meeting my first girl from the interweb for coffee tonight. we'll see how this goes.
Have fun! One person I met through the internet was so shy it took an hour before he would look me in the eye when he was talking to me. He had a kind face, but I didn't realize that for most of the dinner.
There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
meeting my first girl from the interweb for coffee tonight. we'll see how this goes.
Have fun! One person I met through the internet was so shy it took an hour before he would look me in the eye when he was talking to me. He had a kind face, but I didn't realize that for most of the dinner.
wow. i'm nowhere near that shy. people seem to find me easy to talk to. i've met several people from on here and it's never been awkward. i get the impression there are a lot of nuts in the online dating world, so i'm hoping to stand out by default of being a pretty normal, nice guy, hehe. just wish i'd managed to get my hair cut this weekend as i intended, and that i'd slept more than 5 hours last night!
meeting my first girl from the interweb for coffee tonight. we'll see how this goes.
Have fun! One person I met through the internet was so shy it took an hour before he would look me in the eye when he was talking to me. He had a kind face, but I didn't realize that for most of the dinner.
wow. i'm nowhere near that shy. people seem to find me easy to talk to. i've met several people from on here and it's never been awkward. i get the impression there are a lot of nuts in the online dating world, so i'm hoping to stand out by default of being a pretty normal, nice guy, hehe. just wish i'd managed to get my hair cut this weekend as i intended, and that i'd slept more than 5 hours last night!
no worries on that count man, this dry spell has gotten such that i might be gunning for the guinness book of records lately!
anyway, date went well. she was actually far prettier in person, which was a nice surprise. and she's a sweet girl. but she's also looking for something a lot more serious than i am, so i don't think i'm going to let it go much past friends and hanging out. i've a bad habit of serial monogamy that i need to work on breaking.
no worries on that count man, this dry spell has gotten such that i might be gunning for the guinness book of records lately!
anyway, date went well. she was actually far prettier in person, which was a nice surprise. and she's a sweet girl. but she's also looking for something a lot more serious than i am, so i don't think i'm going to let it go much past friends and hanging out. i've a bad habit of serial monogamy that i need to work on breaking.
hey! glad to hear you had a good time anyway.
definitely cut it short if you're on a much different level than she is. Nothing wrong with either side but not fair to either of you. Nothing worse than settling and hoping the other person will morph into what you want.
believe it or not, we don't "need" anything. that is only the spoiled brat in us trying to fill some temporary solution to an emptyness that does not exist.
I have eaten so much gold I crapped excellence - drtyfrnk29
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!
anyway, date went well. she was actually far prettier in person, which was a nice surprise. and she's a sweet girl. but she's also looking for something a lot more serious than i am, so i don't think i'm going to let it go much past friends and hanging out. i've a bad habit of serial monogamy that i need to work on breaking.
I always find the idea of "looking for" a particular type of relationship very odd. I feel that if I meet a new person, that relationship is new too. It's not like any other relationship I have with anyone else. And it has the possibility of going anywhere, you know? We could end up just having one ok date, we could end up "casually" dating for a few months, we could end up spending the rest of our lives committed to each other. I think the type of relationship you have is defined by the relationship between the two people in it, not by some kind of idea I have before it even starts. Now if I could only meet guys who think this way. It seems like everyone I've ever gone out with is trying to decide whether he wants a "girlfriend" or a "good time" and doesn't even seem to consider how he actually feels about me personally. They also make a lot of assumptions about what I want...(I'm female, so obviously I won't be happy until I have a ring on my finger) and that really frustrates me :(. Boo. I don't know what's gotten into me lately, but I've been wanting to meet people the last few months and it's getting frustrating that okcupid isn't helping!
i'm sorry to hear that, sorta. it sucks for you, but it certainly makes me feel a lot happier with my responses hopefully i stand out then, by virtue of writing in complete sentences and asking about them. I'm sure there are a lot of guys just using the site hoping to get laid. I'm kinda surprised I'm not one of them, given that according to their personality bell curve, i am more desiring of sex than 96% of the people on the site, hehe.
