On-line dating? I give up!

locked

its been three years and I am still single..

The woman I meet all seem to have the following:
- Constantly talk about nothing but themsleves.
- Expect to be provided for (money, gifts, travel) in their entirety.
- Have a secret wish to have a child despite denying so on profile
- Have an overblown opinion of their own attractiveness level.
- Have an overblown idea of what man they want/ think they can date (Brad Pitt / George clooney cross over)
- Have a very little sense of humor..

and finally.... Do not give a damn about Pearl Jam or hard rock music in general...

I posted it before...

I NEED A PJ GIRL!!!!! PLEASE GOD!?

kenny olav

dude, don't give up.

I met one long-term girlfriend here on the pit actually. and i just met another girl online chatting about music and we had one date and it went great. you can meet girls at bars or wherever and they'll be just as shallow or whatever. just keep at it. i know it sucks looking, believe me.

Lauri

I've done tons of online dating. Years ago it was ok. I met some weirdos but I also met some good guys, including a pretty serious boyfriend. After being with him for a long time, I took about a year off from online dating (ok any dating), and now about a year back into it, it's been completely useless! I was on match.com for a while and I was like why am I paying for this? Then I read an article about okcupid (which is free) and it sounded pretty cool. I'm still on it, and I've had a few dates, but most of the guys are just REALLY weird when I meet them in person. I did meet one guy who was a big pearl jam fan, but nothing really happened from that.

I continue to do online dating because I'm attracted to men, and I'd like to meet some, and I don't seem to meet them offline. I am totally of the belief that if you are single, it's just who you are, whether it be temporarily or forever. Meeting someone to be a couple with is just pure chance, and anyway it works out is just the way it works out. I will admit that lately I've been a little frustrated that I haven't been able to meet anyone online (or otherwise).

It's funny though, the description of the women you are meeting is quite similar to the men I've been meeting! But I don't think ANY of it is a function of online dating itself- it's just the people who are out there. Which is why I don't mind being single!

orig_long red

stay away from Plentyoffish.com .... it's loaded with barracudas and sea cows.

mca47

its been three years and I am still single..

The woman I meet all seem to have the following:
- Constantly talk about nothing but themsleves. This is not exclusive to online chicks! They all do it! My ex didn't even really know what I did for a career until about two months later...very self involved!
- Expect to be provided for (money, gifts, travel) in their entirety. Same thing. Old school way of thinking...want to be panpered...bullshit!
- Have a secret wish to have a child despite denying so on profile Yikes!! :shock:
- Have an overblown opinion of their own attractiveness level. Don't they all?
- Have an overblown idea of what man they want/ think they can date (Brad Pitt / George clooney cross over) which is why they are online because those guys a) don't exist in their world and b) don't put up with the above ^^^
- Have a very little sense of humor.. It's game over when I meet a chick w/o a sense of humor!

and finally.... Do not give a damn about Pearl Jam or hard rock music in general...

I posted it before...

I NEED A PJ GIRL!!!!! PLEASE GOD!?



I have never done the online thing, but I dated quite a few girls in my day...finding the diamond in the rough is tough but I (and I'm sure you) are still looking. Never settle!!!

Lauri

mca47 wrote:

its been three years and I am still single..

The woman I meet all seem to have the following:
- Constantly talk about nothing but themsleves. This is not exclusive to online chicks! They all do it! My ex didn't even really know what I did for a career until about two months later...very self involved!
- Expect to be provided for (money, gifts, travel) in their entirety. Same thing. Old school way of thinking...want to be panpered...bullshit!
- Have a secret wish to have a child despite denying so on profile Yikes!! :shock:
- Have an overblown opinion of their own attractiveness level. Don't they all?
- Have an overblown idea of what man they want/ think they can date (Brad Pitt / George clooney cross over) which is why they are online because those guys a) don't exist in their world and b) don't put up with the above ^^^
- Have a very little sense of humor.. It's game over when I meet a chick w/o a sense of humor!

and finally.... Do not give a damn about Pearl Jam or hard rock music in general...

I posted it before...

I NEED A PJ GIRL!!!!! PLEASE GOD!?



I have never done the online thing, but I dated quite a few girls in my day...finding the diamond in the rough is tough but I (and I'm sure you) are still looking. Never settle!!!

