I just may or may have not been convinced to get out
you can join our "awesome PJ girls club" (all divorced or separated members).... we can make an exception for a male.... as long as you qualify as a PJ lover!
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
thanks CiW...I spread the PJ where ever I can! also thanks PJG2010
and yeah Fanch, it HAS been a while...she is not high maintenance as far as $$ per say....but everything else is. She hates; my family, my friends, our house, our bills, etc.....everytime I make a change (or try) she comes up with something else. I would love to get another house, but 1) my job isnt as stable as it once was, and 2) the way our marriage is going, my head is saying "dont be stupid". and damn it if there aint a pearl jam lyric that describes how I feel..." I can only be as good as you'll let me"
If a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
thanks CiW...I spread the PJ where ever I can! also thanks PJG2010
and yeah Fanch, it HAS been a while...she is not high maintenance as far as $$ per say....but everything else is. She hates; my family, my friends, our house, our bills, etc.....everytime I make a change (or try) she comes up with something else. I would love to get another house, but 1) my job isnt as stable as it once was, and 2) the way our marriage is going, my head is saying "dont be stupid". and damn it if there aint a pearl jam lyric that describes how I feel..." I can only be as good as you'll let me"
Maybe she's the one who needs to think about changing at this point... You can only do so much before you're no longer your true self.
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
thanks CiW...I spread the PJ where ever I can! also thanks PJG2010
and yeah Fanch, it HAS been a while...she is not high maintenance as far as $$ per say....but everything else is. She hates; my family, my friends, our house, our bills, etc.....everytime I make a change (or try) she comes up with something else. I would love to get another house, but 1) my job isnt as stable as it once was, and 2) the way our marriage is going, my head is saying "dont be stupid". and damn it if there aint a pearl jam lyric that describes how I feel..." I can only be as good as you'll let me"
Maybe she's the one who needs to think about changing at this point... You can only do so much before you're no longer your true self.
yeah, that's not gonna happen. It funny because we have pretty much fought our entire marriage. It seems there is always something. at first our thought it was just the culture clash (yo soy gringo y ella es de Peru) and that still has a little to do with it. I honestly think she has issues that she needs to work out. I have no idea what we used to fight about...
If a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
yeah, that's not gonna happen. It funny because we have pretty much fought our entire marriage. It seems there is always something. at first our thought it was just the culture clash (yo soy gringo y ella es de Peru) and that still has a little to do with it. I honestly think she has issues that she needs to work out. I have no idea what we used to fight about...
I'm sorry to hear that :(
A marriage is 2 people and that's what a lot of people forget... It's never one person who's in the wrong (exception of abuse and other cases as such). Some women are afraid to admit they are not good wives. I didn't want to admit that, but after all that has happened I now see things I did or didn't do in our marriage that helped contribute to the end result. If only I had opened my eyes sooner.
I wish you the best, and please feel welcome to vent and bitch along with the rest of us!!
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
none of friends/family really like her anymore although my good friend told me I am at fault as well...he says like %30 my fault.:)
it's hard when others don't like or approve of someone...but it's what you feel in your heart that needs to be the ultimate decision. If she's not making YOU happy, you need to do something about it...
This is going to sound flippant, but it's not. I can assure you of this because I've been through it. So this isn't just me talking a bunch of crap (ex: Jamily posters, etc).
While going through a divorce is horrible, there is an upside to it (besides the probable-obvious ones). You have a newfound feeling of freedom that's like being reborn almost. I tell you what, while I spent many nights upset/hurt and my self-esteem took a dive for a while - I had an absolute blast. I was able to what I wanted, when I wanted, without having to answer to anyone but God and my checking account. LOL. It was like being right out of college again, except I had more knowledge/stature/money.
This is going to sound flippant, but it's not. I can assure you of this because I've been through it. So this isn't just me talking a bunch of crap (ex: Jamily posters, etc).
While going through a divorce is horrible, there is an upside to it (besides the probable-obvious ones). You have a newfound feeling of freedom that's like being reborn almost. I tell you what, while I spent many nights upset/hurt and my self-esteem took a dive for a while - I had an absolute blast. I was able to what I wanted, when I wanted, without having to answer to anyone but God and my checking account. LOL. It was like being right out of college again, except I had more knowledge/stature/money.
I think you're right...in trying to look at the positive things, I'm realizing what it's like to be a "grown-up." I'm 30...and met my husband when i was 20...I went out this past Saturday night, and realized that it was the first time I had gone out (legally) to bars as a "single" girl...it was fascinating. I didn't have to tell anyone where i was going, i talked to who I wanted to...i drank, i actually had fun.
Keep doing that. Take up exercising too. Nothing builds your self-esteem up more than looking better now than you have in years. Just don't be dumb - don't get in a relationship for a while. Not only are you not ready and won't be for a while, you'd be robbing yourself of some valuable time in your prime. 30, single, & established? The chips are in place for you to have some fun for a while.