Well I mean going on there to get laid is one thing- that's perfectly justifiable, IMO. However, you have to put a little work into getting laid. I'm mean christ, schedule a date and hope she's easy! Even if you tell them flat out you're just interested in sex! But I just don't see the benefit to anyone to just immediately getting together for sex...how do they even know they're attracted to you? Yeah I mean photos are one thing but you don't really know what a person looks like from a photo, and even if you could, people have a lot of characteristics that make them unattractive that you can't see in a photo...plus there are safety issues...I don't know it just seems so weird to me that these guys think I'd actually be down with this, and I don't even get why they are.
i'm sorry to hear that, sorta. it sucks for you, but it certainly makes me feel a lot happier with my responses hopefully i stand out then, by virtue of writing in complete sentences and asking about them. I'm sure there are a lot of guys just using the site hoping to get laid. I'm kinda surprised I'm not one of them, given that according to their personality bell curve, i am more desiring of sex than 96% of the people on the site, hehe.
Well I mean going on there to get laid is one thing- that's perfectly justifiable, IMO. However, you have to put a little work into getting laid. I'm mean christ, schedule a date and hope she's easy! Even if you tell them flat out you're just interested in sex! But I just don't see the benefit to anyone to just immediately getting together for sex...how do they even know they're attracted to you? Yeah I mean photos are one thing but you don't really know what a person looks like from a photo, and even if you could, people have a lot of characteristics that make them unattractive that you can't see in a photo...plus there are safety issues...I don't know it just seems so weird to me that these guys think I'd actually be down with this, and I don't even get why they are.
you clearly dont understand men we can stick it in anything! our standards are nowhere near as exacting as yours, despite what the media/beauty industries will tell you about needing to be flawlessly beautiful. besides, men are nowhere near as vulnerable to the risks of casual sex as women.
anyway, date went well. she was actually far prettier in person, which was a nice surprise. and she's a sweet girl. but she's also looking for something a lot more serious than i am, so i don't think i'm going to let it go much past friends and hanging out. i've a bad habit of serial monogamy that i need to work on breaking.
I always find the idea of "looking for" a particular type of relationship very odd. I feel that if I meet a new person, that relationship is new too. It's not like any other relationship I have with anyone else. And it has the possibility of going anywhere, you know? We could end up just having one ok date, we could end up "casually" dating for a few months, we could end up spending the rest of our lives committed to each other. I think the type of relationship you have is defined by the relationship between the two people in it, not by some kind of idea I have before it even starts. Now if I could only meet guys who think this way. It seems like everyone I've ever gone out with is trying to decide whether he wants a "girlfriend" or a "good time" and doesn't even seem to consider how he actually feels about me personally. They also make a lot of assumptions about what I want...(I'm female, so obviously I won't be happy until I have a ring on my finger) and that really frustrates me :(. Boo. I don't know what's gotten into me lately, but I've been wanting to meet people the last few months and it's getting frustrating that okcupid isn't helping!
what's so odd about it? i just got out of a very serious long-term relationship and i'm not terribly interested in something just as serious. how is that more odd than wanting someone of the same religion, or with similar taste in music, or any other criteria we use to decide if we match with someone? and while you say this, i would argue SHE is the one looking for something aprticular.... a husband. i dont want to get roped into something serious becos someone else's biological clock started ticking and she's willing to settle for anyone she can tie down...
what's so odd about it? i just got out of a very serious long-term relationship and i'm not terribly interested in something just as serious. how is that more odd than wanting someone of the same religion, or with similar taste in music, or any other criteria we use to decide if we match with someone? and while you say this, i would argue SHE is the one looking for something aprticular.... a husband. i dont want to get roped into something serious becos someone else's biological clock started ticking and she's willing to settle for anyone she can tie down...
Oh I meant both of your positions, but even moreso her's. I absolutely hate women like that because they just reinforce the stereotype for all of us. On your end, I get not feeling like having a "relationship" after just finishing one, but what if you happen to meet someone with whom this is the way it goes naturally? I didn't want a "boyfriend" when I met my last boyfriend, but it just sort of happened. As we grew to know each other better, we just found ourselves spending more and more time together and growing closer together. I kind of resisted, but in the end, relationships are organic and they grow the way they want to...or at least I think they should. It seems unnatural to me now to try to force these things in particular directions. I also think that even if you don't want a "relationship" you can have one without the standard "relationship" things that people assume are part of it, and are often what gets them down...I think there are ways to love someone and be together without falling into the usual relationship lifestyle patterns.