I really disagree with this. This is not a description of "women", it is a description of a certain type of girl. The one advantage of online dating is you can see an outline of who the person is before you make an effort to meet them. Put more into reading the profile rather than just looking at the photo. Look for women who are well educated and have a good job and have lots of their own interests and seem independent. And if you don't find any or only a few, then don't settle for less. I think very few women out there today really want to be provided for or are so self absorbed. Yes, I definitely know a few. But these are characteristics that men have too- there are crappy people out there. You just have to weed through them.

I also don't think that women have such a skewed vision of their attractiveness level, or that they only want men who look like models. I think if anything, it's the other way around. Most women I know truly believe that they are not beautiful, and we don't look at looks in men the same way they look at our looks (no I'm not saying that women don't care about looks, I'm just saying, the way we care about them is different than men, and what you are describing is sort of the way men look at it).

elle elle

Just a thought, but maybe locked and Lauri should chat a bit and see what happens. Who knows your perfect partner could have been here the whole time!

I know that I felt the same way for years. I dated a few people over the years, one pretty seriously (got my heart broken), then spent a few years alone. It got pretty lonely. All my friends were getting married, and having kids, and I was the "single friend". After awhile I just kind of felt like I was meant to be alone. Then thankfully my boyfriend and I met (again), and here we are a couple of years later happy, and with a beautiful son. The kicker is he lived two doors down from my parents place the majority of my life. Hang in there guys, one day you will turn around and the "one" (yes a little cliche) will be standing there. You're probably sick of hearing that :?

Side Note~ If they aren't a PJ fan, RUN! Those ones HAVE to be crazy!!

OffHeGoes29

Dude, I've been on match for a year and the women I've dated on there needed meds or are completely snotty. :?

No luck, I'm throwing in the towel, and so should you......for online dating that is.

Lauri

elle elle wrote:

After awhile I just kind of felt like I was meant to be alone.

See, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I could see the possibility that I'm meant to be alone, and I think that's cool, actually. And besides, you're never really alone. Even if you don't have a boyfriend, you still have friends and family. I actually enjoy being "the single friend." I feel much younger and cooler than my married friends.

katellis

ive found that once you stop looking .. you will find someone when you least expect it.
that being said, i am pretty glad im a heterosexual female .. i cannot stand most of the female race and couldn't imagine having to deal with them in the dating game!

as for the pj thing .. i dont think my boyfriend could name 2 pj songs if i asked him (i think the only one he knows is evenflow) .. but i've still kept him around for almost 4 years now . on the flip side, if you had a bad experience with a pj fan, would you want your fave band to be associated with bad memories? just a thought .. don't let that be a dealbreaker

patrickredeyes

OffHeGoes29 wrote:

Dude, I've been on match for a year and the women I've dated on there needed meds or are completely snotty. :?

No luck, I'm throwing in the towel, and so should you......for online dating that is.

Match is a joke IMO.


Staying single is the best option for me right now. And I'm just fine with that.

xavier mcdaniel

katellis wrote:

ive found that once you stop looking .. you will find someone when you least expect it.
that being said, i am pretty glad im a heterosexual female .. i cannot stand most of the female race and couldn't imagine having to deal with them in the dating game!

as for the pj thing .. i dont think my boyfriend could name 2 pj songs if i asked him (i think the only one he knows is evenflow) .. but i've still kept him around for almost 4 years now . on the flip side, if you had a bad experience with a pj fan, would you want your fave band to be associated with bad memories? just a thought .. don't let that be a dealbreaker

I've noticed that (the least expecting thing), it's one of those things if it's meant to happen it will happen.

haffajappa

I know some people who used plentyoffish.com

My boyfriend (before he dated me) had used it out of curiosity because my brother got him to sign up. He said he went out with this one girl who's only photos were headshots from angles where she looked really nice and pretty, but when he met with her she was a really, erm, large... emo girl.

He pretended to get a phone call and left on an "emergency".
What a jerk! :shock:

haffajappa

katellis wrote:

ive found that once you stop looking .. you will find someone when you least expect it.
that being said, i am pretty glad im a heterosexual female .. i cannot stand most of the female race and couldn't imagine having to deal with them in the dating game!

as for the pj thing .. i dont think my boyfriend could name 2 pj songs if i asked him (i think the only one he knows is evenflow) .. but i've still kept him around for almost 4 years now . on the flip side, if you had a bad experience with a pj fan, would you want your fave band to be associated with bad memories? just a thought .. don't let that be a dealbreaker

that's a good point, about the pj thing, i've never thought about it that way.
not that my boyfriend could name any songs either (and of course the one time i win front row is the show i bring him to!)

soulsinging

Lauri wrote:

I also don't think that women have such a skewed vision of their attractiveness level, or that they only want men who look like models. I think if anything, it's the other way around. Most women I know truly believe that they are not beautiful, and we don't look at looks in men the same way they look at our looks (no I'm not saying that women don't care about looks, I'm just saying, the way we care about them is different than men, and what you are describing is sort of the way men look at it).

guys go for looks, girls go for status.

