On-line dating? I give up!

soulsinging wrote:

Who says she's his gf? Maybe they're not exclusive yet and he still does want to see you, but felt like he should be honest about not committing to anyone right now so you don't expect that he's not seeing anyone else when he is. But it's still a weird message... like "she's really into me, so you better bring your a-game!"

well right...I wrote back to him and asked for some clarification because that's what it sounded like at first because he said, "I don't know where it's going but I thought I'd tell you in case that matters to you" but then he was babbling about meeting friends on the site never works out well...so no idea.

sweet adeline wrote:

Cinnamon Girl wrote:

I was just told that my profile was "exhaustively long" by some guy who commented on my love for pearl jam: "They're ok."

Honest opinion I suppose.

seems like an easy one to cross off your list then

This list is a short one...he says he has three of their albums, but doesn't know which ones. :?

locked wrote:

I thought all women were attracted to the "bad boy"/ "wolves" who treated them like crap..
isn't that the lesson all us "nice guys" have learned?

(ducks for cover!)

really, you know the character John Cusack plays in the movie "High Fidelity"?

That's me ....and I lose out to men with tatoos /on probation/ with no bank account all the time lately....

(writes memo to self.. NEED TO FIND A PJ GIRL)
:roll:

oh sweet jesus. :roll: some women seem to find this appealing. others like myself prefer to be treated with respect cause thats how we treat ,not only the men in our lives, but ALL the people in our lives.

the john cusack character in high fidelity is a woose. plain and simple. he has no balls.he spends the entire film bitching to us about his past failed relationships. ummm hellooo whats the common factor here??? but my god!! what a music collection.

anyhoo you need to find someone who likes you for you. simple... but not.

dimitrispearljam wrote:

HeartShapedBox wrote:

So is this what I've got to look forward to after my divorce? :shock:

u never know what comes up in life..online next hour , in the next corner in the next trip,in the next moment,,who knows??

I like positive thinking!

ChasingDogma wrote:

OK Cupid is a great idea but I've noticed a few things.

1. There are a lot of serial daters on the site. You can usually tell because she's had her profile for years and still lists herself as single. And she seems to be online all of the time. While I don't see a real ethical issue with serial daters, I think they should not say they are seeking "long term relationships"... just "short term" or "friendship".

Well who says they're not interested in long-term relationships? Maybe they just haven't found one. You can date and still consider yourself single until you find a person you really want to be exclusive with for a long time. Whether they're specifically "looking for" a long-term relationship or not, they might just not have found one. My okc profile has been up for a good year, and it says I'm single and it says I'm interested in long-term relationships, and that's not a lie- I would have one if I happened upon a good one. To me the situation more describes a person who is open to taking relationships as they come and not settling for someone just because the relationship is "what they're looking for."

ChasingDogma wrote:

2. I live in a college town so there are a lot of girls who seem to only be interested in talking about their major or the degree program they are in. While this is interesting, it shouldn't be the sum of your existence. The same goes for those who can only talk about their career path. Bleh. I see nothing wrong with education or career goals, but you should never be defined by what you do or study. I want to know about your hobbies, your viewpoints, what makes you laugh...ect.

Well I see why this is really boring, but having been a grad student somewhat recently, I can say that it can be all-encompassing. You really don't have much time for hobbies- you don't have evenings and weekends like when you're working. All of your friends are people in your program, you're thinking about it 24/7. After a while, my boyfriend I had when I was in grad school was just like, "I just can't hang out with your grad school friends until you finish, it's ALL you talk about." It sucks, and it doesn't mean she doesn't have any other interests, it's just that right now she's absorbed. And it really can be a passion, as can the associated careers. If you've put a lot of yourself into studying something and go into it as a career, it's not just about a paycheck, it's part of you, it literally can be your "hobby" too, and it can even make you laugh . I've actually never dated a man who was really passionate about his career-it's usually just a pay check, and any preoccupation with it seems to come more from ambition and self-advancement than passion. I'd love to, for example, date a PhD student who was crazy about studying...the mating habits of...penguins. Just the fact that they're passionate about something is good for me.

ChasingDogma wrote:

3. I've never met anyone who is as near as interesting as they make themselves out to be on their profile.

haha well that's not surprising! I'm convinced that no one is really interesting.

Man I just realized how much I've been writing in this thread. Maybe I need to get a date on okcupid more than I thought I did .

locked wrote:

whereas if you're a huge fan of u2 or bruce springsteen you're viewed as completely rational...

and boring.

soulsinging wrote:

locked wrote:

Imspinnin once said in her thread post that:

"I explain Pearl Jam to people like its my job"..

That's a great description of my existence too..

I'm the only PJ fan in my circle of friends..