And with respect to the "criteria" you mention, I actually don't completely know what mine are...I figure I know when I see them. Oh well I guess I have a couple. But they're flexible.
what's so odd about it? i just got out of a very serious long-term relationship and i'm not terribly interested in something just as serious. how is that more odd than wanting someone of the same religion, or with similar taste in music, or any other criteria we use to decide if we match with someone? and while you say this, i would argue SHE is the one looking for something aprticular.... a husband. i dont want to get roped into something serious becos someone else's biological clock started ticking and she's willing to settle for anyone she can tie down...
Oh I meant both of your positions, but even moreso her's. I absolutely hate women like that because they just reinforce the stereotype for all of us. On your end, I get not feeling like having a "relationship" after just finishing one, but what if you happen to meet someone with whom this is the way it goes naturally? I didn't want a "boyfriend" when I met my last boyfriend, but it just sort of happened. As we grew to know each other better, we just found ourselves spending more and more time together and growing closer together. I kind of resisted, but in the end, relationships are organic and they grow the way they want to...or at least I think they should. It seems unnatural to me now to try to force these things in particular directions. I also think that even if you don't want a "relationship" you can have one without the standard "relationship" things that people assume are part of it, and are often what gets them down...I think there are ways to love someone and be together without falling into the usual relationship lifestyle patterns.
And with respect to the "criteria" you mention, I actually don't completely know what mine are...I figure I know when I see them. Oh well I guess I have a couple. But they're flexible.
which is why i'm still going for sushi with her next week
Point taken soulsinging and decides2dream....I have nothing really keeping me in the states so I would be willing to travel to increase my chances before I die. If that means moving to another part of the world then so be it. Better than being alone. However I never would settle; I imagine that has to reap bad energy down the road.
Never been married; single, no children, getting old, never tried the on-line date service not sure that I would. I mean it may increase a person chance and it takes less time but how many couples actually have a good time or become committed to each other through a dating service? A passport would increase a person chance. I need to get mine...
how many couples have a good time or become committed to each other through getting drunk at a bar? seems as reasonable a way to meet someone as any other, and it makes more sense to me than trying to get to know someone while shouting over the noise in a dark bar or club.
what's a passport got to do with anything?
agreed.
if you're open to it, and can work for you...if you want it to. if you don't, you don't...and so it goes. a lot of people like to be proactive in their dating, others like to leave it simply to chance. there's no one right or wrong way, just what you're comfortable with.
as to the passport thing, i imagine it's simply to broaden your circle, meet new people?
my oldest sister met her 2nd husband thru newspaper personals, preinternet...and she met her current BF online. i met my husband thru mutual friends at a party, but 'knew' each other for years...my middle sister met most of her BFs, and her now husband, at bars. whatever works!
locked - is it bad that i laughed at your latest post? :oops: i don't laugh at your pain - i feel for ya buddy, but your words were simply too funny! hang in there buddy!
Point taken soulsinging and decides2dream....I have nothing really keeping me in the states so I would be willing to travel to increase my chances before I die. If that means moving to another part of the world then so be it. Better than being alone. However I never would settle; I imagine that has to reap bad energy down the road.
i wouldn't encourage settling. i'm just not sure what good you think a passport would do, esp if you end up in countries where you don't speak the language. it's still going to be the same process of trying to randomly bump into the love of your life at a bar or bookstore or whatever. i'm not sure it'd increase your chances all that much. i mean, if you're not finding someone in your town, wouldn't moving to another city have the same effect as another country? but if you're so interested in increasing your chances, i guess i don't see why you would automatically rule out online dating. hell, people have met via this website and ended up married! i guess some people still cling to the stigma that only desperate losers would ever try to meet someone online.