Keep doing that. Take up exercising too. Nothing builds your self-esteem up more than looking better now than you have in years. Just don't be dumb - don't get in a relationship for a while. Not only are you not ready and won't be for a while, you'd be robbing yourself of some valuable time in your prime. 30, single, & established? The chips are in place for you to have some fun for a while.
oh yeah, I'm not in any hurry...we're separated and not divorced...I just wanted to know what it was like to go out and do what I wanted to do...IF we do end up divorcing, then i'll certainly be taking my time. I need to get to know myself again.
This is going to sound flippant, but it's not. I can assure you of this because I've been through it. So this isn't just me talking a bunch of crap (ex: Jamily posters, etc).
While going through a divorce is horrible, there is an upside to it (besides the probable-obvious ones). You have a newfound feeling of freedom that's like being reborn almost. I tell you what, while I spent many nights upset/hurt and my self-esteem took a dive for a while - I had an absolute blast. I was able to what I wanted, when I wanted, without having to answer to anyone but God and my checking account. LOL. It was like being right out of college again, except I had more knowledge/stature/money.
I agree. Or me too.
And now I got married again and it will be our 12th anniversary it August (we saw Ed on our 11th anniversary -- very last minute ticket purchase!) My second marriage is definitely better (because my husband is genuinely nice, my first husband wasn't.)
9/98, 9/00 - DC, 4/03 - Pitt., 7/03 - Bristow, 10/04 - Reading, 10/05 - Philly, 5/06 - DC, 6/06 - Pitt., 6/08 - Va Beach, 6/08 - DC, 5/10 - Bristow, 10/13 B'more
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
This is going to sound flippant, but it's not. I can assure you of this because I've been through it. So this isn't just me talking a bunch of crap (ex: Jamily posters, etc).
While going through a divorce is horrible, there is an upside to it (besides the probable-obvious ones). You have a newfound feeling of freedom that's like being reborn almost. I tell you what, while I spent many nights upset/hurt and my self-esteem took a dive for a while - I had an absolute blast. I was able to what I wanted, when I wanted, without having to answer to anyone but God and my checking account. LOL. It was like being right out of college again, except I had more knowledge/stature/money.
Having gone through this... I have to say this is 100% true.
After the initial heartache and despair is something that feels wonderful! (there are shitty days, as there are in anyones life!!)
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
This is going to sound flippant, but it's not. I can assure you of this because I've been through it. So this isn't just me talking a bunch of crap (ex: Jamily posters, etc).
While going through a divorce is horrible, there is an upside to it (besides the probable-obvious ones). You have a newfound feeling of freedom that's like being reborn almost. I tell you what, while I spent many nights upset/hurt and my self-esteem took a dive for a while - I had an absolute blast. I was able to what I wanted, when I wanted, without having to answer to anyone but God and my checking account. LOL. It was like being right out of college again, except I had more knowledge/stature/money.
Having gone through this... I have to say this is 100% true.
After the initial heartache and despair is something that feels wonderful! (there are shitty days, as there are in anyones life!!)
i like hearing the positive stuff...lights at the end of the tunnel...
If it escalates to divorce... Don't just assume he'll do what he says because you 'used to know him'. Take everyones advice and get your own lawyer.
I just found out I have no health insurance and my car has not been insured since March. He was supposed to be paying these things as part of our 'agreement' not legal. I'm a fool.
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
If it escalates to divorce... Don't just assume he'll do what he says because you 'used to know him'. Take everyones advice and get your own lawyer.
I just found out I have no health insurance and my car has not been insured since March. He was supposed to be paying these things as part of our 'agreement' not legal. I'm a fool.
If it escalates to divorce... Don't just assume he'll do what he says because you 'used to know him'. Take everyones advice and get your own lawyer.
I just found out I have no health insurance and my car has not been insured since March. He was supposed to be paying these things as part of our 'agreement' not legal. I'm a fool.
If it escalates to divorce... Don't just assume he'll do what he says because you 'used to know him'. Take everyones advice and get your own lawyer.
I just found out I have no health insurance and my car has not been insured since March. He was supposed to be paying these things as part of our 'agreement' not legal. I'm a fool.
ahhhhh...dammit. I'm sorry...i know thing are amicable now, but I will take your advice about getting my own lawyer. keep your head up, B--it'll be OK
I just found out I have no health insurance and my car has not been insured since March. He was supposed to be paying these things as part of our 'agreement' not legal. I'm a fool.
sorry to hear that...man, that sucks. but i'm glad that you're happier now!
If it escalates to divorce... Don't just assume he'll do what he says because you 'used to know him'. Take everyones advice and get your own lawyer.