BinFrog

I'll throw out a nod to eharmony. I'm not saying it will work for everybody, and they certainly would never claim to always work, but after a few mediocre dates after I broke up with my ex back in '06, I met my now wife through the site. Maybe it was a case of a needle in a haystack, but she is perfect for me.

Here's me taking a lead during one of the 4 songs me and my buddy played while the band (my guitar instructor's 3-piece band...who ROCKED!) took a break:

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=3 ... 1148441001

All I can say is just be patient. I don't mean that in a condescending way at all. I broke up with my girlfriend in '06 and took several months off from the dating scene, intentionally, before diving back in. I had some frustrating dates and dead end short-term relationships before I found my now wife. Yeah, it can suck going through the motions in the dating scene, but I think as long as you have a sense of humor about it you'll be fine. Just don't have an unrealistic notion of what your "perfect" match is, because that person doesn't exist. They may exist in time, but when you first meet them there is not a chance that is the case.

soulsinging

do all these sites cost money to join?

BinFrog

soulsinging wrote:

do all these sites cost money to join?

I think some are free, but I do not know which ones. EH is not free.

polaris_x

i tried the online thing before but had way more success just meeting girls randomly ... i think the main problem with the online thing is that a lot of people try to build themselves up instead of just being themselves ... so, the girls look for all the good-looking, veternarians that volunteer at childrens hospitals who drive fast cars while the guys look for the really hot looking ones ... in the end - no one is what they seem and no one is happy ...

anyhoo - i hear from friends who do the online thing a bit is that you have to take a hiatus every now and then ... if you want to meet someone - you have to put yourself out there ... anyhoo - i had to travel to another country to meet someone so there is no formula ...

good luck

Ms. Haiku

I tried eharmony twice - the first time I had two dates, and the people were like me: close with siblings, loved neices/nephew, devoted to a particular band and very shy on dates. The first one liked U2 (Saw them in Ireland) and the second one liked Rolling Stone (was trying for tickets for a nearby concert) so we had something to talk about.

However, it was very hard. The reason why I'm alone is that I'm very bashful. The second time I tried I didn't get any dates. I guess I'm a wee bit judgemental, eh?

I expect I'll meet Mr. Right at a PJ concert. It's a win-win and we would already have something to talk about. . . . or maybe his nephews will try to take the baseball field from my nieces while we practice, and I'll have to get snooty - and then we would find out we have similar senses of humors, and as he'll wear a NY rangers t-shirt and I'll wear a Dc captials t-shirt we'll talk about the games etc etc etc, totally ignore nieces and nephews . . . and then the rest will be history . . .

Better yet! . . . see the dog in the picture? He DOES NOT like other dogs. It's more like he gets very anxious. Anyway, I dogsit him and my twin's other dog a couple times a year. So, I'll be walking Ceasar and he'll try to attack Mr. Right's dog and in my overwhelmed reaction I'll trip over Mr. Right's dog leash, and all chaos . . and then we'll notice each other's hocky team t-shirts, and start to rehash the games. (hahahahahaha I'm making myself laugh. )

decides2dream

locked...ms. haiku......hmmmmmm.


seriously, i feel for you my friend! locked is a totally great guy and a crazy fan (in a good way ) - just sharing that with the pj ladies here.

my sister met her second husband thru the newspaper personals (pre-internet dating) and she met her now-BF (she's stopped geting married ) through the internet. i know a few people who have had good experiences, and as mentioned by some here, even marriages. hell, marriages have risen right out of this place! altho to be fair, also nightmarish dating experiences as well. :? bottomline, it's like anything else...hit-or-miss, pure dumb luck. and i hate to say it, but i do believe it gets harder as you get older. i think sure, for men, they usually are ok b/c normally woemn are more open to dating a older, etc, in general. but sure, you add in the kids, divorces, baggage from past relationships....coupled with the fact that sure, lots of people are already coupled and/or married the older you get....it's tough. i am not trying to be debbie-downer. :P honest. just realistic. it's hard! i've seen many a friend go thru it. that said, i know many, many people who HAVE found love again, or simply later in life. so don't give up hope!

also, just a thought to consider - have YOU been completely honest about yourself, who you are, your desires, etc? are they realistic? i only ask b/c if you keep meeting so many of the wrong women, it might be something to think about.


wish you the BEST.