Point taken soulsinging and decides2dream....I have nothing really keeping me in the states so I would be willing to travel to increase my chances before I die. If that means moving to another part of the world then so be it. Better than being alone. However I never would settle; I imagine that has to reap bad energy down the road.
i wouldn't encourage settling. i'm just not sure what good you think a passport would do, esp if you end up in countries where you don't speak the language. it's still going to be the same process of trying to randomly bump into the love of your life at a bar or bookstore or whatever. i'm not sure it'd increase your chances all that much. i mean, if you're not finding someone in your town, wouldn't moving to another city have the same effect as another country? but if you're so interested in increasing your chances, i guess i don't see why you would automatically rule out online dating. hell, people have met via this website and ended up married! i guess some people still cling to the stigma that only desperate losers would ever try to meet someone online.
and I really can't believe that stigma still exists. every person I know has done online dating at some point. Some very successfully, others not. Honestly to me, uprooting your entire life and going to search the world sounds more desperate. Not that I discourage traveling at all, I just think this is really a bad motive for doing so!
Not me either. Not only do I not have a date, I'm not doing anything except watching Animal Planet, eating frozen pizza, doing laundry, and wishing all my friends hadn't become hermits as soon as they turned 30!
Crap, I've already seen this episode of "I Shouldn't be Alive." The only other thing on is "Platnum Weddings." Blurg!
I am 28 and was separated from my ex when I was 27 and am recently divorced (officially) at the beginning of this month. I've dabbled with online dating over the past couple of months and under "status" I've indicated "single" even though there were "Separated" or "divorced" options. Am I being deceptive and overly dishonest? After all, I AM single.
Here's my rationale. To be honest, if the shoe was on the other foot, I would be very reluctant to give someone of my age who was divorced a chance. Totally hypocritical I know. BUT, I think most people would jump to the conclusions of immaturity, rash decisions, mad drama, unwanted children and all stigmas associated with young marriage and "young divorce". Maybe I'm being paranoid. The truth is that my previous marriage (though failed) was very loving, authentic and came after over 6 years of dating and interesting life experiences. However, it didn't work out and we broke up after 3 years.
Is it wrong to ignore the "separated/Divorced" option and just go with plain ol' single?
I am 28 and was separated from my ex when I was 27 and am recently divorced (officially) at the beginning of this month. I've dabbled with online dating over the past couple of months and under "status" I've indicated "single" even though there were "Separated" or "divorced" options. Am I being deceptive and overly dishonest? After all, I AM single.
Here's my rationale. To be honest, if the shoe was on the other foot, I would be very reluctant to give someone of my age who was divorced a chance. Totally hypocritical I know. BUT, I think most people would jump to the conclusions of immaturity, rash decisions, mad drama, unwanted children and all stigmas associated with young marriage and "young divorce". Maybe I'm being paranoid. The truth is that my previous marriage (though failed) was very loving, authentic and came after over 6 years of dating and interesting life experiences. However, it didn't work out and we broke up after 3 years.
Is it wrong to ignore the "separated/Divorced" option and just go with plain ol' single?
The assumption of the dating sites is that everyone on there is single - whether they've never been married or are separated/divorced/widowed. I don't think you're wrong regardless of which you choose. Your profile may show as single but you may show in a search list as "never been married". I don't see listing yourself as divorced as a negative at the age of 28 but it would require you to let a person know that you have been married previously if you ended up talking/meeting.
believe it or not, we don't "need" anything. that is only the spoiled brat in us trying to fill some temporary solution to an emptyness that does not exist.
I have eaten so much gold I crapped excellence - drtyfrnk29
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!
I am 28 and was separated from my ex when I was 27 and am recently divorced (officially) at the beginning of this month. I've dabbled with online dating over the past couple of months and under "status" I've indicated "single" even though there were "Separated" or "divorced" options. Am I being deceptive and overly dishonest? After all, I AM single.
Here's my rationale. To be honest, if the shoe was on the other foot, I would be very reluctant to give someone of my age who was divorced a chance. Totally hypocritical I know. BUT, I think most people would jump to the conclusions of immaturity, rash decisions, mad drama, unwanted children and all stigmas associated with young marriage and "young divorce". Maybe I'm being paranoid. The truth is that my previous marriage (though failed) was very loving, authentic and came after over 6 years of dating and interesting life experiences. However, it didn't work out and we broke up after 3 years.