They tolerate my obsessive passion for the music and bootlegs of Pearl Jam, but they treat me like a crazy cousin of theirs..

whereas if you're a huge fan of u2 or bruce springsteen you're viewed as completely rational...

i don't know any u2 or bruce springsteen fans that come anywhere near the level of obsession of pj fans around here... people quitting jobs and abandoning families for a few concerts, dropping thousands on obsessive poster collections, listening exclusively to the same songs played over and over on hundreds of different bootlegs... i like pj and a chick that'd be that obsessed would weird me out too. i think the problem is pj fans don't realize that when they talk about taking off work to schedule their vacations around a rock band, all normal people see is a loser in a star trek uniform speaking klingon to them. nobody wants to date a trekkie other than other trekkies becos it means all your free/vacation time is going to be spent at the next vulcan convention. they want a guy/girl that talks about their free time being spent seeing the world and doing exciting and romantic things, not sitting in dark arenas listening to the same 15 songs while madly hoping the other 10 will be some super-rare b-side.

one of my pj tour buddies that i always meet on the road, is as obsessive about u2 as he is about pj. i also know a couple of pj fans just as obsessive over bruce. they ARe out there, and i am sure for other bands as well. we just aren't privy to it all b/c that's not our community. that said, there IS a middle ground in all of this - being mildly obessive.

i do collect posters from shows i've attended, but i also love art....so it combines passions. i also collect bootlegs from shows i've attended, simply b/c listening to them brings back many happy memories, even if i do so only occasionally. i have traveled a good deal to see pj b/c it's a great and novel way to plan a travel itinerary, and combine 2 things that i utterly LOVE; seeing pj live AND travel. i also manage to travel w/o seeing pj, have other - equally obsessive - passions, as does my husband.....so again, it's not all or nothing. there's lots of grey area in there. i thoroughly enjoy people who are passionate about *something*....even something i am not, makes for infinitely fascinating coversation. overly-obsessive, yea...perhaps not, but a true passion can be enjoyable.

also, many a friend/family-member who is not a fan has been quite envious of my trips, and also think what a cool way to go about traveling and meeting new people, etc, etc. all combining passions.

soulsinging wrote:

decides2dream wrote:

one of my pj tour buddies that i always meet on the road, is as obsessive about u2 as he is about pj. i also know a couple of pj fans just as obsessive over bruce. they ARe out there, and i am sure for other bands as well. we just aren't privy to it all b/c that's not our community. that said, there IS a middle ground in all of this - being mildly obessive.

i do collect posters from shows i've attended, but i also love art....so it combines passions. i also collect bootlegs from shows i've attended, simply b/c listening to them brings back many happy memories, even if i do so only occasionally. i have traveled a good deal to see pj b/c it's a great and novel way to plan a travel itinerary, and combine 2 things that i utterly LOVE; seeing pj live AND travel. i also manage to travel w/o seeing pj, have other - equally obsessive - passions, as does my husband.....so again, it's not all or nothing. there's lots of grey area in there. i thoroughly enjoy people who are passionate about *something*....even something i am not, makes for infinitely fascinating coversation. overly-obsessive, yea...perhaps not, but a true passion can be enjoyable.

also, many a friend/family-member who is not a fan has been quite envious of my trips, and also think what a cool way to go about traveling and meeting new people, etc, etc. all combining passions.

good for you. but all it takes is a cursory look around this place to see that there are a lot of folks around here who are clearly out of touch with any sort of reality. i say this as someone who used to be this way... talked about pj ALL the time to the point my friends got annoyed. it's a turn off to most people to be so singularly obsessed with something such that it kinda consumes and dominates your life. if you bring up or connect everything to pj or feel the need to "front" your obsession with the band, odds are you're just going to be viewed as a cult member... like trekkies, people that learned to speak elvish due to lord of the rings, or those engaged in bizarre religious groups like scientology or pentecostals.

if pj is the biggest thing going in your life such that it's a dealbreaker for you (i'm always shocked at the number of people that in all seriousness act like they could never date someone that didn't love the band and think giving them a 7-disc live compilation of songs is a normal and reasonable thing to do), you better stick to the dating thread on the porch. becos everyone else is going to see you as kind of a weirdo if you're lucky, a potential mom's basement-living friendless serial killer if you're not

art means a lot of things... seeing it, making it, going to museums, openings, etc. music does too. as do books. then you can talk about those passions and the many ways to explore them. but nobody wants the same meal every day forever and if your only response to "what are your interests" is "pearl jam"... that's going to raise warning flags.

agreed.
point is, not everyone here is like that. at ALL. you and i and many, many others are cases in point. that's all. like most things, there are degrees....

i rarely talk pj with anyone who is not into pj. it is, at most, a cursory comment here or there, nothing more. i do not want to be bored silly with someone els'es incessant dronings of one topic, so of course i realize the same with my interests. balance, balance, balance. that was my whole point.