What is it like to be attractive?

Heineken Helen · March 2009

rockpants wrote:

From your comment "no one has natural beauty," one can infer that you think the only way for people to become beautiful is to purchase & apply it to oneself.

I agree... when people talk about 'natural beauty', we're not talking about Kate Winslet or Gisele... cos they obviously DO have a lot of help. I know plenty of NATURAL beauties though... and when I think of the term, I think of those who, no matter what they wear or how shitty their hair is today, they still exude this wonderful aura or something. It sounds cheesy but sometimes it DOES come from inside. Make up and natural beauty usually don't go hand in hand cos a natural beauty doesn't NEED make up.

Ah I think I'm still drunk from last night :roll: I might explain it better later

in_hiding79 · March 2009

rockpants wrote:

Why do people "need" to "look their best"? What, exactly, is "suspicious" about my previous post? Please elaborate.

If you re-read my post, I said, "Go ahead and make your eyelids orange or green or purple if you must". I was not lambasting the general application of make-up. I was referring to things like concealer and whatnot that specifically cover up blemishes and the like. If some gal is putting that stuff on, but espousing the view that the only thing some other gal needs in order to be attractive is some confidence - yes, that does make her a hypocrite. She's obviously not confident enough to go without covering up a perceived blemish herself (which would be a lack of confidence in her appearance). The adage, "Do as I say, not as I do" can be applied here.

From your comment "no one has natural beauty," one can infer that you think the only way for people to become beautiful is to purchase & apply it to oneself.

I just think everyone could try and look their best...why wouldn't you want to ?? :?:

Heineken Helen · March 2009

in_hiding79 wrote:

rockpants wrote:

Why do people "need" to "look their best"? What, exactly, is "suspicious" about my previous post? Please elaborate.

If you re-read my post, I said, "Go ahead and make your eyelids orange or green or purple if you must". I was not lambasting the general application of make-up. I was referring to things like concealer and whatnot that specifically cover up blemishes and the like. If some gal is putting that stuff on, but espousing the view that the only thing some other gal needs in order to be attractive is some confidence - yes, that does make her a hypocrite. She's obviously not confident enough to go without covering up a perceived blemish herself (which would be a lack of confidence in her appearance). The adage, "Do as I say, not as I do" can be applied here.

From your comment "no one has natural beauty," one can infer that you think the only way for people to become beautiful is to purchase & apply it to oneself.

I just think everyone could try and look their best...why wouldn't you want to ?? :?:

cos you're tired... can't be bothered... know you're friends will love ya anyway... not bothered about looks... genuinely don't care about looks

There's plenty of reasons... I like to look good sometimes but most of the time I'm happy not putting in any effort

CreedDisease · March 2009

in_hiding79 wrote:

rockpants wrote:

Why do people "need" to "look their best"? What, exactly, is "suspicious" about my previous post? Please elaborate. :?:

Ummmm... I don't know if people "need" to look their best, but it is much appreciated

I think examples of taking care of yourself has been taken to the extreme on this post...The example of the "perceived blemish"... I mean, the basis for our opinions is now completely hypothetical based on some OCD, likely bulimic ex-beauty queen.. orange eyeliner? wtf are you talking about?...The fact is we all use products that make us more attractive. Other products you can buy to look your best include razors, toothbrushes, and shampoo....We all use those (or should)... This post was about what it is like to it is like to be attractive; I have never looked at some hairy legged, plague toothed, nappy haired woman and said "oh, yeah, gotta meet her".... Attractive people (particularly the ones who aren't 17 anymore) do things to help them be attractive or enhance their natural beauty all the time... working out, tanning salons, a new haircut, eating right... and why not? There is a reason you don't see fat, pale, hairy, nasty women in porno films... Well, i guess you do in some, but that isn't the image conjured up hearing the word "pornstar" without the word "fetish" attached somewhere...