Is it wrong to ignore the "separated/Divorced" option and just go with plain ol' single?
hmm I don't know. I understand where you are coming from, but when you finally tell someone about the divorce they may see it as you were trying to hide something. Personally, I would probably be more upfront about it, but you may have to take more of the initiative of writing the first email and giving a very brief explanation. Because I know that back when I did match, I usually only searched under "never been married." But, do they still have the option of leaving it blank or choosing "I'll tell you later"? That could be another possibility for you. Basically, I think I'd be a little aggravated if someone evaded the truth on a major profile statistic...unless perhaps there was a good explanation right up front.
I am 28 and was separated from my ex when I was 27 and am recently divorced (officially) at the beginning of this month. I've dabbled with online dating over the past couple of months and under "status" I've indicated "single" even though there were "Separated" or "divorced" options. Am I being deceptive and overly dishonest? After all, I AM single.
Here's my rationale. To be honest, if the shoe was on the other foot, I would be very reluctant to give someone of my age who was divorced a chance. Totally hypocritical I know. BUT, I think most people would jump to the conclusions of immaturity, rash decisions, mad drama, unwanted children and all stigmas associated with young marriage and "young divorce". Maybe I'm being paranoid. The truth is that my previous marriage (though failed) was very loving, authentic and came after over 6 years of dating and interesting life experiences. However, it didn't work out and we broke up after 3 years.
Is it wrong to ignore the "separated/Divorced" option and just go with plain ol' single?
hmm I don't know. I understand where you are coming from, but when you finally tell someone about the divorce they may see it as you were trying to hide something. Personally, I would probably be more upfront about it, but you may have to take more of the initiative of writing the first email and giving a very brief explanation. Because I know that back when I did match, I usually only searched under "never been married." But, do they still have the option of leaving it blank or choosing "I'll tell you later"? That could be another possibility for you. Basically, I think I'd be a little aggravated if someone evaded the truth on a major profile statistic...unless perhaps there was a good explanation right up front.
Thanks for your input! I've tried a more up front approach as in mentioning it in an early email/message but I find it really tends to freak people out and I think the assumption is that there is baggage etc. There is no "Never been married" option, nor a "tell you later" either. I figured that if I was to meet someone on the street, I wouldn't mention the fact until we came to a point where it became necessary or tactful to mention it as it does not at all play any pertinent role in my present nor in my future. I do realize the online thing might have different rules and/or etiquitte.
Thanks for your input! I've tried a more up front approach as in mentioning it in an early email/message but I find it really tends to freak people out and I think the assumption is that there is baggage etc. There is no "Never been married" option, nor a "tell you later" either. I figured that if I was to meet someone on the street, I wouldn't mention the fact until we came to a point where it became necessary or tactful to mention it as it does not at all play any pertinent role in my present nor in my future. I do realize the online thing might have different rules and/or etiquitte.
I think what Lauri was getting at is the "match" emails you get. I'm not sure how it's done on other dating websites but you (if you set your profile this way) get emails from match on a regular basis "match-mail" with people who meet some of the criteria you've indicated for a date. If you're listed as single, you would show on my email as "never been married". Granted you can correct that in your first contact with someone but could be taken as disingenuous.
Again, I don't think you're "damaged goods" because you were married & divorced young. And I doubt the majority of people on a dating website would think so either. The people who freak out may legitimately have a hard time with the fact your profile gives the impression of having never been married then you tell them otherwise. If you really think that having been married/divorced young is a black mark against someone, I honestly get the impression you really think that of yourself. And that, my friend, is baggage.
I personally think everyone has baggage. It's a matter of whether they've put it where it belongs in their lives - the past. Accept what has happened, learn from your mistakes and move on.
believe it or not, we don't "need" anything. that is only the spoiled brat in us trying to fill some temporary solution to an emptyness that does not exist.
I have eaten so much gold I crapped excellence - drtyfrnk29
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!
Comments
The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
wow. i'm nowhere near that shy. people seem to find me easy to talk to. i've met several people from on here and it's never been awkward. i get the impression there are a lot of nuts in the online dating world, so i'm hoping to stand out by default of being a pretty normal, nice guy, hehe. just wish i'd managed to get my hair cut this weekend as i intended, and that i'd slept more than 5 hours last night!