Ms. Haiku

decides2dream wrote:

and i hate to say it, but i do believe it gets harder as you get older.

It's time to channel my inner-cougar. Demi Moore won't have anything on me

Lauri

soulsinging wrote:

Lauri wrote:

I also don't think that women have such a skewed vision of their attractiveness level, or that they only want men who look like models. I think if anything, it's the other way around. Most women I know truly believe that they are not beautiful, and we don't look at looks in men the same way they look at our looks (no I'm not saying that women don't care about looks, I'm just saying, the way we care about them is different than men, and what you are describing is sort of the way men look at it).

guys go for looks, girls go for status.

I disagree. "status" is actually a big turn off to me.

Lauri

BinFrog wrote:

I'll throw out a nod to eharmony. I'm not saying it will work for everybody, and they certainly would never claim to always work, but after a few mediocre dates after I broke up with my ex back in '06, I met my now wife through the site. Maybe it was a case of a needle in a haystack, but she is perfect for me.

Here's me taking a lead during one of the 4 songs me and my buddy played while the band (my guitar instructor's 3-piece band...who ROCKED!) took a break:

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=3 ... 1148441001

All I can say is just be patient. I don't mean that in a condescending way at all. I broke up with my girlfriend in '06 and took several months off from the dating scene, intentionally, before diving back in. I had some frustrating dates and dead end short-term relationships before I found my now wife. Yeah, it can suck going through the motions in the dating scene, but I think as long as you have a sense of humor about it you'll be fine. Just don't have an unrealistic notion of what your "perfect" match is, because that person doesn't exist. They may exist in time, but when you first meet them there is not a chance that is the case.

eHarmony is horrible! It costs a LOT of money, first of all, and secondly, it's only for Christians who want to get married. If you are not religious (and Christian) and aren't desperate to get married immediately, it's not for you. Also, they do not offer services for gay people, which I think is horrible, so personally, I wouldn't give them my money.

Lauri

soulsinging wrote:

do all these sites cost money to join?

the only one I know of that is free is okcupid, which is sort of the "alternative" site I'm using now. It was started by guys at MIT, and it's a lot of more...interesting people- nerds, geeks, indie rockers, bike hipsters, etc. I like it much better than the traditional sites. Also, they don't discriminate against ANYONE. You openly put down that you are married or polygamist or whatever. Not that I would go for any of that, but I like that the site doesn't draw such black and white lines around issues such as love and sex and doesn't get involved in moral supremacy races.

decides2dream

Ms. Haiku wrote:

decides2dream wrote:

and i hate to say it, but i do believe it gets harder as you get older.

It's time to channel my inner-cougar. Demi Moore won't have anything on me

i didn't want to get you, locked, or anyone down. it's only my perspective anyway, and wtf do i know? i've been married...forever. seriously, just my observations. and as i said, i know LOTs of success stories...whether meeting someone online, or simply meeting in real life....people remarrying, people marrying for the first time later in life, etc, etc.

hey, my sisters are great examples. oldest sister married at 23, divorced by 30 - 1 son. met 2nd hubby thru personal ads, remarried at 33 - 2 more sons. sadly, another divorce around 42 i think. met her current BFonline around age 45 , think he's about 7-8 years younger, they are crazy about each other and have been together since. my other sister, lots of different BFs/long-term relationships.....eventually married at 39. still married and happy.

you're AWESOME ms. haiku.

soulsinging

Lauri wrote:

soulsinging wrote:

do all these sites cost money to join?

the only one I know of that is free is okcupid, which is sort of the "alternative" site I'm using now. It was started by guys at MIT, and it's a lot of more...interesting people- nerds, geeks, indie rockers, bike hipsters, etc. I like it much better than the traditional sites. Also, they don't discriminate against ANYONE. You openly put down that you are married or polygamist or whatever. Not that I would go for any of that, but I like that the site doesn't draw such black and white lines around issues such as love and sex and doesn't get involved in moral supremacy races.

sounds right up my alley.

soulsinging

Lauri wrote:

soulsinging wrote:

Lauri wrote:

I also don't think that women have such a skewed vision of their attractiveness level, or that they only want men who look like models. I think if anything, it's the other way around. Most women I know truly believe that they are not beautiful, and we don't look at looks in men the same way they look at our looks (no I'm not saying that women don't care about looks, I'm just saying, the way we care about them is different than men, and what you are describing is sort of the way men look at it).

guys go for looks, girls go for status.