And beauty coming from the inside?... Actually, I could argue that personality is just another tool we use to enhance beauty... Personality can make a less attractive person more attractive and more attractive person less attractive.. However, personality can only sway things plus or minus a certain amount though... Even the funniest joke has never made me look at an ugly girl like she were a pinup model... My personal experience with the saying "beauty comes from the inside" is that ugly people say it...I had a friend who wasn't very attractive, he would bring up what a terrific person he was when the pretty girl wouldn't talk to him... This guy was not out at the bar trying to get to know ugly women because they were likely fascinating people...Love also influences beauty, but i feel i have babbled enough...

in_hiding79 · March 2009

CreedDisease wrote:

in_hiding79 wrote:

rockpants wrote:

Why do people "need" to "look their best"? What, exactly, is "suspicious" about my previous post? Please elaborate. :?:

Ummmm... I don't know if people "need" to look their best, but it is much appreciated I think examples of taking care of yourself has been taken to the extreme on this post...The example of the "perceived blemish"... I mean, the basis for our opinions is now completely hypothetical based on some OCD, likely bulimic ex-beauty queen.. orange eyeliner? wtf are you talking about?...The fact is we all use products that make us more attractive. Other products you can buy to look your best include razors, toothbrushes, and shampoo....We all use those (or should)... This post was about what it is like to it is like to be attractive; I have never looked at some hairy legged, plague toothed, nappy haired woman and said "oh, yeah, gotta meet her".... Attractive people (particularly the ones who aren't 17 anymore) do things to help them be attractive or enhance their natural beauty all the time... working out, tanning salons, a new haircut, eating right... and why not? There is a reason you don't see fat, pale, hairy, nasty women in porno films... Well, i guess you do in some, but that isn't the image conjured up hearing the word "pornstar" without the word "fetish" attached somewhere...

And beauty coming from the inside?... Actually, I could argue that personality is just another tool we use to enhance beauty... Personality can make a less attractive person more attractive and more attractive person less attractive.. However, personality can only sway things plus or minus a certain amount though... Even the funniest joke has never made me look at an ugly girl like she were a pinup model... My personal experience with the saying "beauty comes from the inside" is that ugly people say it...I had a friend who wasn't very attractive, he would bring up what a terrific person he was when the pretty girl wouldn't talk to him... This guy was not out at the bar trying to get to know ugly women because they were likely fascinating people...Love also influences beauty, but i feel i have babbled enough...

Good post...I just always thought that everybody wanted to look their best, but I guesss I was wrong. I agree with some of what you posted!

soulsinging · March 2009

CreedDisease wrote:

And beauty coming from the inside?... Actually, I could argue that personality is just another tool we use to enhance beauty... Personality can make a less attractive person more attractive and more attractive person less attractive.. However, personality can only sway things plus or minus a certain amount though... Even the funniest joke has never made me look at an ugly girl like she were a pinup model... My personal experience with the saying "beauty comes from the inside" is that ugly people say it...I had a friend who wasn't very attractive, he would bring up what a terrific person he was when the pretty girl wouldn't talk to him... This guy was not out at the bar trying to get to know ugly women because they were likely fascinating people...

All very true. Usually I find that people saying beauty comes from inside are trying to convince themselves or scold other people. And personality is used in the same sense as looks. I'm a bitter, hateful, cynical person. People say "well maybe you should change your attitude so people find you more attractive." That's fine, but why is it ok for people to feel social pressure to change their attitude/personality/behavior to attract people, but if I tell some friend "the problem is you're ugly and you need plastic surgery" then everybody hits the roof over how shallow I'm being and how people shouldn't have to change themselves to be attractive?

I'm sorry, your personality can be the best in the world, but if you're ugly I'm not going to date you. I need to be physically attracted to you to maintain a relationship and I'm not one of those crackpots that get boners from a good joke.

PJGARDEN · March 2009

soulsinging wrote:

CreedDisease wrote:

And beauty coming from the inside?... Actually, I could argue that personality is just another tool we use to enhance beauty... Personality can make a less attractive person more attractive and more attractive person less attractive.. However, personality can only sway things plus or minus a certain amount though... Even the funniest joke has never made me look at an ugly girl like she were a pinup model... My personal experience with the saying "beauty comes from the inside" is that ugly people say it...I had a friend who wasn't very attractive, he would bring up what a terrific person he was when the pretty girl wouldn't talk to him... This guy was not out at the bar trying to get to know ugly women because they were likely fascinating people...

