Separating/Divorcing-Anyone in the process?

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  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    PatrickBateman wrote:
    I just may or may have not been convinced to get out
    you can join our "awesome PJ girls club" (all divorced or separated members).... we can make an exception for a male.... as long as you qualify as a PJ lover! :D
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • pearljgirl2010
    pearljgirl2010 Shillington, PA/Tuckerton, NJ Posts: 3,428
    PatrickBateman wrote:
    I just may or may have not been convinced to get out


    I'm sorry to hear this...all of us in here are great "listeners" if you need to vent or want to talk ;)
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • fanch75
    fanch75 Posts: 3,734
    PatrickBateman wrote:
    I just may or may have not been convinced to get out

    Damn, dude. You've been goign through this for a while. High maintenance gal?

    Anyway, I've been through "the war," and it ain't pretty. Better days are ahead, believe me.
    Do you remember Rock & Roll Radio?
  • PatrickBateman
    PatrickBateman Posts: 2,243
    thanks CiW...I spread the PJ where ever I can! also thanks PJG2010 :)

    and yeah Fanch, it HAS been a while...she is not high maintenance as far as $$ per say....but everything else is. She hates; my family, my friends, our house, our bills, etc.....everytime I make a change (or try) she comes up with something else. I would love to get another house, but 1) my job isnt as stable as it once was, and 2) the way our marriage is going, my head is saying "dont be stupid". and damn it if there aint a pearl jam lyric that describes how I feel..." I can only be as good as you'll let me" :)
    If a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    PatrickBateman wrote:
    thanks CiW...I spread the PJ where ever I can! also thanks PJG2010 :)

    and yeah Fanch, it HAS been a while...she is not high maintenance as far as $$ per say....but everything else is. She hates; my family, my friends, our house, our bills, etc.....everytime I make a change (or try) she comes up with something else. I would love to get another house, but 1) my job isnt as stable as it once was, and 2) the way our marriage is going, my head is saying "dont be stupid". and damn it if there aint a pearl jam lyric that describes how I feel..." I can only be as good as you'll let me" :)
    Maybe she's the one who needs to think about changing at this point... You can only do so much before you're no longer your true self.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • PatrickBateman
    PatrickBateman Posts: 2,243
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    PatrickBateman wrote:
    thanks CiW...I spread the PJ where ever I can! also thanks PJG2010 :)

    and yeah Fanch, it HAS been a while...she is not high maintenance as far as $$ per say....but everything else is. She hates; my family, my friends, our house, our bills, etc.....everytime I make a change (or try) she comes up with something else. I would love to get another house, but 1) my job isnt as stable as it once was, and 2) the way our marriage is going, my head is saying "dont be stupid". and damn it if there aint a pearl jam lyric that describes how I feel..." I can only be as good as you'll let me" :)
    Maybe she's the one who needs to think about changing at this point... You can only do so much before you're no longer your true self.

    yeah, that's not gonna happen. It funny because we have pretty much fought our entire marriage. It seems there is always something. at first our thought it was just the culture clash (yo soy gringo y ella es de Peru) and that still has a little to do with it. I honestly think she has issues that she needs to work out. I have no idea what we used to fight about...
    If a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    PatrickBateman wrote:
    yeah, that's not gonna happen. It funny because we have pretty much fought our entire marriage. It seems there is always something. at first our thought it was just the culture clash (yo soy gringo y ella es de Peru) and that still has a little to do with it. I honestly think she has issues that she needs to work out. I have no idea what we used to fight about...
    I'm sorry to hear that :(

    A marriage is 2 people and that's what a lot of people forget... It's never one person who's in the wrong (exception of abuse and other cases as such). Some women are afraid to admit they are not good wives. I didn't want to admit that, but after all that has happened I now see things I did or didn't do in our marriage that helped contribute to the end result. If only I had opened my eyes sooner.