Good Luck!
thats for SOS post
stupid 3 quote limit
Sammi: Wanna just break up?
no worries on that count man, this dry spell has gotten such that i might be gunning for the guinness book of records lately!
anyway, date went well. she was actually far prettier in person, which was a nice surprise. and she's a sweet girl. but she's also looking for something a lot more serious than i am, so i don't think i'm going to let it go much past friends and hanging out. i've a bad habit of serial monogamy that i need to work on breaking.
hey! glad to hear you had a good time anyway.
definitely cut it short if you're on a much different level than she is. Nothing wrong with either side but not fair to either of you. Nothing worse than settling and hoping the other person will morph into what you want.
I have eaten so much gold I crapped excellence - drtyfrnk29
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!
I always find the idea of "looking for" a particular type of relationship very odd. I feel that if I meet a new person, that relationship is new too. It's not like any other relationship I have with anyone else. And it has the possibility of going anywhere, you know? We could end up just having one ok date, we could end up "casually" dating for a few months, we could end up spending the rest of our lives committed to each other. I think the type of relationship you have is defined by the relationship between the two people in it, not by some kind of idea I have before it even starts. Now if I could only meet guys who think this way. It seems like everyone I've ever gone out with is trying to decide whether he wants a "girlfriend" or a "good time" and doesn't even seem to consider how he actually feels about me personally. They also make a lot of assumptions about what I want...(I'm female, so obviously I won't be happy until I have a ring on my finger) and that really frustrates me :(. Boo. I don't know what's gotten into me lately, but I've been wanting to meet people the last few months and it's getting frustrating that okcupid isn't helping!
Well I mean going on there to get laid is one thing- that's perfectly justifiable, IMO. However, you have to put a little work into getting laid. I'm mean christ, schedule a date and hope she's easy! Even if you tell them flat out you're just interested in sex! But I just don't see the benefit to anyone to just immediately getting together for sex...how do they even know they're attracted to you? Yeah I mean photos are one thing but you don't really know what a person looks like from a photo, and even if you could, people have a lot of characteristics that make them unattractive that you can't see in a photo...plus there are safety issues...I don't know it just seems so weird to me that these guys think I'd actually be down with this, and I don't even get why they are.
you clearly dont understand men
what's so odd about it? i just got out of a very serious long-term relationship and i'm not terribly interested in something just as serious. how is that more odd than wanting someone of the same religion, or with similar taste in music, or any other criteria we use to decide if we match with someone? and while you say this, i would argue SHE is the one looking for something aprticular.... a husband. i dont want to get roped into something serious becos someone else's biological clock started ticking and she's willing to settle for anyone she can tie down...
ugh, but why would you want to.
Oh I meant both of your positions, but even moreso her's. I absolutely hate women like that because they just reinforce the stereotype for all of us. On your end, I get not feeling like having a "relationship" after just finishing one, but what if you happen to meet someone with whom this is the way it goes naturally? I didn't want a "boyfriend" when I met my last boyfriend, but it just sort of happened. As we grew to know each other better, we just found ourselves spending more and more time together and growing closer together. I kind of resisted, but in the end, relationships are organic and they grow the way they want to...or at least I think they should. It seems unnatural to me now to try to force these things in particular directions. I also think that even if you don't want a "relationship" you can have one without the standard "relationship" things that people assume are part of it, and are often what gets them down...I think there are ways to love someone and be together without falling into the usual relationship lifestyle patterns.
And with respect to the "criteria" you mention, I actually don't completely know what mine are...I figure I know when I see them. Oh well I guess I have a couple. But they're flexible.
becos it feels good? does eating mcd's do your body any good? no. but sometimes it just tastes good.
which is why i'm still going for sushi with her next week
i wouldn't encourage settling. i'm just not sure what good you think a passport would do, esp if you end up in countries where you don't speak the language. it's still going to be the same process of trying to randomly bump into the love of your life at a bar or bookstore or whatever. i'm not sure it'd increase your chances all that much. i mean, if you're not finding someone in your town, wouldn't moving to another city have the same effect as another country? but if you're so interested in increasing your chances, i guess i don't see why you would automatically rule out online dating. hell, people have met via this website and ended up married! i guess some people still cling to the stigma that only desperate losers would ever try to meet someone online.
and I really can't believe that stigma still exists. every person I know has done online dating at some point. Some very successfully, others not. Honestly to me, uprooting your entire life and going to search the world sounds more desperate. Not that I discourage traveling at all, I just think this is really a bad motive for doing so!
who's got a date???