All very true. Usually I find that people saying beauty comes from inside are trying to convince themselves or scold other people. And personality is used in the same sense as looks. I'm a bitter, hateful, cynical person. People say "well maybe you should change your attitude so people find you more attractive." That's fine, but why is it ok for people to feel social pressure to change their attitude/personality/behavior to attract people, but if I tell some friend "the problem is you're ugly and you need plastic surgery" then everybody hits the roof over how shallow I'm being and how people shouldn't have to change themselves to be attractive?

I'm sorry, your personality can be the best in the world, but if you're ugly I'm not going to date you. I need to be physically attracted to you to maintain a relationship and I'm not one of those crackpots that get boners from a good joke.

I agree that I could never date someone that I wasn't physically attracted to but I think sometimes a physical attraction for someone can develop based on personality. Maybe its just me but I know that I have become physically attracted to men I normally wouldn't have given a second look. It's happen to me a few times and now I really could care less about a guys looks. I just feel like if we have a connction and they have the personality, they will become a better looking person to me.

Jeanwah · March 2009

God, there's a lot of superficiality in many of these posts. It reminds me of Shallow Hal. Only Hal learned in the end.

soulsinging · March 2009

PJGARDEN wrote:

I agree that I could never date someone that I wasn't physically attracted to but I think sometimes a physical attraction for someone can develop based on personality. Maybe its just me but I know that I have become physically attracted to men I normally wouldn't have given a second look. It's happen to me a few times and now I really could care less about a guys looks. I just feel like if we have a connction and they have the personality, they will become a better looking person to me.

I think that's more common for women. Do a little experiment sometime at a mall or other public place. See how many times you see a very hot girl with a guy who's totally average if not a bit on the ugly or goofy looking side. Compare that to the number of hot guys with unattractive girls. The former will vastly outnumber the latter. I've tried it.

Luckily for me I'm a guy, so I've been happy to be on the winning end of that equation in the past

soulsinging · March 2009

Jeanwah wrote:

God, there's a lot of superficiality in many of these posts. It reminds me of Shallow Hal. Only Hal learned in the end.

Humans are superficial. Reality's a bitch. And looks aren't the only things one can be superficial about... see my post above.

PJGARDEN · March 2009

soulsinging wrote:

PJGARDEN wrote:

I agree that I could never date someone that I wasn't physically attracted to but I think sometimes a physical attraction for someone can develop based on personality. Maybe its just me but I know that I have become physically attracted to men I normally wouldn't have given a second look. It's happen to me a few times and now I really could care less about a guys looks. I just feel like if we have a connction and they have the personality, they will become a better looking person to me.

I think that's more common for women. Do a little experiment sometime at a mall or other public place. See how many times you see a very hot girl with a guy who's totally average if not a bit on the ugly or goofy looking side. Compare that to the number of hot guys with unattractive girls. The former will vastly outnumber the latter. I've tried it.

Luckily for me I'm a guy, so I've been happy to be on the winning end of that equation in the past

I think you are right. When I see a really pretty women with a not so good looking man I don't think anything of it. When I see a great looking guy with a girl that's not so good looking, I assume she has money. Lucky men

Jeanwah · March 2009

soulsinging wrote:

Jeanwah wrote:

God, there's a lot of superficiality in many of these posts. It reminds me of Shallow Hal. Only Hal learned in the end.

Humans are superficial. Reality's a bitch. And looks aren't the only things one can be superficial about... see my post above.

Quite the blanket statement and couldn't be more wrong. Superficiality attracts superficiality. So you, as a man, has never had a problem. Maybe because you're used to dating women with the same superficiality I'm gathering?

I've known this guy who was deemed quite attractive but dated less than attractive women, and yeah, the reaction to that was unbelievable. But ya know what? The guy was a complete asshole and treated people like shit. Bottom line is that looks are deceiving and completely superficial. He eventually married a not so attractive woman, yet, looks hardly mean anything (because he was actually really unattractive once he opened his mouth).
I'll say it again; Hal learned from being shallow, but it's clear that many people don't.