    I wish you the best, and please feel welcome to vent and bitch along with the rest of us!! :D
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • PatrickBateman
    PatrickBateman Posts: 2,243
    none of friends/family really like her anymore although my good friend told me I am at fault as well...he says like %30 my fault.:)
    If a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
  • pearljgirl2010
    pearljgirl2010 Shillington, PA/Tuckerton, NJ Posts: 3,428
    PatrickBateman wrote:
    none of friends/family really like her anymore although my good friend told me I am at fault as well...he says like %30 my fault.:)


    it's hard when others don't like or approve of someone...but it's what you feel in your heart that needs to be the ultimate decision. If she's not making YOU happy, you need to do something about it...
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • fanch75
    fanch75 Posts: 3,734
    This is going to sound flippant, but it's not. I can assure you of this because I've been through it. So this isn't just me talking a bunch of crap (ex: Jamily posters, etc).

    While going through a divorce is horrible, there is an upside to it (besides the probable-obvious ones). You have a newfound feeling of freedom that's like being reborn almost. I tell you what, while I spent many nights upset/hurt and my self-esteem took a dive for a while - I had an absolute blast. I was able to what I wanted, when I wanted, without having to answer to anyone but God and my checking account. LOL. It was like being right out of college again, except I had more knowledge/stature/money.
    Do you remember Rock & Roll Radio?
  • pearljgirl2010
    pearljgirl2010 Shillington, PA/Tuckerton, NJ Posts: 3,428
    fanch75 wrote:
    This is going to sound flippant, but it's not. I can assure you of this because I've been through it. So this isn't just me talking a bunch of crap (ex: Jamily posters, etc).

    While going through a divorce is horrible, there is an upside to it (besides the probable-obvious ones). You have a newfound feeling of freedom that's like being reborn almost. I tell you what, while I spent many nights upset/hurt and my self-esteem took a dive for a while - I had an absolute blast. I was able to what I wanted, when I wanted, without having to answer to anyone but God and my checking account. LOL. It was like being right out of college again, except I had more knowledge/stature/money.


    I think you're right...in trying to look at the positive things, I'm realizing what it's like to be a "grown-up." I'm 30...and met my husband when i was 20...I went out this past Saturday night, and realized that it was the first time I had gone out (legally) to bars as a "single" girl...it was fascinating. I didn't have to tell anyone where i was going, i talked to who I wanted to...i drank, i actually had fun.
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • fanch75
    fanch75 Posts: 3,734
    Keep doing that. Take up exercising too. Nothing builds your self-esteem up more than looking better now than you have in years. Just don't be dumb - don't get in a relationship for a while. Not only are you not ready and won't be for a while, you'd be robbing yourself of some valuable time in your prime. 30, single, & established? The chips are in place for you to have some fun for a while.
    Do you remember Rock & Roll Radio?
  • pearljgirl2010
    pearljgirl2010 Shillington, PA/Tuckerton, NJ Posts: 3,428
    fanch75 wrote:
    Keep doing that. Take up exercising too. Nothing builds your self-esteem up more than looking better now than you have in years. Just don't be dumb - don't get in a relationship for a while. Not only are you not ready and won't be for a while, you'd be robbing yourself of some valuable time in your prime. 30, single, & established? The chips are in place for you to have some fun for a while.

    oh yeah, I'm not in any hurry...we're separated and not divorced...I just wanted to know what it was like to go out and do what I wanted to do...IF we do end up divorcing, then i'll certainly be taking my time. I need to get to know myself again.

    I've been exercising too--great stress relief!
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • iluvcats
    iluvcats Posts: 5,153
    fanch75 wrote:
    This is going to sound flippant, but it's not. I can assure you of this because I've been through it. So this isn't just me talking a bunch of crap (ex: Jamily posters, etc).

    While going through a divorce is horrible, there is an upside to it (besides the probable-obvious ones). You have a newfound feeling of freedom that's like being reborn almost. I tell you what, while I spent many nights upset/hurt and my self-esteem took a dive for a while - I had an absolute blast. I was able to what I wanted, when I wanted, without having to answer to anyone but God and my checking account. LOL. It was like being right out of college again, except I had more knowledge/stature/money.