:shock:
EV intro to Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns
10/25/13 Hartford
not me. i'm going home to get blinding drunk and pissed off at a former friend, then to bed.
Not me either. Not only do I not have a date, I'm not doing anything except watching Animal Planet, eating frozen pizza, doing laundry, and wishing all my friends hadn't become hermits as soon as they turned 30!
Crap, I've already seen this episode of "I Shouldn't be Alive." The only other thing on is "Platnum Weddings." Blurg!
My conclusion is
Soulsinging and Lauri are made for eachother
and
I'm in love with Locked.
The best expression of Love is Time.
The best time to Love is Now.
I'm never as good as when you're there.........
aw.. shucks!
:oops:
EV intro to Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns
10/25/13 Hartford
I am 28 and was separated from my ex when I was 27 and am recently divorced (officially) at the beginning of this month. I've dabbled with online dating over the past couple of months and under "status" I've indicated "single" even though there were "Separated" or "divorced" options. Am I being deceptive and overly dishonest? After all, I AM single.
Here's my rationale. To be honest, if the shoe was on the other foot, I would be very reluctant to give someone of my age who was divorced a chance. Totally hypocritical I know. BUT, I think most people would jump to the conclusions of immaturity, rash decisions, mad drama, unwanted children and all stigmas associated with young marriage and "young divorce". Maybe I'm being paranoid. The truth is that my previous marriage (though failed) was very loving, authentic and came after over 6 years of dating and interesting life experiences. However, it didn't work out and we broke up after 3 years.
Is it wrong to ignore the "separated/Divorced" option and just go with plain ol' single?
The assumption of the dating sites is that everyone on there is single - whether they've never been married or are separated/divorced/widowed. I don't think you're wrong regardless of which you choose. Your profile may show as single but you may show in a search list as "never been married". I don't see listing yourself as divorced as a negative at the age of 28 but it would require you to let a person know that you have been married previously if you ended up talking/meeting.
I have eaten so much gold I crapped excellence - drtyfrnk29
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!
hmm I don't know. I understand where you are coming from, but when you finally tell someone about the divorce they may see it as you were trying to hide something. Personally, I would probably be more upfront about it, but you may have to take more of the initiative of writing the first email and giving a very brief explanation. Because I know that back when I did match, I usually only searched under "never been married." But, do they still have the option of leaving it blank or choosing "I'll tell you later"? That could be another possibility for you. Basically, I think I'd be a little aggravated if someone evaded the truth on a major profile statistic...unless perhaps there was a good explanation right up front.
I think what Lauri was getting at is the "match" emails you get. I'm not sure how it's done on other dating websites but you (if you set your profile this way) get emails from match on a regular basis "match-mail" with people who meet some of the criteria you've indicated for a date. If you're listed as single, you would show on my email as "never been married". Granted you can correct that in your first contact with someone but could be taken as disingenuous.
Again, I don't think you're "damaged goods" because you were married & divorced young. And I doubt the majority of people on a dating website would think so either. The people who freak out may legitimately have a hard time with the fact your profile gives the impression of having never been married then you tell them otherwise. If you really think that having been married/divorced young is a black mark against someone, I honestly get the impression you really think that of yourself. And that, my friend, is baggage.
I personally think everyone has baggage. It's a matter of whether they've put it where it belongs in their lives - the past. Accept what has happened, learn from your mistakes and move on.
I have eaten so much gold I crapped excellence - drtyfrnk29
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!
... the outlook for improving your past is poor at best!
:roll:
EV intro to Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns
10/25/13 Hartford
I like the ones here!
EV intro to Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns
10/25/13 Hartford