_ · March 2009

CreedDisease wrote:

I have never looked at some hairy legged, plague toothed, nappy haired woman and said "oh, yeah, gotta meet her".... Attractive people (particularly the ones who aren't 17 anymore) do things to help them be attractive or enhance their natural beauty all the time... working out, tanning salons, a new haircut, eating right... and why not?

A. How did this society come to the conclusion that women need to shave their legs - or any number of other things - to be attractive? There's nothing intrinsic about that standard of beauty. It's totally random. Even just economically speaking, why should we spend our money on all these products and services just to achieve some completely random ideal?

B. Going to a tanning salon and eating right are two completely different things. People should eat right because it's good for their health, regardless of whether or not it brings them closer to society's idea of physical beauty. But people harm their own health by going to tanning salons for the sole purpose of reaching this arbitrary ideal. (Remember, it used to be desirable to be pale.) Why not, you ask? Skin cancer is just one reason why not. Do you really think I should risk getting cancer just so you'll find me more attractive?

Also, I don't think rockpants took any examples to the extreme at all. There are millions of teenage girls all across the world who completely freak out when they get a pimple. And it's not just teenagers or women. If this were so outside the norm there wouldn't be an entire multi-billion dollor industry devoted to reaping the benefits of this insecurity.

_ · March 2009

soulsinging wrote:

I'm sorry, your personality can be the best in the world, but if you're ugly I'm not going to date you. I need to be physically attracted to you to maintain a relationship and I'm not one of those crackpots that get boners from a good joke.

And this is why I choose to be single. :evil:

So if you got married and your wife got old and fat someday, or was horribly disfigured in an accident, would you leave her?

PJGARDEN · March 2009

scb wrote:

CreedDisease wrote:

I have never looked at some hairy legged, plague toothed, nappy haired woman and said "oh, yeah, gotta meet her".... Attractive people (particularly the ones who aren't 17 anymore) do things to help them be attractive or enhance their natural beauty all the time... working out, tanning salons, a new haircut, eating right... and why not?

A. How did this society come to the conclusion that women need to shave their legs - or any number of other things - to be attractive? There's nothing intrinsic about that standard of beauty. It's totally random. Even just economically speaking, why should we spend our money on all these products and services just to achieve some completely random ideal?

I am a women and I am very happy society has concluded that women should shave their legs and I have no problem spending money to do so. A razor doesn't exactly break the bank. To me it has nothing to do with beauty or trying to be accepted. I just don't like my legs to be hairy

_ · March 2009

PJGARDEN wrote:

scb wrote:

CreedDisease wrote:

I have never looked at some hairy legged, plague toothed, nappy haired woman and said "oh, yeah, gotta meet her".... Attractive people (particularly the ones who aren't 17 anymore) do things to help them be attractive or enhance their natural beauty all the time... working out, tanning salons, a new haircut, eating right... and why not?

A. How did this society come to the conclusion that women need to shave their legs - or any number of other things - to be attractive? There's nothing intrinsic about that standard of beauty. It's totally random. Even just economically speaking, why should we spend our money on all these products and services just to achieve some completely random ideal?

I am a women and I am very happy society has concluded that women should shave their legs and I have no problem spending money to do so. A razor doesn't exactly break the bank. To me it has nothing to do with beauty or trying to be accepted. I just don't like my legs to be hairy

I know a single razor doesn't break the bank, but the cost of razors and shaving cream or - more to my point - regular waxing at a salon (for women who feel compelled to do this) can really add up over a lifetime.

Regardless, I don't care who shaves what if it's what they personally like. I just have a problem with it being a social standard to the point where women are considered ugly or abnormal if they don't do it.

soulsinging · March 2009

Jeanwah wrote:

Quite the blanket statement and couldn't be more wrong. Superficiality attracts superficiality. So you, as a man, has never had a problem. Maybe because you're used to dating women with the same superficiality I'm gathering?