    I agree. Or me too.

    And now I got married again and it will be our 12th anniversary it August (we saw Ed on our 11th anniversary -- very last minute ticket purchase!) My second marriage is definitely better (because my husband is genuinely nice, my first husband wasn't.)
    9/98, 9/00 - DC, 4/03 - Pitt., 7/03 - Bristow, 10/04 - Reading, 10/05 - Philly, 5/06 - DC, 6/06 - Pitt., 6/08 - Va Beach, 6/08 - DC, 5/10 - Bristow, 10/13 B'more
    8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
    10/10 - Brad in B'more
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    fanch75 wrote:
    This is going to sound flippant, but it's not. I can assure you of this because I've been through it. So this isn't just me talking a bunch of crap (ex: Jamily posters, etc).

    While going through a divorce is horrible, there is an upside to it (besides the probable-obvious ones). You have a newfound feeling of freedom that's like being reborn almost. I tell you what, while I spent many nights upset/hurt and my self-esteem took a dive for a while - I had an absolute blast. I was able to what I wanted, when I wanted, without having to answer to anyone but God and my checking account. LOL. It was like being right out of college again, except I had more knowledge/stature/money.
    Having gone through this... I have to say this is 100% true.
    After the initial heartache and despair is something that feels wonderful! (there are shitty days, as there are in anyones life!!)
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • pearljgirl2010
    pearljgirl2010 Shillington, PA/Tuckerton, NJ Posts: 3,428
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    fanch75 wrote:
    This is going to sound flippant, but it's not. I can assure you of this because I've been through it. So this isn't just me talking a bunch of crap (ex: Jamily posters, etc).

    While going through a divorce is horrible, there is an upside to it (besides the probable-obvious ones). You have a newfound feeling of freedom that's like being reborn almost. I tell you what, while I spent many nights upset/hurt and my self-esteem took a dive for a while - I had an absolute blast. I was able to what I wanted, when I wanted, without having to answer to anyone but God and my checking account. LOL. It was like being right out of college again, except I had more knowledge/stature/money.
    Having gone through this... I have to say this is 100% true.
    After the initial heartache and despair is something that feels wonderful! (there are shitty days, as there are in anyones life!!)

    i like hearing the positive stuff...lights at the end of the tunnel...
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • pearljgirl2010
    pearljgirl2010 Shillington, PA/Tuckerton, NJ Posts: 3,428
    just wanted to say THANKS to those of you who PMed me...you're awesome and I appreciate it!
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    If it escalates to divorce... Don't just assume he'll do what he says because you 'used to know him'. Take everyones advice and get your own lawyer.

    I just found out I have no health insurance and my car has not been insured since March. He was supposed to be paying these things as part of our 'agreement' not legal. I'm a fool.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • megatron
    megatron Posts: 3,420
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    If it escalates to divorce... Don't just assume he'll do what he says because you 'used to know him'. Take everyones advice and get your own lawyer.

    I just found out I have no health insurance and my car has not been insured since March. He was supposed to be paying these things as part of our 'agreement' not legal. I'm a fool.

    that's awful.
    can't trust anyone :cry:
  • Cinnamon Girl
    Cinnamon Girl Posts: 1,854
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    If it escalates to divorce... Don't just assume he'll do what he says because you 'used to know him'. Take everyones advice and get your own lawyer.

    I just found out I have no health insurance and my car has not been insured since March. He was supposed to be paying these things as part of our 'agreement' not legal. I'm a fool.

    :o What a dick!!

    So sorry. Let me know what I can do to help.
    05-10-06, 08-05-07, 06-14-08 , 08-12-08(EV), 06-11-09(EV), 06-12-09(EV), 08-21-09, 05-10-10, 09-11-11, 09-12-11, 07-16-13, 07-19-13, 10-12-13, 10-21-13, 10-22-13,

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