I disagree. "status" is actually a big turn off to me.

i dunno, i've found that all girls want a guy that they can sorta show off/brag about to their friends to make them jealous. guys want a girl their friends will go 'damn she's hot.' and girls want a guy that they can talk about him having a solid job or whatever else might make their friends a bit green with envy. i'm not saying they all want movie stars or millionaire ceo's... but he's got to be a success in some sense. if you live at home with mom and are on the career track to being the manager at taco bell... you're going to be working uphill with the women. just like girls are going to be working uphill if they're the bride of frankenstein.

there's nothing wrong with it. we may have moved past the days of women wanting a man that can provide for them, but most don't want a guy that's just looking for a new mom either. that's what i'm saying.

BinFrog

Lauri wrote:

eHarmony is horrible! It costs a LOT of money, first of all, and secondly, it's only for Christians who want to get married. If you are not religious (and Christian) and aren't desperate to get married immediately, it's not for you. Also, they do not offer services for gay people, which I think is horrible, so personally, I wouldn't give them my money.

It cost me around $100 for 3 months.

I am not Christian

I did not go on the site just to "get married"

I am not religious (grew up Jewish, and now do not practice anything)

I was not desperate. I just wanted to get back on the dating scene.


Got any other insight...i.e. are we really going down this path again where you have to refute ANYTHING I say about relaionships?

decides2dream

soulsinging wrote:

soulsinging wrote:

guys go for looks, girls go for status.

i dunno, i've found that all girls want a guy that they can sorta show off/brag about to their friends to make them jealous. guys want a girl their friends will go 'damn she's hot.' and girls want a guy that they can talk about him having a solid job or whatever else might make their friends a bit green with envy. i'm not saying they all want movie stars or millionaire ceo's... but he's got to be a success in some sense. if you live at home with mom and are on the career track to being the manager at taco bell... you're going to be working uphill with the women. just like girls are going to be working uphill if they're the bride of frankenstein.

there's nothing wrong with it. we may have moved past the days of women wanting a man that can provide for them, but most don't want a guy that's just looking for a new mom either. that's what i'm saying.

that's a LOT different than saying a woman wants status and a man wants looks. just sayin'.
you BEt i want a man who is a 'success', but that really has nada to do with status. and holy shit, no, mama's boys are never desired. and, yes....looks ARe important. perhaps not the most important, but they are important. i think HS/college-age boys and girls may want to brag about status or hotness, i really don't know, was never into it then....but most definitely as people get older, say mid-20s onwards, unless they are insecure, immature little assholes, idk anyone who needs/wants things like that, so simple. however, this is where you and i always 'get into it'...basically, i think you oversimplify the desires of both men and women.

Lauri

soulsinging wrote:

i dunno, i've found that all girls want a guy that they can sorta show off/brag about to their friends to make them jealous. guys want a girl their friends will go 'damn she's hot.' and girls want a guy that they can talk about him having a solid job or whatever else might make their friends a bit green with envy. i'm not saying they all want movie stars or millionaire ceo's... but he's got to be a success in some sense. if you live at home with mom and are on the career track to being the manager at taco bell... you're going to be working uphill with the women. just like girls are going to be working uphill if they're the bride of frankenstein.

there's nothing wrong with it. we may have moved past the days of women wanting a man that can provide for them, but most don't want a guy that's just looking for a new mom either. that's what i'm saying.

well I agree that no one wants to be a mom and that no one wants someone who lives at home (past a certain age) or can't support themselves. but I don't see why that's a girl thing- I can't see a guy wanting a girl in that situation either.

I disagree about the bragging to your friends about the guy's job thing. Maybe in the 1950s when a husband's job spoke for the woman too. I have my own career, why would I care what my friends thought about my boyfriend's? I don't even think my friends could get jealous over what my boyfriend did for a living. Well maybe they would be jealous ofhim if he had a great job, but not of me. I'd just be dating the guy with the awesome job, not the person actually doing it.

Maybe I just live in a bubble, but I think that any girl (again not woman) who thinks this way would have to be severely insecure and/or dependent on other people.