together and knew that it was the right thing to do...I know that it could have been much worse or harder. My friends made all the difference in the world and i owe my sanity to them!!
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • pjtradeking
    pjtradeking Posts: 4,045
    I am currently in this shitty situation right now. My life is upside down...Dont know whether I am coming or going and what the hell I am going to do...This is one of the hardest things I have ever gone through and I'll tell ya, going through it alone is the worst thing I can think of. I am a pretty self sufficient guy, but now that this is going on, I relaize just how few friends I have, and how little I can count on my family for anything. I feel like I am on this island, and I look around 360 degrees and all I see is water....I have never felt so alone in my entire life that is for sure...I have lost like 40lbs, cant sleep...have anxiety that I have never experienced, and I am mad all the time...I know these are all things that will pass in time, and that I WILL land on my feet like I normally do, but the process itself is really hard. My biggest concern is her...What will she do? Where will she go? Who will help her? She doesnt work...and hasnt in 4+ years...I have already resolved myself to the fact that I will help as long as I have too to make sure she is ok and that I WILL NOT let this get ugly NO MATTER what....But man is it tough....I just turned 40 on tuesday and I am starting my life over almost...I feel like I am in this dream and I cant wake up.....WOW! Thanks for letting me vent! :oops:
    Never, ever, flipping forget
    "Free Shipping" SPEEDY MCCREADY

    My friend was going to see Eddie last night. Since he was in Vegas, I gave him 5 Grand to gamble with. I told him I wanted it all to go on Black. Bastard! PhillyCrownOfThorns-11-2-12
  • pearljgirl2010
    pearljgirl2010 Shillington, PA/Tuckerton, NJ Posts: 3,428
    pjtradeking wrote:
    I am currently in this shitty situation right now. My life is upside down...Dont know whether I am coming or going and what the hell I am going to do...This is one of the hardest things I have ever gone through and I'll tell ya, going through it alone is the worst thing I can think of. I am a pretty self sufficient guy, but now that this is going on, I relaize just how few friends I have, and how little I can count on my family for anything. I feel like I am on this island, and I look around 360 degrees and all I see is water....I have never felt so alone in my entire life that is for sure...I have lost like 40lbs, cant sleep...have anxiety that I have never experienced, and I am mad all the time...I know these are all things that will pass in time, and that I WILL land on my feet like I normally do, but the process itself is really hard. My biggest concern is her...What will she do? Where will she go? Who will help her? She doesnt work...and hasnt in 4+ years...I have already resolved myself to the fact that I will help as long as I have too to make sure she is ok and that I WILL NOT let this get ugly NO MATTER what....But man is it tough....I just turned 40 on tuesday and I am starting my life over almost...I feel like I am in this dream and I cant wake up.....WOW! Thanks for letting me vent! :oops:


    a good vent is realllly helpful..feels good to get it all out there! I'm really sorry that you're going through this too...I'm glad you're willing to do whatever it takes to keep things amicable...just make sure you do what it takes for YOU to be ok, too.

    I'm going to be 31 next week and have definitely started my life over...I feel like I've grown up and become an adult (finally) and I know what I want and need now...it took a little while, but at least I figured it out now!

    take care...and I hope things start looking up for you
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • PJPixie
    PJPixie Posts: 3,026
    I've been divorced for 8 years now ( i think ) and it's still tough. I'm happy tho. Life goes on.
    The best use of Life is Love.
    The best expression of Love is Time.
    The best time to Love is Now.


    I'm never as good as when you're there.........
  • pjtradeking
    pjtradeking Posts: 4,045
    pearljgirl2010 wrote:
    pjtradeking wrote:
    I am currently in this shitty situation right now. My life is upside down...Dont know whether I am coming or going and what the hell I am going to do...This is one of the hardest things I have ever gone through and I'll tell ya, going through it alone is the worst thing I can think of. I am a pretty self sufficient guy, but now that this is going on, I relaize just how few friends I have, and how little I can count on my family for anything. I feel like I am on this island, and I look around 360 degrees and all I see is water....I have never felt so alone in my entire life that is for sure...I have lost like 40lbs, cant sleep...have anxiety that I have never experienced, and I am mad all the time...I know these are all things that will pass in time, and that I WILL land on my feet like I normally do, but the process itself is really hard. My biggest concern is her...What will she do? Where will she go? Who will help her? She doesnt work...and hasnt in 4+ years...I have already resolved myself to the fact that I will help as long as I have too to make sure she is ok and that I WILL NOT let this get ugly NO MATTER what....But man is it tough....I just turned 40 on tuesday and I am starting my life over almost...I feel like I am in this dream and I cant wake up.....WOW! Thanks for letting me vent! :oops:


    a good vent is realllly helpful..feels good to get it all out there! I'm really sorry that you're going through this too...I'm glad you're willing to do whatever it takes to keep things amicable...just make sure you do what it takes for YOU to be ok, too.

    I'm going to be 31 next week and have definitely started my life over...I feel like I've grown up and become an adult (finally) and I know what I want and need now...it took a little while, but at least I figured it out now!

    take care...and I hope things start looking up for you

    Thanks....Glad you have come out the otherside...Seems like mine is just beginning...A different emotion everday(sometimes every freaking hour :lol: )...Mad....sad....relief...lonliness...It changes like the freaking weather...Use to think I was just one of those people who could get through anything unscathed...Turns out I am an emotional wreck at times...Never been this way and it is def strange....16 years....where did the time go and how did we let it die...Swore I would never do that! :|
    Never, ever, flipping forget
    "Free Shipping" SPEEDY MCCREADY

    My friend was going to see Eddie last night. Since he was in Vegas, I gave him 5 Grand to gamble with. I told him I wanted it all to go on Black. Bastard! PhillyCrownOfThorns-11-2-12

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