I just found out I have no health insurance and my car has not been insured since March. He was supposed to be paying these things as part of our 'agreement' not legal. I'm a fool.
ahhhhh...dammit. I'm sorry...i know thing are amicable now, but I will take your advice about getting my own lawyer. keep your head up, B--it'll be OK
During the 'proceedings' we were amicable....but he hasn't lived up to what he promised. I am the fool for believing an addict... :(
But the way I think of it is that I am living my life and happy (though things are a struggle) but he will forever have this addiction. Maybe I'm a fool again but I can't hate him... In the end he still has the raw end of the deal.
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
During the 'proceedings' we were amicable....but he hasn't lived up to what he promised. I am the fool for believing an addict... :(
But the way I think of it is that I am living my life and happy (though things are a struggle) but he will forever have this addiction. Maybe I'm a fool again but I can't hate him... In the end he still has the raw end of the deal.
he did get the raw end...you're awesome and he's missing out! I don't think you're a fool for not hating him; hating him won't get you anywhere.
Comments
I'm sorry to hear this...all of us in here are great "listeners" if you need to vent or want to talk
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
Damn, dude. You've been goign through this for a while. High maintenance gal?
Anyway, I've been through "the war," and it ain't pretty. Better days are ahead, believe me.
and yeah Fanch, it HAS been a while...she is not high maintenance as far as $$ per say....but everything else is. She hates; my family, my friends, our house, our bills, etc.....everytime I make a change (or try) she comes up with something else. I would love to get another house, but 1) my job isnt as stable as it once was, and 2) the way our marriage is going, my head is saying "dont be stupid". and damn it if there aint a pearl jam lyric that describes how I feel..." I can only be as good as you'll let me"
yeah, that's not gonna happen. It funny because we have pretty much fought our entire marriage. It seems there is always something. at first our thought it was just the culture clash (yo soy gringo y ella es de Peru) and that still has a little to do with it. I honestly think she has issues that she needs to work out. I have no idea what we used to fight about...
A marriage is 2 people and that's what a lot of people forget... It's never one person who's in the wrong (exception of abuse and other cases as such). Some women are afraid to admit they are not good wives. I didn't want to admit that, but after all that has happened I now see things I did or didn't do in our marriage that helped contribute to the end result. If only I had opened my eyes sooner.
I wish you the best, and please feel welcome to vent and bitch along with the rest of us!!
it's hard when others don't like or approve of someone...but it's what you feel in your heart that needs to be the ultimate decision. If she's not making YOU happy, you need to do something about it...
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
While going through a divorce is horrible, there is an upside to it (besides the probable-obvious ones). You have a newfound feeling of freedom that's like being reborn almost. I tell you what, while I spent many nights upset/hurt and my self-esteem took a dive for a while - I had an absolute blast. I was able to what I wanted, when I wanted, without having to answer to anyone but God and my checking account. LOL. It was like being right out of college again, except I had more knowledge/stature/money.
I think you're right...in trying to look at the positive things, I'm realizing what it's like to be a "grown-up." I'm 30...and met my husband when i was 20...I went out this past Saturday night, and realized that it was the first time I had gone out (legally) to bars as a "single" girl...it was fascinating. I didn't have to tell anyone where i was going, i talked to who I wanted to...i drank, i actually had fun.
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
oh yeah, I'm not in any hurry...we're separated and not divorced...I just wanted to know what it was like to go out and do what I wanted to do...IF we do end up divorcing, then i'll certainly be taking my time. I need to get to know myself again.
I've been exercising too--great stress relief!
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
I agree. Or me too.
And now I got married again and it will be our 12th anniversary it August (we saw Ed on our 11th anniversary -- very last minute ticket purchase!) My second marriage is definitely better (because my husband is genuinely nice, my first husband wasn't.)
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
After the initial heartache and despair is something that feels wonderful! (there are shitty days, as there are in anyones life!!)
i like hearing the positive stuff...lights at the end of the tunnel...
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
I just found out I have no health insurance and my car has not been insured since March. He was supposed to be paying these things as part of our 'agreement' not legal. I'm a fool.
that's awful.
can't trust anyone
So sorry. Let me know what I can do to help.
ahhhhh...dammit. I'm sorry...i know thing are amicable now, but I will take your advice about getting my own lawyer. keep your head up, B--it'll be OK
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
sorry to hear that...man, that sucks. but i'm glad that you're happier now!
www.cluthelee.com
www.cluthe.com
But the way I think of it is that I am living my life and happy (though things are a struggle) but he will forever have this addiction. Maybe I'm a fool again but I can't hate him... In the end he still has the raw end of the deal.
he did get the raw end...you're awesome and he's missing out! I don't think you're a fool for not hating him; hating him won't get you anywhere.
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
Agreed...hate is a wasted emotion.
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
That's an oxymoron!!!
Best of luck....
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
LOL--I know it :-) couldn't hurt to throw it out there!
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
I hope it's quick and painless.
It was a short separation...but I think we both let go a long time ago. if FEELS right...I haven't felt this sure of something in a while...
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln