Separating/Divorcing-Anyone in the process?

the wolf

PatrickBateman wrote:

wife is moving out as I type.

next week will be our 14th anniversary

sorry man. :(

PatrickBateman

the hardest part is we have 4 kids together and I hate seeing them hurt. Some of you know it was kind of a long time coming...maybe it is for the best. She is STILL picking fights though...over stuff she is taking :roll:

Tonight I come home and see a TV stand in the hallwall and ask if she is taking it and she flips grabs the kids in their pajamas and leaves....ay caramba She did it so I would say something, anything so she could flip out

thanks Janet...and yeah wolf it sucks...it is really a shame

adropinthepark

pearljgirl2010 wrote:

Oh, two weeks ago, my ex told me that he and he girlfriend are having a baby.

How quickly they move on, eh? Though, sometimes that can be a relief.

My ex-to-be has been having serious health problems for quite some time. Around Thanksgiving, I called him because I heard he had been back in the hospital. He told me medics were trying to revive him for four minutes. When I asked for the details on where he was when it happened - who found him, all that - he said a female friend had to make the call.

He had a heart attack while...

Then the fucker told me he was thinking of me while doing her. WTF?! :evil: Classy, dude. :roll:

morello

Hey. Sorry, I haven't read the whole thread but just wanted to say that if there's infidelity involved in whoever's separating/divorcing I HIGHLY recommend checking out the website survivinginfidelity dot com. My now ex-husband left me for another woman a few years ago & that website & forum was an absolute godsend!!!! So many people with experience of infidelity from all different angles. PM me if you'd like to know more or honestly check it out. Fabulously suportive place!!!

pearljgirl2010

morello wrote:

Hey. Sorry, I haven't read the whole thread but just wanted to say that if there's infidelity involved in whoever's separating/divorcing I HIGHLY recommend checking out the website survivinginfidelity dot com. My now ex-husband left me for another woman a few years ago & that website & forum was an absolute godsend!!!! So many people with experience of infidelity from all different angles. PM me if you'd like to know more or honestly check it out. Fabulously suportive place!!!

Thanks for that...I'll check it out!

And, yes...as of today, I am officially single...well, no longer married anyway!

Lizard

pearljgirl2010 wrote:

sooo....updates on my situation:

today would have been our 7th anniversary...which is a little weird.

Our divorce is final in 5 days.

Oh, two weeks ago, my ex told me that he and he girlfriend are having a baby.

Wow---sorry bout that but it sounds like you are a survivor!!!
Best wishes for everyone going through this.

pearljgirl2010

Lizard wrote:

pearljgirl2010 wrote:

sooo....updates on my situation:

today would have been our 7th anniversary...which is a little weird.

Our divorce is final in 5 days.

Oh, two weeks ago, my ex told me that he and he girlfriend are having a baby.

Wow---sorry bout that but it sounds like you are a survivor!!!
Best wishes for everyone going through this.

Thanks, Liz....it's all OK. I feel good and am happy, and that's all I care about right now :-)

PearlJam24

After April 5, the divorce papers were signed on Monday so I am officially back on the market. This sucks! Do any of you guys/gals feel hopeless as far as going on a date? Maybe I'm looking too hard and just need to let whatever happens, happen. I just don't like being alone...

Starfall

PearlJam24 wrote:

After April 5, the divorce papers were signed on Monday so I am officially back on the market. This sucks! Do any of you guys/gals feel hopeless as far as going on a date? Maybe I'm looking too hard and just need to let whatever happens, happen. I just don't like being alone...

From my own experience after a 12 year marriage ended in divorce 5 years ago - it really helps to just take care of your own needs first. Do something you've always wanted to do but haven't. Talk to old friends you haven't spoken to in a long time. Visit long lost relatives. Branch out, network, reconnect with people. Challenge yourself, break routine.

And remember - happiness will never be found anywhere outside yourself. And the sooner that you're happy just being yourself... relationships come easier.

CHANGEinWAVES

Starfall wrote:

PearlJam24 wrote:

After April 5, the divorce papers were signed on Monday so I am officially back on the market. This sucks! Do any of you guys/gals feel hopeless as far as going on a date? Maybe I'm looking too hard and just need to let whatever happens, happen. I just don't like being alone...

From my own experience after a 12 year marriage ended in divorce 5 years ago - it really helps to just take care of your own needs first. Do something you've always wanted to do but haven't. Talk to old friends you haven't spoken to in a long time. Visit long lost relatives. Branch out, network, reconnect with people. Challenge yourself, break routine.

And remember - happiness will never be found anywhere outside yourself. And the sooner that you're happy just being yourself... relationships come easier.

I felt hopeless (and honestly there are still days) but I've found GREAT friends through this... and I feel I'm much better of a person than I was. The process helped me "grow" (lame term I know) and i branched out and have done things I never would of done had I bounced from one relationship to another. Being single has given me a new found self and I know now that when I'm ready to commit to someone I'll be able to do it with a much more level head. Circumstances in my life have made me hesitant on a relationship right now since I can't give 100%, far too much going on.

my ex and i would of been together 14 years on April fools day of this year.... and married 9 on the up coming may 25th.

