Separating/Divorcing-Anyone in the process?

Steve Dunne wrote:

pearljgirl2010 wrote:

I would definitely like to get married again...I think with what I've learned from my first marriage, I can be a better person and wife to my next husband (the lucky man who gets me :-) ) I'm smarter, stronger and will be ready for a positive and solid marriage to a man that's going to appreciate me and love me for the woman I've grown into.

i'm not even involved in this thread and i think this is one of the best posts i've ever read. good for you!!!

It is! Not only all of that, but sometimes there is too much water under the bridge to fix a current relationship, but that knowledge and growth can be brought into a new one and be great. Don't worry about your next relationship yet, though. Its okay to date. Just date. That does not mean get married or only date if you think the person is a potential for long term, just date, period! Its like going out with a freind, just a new one.
As long as you don't give false hope, it can be very rewarding, safe, fun, and keep you from pining and being alone to wallow in self-pity.

Cinnamon Girl wrote:

I am at a loss. I recently found out that my ex (who lives in the basement of my house) has been having a relationship with a 17 year old. He is a trainer and she is a client. I am completely destroyed by this. I'm trying so hard to live my life and not care what he does....but JESUS!! WTF??

Anyway, I guess I just needed to air dirty laundry in the most anonymous way that I know how. I am so full of hatred and spite.

Sorry to spew all my problems...but I am really thankful for this board for that reason especially. Even writing the words is therapeutic. Knowing that people are reading and thinking "Yes! That is fucked up!"

The end of this marriage is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I wish it could just be over. I wish I never had to see him again.

That is f'cked up! I let my ex live with me for a little while after we split, it didn't work at all! There are some things better left unknown!

nuffingman wrote:

Heatherj43 wrote:

I feel people grow, and should grow, but its rare that two people will grow in the same direction unless one is stifling the other. Therefore it is rare for two people to stay married, or at least HAPPILY married.
Now, I take it one day at a time. No lifetime commitment. I am happy with my relationship TODAY. Who knows what tomorrow may bring. I know we have to work on our relationship. It doesn't just come easy, but with work, it can be happy for today.

....and that is why I tell my daughters to never even think of getting married before they are 30.
I'm now married for the 3rd time but this time we married when we had reached an age where we both have developed our personalities and accept each others faults.

She is gorgeous, I love her to bits and we get on like a house on fire. After 10 years together we still go out holding hands.

Exactly! My mom FINALLY told me about accepting faults. She said everyone has them and to find someone whose faults I can cope with. I knew this, but the part about accepting struck me differently this time. I know I cxan't change anyone, yet tried. I know evryone has faults, but wanted them not to. Etc!
Now, I know if I want a companion and someone to share life with, I HAVE to accept some kind of faults. Its up tp me what kind.
I also know I need to know those faults BEFORE I get too far in. I was one to jump into something long-term BEFORE I knew exactly what I was dealibng with, then spent too much time trying to MAKE things like they were in the beginning. Next thing I knew I was in some relationship for way too long and scared to change things after all that investment, not to mention having to get out of my comfort zone.
TAke time. I never remarried, but I had several, too many, live-in, long-term that I did have to end.
It seems it would take me 2 years to end something I knew wouldn't last. I would HOPE things would magically change, not thinking about the fact that neither one of us was doing anything to change things.
In ending things, my life would end up devastated, yet next thing you know, I would be in another one.
It would be like I'd meet someone, they'd start doing sleep-overs, then they'd never go home. Bam, I'm in another one!! I really didn't even know the person, think I was in love, etc. I'd spend 2 years or so, okay, then 2-3 years wanting out but not knowing how. What a waste of time, just to do it again and again.
What a hopeless romantic!!

anyone here ever gotten back with an ex..w/o getting married?
i don't see the point of "dating" again. all or none.

we all need people to help us get through this crappy stuff, whether it's online or in person...encouraging words go a loooooong way!![/quote]

I couldn't agree with you more and once again....thanks for being a friend. It was nice having 4 nights of Pearl Jam to take my mind off of things, but now I'm back to the grind.

HeartShapedBox wrote:

pearljgirl2010 wrote:

I got my first draft of the Marriage Settlement Agreement in the mail last week...once that's signed/notarized and filed, I think I'll officially be divorced...it's been so simple, it's kinda scary!

Congrats!!!

Can you give me some advice? I can't afford an attorney... I got in touch with the Lawyer Referral Service over 3 months ago. I'm trying to get someone to take my case pro-bono, and still nothing, and believe me I've been calling a lot. This place keeps telling me not to file on my own, and that the attorney will do that... :roll:

To top it all off he's fighting on this!!! :evil: It's just been an up hill battle!!

if he is fighting you on this, i would defo not go in without a lawyer. it sucks, but just wait till you can get one.

i was lucky, my wife well, ex wife paid for the lawyer and he just took care of it all and i didnt have to pay anything. but then again, our split went really easy.

pearljgirl2010 wrote:

HeartShapedBox wrote:

Congrats!!!

Can you give me some advice? I can't afford an attorney... I got in touch with the Lawyer Referral Service over 3 months ago. I'm trying to get someone to take my case pro-bono, and still nothing, and believe me I've been calling a lot. This place keeps telling me not to file on my own, and that the attorney will do that... :roll:

To top it all off he's fighting on this!!! :evil: It's just been an up hill battle!!

yeah...if there is any contest, do NOT go without a lawyer...I would advise calling as many as you can to find out if they can discount the rate for you or something...maybe even call your church (if you go) or a women's group. SOMEONE will be able to help you![/quote]
Thank you so much!!!