I've known this guy who was deemed quite attractive but dated less than attractive women, and yeah, the reaction to that was unbelievable. But ya know what? The guy was a complete asshole and treated people like shit. Bottom line is that looks are deceiving and completely superficial. He eventually married a not so attractive woman, yet, looks hardly mean anything (because he was actually really unattractive once he opened his mouth).
I'll say it again; Hal learned from being shallow, but it's clear that many people don't.

Is this supposed to make some sort of sense? You talk about a guy that is NOT superficial and dates ugly girls and say what a jerk he was... how does that prove anything?

I haven't dated any particularly superficial women that I recall... I'm not really a hot guy so such women wouldn't have much interest in me. Though I will soon (hopefully) be making good money, so maybe a few will come my way... something to look forward to! I've dated one or two super hot, super smart girls, a few very pretty and incredibly sweet girls, a few average girls that I thought were cool, and one or two psychos. But I've never dated ugly and I won't... you can't maintain a relationship with someone that holds no sexual desire for you. And I've had my share of female friends that were very very cool but that I never even considered dating because there weren't remotely attractive.

The only difference between a good friend and a significant other is that you hook up with the latter and not the former. What does a girl offer me that I can't get from a good friend other than sex? So why should attraction have no role whatsoever in who I choose to date?

soulsinging · March 2009

scb wrote:

soulsinging wrote:

I'm sorry, your personality can be the best in the world, but if you're ugly I'm not going to date you. I need to be physically attracted to you to maintain a relationship and I'm not one of those crackpots that get boners from a good joke.

And this is why I choose to be single. :evil:

So if you got married and your wife got old and fat someday, or was horribly disfigured in an accident, would you leave her?

If you can't handle or accept it, then probably wise to choose being single.

I wouldn't necessarily leave... that might be hard on the kids and when you leave them they take half your money and property, so it might be a pricey proposition. But I'd stop having sex with her and seek sex elsewhere.

soulsinging · March 2009

scb wrote:

PJGARDEN wrote:

I am a women and I am very happy society has concluded that women should shave their legs and I have no problem spending money to do so. A razor doesn't exactly break the bank. To me it has nothing to do with beauty or trying to be accepted. I just don't like my legs to be hairy

I know a single razor doesn't break the bank, but the cost of razors and shaving cream or - more to my point - regular waxing at a salon (for women who feel compelled to do this) can really add up over a lifetime.

Regardless, I don't care who shaves what if it's what they personally like. I just have a problem with it being a social standard to the point where women are considered ugly or abnormal if they don't do it.

Because guys tend to be pretty homophobic, and anything that makes a woman seem more like a man is going to work against her. Women don't typically grow facial hair and generally are less hairy than men. And the less hairy you can be, the more opposite of manly you are and thus the more attractive you are. It's not that irrational. If a guy is into hooking up with hairy women, maybe he's hooking up with the wrong gender.

PJGARDEN · March 2009

scb wrote:

PJGARDEN wrote:

scb wrote:

A. How did this society come to the conclusion that women need to shave their legs - or any number of other things - to be attractive? There's nothing intrinsic about that standard of beauty. It's totally random. Even just economically speaking, why should we spend our money on all these products and services just to achieve some completely random ideal?

I am a women and I am very happy society has concluded that women should shave their legs and I have no problem spending money to do so. A razor doesn't exactly break the bank. To me it has nothing to do with beauty or trying to be accepted. I just don't like my legs to be hairy

I know a single razor doesn't break the bank, but the cost of razors and shaving cream or - more to my point - regular waxing at a salon (for women who feel compelled to do this) can really add up over a lifetime.

Regardless, I don't care who shaves what if it's what they personally like. I just have a problem with it being a social standard to the point where women are considered ugly or abnormal if they don't do it.

Well if you choose to wax then yes the cost adds up. I woudn't say razors and shaving cream really add up though. I mean come on.....Are you going to stop brushing your teeth b/c toothpaste cost too much? That is the most ridiculous arguement for not shaving that I have ever heard.

I'm not a superficial person at all but I accept there are always going to be social standards in every society. If you choose not to live up to those that's fine. Just don't gripe and look down at the people who do.

What is it like to be attractive?

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