Listen to Starfall, he speaks the truth... it's a life changing thing and best to go with it and do some Changing on YOUR terms



**i don't know how much sense this made (i've been up since 4am..20hrs, I'm quite delirious)

PearlOfAGirl

I never thought that after being married for so many years that I'd ever be dating again. I think I'm going to take my time as far as that goes... I need to know who I am deep within myself... just thinking of dating again scares the hell out of me!! :shock:

Jeff Murray

PearlJam24 wrote:

After April 5, the divorce papers were signed on Monday so I am officially back on the market. This sucks! Do any of you guys/gals feel hopeless as far as going on a date? Maybe I'm looking too hard and just need to let whatever happens, happen. I just don't like being alone...

I hate accepting new members.... but welcome to the club.

Hopeless? No. Nervous? Sometimes. Take your time, do your rebound dating for a while and don't settle for the first girl that bats her eyes at you, easier said then done, I know. I agree with Starfall, do some things for yourself. Over the last 5 years since I have been separated/divorced I have learned that it is okay to do things for myself, if I would have waited around life would have passed me by. You may not like being alone now, but it will become easier if you have a great group of friends and family.

pearljgirl2010

HeartShapedBox wrote:

I never thought that after being married for so many years that I'd ever be dating again. I think I'm going to take my time as far as that goes... I need to know who I am deep within myself... just thinking of dating again scares the hell out of me!! :shock:

i was terrified of dating again at first, since it had been 10 years that I'd gone on a new date...but when I realized that my relationship with my husband was over long before we split up, i was able to go out and have fun :-) i let go of the scared/insecure feeling because I knew that anything I did from then on was on MY terms.

pearljgirl2010

Starfall wrote:

From my own experience after a 12 year marriage ended in divorce 5 years ago - it really helps to just take care of your own needs first. Do something you've always wanted to do but haven't. Talk to old friends you haven't spoken to in a long time. Visit long lost relatives. Branch out, network, reconnect with people. Challenge yourself, break routine.

And remember - happiness will never be found anywhere outside yourself. And the sooner that you're happy just being yourself... relationships come easier.

great advice, and very true...

dimitrispearljam

pearljgirl2010 wrote:

HeartShapedBox wrote:

I never thought that after being married for so many years that I'd ever be dating again. I think I'm going to take my time as far as that goes... I need to know who I am deep within myself... just thinking of dating again scares the hell out of me!! :shock:

i was terrified of dating again at first, since it had been 10 years that I'd gone on a new date...but when I realized that my relationship with my husband was over long before we split up, i was able to go out and have fun :-) i let go of the scared/insecure feeling because I knew that anything I did from then on was on MY terms.

and how was the new experience??how u fell?

pearljgirl2010

dimitrispearljam wrote:

[

i had fun! I just went out and did what I wanted to do...i had lost who I was during that relationship and it was fun discovering me again :-)

dimitrispearljam

pearljgirl2010 wrote:

dimitrispearljam wrote:

[

i had fun! I just went out and did what I wanted to do...i had lost who I was during that relationship and it was fun discovering me again :-)

sound nice..good for u Janet,its nice to start over.i wish u happiness,in YOUR way

rick1zoo2

Hi, just checking in, I won't go into too many details, but I can relate to a lot in this thread. I have three kids, so that makes things a lot more difficult as I still need to communicate almost daily with ex.

pearljgirl2010

dimitrispearljam wrote:

pearljgirl2010 wrote:

dimitrispearljam wrote:

[

i had fun! I just went out and did what I wanted to do...i had lost who I was during that relationship and it was fun discovering me again :-)

sound nice..good for u Janet,its nice to start over.i wish u happiness,in YOUR way

thank you...i appreciate that! and I agree with you...it is nice to have the opportunity to start over, knowing what's good for you, what you need to be happy. for me, knowing that our decision to divorce was a positive one for both of us has made my situation much easier, though, so I know I was very fortunate in that respect.

PearlJam24

Starfall wrote:

From my own experience after a 12 year marriage ended in divorce 5 years ago - it really helps to just take care of your own needs first. Do something you've always wanted to do but haven't. Talk to old friends you haven't spoken to in a long time. Visit long lost relatives. Branch out, network, reconnect with people. Challenge yourself, break routine.

And remember - happiness will never be found anywhere outside yourself. And the sooner that you're happy just being yourself... relationships come easier.

I've done a few of those things over the past year. I recently went on a trip to Vegas with my cousin, which was freakin' sweet. I've reconnected with a cousin I haven't spoken to since 2001. Hung out with a couple old friends I haven't seen since 2003. I even enjoy volunteering for my kid's class when parents are asked to help.

Part of the problem is my work schedule; my off days are during the week. That means my kid is at school and everyone else is at work...and when they're off I'm at work. It just seems difficult to meet new people.

I hate my job but with this economy the options are limited. I have too many financial responsibilities to quit...not an option.